The Coin's Other Side
by Nature9000
Summary: Newfound struggles, old pressures, troubles, Freddie has them all. In an effort to find stability and purpose in his life, he finds support through unexpected persons. As he searches for identity, he knows life has never easy enough for such a hard task.
1. Pressure Buildup

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N: So I've decided to flesh out, rebuff, and make this into a story. It was inspired by so many things, please read and enjoy. Have an open mind about the pairing, I am confident you will enjoy this.

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><p>Chapter 1 (Pressure Buildup)<p>

Freddie tapped his pen against his lip while staring down at the journal in his lap. He was seated upon his brown bed with an oak headboard pressed up against the brown wall. It was late at night and he was busy scribbling away at his thoughts for the day, something he did every night. It wasn't a diary, per se, but something the school counselor told him would be a good thing to do as for writing down his innermost feelings and letting them all out. It all began with his mother and confusion on where he was going in life years ago, the school counselor gave him the idea, so he tried it, and found that it worked out great. As he let everything out just before bed, it relieved him of his stressors and let him go to rest with a clear mind.

Honestly, he could use his laptop, but his mother had it set up outside in the living room on a desk. He didn't really care to move it, and writing his thoughts down just before bed gave him a bit of comfort that he didn't get very often. A relief that his counselor said worked better than the typing of a computer. He wasn't sure why, or how, but the counselor was right. He sighed and rubbed the tuft of hair gracing his neck before beginning his writing.

_Tonight was not so different from any other nights_, he pressed his pen down against the paper and narrowed his eyes as he followed the words. His heart pounded in his chest as the pounding in his head continued once more. _This terrible headache I have will not go away, given to me so graciously by the fans of our webshow. God help that 'Seddie Guy' get out of his damned basement, and help the Creddie people _not_ kill the next guy that wants to date Carly. She still hasn't heard from Adam!_ He lifted his pen up as the words became his anger and frustration. The webshow today made him sick, for some reason the fans started acting up today, of all days. They'd moved iCarly to Saturdays, it was starting to run into school, so they opted to fix the problem by moving the problem.

_It's the anniversary of when I started dating that one girl about five years back. They use it as 'proof' for their points, and I hate it._ Valerie Williams, he remembered her well. There wasn't much he could say about her, other than what happened between them hurt, but he ended the relationship with his feelings still present. It was strange, but when he left her, she didn't say much. On the inside, it seemed like she liked him, but on the outside, it looked like she was just using him for personal gain, and he couldn't deal with the confusion. Now, his fans constantly brought her, and other girls he dated, before him to say that he couldn't possibly date anyone else besides Sam or Carly. They just wouldn't let him forget about her. _It was hard enough ending that relationship. When she asked if I was sure, the look in her eyes suggested there was something more, but I didn't want to be used._

He lifted his hand and started scratching his hair once again, moaning softly. He really wanted a haircut, but just hadn't gotten up to get one. It was getting a little longer than usual and was beginning to cover up his ears, he did _not_ need it getting long and shaggy. Besides, it itched like hell. He shrugged the thought and continued writing his thoughts, sticking his tongue out slightly and suppressing the frustration inside of him. _Nothing could contain my embarrassment over what happened earlier, or the girls' embarrassment either. Those infernal fans again, they can't keep quiet, and it's damn frustrating! Don't they understand I _have_ dated them? Both of them! It didn't work out! Get _over_ it, please!_ He set the journal on his lap and rubbed his eyes with his wrist, they were growing heavy and he was starting to fall asleep, but he had to finish his journal entry. He fought through the exhaustion, after a loud yawn, he continued writing his account of the events that transpired. The memory filled his mind like a disease waiting to leave his body. "_Started out well, but who was to know how wrong it could become…"_ When he thought about thoughts like these, he was glad they weren't on his computer, what if his computer crashed or someone hacked in and saw all his innermost thoughts and desires?

_Freddie pointed at the girls as he started the recording. Sam's lips lit up and Carly yelled out her usual, perky intro. They were fully prepared for this week's show. Usually they weren't one hundred percent ready or sure what they wanted to do until the show was minutes from starting, but this time, they'd finished all preparations a day ago._

_ Gibby was backstage in a vampire costume, ready to perform a skit about a vampire's attempt to drain two teenage girls of their blood, but failing when he soon realizes they've seen way too much Twilight, thus scaring him away. Sam and Carly were dressed up as two teenage schoolgirls, ready for the skit. "Okay!" Carly proclaimed. "Today we have a fun skit for you, we call it 'The End of Vampires!'" Freddie clicked the title button and brought down the green screen. The girls began walking in place as the image on the screen showed them walking down a street. "Oh Sammy, it's a beautiful night! The moon's high in the sky and the birds are singing."_

_ "I know! Isn't it great?" Suddenly Gibby stepped into view behind them, wiggling his eyebrows. As he let out a dark hiss, the girls turned to him and gasped, their eyes beckoning him with fear and delight. "Oh my god!"_

_ "A vampire! I always wanted a vampire!" Gibby froze and raised an eyebrow suspiciously, staring at Carly as though she had two heads. _

_ "What did you say? Vampires aren't pets, vampires are kill-"_

_ "Vampires are _so_ romantic!" Sam enthused while moving behind Gibby and wrapping her arms around him. Gibby froze and his jaw fell to the floor. "Oh bite me first! Please! I want to feel what Bella felt when Edward turned her."_

_ "What?"_

_ "You silly vampire," Carly laughed. "You've seen Twilight. Now bite us and turn us, so we can sparkle with you forever!"_

_ "What? No! I want to drain your blood, I don't care about turning you and I'm not trying to be romantic!" _

_ "Please! Please, please, please!" The girls started pouting and Gibby backed up, shaking his hands with fear and concern. "We just want to know what it's like!"_

_ "You're _crazy_. Twilight isn't that bad, but god…No, I'm out of here!" He started running and the girls continued to chase after him. He turned his head over his shoulder and screamed. "Stay away! Please!" _

_ "Turn us!" They cried, begging him to make them the next Bella. After a few minutes, the scene ended and the girls turned to the camera. Sam laughed as Carly brushed her hair from her face. "I want to apologize if we offended anyone, we've seen a Twilight and we've seen the crazed fans. If you're not a crazed fan, don't worry, this was only a satire." _

_ "Satire."_

_ "Anyway, we're going to do something new today. We've decided to use the webcam to let you talk one on one about the skit, among other things!" Sam pressed the cheer button on the remote as Freddie brought down the webcam screen. As his eyes drifted over to the computer, he started noticing something odd, a conversation going on among the comment page. A sudden pit began forming in his stomach, one he could not safely explain. _

_ As he clicked the first user, they saw it was a girl with brown curls brushing her tanned face. She had sparkling blue eyes and a childlike face, but appeared to be at least fifteen. "Hi guys! I just want to say how awesome that skit of yours was, and don't worry, I got the satire. I'm a huge twilight fan, but I agree, there are a few fans that take it a bit too far."_

_ "I'm glad someone gets it," Sam said with a slight bow. "And here I was afraid we'd piss off a bunch of our fans just by doing that little skit."_

_ "Oh I wouldn't worry about that, besides, nobody really cares. I mean check out your comment page!" The girls raised their eyebrows and Freddie's computer began beeping erratically with users wanting to be on the screen. "Have you forgotten what week it is? Well, granted it's not till next week, but everyone's just going on about how it's time for Freddie to decide between you two…" Freddie's eyes widened and Sam clicked her tongue, narrowing her eyes while Carly froze. Sam shook her head and crossed her arms. Not this again. It wasn't just next week, the fans did this on purpose, every time a date came that he dated some girl, they came on and used that failed relationship as cannon fodder. _

_ "And what does anyone care?"_

_ "Well think about it, he obviously can only be with one of you two. The Seddie fans want him to choose you, but Creddie fans want him to choose Carly, so-" He rolled his eyes and bit his lip as he subdued his irritation. He watched Carly smack her forehead and turned his attention to Sam. The two girls never seemed to worry about this whole relationship crap, they didn't even act like they were affected by the times they dated him. Not that it was bad or anything, he was kind of glad. The two of them were like sisters to him now, he'd just grown too close to them, so much so that it was awkward seeing them in a romantic light. That's what happened with Sam, it felt weird to date her after all these years._

_ "Yeah, yeah, I got all that." She waved her hand dismissively and leaned to the side, posturing herself in a defensive stance. "Or did you forget the little war between our fans a couple years back. Seriously? Why bring this up?"_

_ "Well just because we're getting tired of seeing him single! Remember five years ago when he dated that girl, Valerie?" Freddie paled and his stomach knotted up. He bowed his head as the girls looked over to him for a split second, then back. It hurt him, he actually liked Valerie, even after what happened. He would have liked to give her another shot, or talked to her after everything, but he never did. He remembered receiving a message from her afterwards, where she was apologizing, but he disregarded it. After all this time, he did feel guilty about it, he secretly hoped what happened with her was just her wanting attention, but never followed through with that thought. It angered him whenever a fan brought her up, because they also reminded him of her family and how close he had been with them when he dated her. The guilt over just walking away from them, from her sisters, was tremendous. He never explained himself to them, was sure Valerie could do that herself, but that was before receiving an angry email from her sister Veronica over how the youngest two were too young to understand abandonment from a friend. So why the reminder? He turned his eyes towards the girl on the screen, praying she'd shut up. "Well that didn't work out, right? Neither did any other girl he's been with, you two are the only ones that he's been around for long term! Now your fans want him to decide!" He started to pale as the girl stared at him, what was he supposed to say here? He'd already decided, he didn't want to date either of the girls! _

_ Seeing the distress on his friend's face, Gibby stepped up and sliced his arm through the air. "Since when is it your place to say whether or not, or who, Freddie should be with? He's perfectly capable of making his own decisions."_

_ "I know, but your fans just want you to hurry up." _

_ "It's really none of your business," Carly spouted. "He's a man, he can decide for himself. He doesn't want to be with us-"_

_ "But how do you _know_ that? I mean think about it!" Freddie looked to the computer and scanned the comments scrolling down the page with each new comment being made. Fans everywhere were agreeing with the girl, all the while fighting amongst themselves over who was better. His hands were beginning to sweat and his heart was pounding up a storm. He was all for _leaving_ and never coming back."We're only trying to help move things along." Help? How was this helping! Panic spread to his fingers and his body started trembling, surely the fans could tell the camera was shaking._

_ "More like tearing off a bandaid," Sam muttered. What did she mean by that? Then again, she knew how much all this affected him, the fans brought it up enough that she knew he could never truly forget this nonsense. "Every time it comes close to the time he dated some random girl, you people pull this stuff! Why? Especially when it comes to Valerie." Carly and Sam knew that of all the girls he dated, Valerie was the one that affected him the most. Maybe she hadn't meant to, but she certainly left her mark. She made him think there was something there to be felt, and maybe there was, he never asked, nor would he ever know. How many times had he spent mulling over the 'what ifs' after that breakup? He was young, so it shouldn't have mattered, that was what everyone told him. Just, why did he feel so bad about ending it, about not visiting her family? Dare he say he missed her? Some things about her were real, like the real fear she had of her mom being shipped overseas, or the concern she had over having no other friends. These were real things, real feelings, reasons that he wanted to be with her, to be there for her. When he broke up, it was the look in her eyes, the way she asked if they could at least be friends, and his walking away with no turning back. He felt like an ass. The girls knew this, and they spent so long trying to tell him he wasn't a prick and how Valerie was just a cold bitch. She wasn't, though. That was the thing. No one saw anything about her, just the surface. Just like him. "Stop pouring salt in the wound. We're not even opening the lines to talk about this sort of stuff!"_

_ "But this is important!" Sam growled and clenched her fists tightly, stomping her foot on the ground and glaring vehemently at the girl._

_ "Really? Since when!" Freddie knew it was getting to Sam, even though she'd stated a million times that she was over him, and even started dating other guys, she was still sore over the breakup. He was the one that felt awkward over the relationship. Even Carly didn't like talking about when they dated, and he couldn't date her because of the same exact reason he couldn't date Sam. It was just downright awkward. "Cause last I checked, Benson didn't want to be with either one of us!"_

_ "That may not be true! Let him talk for himself!" _

_ "Ugh…" He paled further and slowly set the camera next to the computer, wanting more to do with this. Sam and Carly looked back at him, then to the girl, anger rising in their throats. "Look, you're making us uncomfortable, so if you don't stop, we're pulling the plug. Simple as that. You don't want us to do that, right?"_

_ "If you do, you'll never know, or at least the fans won't know who he chooses." _

_ "Who _cares_!"_

Freddie lifted his pen from the journal and sighed deeply as he stared down at the crisp paper. He had nothing more to say, the emotion left his body just as the webshow left a void in him. He actually had left the room during the middle of the whole thing, leaving Gibby to finish recording. The girls came down after it was all over to try and talk to him, but he had no desire to talk, and left the apartment without any further word.

He placed his journal and pen on the end table beside his bed and slowly moved to rest beneath the covers. He brought his hand to his forehead and sighed as he stared up at the ceiling fan above him. The pressure was eating away at him and he was just about ready to go ahead and date one of the girls just for the hell of it. He'd even overheard the girls talking at one point about how they may as well date him if it would shut up the fans, but by that same respect, only one side would be pleased. Whether he dated Carly or Sam, they'd _still_ never hear the end of it! There _had_ to be a way to shut them up. It was too late to think on it though, and there was too much at stake. He didn't want to date someone just to satisfy a group of people, he wanted to date someone for an actual reason.

Did he want a girlfriend? Yeah, of course he did, but did he see it happening anytime soon? No. It wasn't that he wasn't ready for one, it was just this nonsense that the fans pulled. It brought back old emotions, old feelings, old wounds and pleasures, and it made him vulnerable. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. His eyes drifted to the picture next to the lamp, it was of his dad holding onto a young boy, him, who was carrying a balloon at the state fair. It would be nice to have a father to iron out all the details regarding women. If only his father hadn't died ten years ago. Everything went to hell then, but he never liked to talk about it. In truth, there was only one girl that he'd ever even brought up his father with, and it wasn't either Carly or Sam.

Carly was a great woman, Sam had her moments as well, he respected both of them, but he just wasn't into them like that anymore. They were friends, best friends, and that was all they would ever be. He grabbed his blanket and pulled it up to his neck, then turned onto his side and closed his eyes. No more did he dream about those two, they'd grown way too close over the years and thinking about them in a romantic light was a bit nauseating.

As the thoughts and pressure weighed down upon his mind, he sought distraction by forcing himself to think of anything else. After a few minutes, it worked and his mind flowed to thoughts of the open field down at the park and his childhood pet, barking happily as it gnawed on a bone. These were his happy thoughts, ones that his counselor often told him to think about when he was troubled by something. The thoughts relaxed him and allowed him to drift off into slumber, hoping only to awake the next day feeling new and refreshed.

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><p>So the rest of what you may have read when I tested it out has not been fixed or rebuffed yet, still working on that and waiting for a friend of mine to get back to me on that. So I hope you're enjoying the start. This is guaranteed to have a lot of stuff going on, and involving something I've never really done before.<p> 


	2. Seeking Church

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N: This oneshot was inspired by so many things, please read and enjoy. Have an open mind about what is coming, and please do leave your thoughts.

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><p>Chapter 2 (Seeking Church)<p>

Freddie's hope came true when he met the early morning sun and the sound of his alarm going off at ten o'clock. He opened his eyes and began to mentally prepare his outfit for church. It was a new church he found, but he attended it on his own. Marissa wasn't really a churchgoing person even though she supported his attending. Neither was he, to be honest, but with everything going on in his life, he felt a need to go. Not so much was it a need, as it was, a search for identity. Who he was, where was he going in life? What was the point of his being there when life seemed to be going nowhere fast? Maybe attending church could help him gain some kind of wherewithal in this crazy mixed up life of his.

After his shower, he stood in front of the mirror, combing his hair back and staring at himself. He felt disgusted with who he was looking at, but he forced himself to shrug off the feeling. Through the years, he'd come to hate himself, to hate who he was growing to be. And why shouldn't he? No father, a crazy compulsive mother who spent every waking minute of her life either making his life miserable or crying over the death of her husband, _ten years ago_. All the medical problems in the world couldn't possibly help relieve the pressure, he was just waiting to go off, a ticking time bomb so to speak.

"I think I've combed enough…" He stared down at his clothes and smiled softly. He was wearing black slacks, a red dress shirt with a black and silver striped tie, and sleek black shoes. "A sports coat and I'd look _perfect_, too bad church isn't that formal." Harwood Terrace Baptist Church, it was a small and quaint church, and it honestly felt calm. He'd been there two times before, this was his third week attending

He grabbed his Bible from the bathroom counter and started out the door, his mother was still asleep and he didn't feel like waking her. Was he forgetting anything? Nah, he had all he needed. Once he stopped outside his door, he stared at Carly's door for a minute. He thought about their friendship, and his friendship with Sam. They were great ladies, but as much as they thought he shared with them, he had to admit, there were some things he just never talked to them about.

For instance, he wished he had the confidence of Gibby. Gibby could walk into a room with the conscience of 'I can get into the pants of any girl in this room, and I will'. Freddie had more self-conscience issues than anyone suspected, but perhaps that was from years of being pressed down by his own mother. Not only that, but he forced himself to try and live up to the expectations of those around him. He just had to do well, or else he'd fail.

There was one time that Carly and Sam got into his personal problems in life, what with his depression and feelings of constant pressures, and the only time that he truly allowed anyone to see his anxieties. This was when he'd moved from his mother's house, due to her overbearing personality. He had managed to move into some small place close to the elevator, which wasn't pleasant, but the best thing he could do to get his point across to his mom that he wasn't taking her craziness any longer. It was the first time in his life he felt like he accomplished _anything_, but even still, he felt pathetic as he felt he never truly was good at standing up for anything or making a decision to save his life. He couldn't even see where the hell his future laid. All he could see was some pathetic beat mule for the girls he hung out with, allowing Sam to beat on him every day of his life. With a chuckle, he started moving down the hall, trying to shake off his depressing morning thoughts.

When he made it to the church, he was seated in the large foyer with a diamond shaped stage and many rows of pews that went out from the stage like rays of the sun. There was a big cross in the middle of the stage and in front of where the members of the choir sat during the first half of the service. On the right was a booth where the pianist remained, and on the left was a booth for the person controlling the projector and slide shows. It had a very nice feel to it, and he wanted to go up and talk to the pastor, but just didn't feel brave enough to do so.

Church wasn't a big thing in his life, but it used to be. When his dad was alive. They went to church every Sunday, when things seemed right with the world. His dad would always keep him interested in the Bible and his mother did her best whenever the Sunday school teacher said he would fall asleep in class. Chuckling, he wiped a tear from his eyes and peered down at the bible on his lap. The service had yet to begin, and people were just now filing in, so maybe he could take a moment to try and read the scripture.

Reading this book was difficult for him, he _knew_ he should, especially if he wanted that spiritual feeling. Yet, he just didn't know how and whenever he tried, he'd forget or something would come up. Right now, what was on his mind was the topic of decisions. He was still wavering from the bout with the iCarly fan, still stricken and still trying to recover. Should he date Sam or Carly just to appease the fans? If so, then which one? He pulled the corner of his lips back and groaned as he flipped through the bible. "So if the Bible has everything…where can I find anything about making decisions…"

"Can't be hard," responded a familiar, feminine voice. His head shot up from the book and his eyes widened as shock ran through his body and his heart stopped. It couldn't be. Valerie? He turned his head over his shoulder and his jaw dropped, Valerie was standing directly behind him, smiling gently. He slowly scanned her with his eyes, mentally slapping himself for staring and letting his eyes end where they had ended.

She'd gotten much cuter, more attractive, growing up did wonders to her. Her hair fell neatly against her shoulders and the top of her head was framed by a French braid that ran around her head and fell along the back of her hair. Her eyes were still dazzling, just as they were so many years ago. She was wearing a purple v-neck dress with a floral embroidery on the right side, the dress flowed down to her ankles. Despite her eyes being the first thing to catch his attention, his eyes landed upon her breast, which had become incredibly gifted over the recent years. He felt terrible for staring and hoped she didn't notice, but chances were, she would. Why was she here? Why at this church? He looked up to her face and swallowed hard. She had no makeup, but a natural glow. "Valerie?"

"If you trust in the Lord, he usually lights a path for you." She walked around the pew, sliding her hand along the top surface. His hands became sweaty as he locked onto her eyes. "Take Psalms 37:23 and 24 for instance." She lifted her index finger up, reciting the memorized verse. "The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand." He closed his eyes and gently shut his bible in one hand.

"Right. If it were only that easy…then why does he make it so confusing?" She stopped and lifted her eyebrows, taking his bible in her hands and opening it up to First Corinthians. "What…"

"First Corinthians 14:33. God is not the author of confusion, but the author of peace. If you're still confused, look at Proverbs 3, verses five through six."

"What do those say?"

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take."

He clicked his tongue as she handed him the bible and met his eyes. As he studied them, he saw a distinct look that he couldn't understand.

"I was…surprised to see you here. Vixen and Victoria said I should talk to you." Vixen and Victoria, the two youngest of her sisters. Vanessa was the oldest, then there was Valerie. Veronica was right in the middle, followed by Victoria and Vixen. There was a two year range between each sister. Valerie was seventeen, so Vanessa was nineteen now, Veronica fifteen, Victoria thirteen, and Vixen was eleven. He was surprised that Victoria and Vixen remembered him.

"So…what are _you_ doing here?"

"I go to church here." She smiled tentatively and pointed to the choir booth. "My sisters are all in the choir." He lifted his eyebrows and chuckled, he'd not expected that, but he did seem to recall a few familiar faces in the choir the past couple of times he was there. Why couldn't he recall them?

"I saw you here the last two weeks, but I never said anything. The girls said I should talk to you, but I was afraid…"

"What do you mean, afraid?"

"Was afraid you still hate me."

He frowned as her eyes fell towards the ground. Her body relaxed and her chest slowly spread out and pulled back in.

"I know what I did back then was wrong, I wanted friends and I went about it the wrong way. I never even brought it up with you, and…well…I never got a chance to explain my actions to you. Vanessa chewed me out after what happened, and I deserved it."

"Vanessa, huh? Can't say I'm surprised…" Valerie chuckled as Freddie slowly folded his arms over. Vanessa was the protective sister, and the one who would discipline the other sisters if they did something stupid. He lifted his eyebrows as Valerie's eyes flicked up to his, they seemed to be hiding some sort of deep pain, but he couldn't place what it was. Could she have really burdened herself all these years over that one thing? They were _young_, she couldn't possibly be faulted for making a stupid mistake that any stupid twelve year old could make. "Valerie, you were twelve and you wanted friends…you're telling me you let that eat you up all these years?"

"Sort of…" Her body tensed, then relaxed, but not quick enough to avoid Freddie's catch. "A lot has happened in the last few years. I didn't even want to do that stupid show, I just wanted friends, that was all…"

"You should have told me, I'm sure Sam and Carly would have been more than happy to be your friends." Valerie's eyes widened and she quickly looked to the side. He frowned and felt a surge of panic and concern shoot through him. "Something wrong?"

"No. Just. You know I started cooking, my sisters taught me and I developed a passion for it." Such a lovely change of subject. He smiled and slowly nodded, he could understand passions. A part of him wanted to be a writer some day. "Like I said, I wanted to talk to you, but thought you'd hate me…" He couldn't actually hate her. Hell, he thought he was quick to jump the gun when he broke up with her.

"Hate's a strong word Valerie. Sure, I didn't give you enough time to really explain anything and I kind of walked out on you, but you used me. Was I wrong to think there was something there? I guess it wasn't entirely your fault, but still."

"I know." Her voice started to quicken, a trait Freddie remembered from his time with her. When she started getting really upset about something, for instance the fear of her mother being called overseas, she would talk really fast and need someone to stop her, to calm her down. "I always felt bad after that, and I paid for it, things happened and I can't just forget. You know, my family's in the church, I was raised in the church, I should have known better than to do what I did, but I was desperate and wasn't thinking straight. I meant everything I said to you though, the ways I felt, like how you were cute and I liked you, but I let certain things get the better of me and-"

"Valerie."

She stopped and brushed her hair behind her ear, staring into his eyes with great sorrow and pain. He swallowed hard and tried to muster a reassuring smile. It was nice to know that she did have some feelings for him back then, but when she said things happened _after_, he couldn't help but to wonder. It was inappropriate to ask, probably, but he couldn't help his curiosity. He shook his head and cleared his throat. "We were young, you were young, you made a stupid mistake. It would be wrong for someone to fault you for making a stupid mistake, especially if you feel bad for it…Remember when I was hopelessly obsessed with Carly?"

"Yeah…" Her forehead creased and her eyes moved towards the side as she recalled those moments, even when they were together, he had a tendency to talk about Carly. She bit her lip for a quick second, then returned her gaze to his.

"Well obviously I'm not now. It's too awkward to even think of her in that way." Valerie lifted her eyebrows as Freddie ran his hand through his hair. "Times change, Valerie. People change, feelings change, everything _changes_. Some people have a hard time understanding it, yeah." Like crazed, obsessed fans who couldn't get it right that he didn't want to date his two best friends. Valerie took a deep breath and moved her eyes to his bible.

"I didn't know you were a Christian. You never talked about that before…" Freddie raised an eyebrow and lifted the bible in his hand, chuckling slightly.

"Yeah well spirituality is kind of new to me. I'm trying to make sense of everything and reconnect with God, all that stuff…just want to find meaning to anything, but can't make sense of the scripture."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I have trouble studying it." Not only did he have trouble studying it, he didn't even know where the hell to start. Valerie clicked her tongue and looked behind her to where her father was. She smiled and turned her attention back to Freddie.

"Maybe this time I can help you out, after the service. I'm sure Daddy and mom wouldn't mind. I can give you some tips and let you know where in the bible to study, or what to read. It's easy once you get the hang of it." She took a momentary pause and exhaled. "The youth group has bible study groups that meet up at the pastor's house every week. I can talk to the youth group if you'd like."

"You'd do that?" She nodded and took his bible in her hand. She opened it and began flipping through the pages. He watched with earnest, thinking about whether he could really pull himself away from other aspects of his life to do this. As for today, there wasn't much to worry about. The only alternative, other than spending Sunday at home with his mother, was hanging with Carly and Sam at some clothing store and judge their outfits, a really boring and grueling task for him. Besides, he wanted to keep his mind off of them, especially after yesterday.

"Yeah, there's this nice little area outside with a bench and some trees, it's quiet and a perfect place to sit and think about things or read the scripture." She meant the small area right outside the foyer. Immediately out of the doors to the foyer was a long hallway that ran parallel with another hallway and two perpendicular hallways parallel with one another. Smack in the middle of these halls was a square opening, leading out through glass doors. It was like a miniature park. There were stone tiles, an opening revealing the sky, a small fountain and two benches on either side of the fountain. Trees and various plants were on the other side, resembling a garden. Valerie was right, it looked and sounded very peaceful the first time he'd seen it. "We could sit there after the service."

"I guess that sounds good, I may as well. Can't go wrong, right?"

"Right. First lesson." She lifted her head up and handed him the bible, pointing to a verse. He raised an eyebrow and stared, it was John 3:16. _For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. _He pressed his lips together and gave her a curious look. "It's a universal verse for new Christians...Jesus, the Son of God, was crucified on the cross, a sacrifice for our sins. That's why people call him the Lamb, because back then lambs were a common sacrifice paid for forgiveness. Jesus was resurrected three days later and since he paid the price, he serves as a bridge to eternal life in Heaven.

"I see…"

She smiled and breathed in slowly. It looked like she had something on her mind, but was holding it back. He tilted his head to the right and gently closed the book, he was still very concerned and wanted to know how she'd been after all these words. "We'll talk more about that after the service then, but…you look like you have something on your mind."

"It's nothing really…"

"No, tell me, I don't mind hearing." She pressed her lips together and studied his eyes for a minute. He thought her eyes were looking a little watery, but he couldn't be sure. "Val? Don't let the past eat you up, okay? I mean…if what happened with us is what eats you up, don't let it."

"It's not that alone." She turned away and shook her head. As she was about to walk away, she paused and looked back at him. "Do you…do you ever wish things could be different?" His heart shot to his throat and his eyebrows rose, now they were getting somewhere! She seemed so quiet, so hesitant, almost as if she were afraid of getting hurt by something. "I mean, if I never made that mistake. Certain things wouldn't have happened. I wanted to be with you, still wanted to be, even after that…" Freddie's lips parted, but no words came out. His eyebrows rose with surpise and he had to stop himself from stammering. She honestly still wanted to be with him? Had he heard her out that day, would she have told them? Had he seriously been that ignorant? He was in a state of complete _shock_, now. She lowered her eyes and pressed her lips thinly together. "I guess I'm thinking out loud, so just…don't mind me."

"Val?" This side of her, it was so different, so innocent and so real. Of course he never questioned her humanity, it was just so refreshing to see this side to her. She lifted her eyes back to his and gave him a half smile.

"I'll find you after the sermon, okay?"

"Okay. I'll be looking forward to it." As she started to walk off, he looked down to his bible. What _if_ things had been different? What if he stayed with her, gave her that second chance? There were so many things that could have happened, so many things that never happened, and so many things left unsaid. He lifted his eyes to her and swallowed, bravely calling out her name. She stopped and looked back at him curiously. "Hey, what do you say…not like a 'date' or anything, but, after studying…maybe we can go to the coffee shop or something? Catch up on old times." Her eyes lit up briefly, but the joy faded away.

"Are you sure? I mean, it's me you're asking. You didn't seem all that interested in talking to me before…"

"Valerie, that was five years ago, remember?"

"I know…" She closed her eyes and exhaled. "I want to, I'm just…" She wiped her right eye and made like there was something stuck in it. "What about Sam and Carly? Wouldn't they…they wouldn't want you anywhere near me…"

"I'm not exactly worried about that, besides, they don't have to know. It isn't up to them who I'm hanging out with, is it?" She smiled lightly, then frowned as if some painful memory struck her. He pushed his hands into his pockets. He didn't really want to admit that they _were_ a part of the reason why he'd just up and left her without any problem. They convinced him to break up with her against his better judgment and they were the ones who said just to leave her without any word. He understood they were pissed at what she did, and they did laugh when they saw the video of the television falling on her head, so it might be difficult for them still, but he wasn't all that sure. "I just want to catch up, see how you and your family have been holding up. Nothing wrong with that?"

"Oh. Well…" She smiled vaguely and slowly nodded her head.

"We could start fresh. A second chance…I mean, you never know what happens unless you try something new. Am I right?"

"Yeah, just…we can take it easy I guess. I'll ask Mom and Dad, see what they think. I'm just…pardon me for the confusion, if it is confusion I'm worried about…"

"Well you could…pray on it, right?" She closed her mouth and stared at him, slowly smiling at the statement. She quickly bowed her head and looked up, walking off towards her seat. He chuckled nervously and slowly sat down, worried he may just faint. Well, his mother wouldn't be too worried, she'd be thrilled he was out with a girl. Granted, Valerie, even if it wasn't a date or anything, he had to wonder how Marissa would react. She actually _liked_ the girl back in the day and wasn't too impressed when he never gave Valerie a chance to explain herself. He would just have to see what would happen now. He looked up and smiled as the pastor, Pastor Jared Bryant, walked towards the podium near the front edge. So began the service.

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><p>I hope you enjoyed this chapter, let me just say things will get a bit tense here and there in the future, but not bad at all. The spiritual aspect, I'm keeping it well toned so it's not <em>overbearing<em>, but religion will play a part in this story. Read on. I'm proud of how this story is turning out, as I write. I really am, so I hope you're just as happy with it as it goes along ^_^.


	3. Reconnecting

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N:

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><p>Chapter 3 (Reconnecting)<p>

After the sermon, Freddie stood watching the pastor waiting as the choir started the benediction, the chorus of a song for the end of the day. He remained silent and gazed at the people all around, there were maybe one hundred or so members present. In the stands, he recognized all of Valerie's sisters, even young Vixen and Victoria, who were surprisingly a part of the choir. They seemed practically the only _children_ in the mix of adults, which said a lot about the family's involvement.

Vanessa and Veronica were towards the back while Vixen and Victoria were in the front. Vixen had on a pink spaghetti strap shirt with a white skirt that flowed just to her knees. Her blonde hair was in curls, resembling a young blonde Shirley Temple. She had rosy cheeks and bright blue eyes, and was the only one of the Williams girls that had blonde hair, just like her father. Victoria was about half a foot taller than Vixen, a bit skinnier, and was wearing a red, frilly dress. Her brown hair flowed out to her shoulders and she had a very narrow face with shiny white teeth. Veronica was, dare Freddie say, Valerie's hot sister. Years ago, she wanted to be a model, now, she looked like a model with a mass of brown hair and a ponytail that floated off her back. She had a pink dress with sleeves running down to her elbows and a rounded collar, no neck. The dress floated to her ankles and had a black dog at the very bottom. Vanessa looked the most mature of the group, and resembled Sasha Striker, her hairstyle was very similar, but just half an inch shorter. She wore a navy dress that was strikingly similar to the dress he'd seen Valerie wearing.

He turned his head to the row of pews to the right and towards the back where Valerie, her father Vincent and mother Viola were. He froze when he spotted Viola, she was sitting in a wheelchair next to the pews. That couldn't be right, the last he saw the woman, she'd been able to walk. Why was she in the chair? Besides the chair, she didn't look much different. She was wearing her military formalwear for the air force. Her brown hair was cut chin-length and her face had that pleasant expression as he remembered from years ago. He felt a heaviness in his chest and swallowed hard, had she been shipped overseas at some point? He recalled the family was always worried about her being sent away. He'd always tried to allay their fears by promising to be there for them if such a thing ever happened. Now this? What _else_ happened while they were away.

Another thing, also different, was Valerie. She wasn't standing with her father, but sitting and reading that bible. Her expression wasn't that of a peaceful reader, but a worried one. Every few seconds she stopped and would close her eyes, perhaps praying. Afterwards, she looked up at the choir with a sad smile on her face.

The dad looked strict, more so than he remembered. He was still a tall man and was dressed in a blue shirt, brown sports jacket, brown tie, and khaki pants. His expression was calm, quiet, and strong.

The strange thing about Valerie in this moment was, if she was such an avid Bible reader, why wasn't she in the choir booth, as involved as her sisters? Was she hiding in that book, using it as a crutch or something? He shrugged and looked down at his own Bible, he had heard of that book sometimes being used as a calming mechanism, but who knew just how much it meant to people, everyone was different. He shook his head and pushed his thoughts aside, but his eyes still drifted over to Viola. A deep sadness overtook him, he really wanted to ask what happened, but it wasn't his place.

When the benediction came to an end and the choir started departing, Pastor Jared spoke his final words of dismissal and Freddie watched the people in the church start gathering their things. Some stopped to talk to others, some continued out the door. The Williamses stayed in their pew, talking amongst themselves. He was beginning to feel more nervous than before, almost as though he wanted to run and escape. His legs were stuck in place, however, and the pastor was walking up to him to shake his hand. Freddie smiled nervously and shook the man's hand. Jared seemed young, somewhere in his thirties, and had a brown goatee with short brown hair.

"Your third time here, right? How are you liking our church so far?" Jared asked with a friendly smile.

"I'm liking it, it seems very 'quaint', if that's the right word." Jared nodded his head and pulled his hand back. "I haven't been to church in a long time, felt like it was time to get back on track I guess. Just having difficulty with prayer, the Bible, and other things…I think Valerie was going to probably help me a little, she gave me a verse to think about."

"It takes discipline, and Valerie Williams? Her family are prominent members in the church, her dad's a deacon. I saw you talking with her earlier, I guess you know each other?"

"Yeah, five years ago. She doesn't seem as involved as her sisters."

"She's really not, but it's not my place to talk about all that." Right, it could be misconstrued as gossip. "She's a strong believer, like the rest of her family, always reading the scripture, she doesn't talk much in school. Anyway, I hope we see you here next week."

"Yeah, I should be here." Assuming his alarm clock didn't fail him. Plus, there were times when it was just too difficult to get moving. Jared smiled and walked off. Just as Freddie turned, he saw Valerie walking up to him. She was smiling and clutching her Bible to her side.

He was glad to see she was following up on her earlier words, and perhaps the family decided to let her hang out with him after the church. At least, he hoped that was the case, she could have been smiling just to be nice, and then tell him that the family didn't want anything to do with him. "Hey Val, I read that verse again during the sermon."

"John 3:16? Given any thought to it?" She stopped next to him and he slowly nodded his head. He had read it over and thought about it for a couple minutes. To his understanding, what it meant was exactly what Valerie had said before, with God sending his Son to die on the cross, what it meant to Humanity and perhaps even to God, who was so willing to send the Son he loved most of all to save mankind from Sin. So, whoever believes that Jesus died so that we could have a way into heaven, would be able to be forgiven for their sins and have eternal life. It was a rather complicated verse, but that was basically what he understood of it. "Okay. Well, I talked to Dad about hanging out at the coffee shop, there's a Panera Bread not far from here."

"I love that place."

"Right. So, Dad said it was okay, but he says Veronica needs to come along. It would be Vanessa, but she…" Valerie clicked her tongue and looked back at her family, Vanessa was watching carefully and had her arms crossed over her chest. "I don't think it would be a good idea to bring her along for now."

"She doesn't like me or something?" How strange, he always looked up to the older sister.

"It's not that, it's just…trust is kind of thin right now. It isn't your fault though, there was nothing you did wrong."

"Well I did kind of disappear on your family without any word…"

"Yeah…I don't think they're too upset about that, they understand that it was the breakup." Then what was it, if not that? He wouldn't press the matter, but still, it hurt to think that they might be angry at him and he didn't know what it was that he did wrong. Wasn't it Valerie that tried to take him, as well as Sam, away from iCarly? Not that he was bitter about it anymore, but what the hell happened _after_ that?

"Okay, so then we study for a bit and go to Panera Bread with Veronica, sounds like a plan." Her eyebrows rose and fell briefly. "What happens next?"

"Well, Dad wants me back here after that. There's a church event where the youth group is having a party for the little children. We're helping to set it up, there's going to be games for the children and prizes."

"What kind of games?"

"Well for one, the ever common musical chairs. Then there's the guessing game, where we describe a character or place from the Bible and the children have to guess who it is." That sounded very intriguing, he hadn't been to a church function in a long time. It was almost tempting to attend and see what it would be like. "You can stay after dropping me and Veronica off, if you'd like, I'm sure the church wouldn't mind an extra pair of hands." It was almost like she'd read his mind, but would it be a good idea? His mom might not mind, Carly and Sam might get irritated that they didn't see him all day. The three of them usually spent every single day together, sometimes they even had Gibby tag along, so it was unnatural that they went a day without Freddie in the picture.

"I wouldn't mind helping." He smiled brightly and Valerie slowly nodded. It could be good to use that time to get to know the family again as well, a part of him did miss them.

"Okay then. Everyone else is going to the auditorium now to start setting up for tonight, Vanessa will be in there until we're done. I'll just text her when we finish."

"Sounds good."

"Great."

The session went well and Valerie gave some good pointers on properly studying the Bible, such as studying a particular topic first and reading verses associated with the topic. She advised a good rule of thumb when reading the scripture was to plan a time to try and read a passage a day. After the session, they agreed that they should read the scripture again after next week's service, if it was okay with Vincent.

Once done, they were at the café with Veronica. Freddie was on one side of the booth while Valerie and Veronica sat opposite to him. Valerie was nestled between the wall and Veronica, she had a plate of Biscotti and a cup of coffee. Veronica got the Mediterranean Salmon Salad and Freddie ordered a bread bowl with French Onion Soup. The conversation was going well, though Veronica wasn't saying much. From what he remembered of her, she was almost as protective of her sisters as Vanessa was, but not quite. Now, she seemed deathly watchful of Valerie. Her eyes were glued onto Freddie and she looked about ready to attack if he said or did anything that might offend Valerie. She kept looking over at her older sister throughout the conversation, and was occasionally asking how she was feeling. What the hell was going on here?

When he called home, his mom had been okay with him hanging out with Valerie. She was first surprised that he was talking again to Valerie and confessed that she'd seen the Williams family around town a couple times over the years. She sounded glad Freddie was willing to try and be friends. To Sam and Carly he'd said he was taking a day to relax. They were hoping to work on ideas for the next iCarly after they were done shopping, but he explained calmly that he was busy helping out a friend, and that wasn't a lie. He would be.

"So you guys actually disobeyed Spencer and your mom by going to a dangerous wrestling event?" Valerie asked with mild shock. He smirked playfully and nodded his head, almost as if he were _proud_ of that day. She shook her head and dipped a Biscotti into her coffee, then brought it to her lips, chewing for a minute. She swallowed and closed her eyes. "Sam I can understand, but you and Carly always seemed too good to do something like that." Did she just call him a wimp?

"Hey, maybe I have some bad boy in me." Veronica started snickering and held her fork downward into her salad. He clicked his tongue and narrowed his eyes at the girl. Was it that hard to believe he could do something bad? "Okay, and what about you. Good Christian women, I know at least _one_ of you has done something wrong in your lifetime." Valerie chuckled and turned her gaze to Veronica, who looked up helplessly.

"Well Veronica, he's got me…I screwed up. What about you." Veronica cleared her throat and brought her food to her lips, then began chewing very slowly. She said something, but the food in her mouth made it impossible to hear. Valerie took a deep breath and looked to Freddie, folding her hands over on the table. "Just try not to bring that up often. I know I used you to take away from iCarly, and it was wrong, I would rather not think about that. Bad memories." He furrowed his brow and grabbed his glass of water. After taking a quick sip, he set his glass down and locked eyes with Valerie.

"It wasn't like it was all that bad. Why should that give you so many bad memories?" He wasn't meaning that to be insensitive, but it appeared that was still the case. Veronica cleared her throat and took a quick swig of iced tea before smacking the table. He looked over at her as she turned her fork over in the air and glared at him.

"It isn't _that_ memory that causes the pain, it's what happened after-"

"Veronica, please," Valerie interrupted with a swift voice and Veronica slowly turned her head away. Again, Freddie was perplexed. "Can we talk about something else?"

"Sorry Val."

Freddie spooned some of his soup and the group went on to silently eat for about a minute. The girls' mother came to mind and Freddie quickly snapped his fingers, remembering that he wanted to ask about her. He saw Valerie flinch due to the sudden snapping and Veronica's head quickly shot up from her plate. She started to say something, but stopped short.

"Sorry if I scared you. I was wanting to ask, if you don't mind…I saw Mrs. Williams in the church, what happened?" Valerie's face fell and Veronica slowly glanced at her sister "Did I bring up something I shouldn't have?"

"No, you're okay." Valerie started stirring her coffee with her biscotti, her eyes were filled with grief. "About one or two weeks after our breakup, mom was sent overseas." His eyes widened and his jaw fell. "When she came back…things were already different."

"Different how?"

"I _don't_ want to talk about it." Her voice shifted to a stern, but sad tone, for a split second before continuing. Her eyes lifted to his and she took a slow, deep breath. "Mom came back a year later, she'd been shot and was unable to walk after that." God, that was around the time he'd received that angry email from Veronica. A year after the breakup. He looked to the younger sister and felt a surge of guilt, he always blamed himself for their being angry at him, for his abandoning them, but now he realized that maybe there was something more to it. During his time dating Valerie, he'd become a close family friend, even his mother did, and things were going so well it seemed like. There was that point when Valerie confided in how she, and her sisters, were afraid of their mother one day being sent overseas again and he told them he'd be there for them _if_ that ever happened. Veronica cleared her throat as Valerie took her biscotti from the coffee and bit into it.

"We'd sent you some emails when Mom was sent overseas, and a little before that." Veronica set her fork down next to her plate and flicked her eyes up at him. Butterflies formed in his stomach and his muscles became tense as he recalled those emails, he'd not expected anyone to bring them up or even to remember them. He'd received their emails of course, he remembered, but he never opened them. When the emails stopped, he'd just assumed they moved on, and then Veronica sent that message a year later. "Guess you never got them." He remembered the girl's harsh letter easily, it never sat well on him, and thus, he never forgot.

_Look Freddie, I don't care what happened between you and Valerie, or what those two friends of yours think about her. We thought that maybe you were someone that could be a friend for us, even if you were with our sister or not. Then you don't even _talk_ to us when you break up with her? What kind of person are you! I don't suppose you would care about what's been going on, so I'm not going to burden you with that, but you know, you'd think you could show a little integrity and not try to just dump us all. God, at least Valerie got to hear you say you didn't want to see her again, granted she couldn't get a word in edgewise when you were talking to her. She comes home all upset and tells us that you two aren't dating anymore, and we wait for you to call us so we can possibly talk about what could happen next, or if you were going to be hers or our friends. What a _waste_! You know what? If we never see you and that stupid webshow again, it might be a good thing._

"Yeah, but I did get that last email…" He looked to Veronica who simply turned her eyes down. Valerie raised an eyebrow and stared at her sister, unsure of what Freddie was talking about.

"What email?"

Veronica clicked her tongue and ran her hands along her neck, sighing deeply.

"I sent him a pretty angry email a couple years back for his abandoning us like that. I know it was pretty bad, shouldn't have done it because I can see where it would be kind of hurtful. Sorry about that email, Freddie. And for keeping that from you, Val…"

Freddie took another bite of his meal and tried to throw off the feelings of guilt he had.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there, that I just left you guys without any kind of explanation. I had some pressure from my friends…" The girls stared at him and he slowly turned his eyes to the side. He felt horrible, that he would have let Sam and Carly tell him to just never look back, but at the same time, it wasn't their fault. It was his, he had the choice on whether to let the family know if he was going to associate with them again or not, and he never did. "If I knew about Mrs. Williams, I swear-"

"Nothing you could have done," Valerie replied quietly. "Anyway, watched iCarly last night. Well…Vixen was watching it, called me over. I don't usually watch the show."

"You don't?"

"Haven't watched it since…" Her shoulders rose and Veronica leaned her cheek against her hand. "It's been a few years. I just haven't been able to get into it." Why was that? He didn't want to ask, but just studying her expression, he was a little concerned that there was something more than just their breakup lying in her wake. He turned his eyes to the Bible next to Valerie and frowned. It had years upon years of index tabs between pages and a verse about caring about one another taped to the top of her Bible. When they were studying, he also noticed she had a lot of verses in her bible underlined that were talking about fears, forgiveness, and giving problems over to God. "She wanted me to see it because that 'demented girl', as she calls her-" Freddie smirked and Veronica laughed, the fan truly was demented, "mentioned my name. Apparently your fans really want you to date one of the girls."

"Yeah, but I'm not interested."

"Now there's a shock."

"I'm really not, I mean they're like my sisters. Imagine how you'd feel if someone wanted you to date _your_ sisters!" Valerie chuckled as Veronica started choking on her drink. He hadn't thought about how that statement sounded, but at least it generated a nice response. He smiled at them and leaned back in his chair. "It really is good to see you guys again, honestly. I mean, it feels like…well it has been years, but you get the idea. I _did_ miss you guys." Valerie smiled at him, but Veronica scoffed, as if not believing he could miss them. "I did."

Valerie straightened in her seat and cleared her throat. "Did you tell the girls you were attending a church function?" She met his eyes eagerly, awaiting an answer.

"Eh…" With a nervous chuckle, he scratched the back of his head and lifted his shoulders. They didn't know he was starting to attend church period. This was the first time he was doing something about himself without any kind of intervention or involvement from those two. Plus, he didn't want them to know he was trying to find some sort of guidance for all these pressures, they knew him enough without knowing that he had some depression issues. "I don't know when or if, I'm going to tell them."

"Why not?"

"They don't need to know everything about me." Valerie's eyebrows lifted up and he cringed, feeling his answer wasn't truly a good answer. "I mean they always feel like getting involved, if I tell them I'm trying to get in touch with my spiritual side or something, then they'd probably start trying to 'help' somehow. Don't get me wrong, their help isn't always good." Veronica shook her head and looked off, muttering something about that being more than known. He frowned and Valerie waved her hand to disregard whatever her sister had just said.

"Well, they're still your best friends, so you could always invite them to church if you wanted." He watched Veronica's head snap towards her sister as if she were shocked that Valerie would even consider that thought. Valerie looked at her with an innocent smile and lifted her shoulders. "I mean it would still be nice, though I can understand not wanting to involve them in _everything_."

"Would you really be comfortable with seeing them at church, Sis?" Valerie closed her eyes and sipped her drink as Freddie turned his stare towards the younger girl.

"Carly and Sam never did anything to me, Veronica. Simple enough. If I were to see them, I'd be cordial."

"Yeah but you should never see them, I mean that's why mom and dad had you pulled out of public schools…" Valerie choked on her drink and Freddie's heart froze. Veronica whistled softly and Valerie slowly set her drink down. "Sorry, I don't know if you wanted him to know that."

"Well the homeschool part, I'm not concerned about…" He wanted to know more! She wasn't in public schools? Why? He just thought the family moved away, to a different district.

She met his inquisitive gaze, her eyes softened and her lips slowly lifted, then fell. "Let's just say people weren't too happy with my getting in the way of iCarly. That's it. I stopped going to public schools after that, Dad didn't want me to run into any…bullying."

"I never knew people picked on you after the breakup."

"How could you have known, Freddie?" She paused, her breath stilled and her face grew tense with pain. He watched as she closed her eyes and looked off to the window, Veronica reached over and took her hand in hers, squeezing it gently. He felt a pang of guilt, as well as curiosity, did something bad happen that she was remembering? People hurt her, someone must have. She cleared her throat and turned her head back to him. "Although, it's to be expected when you air your dirty laundry live for the entire world to see." Her tone was almost bitter and angry, but at the same time, he detected a great sense of pain. Was this _bullying_ on a deeper level than she seemed to say? Was there something more to her past? "I bet, Freddie…that guy Sam dated, that you guys put on that underwear machine…I bet he became pretty messed up after that. I almost wonder whether any deranged fan might have gone after him." He never thought about that, but why would their fans do that? Sure, the one guy, Adam, was gone. Granted Jonah pretty much vanished the same way Valerie did, but nothing extreme. They thought he moved somewhere else.

"Not every fan of yours is a good-hearted kid," Veronica muttered beneath her breath. "It's getting late, we need to get back to the church. Dad'll be expecting us in like ten minutes." Valerie gasped and Freddie quickly pulled his wallet away. He wasn't going to press the matter, once again, choosing silence over asking questions. The expression on the girls' faces said clearly they didn't want to talk any more about the subject, and knowing Sam and Carly long enough taught him one thing. When a woman doesn't want to talk, she does _not_ want to talk, and if you make her talk, she may hold it against you.

After they were all in the car, Valerie and Veronica were in the backseat while Freddie drove. He glanced at them in the rearview mirror and saw Valerie gazing out of the side window. "Hey Valerie, what do you do in the church, if you don't mind me asking? I know your sisters are in the choir…" Valerie continued to stare out the window and Veronica began reading through her own personal Bible.

"Sometimes in events like these at the church, I help set up, but for the most part, I just hang out with the youth group. Went to a bible camp this last summer, it was fun." She stopped and took a breath, glancing up at Freddie for a brisk moment, then shrugged her shoulders. He lifted his eyebrows and tapped his index finger gently on the steering wheel. So she didn't do much, just like the pastor said. She just simply read her bible, prayed, and stayed inside all the time. It was like she was living in a damn shell. Of course, he would know what that was like, living like he was someone he wasn't. "Vanessa helps teach the children's ministry class, and Veronica here volunteers in the Nursery. I know it seems like I don't do much, but I do when asked to."

"That sounds good, glad to see everyone's involved in the church."

"Yeah." He stopped at a red light and looked once more into the rearview mirror. Valerie placed her head onto Veronica's shoulder and slowly put her hand into her sister's hand. He saw her whisper, reading her lips, as she thanked her sister for being with her. He pressed his lips together and breathed out, gazing at the road as Valerie seemed to have drifted to sleep.

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><p>Not much to say here, but I'd like to thank my friend and fellow author jhuikmn08 for her help with this story. You should check out her works, she's a good author. As for this chapter, again, there's not much to say other than, seems there's some tension here and there.<p> 


	4. Attacked

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N: This oneshot was inspired by so many things, please read and enjoy. Have an open mind about what is coming, and please do leave your thoughts.

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><p>Chapter 4 (Attacked)<p>

It wasn't that she didn't want to tell him anything, it wasn't that she didn't want to talk to him. He didn't understand, probably never would, but there were some things that you just don't share with people. She had been happy to see him, happy to talk to him, and she did miss him completely, much to the surprise of her family. Vixen and Victoria urged her to talk to him because she'd always felt guilty about what she did. Not only that, but when it came to the attack, it only made things worse. She'd buried herself deep into her family's faith, trying to use the scripture and religion to take away the pain, but sometimes it seemed impossible. To make matters worse, there was a parole hearing in a week that she and her family were to attend.

She rubbed her head on Veronica's shoulder with a comforted sigh, and felt her sister wrap a protective arm around her. She knew Freddie was probably smart enough to pick up hints that something was wrong, and she didn't want to keep it from him, but she was too afraid to talk to him about the attack. Scared, probably was the better term. He might get the wrong idea, or worse, he might start blaming himself for what happened. He wasn't there, it wasn't his fault. Veronica was wrong as well, it wasn't Sam or Carly's fault either. At least, not intentionally. However, if they never said anything at all, then maybe things would have been different. Maybe, she wouldn't be such a shell, trying to use religion to get over the attack and try to rise up from all the pressures and changes that happened when her mother returned from overseas.

She felt the car vibrate along the road and listened as it seemed to soothe her. She was fired up, on the brink of fighting a panic attack. She wanted to bury herself into her bible again, but she didn't want Freddie to think there was something seriously wrong with her. There wasn't, right? She was fine.

With that, the flashbacks came, and she began reliving her past.

_Vanessa was too young to drive, but their dad wasn't home and the younger siblings were very hungry. Being nearly fifteen, she did have a permit, but that didn't mean she should be driving with Valerie and Veronica in the back seat of the car. Vixen and Victoria were out with their father, so it was less to order for, and the McDonalds was not that far away from the house. Valerie was listening to Veronica rant on and on about the latest iCarly, but she wasn't too interested._

_ It had been just a little over a month since the breakup, and she was still sore about it. She never wanted to hurt Freddie, it was stupid of her to try and use him for her own selfish gain. He yelled at her when they broke up, said everything seemed to be a lie, but it _wasn't_. She did care about him, she wanted to be with him, but she just had to be stupid. She didn't care about her webshow, it was a pathetic thing really. Then when she tried to run it, the television fell on her head. It hurt! It hurt and Freddie didn't even call her or say anything about it. Instead, she heard from Sam, who had to be mean about what happened and said she deserved it for trying to ruin iCarly. She wasn't trying to ruin iCarly! She didn't think Sam or Carly would be her friends unless she tried to win them over and pull them onto her show._

_ After that happened, she watched a recent show they did and the two girls were talking smack about her. Maybe it was unintentional, they were just blowing off steam. Carly announced Freddie had broken up with her and that he was 'better off' because of it. Then Sam went on to say how someone should kick her ass, to teach her a lesson about what happens to people who try to mess around with others. The statement hurt and Carly immediately scolded Sam for even suggesting something like that. Sam immediately expressed her guilt over saying it, of course, that wasn't before Freddie asked them to stop talking about the whole thing and move onto another subject. _

_ Suddenly the car pulled to a stop and Valerie glanced out the window, they were in the parking lot of the thrift store next to McDonalds. Her stomach growled and she looked to Vanessa with impatience, she wanted food and she wanted it now. "Why are we here?" Vanessa turned around in the car and smiled at her younger siblings._

_ "Veronica wanted me to stop by here earlier, apparently there's a dress she wants." Valerie lifted her eyes and turned to Veronica, who was smiling innocently as ever._

_ "Sorry sis, it just can't wait! You coming in?" Valerie crossed her arms and turned her eyes to the restaurant in front of them. She hated to be left alone, her mind started wandering whenever that happened. "Shouldn't be a long time…"_

_ "No, I'll just wait out here. I'll be all right." _

_ "Okay!" Vanessa raised an eyebrow as Veronica hopped out of the car and started rushing towards the building. Valerie looked to her older sister with a vague smile._

_ "Valerie. Are you sure? I don't want to leave you out here by yourself."_

_ "I'll be fine, Vanessa." Vanessa gave her a skeptical look and exhaled slowly._

_ "Okay, just stay in the car. Hopefully the line's not long. If we're not out in ten minutes, come in."_

_ "I'll do that." She watched as Vanessa started out of the car and headed towards the building. As she turned her gaze away, she thought about indulging in a nice sandwich from McDonalds, then their apple pies. Typically she wasn't a fan of the fast food restaurant, but she had to admit, they had their perks._

_ After a few minutes of waiting, her hunger had gotten the better of her. She left the car and started walking towards the McDonalds, against her better judgment. She knew Vanessa never liked the others to not listen to her, but there were just some moments where it couldn't be avoided. Sure, she wondered just how important it was, but her stomach was killing her. She _had_ to have something, it felt like it was going to explode!_

_ The McDonalds was a little ways to the northeast of the thrift store, so she was actually walking around the back of the building to get to the restaurant. She didn't really like to go behind buildings, since bad people often hung around those areas. By bad people, she meant the people that Vanessa often talked about, especially in neighborhoods like these that she stopped in. Gangs, drug dealers, thieves, they were everywhere. She stopped and looked back to the car, several feet away by now. Her heart ached and filled with a terrible feeling, but her stomach twisted even more from the hunger. Vanessa might be mad at her for this, but it couldn't be helped._

_ "Hey guys, look!" A voice called out from nearby. She froze and looked to her right, nestled there behind the thrift store were four people. One was a man who looked to be in his twenties, scrawny, and puffing on a cigarette. He was the oldest. There were two tanned skinned men, also puffing cigarettes, their eyes were bloodshot and their bodies seemed to be a bit muscular. They seemed close to the man's age, but possibly younger by a few years. The fourth was a female who had to be just a few years older than Vanessa was. The oldest was the one that was talking. "It's that bitch that Benson on iCarly dated." Her eyes widened and her legs became like concrete. Her flight or fight impulse wasn't working. "You know, the one that tried to ruin iCarly?"_

_ "Yeah, I recognize her," the female said while punching her fist into her hand. "Didn't Sam say someone should kick her ass? Teach her a lesson? I say we take her up on that." Valerie's throat tightened and her legs began shaking._

_ "I don't know you guys, just let me go to the McDonalds. I want a sandwich." The other two men began laughing and the eldest, possibly the leader, began walking towards her. He grabbed his cigarette and flicked it at her. She winced as it bounced off her chest and landed at her feet._

_ "You hear that guys? She wants a sandwich. I say we give her one." He smirked as they started to surround her. No time to run. Fear spread like wildfire as the two men grabbed her arms. She started to struggle and lifted her eyes towards the eldest. "A knuckle sandwich, that is…"_

_ "No, let me go!" Vanessa told her to stay in the car! Why didn't she listen to her? Why couldn't she just have stayed in the car? She screamed as they started to drag her back behind the building. She kicked her feet out, slamming them against the ground, trying her hardest to escape. "I didn't mean anything! I mean it! I know what I did was wrong, please let me go!"_

_ "Someone grab her goddamn legs." The girl nodded and grabbed her legs, clutching them tightly between her arms and sides. Valerie continued trying to kick, hoping maybe the girl would get tired of holding onto her. "See, we're devoted fans of that show, and we don't like little prissy bitches trying to destroy it! Seriously, it's the only thing that keeps us entertained!" As if doing drugs wasn't entertaining enough for gang members. _

_ "No!" It happened so fast, they dropped her onto the ground and started tearing her apart. Her body burned from the punches, the kicks. Were her cries unheard? The searing pain, every time they kicked her stomach or punched her chest, was worse than any hunger she could ever felt. "Please stop it! I didn't mean any harm! No!" She sobbed and tasted of her blood rushing across her face. It was horrible, how could anyone be so cruel? Did she deserve this?_

_ Suddenly it stopped, she heard a loud snapping sound and looked up to see the leader had removed his belt and was snapping it together. She whimpered as he swung it down onto her back like a whip, the metal buckle burned through her shirt and burned into her skin, tearing the fabric away. The two men held down her arms and the girl watched from the side. With every strike, her screams increased._

_ "Please! Stop it! Make it stop! Please!"_

_ "Now you'll think twice before messing with our show! I got one more little surprise for you, bitch." She looked up, quivering in her own pool of blood as the man started reaching for his jeans buckle. Her eyes widened and the girl quickly reached for the man's arm._

_ "Chad, I think this is far enough…seriously, don't go any farther, cause if you do, I'm not going to be the one supporting you when-"_

_ "Hell no, someone's going to-" Valerie whimpered and as the woman stepped between her and Chad. _

_ "I said that's enough!"_

_ "Out of my way!" He pushed her aside and started moving towards Valerie, but froze when he heard an angry shout from behind. _

_ "Get your fucking hands off my sister!" Valerie's eyes widened as she heard Vanessa's voice roar above the others. Veronica screamed and began running back around the thrift store, probably to find the police. The leader, known as Chad, had been struck by a sharp kick to the neck. Vanessa has been taking lessons in martial arts for a while,. Chad fell to the ground and the two men released her arms._

_ She couldn't move, although she tried, she just couldn't move. As she was laying sprawled out on the ground, her eyes remained fixated on the dress that Veronica dropped. It was a beautiful sea blue dress with lace frills on the bottom and on the straps. The tears she cried stung her cheeks, but the salty taste mixed with the blood in her mouth and seemed to lessen the bitter taste. _

_ She wasn't sure what happened next, it was all a blur, but at some point of time Vanessa must have floored Chad and the other two men, because she heard the girl pleading for Vanessa to let her go. The three men were lying on the ground, moaning and clutching whatever part of their bodies that her older sister had just injured. Veronica returned with the store security, and a loud ear-piercing siren struck her as she began to go into shock._

Valerie opened her eyes and looked up to Veronica, who was staring at her with great concern. She smiled weakly and wiped her eyes, they were wet with tears. She never held it against her sisters for stopping that day, they were heroes to her, they saved her life. Granted, Veronica didn't keep that dress and the store willfully took it back.

After what happened, it took only two months for the trial to deliberate. Through the years Valerie learned what the sentencing period meant for each member, because she tried to understand the legal system. Since no one went any further than simply beating her up, Chad received ten years for assault and battery with a deadly weapon, and a shot at parole. The two men received eight years with the shot of parole. The girl, due to cooperation with the police, received three years and probation. Valerie hated all of them, even the girl, but at the same time, she was grateful that the girl tried to stop them before they took it any further. She was out now, but wasn't allowed to try and find or make contact with Valerie in any way.

"Are you okay?" Veronica whispered. She slowly nodded her head and carefully sat up. Her body was shaking from the memory, and to this day, she never wanted to go to any McDonalds restaurant or thrift stores. It just wasn't worth it, wasn't worth the fear or the panic. She also tried to stay away from iCarly fans. She was comfortable with Freddie, Sam and Carly, as they didn't do anything bad to her, but she was nervous about the girls' reaction to her. "We're almost at the church."

"Okay." Veronica had always felt the most guilt and anger over what happened. After all, _she_ was the one that pushed for that dress. No matter how many times Valerie told her it was her fault for leaving that car when Vanessa told her to stay put, Veronica continued to blame herself. Victoria and Vixen had always been too young to understand what happened, but even then, they tried to do their best to comfort their older sisters the best they could.

Their dad became hardened after that, still a calm man and a good father, but he'd become way overprotective of his girls, mostly of Valerie. He had good reason to be, yet sometimes she wished he could be like he was before, more lenient and not always wanting to know wherever she was going or what she was doing. It wasn't his fault, he just didn't want to run the risk of losing her, this fear increased when Viola returned unable to walk. Vanessa surged through those martial arts classes of hers, doing the best she could to _be_ the best she could be. She was almost as overprotective as Vincent of her younger sisters, and putting her training to good use, she would never let anyone near her sisters without possibly scaring them to death.

Immediately people might judge her if they knew of the attack she'd suffered, they might say she deserved it, and she couldn't deal with that. It was so easy for people to judge others, to judge her, without a single thought or notion of what was right. They did so when she hurt Freddie like she did, the whole fucking world judged her. They didn't know her, they didn't know how she was or who she was, they didn't know what she had to deal with. But no one cared, and they still judged her, long after the attack. When her dad pulled her out of school, it happened less, but every time she left the house, she was recognized by some ignorant fan who just laughed in her face. No one knew how she felt towards Freddie, no one knew what happened between them, and no one needed to know. Since when was it their right to judge her.

There was a quote she had found once on a website she frequented, _wisdomquotes dot com_, _"The major block to compassion is the judgment in our minds. Judgment is the mind's primary tool of separation."_ She felt it said that people first judge before they attempt to understand, and once they judge, they cannot be deemed capable of understanding or compassion. A bit later, Vanessa found a quote that had spoken to her much more, and had comforted her more.

It was said by someone named Michael Lerner. _"Reality is much more complex than any judgment of right and wrong encourages you to believe. When you really understand the ethical, spiritual, social, economic, and psychological forces that shape individuals, you will see that people's choices are not based on a desire to hurt. Instead, they are in accord to what they know and what world views are available to them. Most are doing the best they can, given what information they've received and what problems they are facing."_

When she analyzed herself with that quote, she understood that when she was twelve, growing up in such a large family with a mother that could be sent away at any time was so hard, so pressing, that it was just too difficult to find friends. She often thought she had to act one way to achieve something, even though it was wrong. She learned her errors when she made it, but it didn't seem to help things. She often wondered, if people knew what she went through, and even if they knew of the attack, would they care? Or would they still be so judgmental of her past that they lacked the proper ability to give a shit about her?

That was when she buried herself, afraid to step out and go anywhere, afraid to talk to anyone or do anything new, because she was so scared of that attack happening again. Be it a physical or verbal assault, she was so frightened of suffering the turmoil, of suffering the judgment of other people. That's why she buried her nose into that bible every moment of her life, hoping that _maybe_, just _maybe_, there was something in there that could seriously take all the pain away and make her life somewhat satisfactory. That was why it took her three weeks after seeing Freddie walk through those doors for her to say anything to him.

In all honesty, that website full of quotes, along with that scripture, made her feel somewhat better about the way her life was going, but without seemingly the touch of another human being, she still felt miserable. She still hated going to sleep every night, five years later, and seeing the faces of those gang members. She hated whenever the anniversary of that day came around, and would lock herself in her bedroom trying to read the bible from front to back, hoping it would distract her. She hated every time she took a shower, taking off her shirt and being able to see little tiny squares in various parts of her body.

Was it fair? Was it right for people to judge her for what she did to iCarly? God only knows. It was often said that one should be forgiving, not let the memory or the person burden your mind any longer, and that God would be the one to give final judgment. In reality, it seemed people only said that to make others less critical of one another, but it never worked. She'd lost all hope that humanity would _ever_ stop being critical of one another.

It wasn't anyone's business what she did. Yes she regretted it, yes she hated it, but it wasn't Carly's or Sam's business to reveal it to the entire world, and then go so far as to say she should be attacked for it! Thank god Freddie asked them to stop at that point! Thank _God _Carly figured enough was enough, thank God that female gang member tried to speak out against Chad, and that her sisters stopped that man before he sexually assaulted her.

Forgiving was hard to do, very hard to do, and she tried all she could. She'd even sought counseling, and was still seeing a therapist on occasion, but after all these years she didn't think it was very helpful anymore. The counselor helped relieve her of the anger she'd felt. She didn't blame anyone else anymore, but she did still blame herself for the attack. Years before she blamed Sam for what happened, blamed iCarly, but it wasn't their fault. Veronica and Vanessa still said they never wanted to meet those two girls, for fear that they would blow up in their faces. All the studying in that Bible helped Valerie to see at least one thing, and it was also best said on the quote site: Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain, but it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.

What did this mean? It meant she understood _why_ Sam and Carly were angry, she understood why they said the things they said. She understood why people resented her, she understood why the gang did what they did. She forgave Sam, she forgave Carly, she didn't resent them for speaking their opinions. She didn't resent people that resented her for what she did, they had every right to do that. She _did_ manage, over time, to forgive that female gang member for her involvement, but she still couldn't find a way to forgive that vile man for what he did, and she prayed constantly that he would stop entering her dreams, but it seemed, that was too much to ask for.

"Valerie? Val?" She shook her head, suddenly realizing that she'd been staring off into space, letting her thoughts get the better of her. Veronica was shaking her and Freddie was standing at the car door. She looked and saw him staring at her with concern, it was amazing to see that he had any ounce of concern for her. A relief, actually.

"We're here," he said while holding his hand out for her. She smiled slightly and placed her hand in his, letting him help her out of the car. "Are you all right? You look upset." She turned her eyes to the curb in front of the church. Vincent was standing with Vanessa and Vixen next to him. The older two were watching carefully while Vixen was absently dancing beside them. Veronica came out after her and cleared her throat.

"You kind of went off into a trance. Are you going to be able to help out with the games?"

"Y-Yeah, don't worry, I'm fine. Thanks." She breathed in deeply and hurried for her family. She heard Freddie ask Veronica what everything was all about, but her sister only replied that it wasn't her place to talk about it. She thanked her in her mind, because she was truly afraid of what Freddie would think if he knew what had happened to her. At least he didn't need to know right now, right there. If he was going to become a closer friend again and she felt she could trust him with it, then maybe she'd let him know, and only then.

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><p>In case you don't start noticing a trend, a <em>big<em> part of this (maybe the subplot with Carly and Sam) will be dealing with the negative repercussions of putting out private and personal information online. Carly and Sam will not be finding out what happened to Valerie. This was a difficult chapter, and this story will be a bit tense with ample drama, no lie there.


	5. Family Reactions

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N: This oneshot was inspired by so many things, please read and enjoy. Have an open mind about what is coming, and please do leave your thoughts.

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><p>Chapter 5 (Family Reactions)<p>

Why was she crying? Freddie watched as Valerie departed into the church doors, her face was still wet, from what he could see. Not only had she been crying, but while she was sleeping, she had been making some very light whimpering noises. They were faint, hard to hear with the rumble of the road, but they were there. Like tiny hiccups. He wanted to follow after her, but something inside him told him not to intrude. Veronica already told him not to bother Valerie with it, but he couldn't help to be concerned for her. It also bothered him very deeply to see her crying, it was a feeling that was hard to explain, but he felt like holding onto her and trying to comfort her in any way possible. Why was that?

He shook his head and slowly closed the car door, watching from the corner of his eye as Veronica made her way towards the family. As he turned, Vixen hurried towards him. Her blonde hair flew in the wind as her expression grew very cheerful. When she stopped in front of him, she performed a curtsey. "My dance teacher says it's always important to greet with a curtsey." He smiled at her, impressed to hear she was actually taking dance classes. Her cheerful face fell for a split second as she tilted her head and studied him carefully. "Freddie, where have you been all these years? I still don't understand why you disappeared. Did something bad happen to you?"

He blinked and carefully shook his head, why did she think something bad would have happened to him? It dawned on him that she was only six years old when he and Valerie dated, far too young to understand the whole dating game and breaking up. To her, he'd always been a friend, someone to cheer her on at the parks whenever she tried to climb the jungle gym, someone who bought hot dogs for her when he was out with her and Valerie. To her, he was like the best friend she could have.

His heart sank and he slowly pushed his hands into his pockets. He bit his lower lip as Vixen gazed up at him with those bright and innocent eyes. He could take Veronica's angry email, or Vanessa's irritated glares all day, but when it came down to Valerie's youngest sister, that one was his harshest critic today. How could he possibly explain that he left without any explanation for her older sister's actions? It would sound selfish to her, that she had to lose a friend because her older sister made a mistake.

"It must be torturous," Vanessa rang out as she and Vincent walked up to them. He lifted his eyes up and saw her staring at him with narrow eyes. "Valerie screws up, everyone suffers. Not to mention what she had to go through. You know, I comforted her after you dumped her the way you did, she said you didn't let her talk. She was honest and admitted to what you learned, then you walked out. Waited for some kind of indication that you were coming back, Vixen here was broken up you weren't taking her to the ice cream shop anymore."

"I know, that was wrong of me…" He looked to Vixen, who was a bit confused about what was going on. She also appeared sad, remembering what Vanessa was referring to. "So you asked Valerie to the coffee shop for old times. How'd that go, did you let her talk this time?" Vincent put his hand to Vanessa's shoulder and she slowly looked away.

"Vanessa, curb your anger please. Five years has passed, a lot has happened since then."

"He has to answer for just abandoning everyone without any kind of explanation. Not just Vixen, but Victoria was looking forward to him watching her school play, which he never showed up to. Also, I'm pretty sure he saw Valerie's final webcast." He swallowed hard and looked down guiltily. He didn't even say anything when Sam and Carly laughed _after_ Valerie had gotten up from being hit on the head by the television monitor. "You know, the last guy I dated still managed to be my friend and come say hi to my sisters. So what was keeping you behind, Freddie? Those girls?"

"Sam and Carly?" He saw her eyes flash with anger, but he didn't understand why. Granted, the first thing Sam said to him when they realized Valerie had been using him was "Dump her!." Of course, Valerie wanted to get Sam over with them, Freddie never questioned why. Could Valerie have wanted to be friends with Sam, and gone about it the wrong way? Vanessa was right, it wasn't fair how he handled the breakup with Valerie. He had met up with her during school hours and asked her about Sam and Carly's accusations. She looked at him, appearing to be sincerely guilty, and admitted that they were right about that. It sounded like she was about to say something about wanting to be with him, but he had cut her off before she got any extra words in, said it was over, and walked away, ignoring her calls for him to wait. "I…"

"I _know_ what Sam and Carly said about Valerie after that breakup." Vanessa pointed an accusing finger at Freddie, growling mildly. Vixen looked up and Vincent slowly rubbed his forehead. "Calling her that name and then saying people should attack her. I have waited five years to have you stand in front of me and tell me to my face why my sisters went through the things they went through. And can you tell me? Can you tell me why you let down Vixen, Victoria, and don't get me started on Valerie, because you may not have directly harmed her…"

"That's enough, Vanessa." Vanessa looked over to her father as he breathed in and gave her a stern look. She pressed her lips together and frowned, realizing her error. She closed her eyes and turned to Freddie. He was shaken, his eyes wide and his palms sweaty. As he met her eyes, he was almost afraid of her.

"I'm sorry about that. You're not seeing me at my best right now, and I shouldn't be taking my anger out on you. It's just…certain things are coming up, tensions are high, memories are resurfacing, not because of _you_, but they're still there. I really shouldn't be yelling at you. Especially not in front of Vixen."

He swallowed and looked to Vixen, who gave him a gentle smile. There was some comfort to be had in such a childlike expression. However, Vanessa was right to be angry. Everything she said was true. It was his lack of a backbone that caused it, at least that's what he always beat himself up over. He could have stopped Sam when she was ranting that day on iCarly, though he didn't see the effect. He could have called Valerie up after that last webcast of hers and asked her if she was okay, but went against his better judgment. He _should have_ gone to see Victoria's play, which was about a baby bird learning to fly. He remembered that clearly. Most of all, he could have come around to see Vixen, and to be a friend.

If not, he could have at least tried his best to explain to them why he wouldn't be coming around any longer. He also should have let Valerie talkand not walk away. Now he stood there in front of the most protective and watchful relative, unable to even speak. It pained him. He slowly closed his hands and breathed in, shutting his eyes and trying to think of a way to get his thoughts out.

"You're right, Vanessa. You're right." She raised an eyebrow and turned towards him. Her lips opened and remained still, as though she were breathing in the air. "I _should_ have been better at explaining why I was disappearing. Now I have nothing to say, no way to answer you. There's nothing I can say that's sufficient enough, nothing I can say that might appease you…maybe there is, I don't know, but now that I've seen her again and I've talked to her…I want to start over. I want to be friends again, and if you don't think I can be friends with any of you, then well…" Vixen cut him off by letting out a very small cheer and giving him a big hug, delighted that he was sticking around. His head jerked back in shock and Vanessa's lips curled into a smile.

She stopped and looked up to Vanessa, smiling innocently at her. "You think it would be okay if he came around, right?" Vanessa laughed and folded her arms over, slowly shaking her head and smiling.

"Well _that's_ up to Valerie now. If she wants to hang out with him she can, I have no problem with him coming around. However." She lowered her arms and looked Freddie square in the eye, pointing a heavy finger at him. Strangely, he didn't flinch, but he was indeed scared of this woman. "If you ever do anything to hurt any of my sisters, I am not going to be happy. I don't care if you tell Sam and Carly that you're hanging with Valerie, I really don't, but if you do and they end up saying _anything_ about _my sister_ on the internet, even the mere _mention_ of her name, then I can guarantee you…I will _not_ be happy. I will be watching you, Freddie. I will be watching you very closely."

"You can trust me…" What if she didn't trust him, though? What if there really was something that happened to Valerie that made her so distrustful of other people? Vanessa rubbed her forehead and sighed, clearly not wanting to talk anymore. She turned and walked into the church, Vixen followed close afterwards. He felt a calm feeling wash over him and looked at Vincent with a hopeful smile. Vincent pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.

"Forgive my daughter." He lowered his hand and smiled at Freddie, patting him gently on the shoulder. "It is really good to see you again." Now that was the warm welcome he'd been missing, but who knew it would come from Freddie's dad? "There's a parole hearing coming up that has everyone very stressed out."

"Parole? Who's on parole?" Vanessa? He chuckled inwardly and slowly bowed his head, that was a really bad joke. Thankfully he didn't say that out loud. However, it was concerning.

"It's nothing to worry about, and none of my daughters are on parole, Freddie. They're just attending. Have you ever been to a parole hearing before?"

"Yeah, one time. Not fun. Carly was persuaded to let the psycho out of prison, they ended up doing the same thing they did before, and so they got arrested." Vincent cleared his throat and turned away, his body shook quickly and his jowl lines deepened.

"Well, we can only hope they don't let the psychos out early…Come inside Freddie, we can use your hands for the setup, although I think everything is nearly finished anyway. Can I ask you, at least for this next week, if you see them again, take it _easy_ around Valerie, Vanessa and Veronica. Watch what you say and do around them, they're all a bit jumpy right now."

"Why is that? Or should I not ask?" The man pushed his hands into his pockets and stared up into the sky for a moment. He exhaled deeply and started walking, Freddie followed after.

"It would be better that you didn't. Let it go. For now. Also, I understand that Sam and Carly are good people, in no way do any of us belittle them, so please understand that." He understood, but was still very confused. When Vanessa mentioned what Sam had said five years ago, it made him curious as to _what_ that statement might have caused. Either way, he would respect Vincent's wishes and try to be careful around the three older sisters. He didn't know why, but obviously it was important.

Once they walked in, he saw Viola sitting near the door, reading her Bible. She looked up at him and smiled kindly, a familiar and friendly face that he definitely missed. When dating Valerie, Marissa and Viola had gotten along rather well. A part of him suspected Marissa missed the woman, but he never asked.

"Hey Mrs. Williams, how are you?"

"Oh I'm good. I've seen better days. I believe I was _walking_ last you saw me." She chuckled lightly and retained her smile, something that must have been difficult for her to do, even after all this time. "How are you and your mother doing?"

"Okay I guess, no better no worse than we were five years ago. Although I think mom's more of a shut in than she was back then, though her craziness has toned down." Viola's eyebrows rose and she slowly marked her place, then closed the book. She rolled up to Freddie and Vincent stepped behind her.

"Valerie was happy to see you this morning, I'm glad to see my baby girl smiling." Her forehead meshed together and she brought her hand up to rest over Vincent's on the handlebar. "I don't think I've seen that for a while in her." He blinked, having missed what she said.

"Huh?"

"Nothing dear." He really hated feeling like he was being left out of something. If there was nothing he could say or do for Valerie, then he was at a loss. He wanted to give her comfort, but how was he supposed to comfort her if he didn't know what the problem was? "Give it a little time, I'm just glad to see you're thinking about friendship."

"Better late than never, I suppose, Mrs. Williams."

"Indeed. I think it'll be a good thing for her, for all of us. Just do me a favor, if you do end up having to cut off your relationships, please give us a heads up first."

He nodded, chuckling nervously. As he looked around, he noticed the gym auditorium of the place was already set up with chairs and different game areas all over the place. There was a toy fishing tank in the far right corner, musical chairs in the middle, the left corner had pillows on the floor and a podium in front. There was space beneath the basketball hoop to the right. On the left were doors that led into a long room, which judging by the sign above the doors that read _Youth Room_, meant it was where the youth group met. On the left was an open bar that led into the church's kitchen, there were already some volunteers cooking some food for tonight. He couldn't see Valerie anywhere, though.

"Hey, do you know where Valerie went?"

"I believe she's in the youth room."

"All right, thanks!"

"It's great to see you again, Freddie. Don't let any of my girls scare you away this time, okay?" He nodded and felt his heart rise up, he hoped to be more resilient than he had been before. At least he was confident this time, he wouldn't just run off without giving them a chance.

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><p>Five is up, six will come soon.<p> 


	6. Devaluation of Self

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N: Double posting 6 and 7 because I already have them complete and I figure since Jhuikmn08 is the only one reading this and she's the one helping to edit and give input on my chapters before I post, there's no reason to worry. I hope anyone that's reading this is enjoying this, because this story means a lot to me, I'm very proud of it ^_^.

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><p>Chapter 6 (Devaluation of Self)<p>

Freddie moved into the youth room and he was astonished by what he saw in this very quaint room. The walls were painted desert brown and there was a red tile floor with green grout, probably once put down as a Christmas theme. To his right was a small coffee bar with a microwave and coffee maker positioned next to a silver sink. Directly in front of him were glass doors leading out into the parking lot. To his right were four tables with the tops resembling that of a mixture of stones and small pebbles, then a couch that framed the far walls. In front of the tables was a small black platform, makeshift stage, with a brown stool and a red bible sitting on the stool. On the couch was Valerie, bent over, staring down at her closed bible. She was very still, her ankles were clenched together and her hands seemed to be shaking very lightly. He thought for a moment, perhaps she was still dealing with whatever happened in the car, maybe he could talk to her. He wouldn't intrude and ask what was wrong, but if he could comfort her, he'd do that. With a quick breath, he began walking towards her.

She was silent, and her hair was covering a portion of her face. Her heavy eyes lifted up to him and her lip moved up into a tiny smile. "Hey Freddie, sorry about taking off earlier." He lifted his hand and smiled back at her as he sat down on the couch that connected to the wall on the side. The only seat between them was the corner seat.

"It's fine, you have your reasons." She nodded her head to the right as he put his arms on the table and stared down at her bible. "So, I think maybe we should talk."

"About?" Her voice was very quiet and difficult to understand. He remembered what Mr. Williams said about being careful with her for a little while, so he didn't want to bring up why she was upset. Though he did want to talk about what happened five years ago.

"About how, maybe, we both were at fault for what happened years ago." Her eyes flicked over to him and her lips pressed tight together. "And by that, I mean the breakup." She opened her mouth and exhaled, closing her eyes. "You know, I accepted what you said earlier, and you know…I realize I was wrong to not let you talk. Maybe things would have been different if I stopped to let you, but back then I thought…I thought I could only trust Sam and Carly. I didn't know you actually _cared_ about me."

"We can't change what happened back then…as much as I'd love to change what happened…" He felt his heart clench and watched as a single tear paused on Valerie's left cheek. She stared directly ahead at the coffee counter and folded her hands in her lap. His stomach flipped, it was almost as though he could feel her pain. "You know, I don't hold any resentment towards Carly or Sam."

"That's good…" She bowed her head and started to mutter something about not escaping their fans. What did they have to do with anything? "You said something about fans?"

"iCarly's fans, they're everywhere. It's nothing to worry about…"

"You don't like the show anymore?"

"Kind of hard to …. Nothing against you or your friends, though." He took a sharp breath and felt his phone ringing from his pocket. Valerie looked over as he reached for his phone and pulled it out, Carly was trying to reach him. She'd been sending texts all day, he responded to all of them saying he was busy, as well as, he did not wish to join them at whatever feminine store they were going to. He was getting tired of answering them, though he was afraid of them thinking he was avoiding them. "You know they might think you're avoiding them because of yesterday, right?"

"Yeah. God, sometimes iCarly fans can be crazy as hell." Valerie closed her eyes and put her hand to her stomach, wincing slightly. He was staring at his phone, so he didn't catch the whole movement, just the final part. "You all right?"

"I'm fine, but yeah, you do have some pretty crazy fans." Maybe it had something to do with Veronica saying not all fans were good-hearted kids. Did their fans do something to Valerie? Did they hurt her in some way? He didn't want to think that was the case, he wanted to see all his fans as good, but even as much as he wanted that, he could never deny Nora and her family were among some of the craziest fans. He sighed and turned the phone off, letting it go to voicemail. Valerie stared at him with an almost dumbfounded and confused expression. "Why don't you answer the phone?"

"Because it would be rude, and I'm trying to talk to you…Now where was I? Oh yeah, I heard your apology earlier, and I want you to hear mine." She lifted her eyebrows and met his eyes. He studied her gaze for the moment and something seemed to stab his heart. Why was she in so much pain?

"You don't need to apologize for anything, Freddie. It was my fault, I shouldn't have tried to convince you to help me with some webshow that, in the end, wasn't even important enough to me."

"Valerie. Would you have told me that back then?" She didn't even hesitate to agree, her eyes were filled with the most apologetic look that he'd seen in anyone. He breathed in and slowly lifted his hand to her back, rubbing it gently. She flinched just a bit at contact, but didn't push him away. "Val…"

"When you started walking away, when I called for you, I wanted to tell you that it wasn't important. I wanted to tell you exactly what I told you this morning, that I wanted… to be with you. What Sam and Carly convinced you of, that I didn't care about you, that wasn't true. I _did_." His lips parted and his eyes shook as they searched hers. He couldn't deny the unshakeable honesty in her voice, in her eyes.

"Why? Why did you care about me?"

"Well before we started talking, I liked you because you seemed smart, nice, and I really wanted to get to know you more. I liked what I saw, and then after we started dating, I liked you more because you cared. You cared about my younger sisters, even helped Veronica with her schoolwork. You cared about my family and even said you would be there for us if Mom ever was sent overseas. I hadn't met someone that gave that much concern about any of us, and I actually thought you would come back to at least see them." He frowned and bowed his head, he felt guilty. This didn't help his esteem in any way, too stupid to even concern himself with being around the family. He could say it wasn't his fault, but it was entirely his fault.

"I…I would say Sam and Carly talked me out of coming back to see you guys even after that, but in reality, even though they did tell me to not even bother with your family, I didn't have the backbone to undermine them." Valerie pressed her lips together and stared at the phone in his hand. He looked down at it and tensed his facial muscles. "Now I'd probably stand up for myself more, but I don't know how they'd react. They're not bad in any way, they just go about showing they care in the wrong ways, and sometimes…sometimes they are wrong, I'll admit to that. I guess you could say I let them control me to a point, but only because I was afraid of losing their friendship."

"I would never ask you to stop being their friend, just so you know." True enough, she didn't even ask that back then, she just wanted more attention. "Just, I hope you have a better backbone now than you did then." She chuckled quietly and Freddie lifted his eyebrows up. What could he say? He wasn't _exactly_ controlled by the girls, by his mom, by society, or was he? "Anyway-" She looked to the doors and smiled, Freddie followed her gaze and spotted Victoria watching them. "Hi Victoria."

"Hi sis, I wanted to come see Freddie." Valerie nodded as Victoria walked towards them and Freddie smiled at her. She sat in between the two and met his gaze. "So, where have you been? Vixen said Vanessa got mad at you. I think she's happy to see you again."

"Well I'm happy to see you guys again." He moved his eyes to Valerie and smiled wryly. "Believe it or not…" She closed her eyes and lifted her eyebrows, smirking back at him. Victoria blinked and shook her head. She nudged Freddie with her shoulder and he looked towards her while rubbing his arm, she'd pressed in pretty sharply. "Yes, Victoria?"

"Freddie, the last we heard about you was on the news, I was wondering how you're doing." Valerie lifted her eyebrows and Freddie slowly rubbed the back of his neck, now they were breaching territory he didn't want to discuss. "You know, with the whole crazy Nora girl?"

"Okay I guess." It was about a month since what happened and the _parents_ were now on trial. So, they had to attend a boring court session, which was actually within the next week as well. "Carly, Sam, Gibby and I have to go to a boring court hearing next week. Not exactly what I call _pleasant_." He watched Valerie take her bible and open it up to some random page. Her eyes stared, unmoving, at the pages. "But, I don't think I want to talk about the whole ordeal right now."

"That's okay, as long as you're all right. You know, you still owe me." He raised a suspecting eyebrow and Valerie started snickering. What did he owe her for exactly? "You think I forgot that you were going to take me to see that one movie, the one with the aliens? I didn't get to see that movie because you vanished, so you owe me a movie. I wanted to remind you of that." She hopped off the couch and smiled at Valerie. Valerie gave her a quick nod and slowly shook her head, grinning widely as Victoria started walking off. He stared in confusion as Valerie slowly closed the Bible.

"Looks like you got a date with Victoria, huh Freddie?" Valerie gave him a teasing look and put her elbow to the table and brought her head to rest on her hand. He blinked and his eyelids slid down halfway. "What is it with you and my family I wonder? First me, now my sister?"

"Hah, hah, very funny." He folded his arms across his chest and looked off to the door. "At the rate I'm going, it won't be long before I'm buying Vixen a banana split or actually being made to perform a split by Vanessa." Valerie looked up to the ceiling and winced.

"Ooh yeah, I can see that. I'll try to ask her to go easy on you."

"You'll _try_?" Was she poking fun at him? She had to be. He saw her smiling and smiled back at her, it felt good to see a smile on that face of hers after the car ride back to the church. "Hey, you know…I'm sorry I didn't call you. After that last webcast of yours." She frowned instantly and exhaled, glancing off to the side. "I know you probably don't want to talk about that, and I'm only going to bring it up this once. I'm really sorry, and, I felt bad when I saw that monitor fall. I _really_ should have called you after that." He wanted to point and say what happened, that Carly and Sam kept him distracted and he just forgot about it, but he knew it would just be an excuse. "There are no excuses for my behavior, and I want you to know that if I could do anything differently, I would."

"Yeah, and somehow, I believe you. I'm not sure why…" She slowly rose to her feet and cleared her throat. The sound of children laughing echoed through the gymnasium outside, signaling the events as beginning. "It's time to get started, let's go out and have some fun, all right?"

"Yeah, all right." He watched as she walked off. He tapped his foot gently on the ground and stared at the table in front of him, mentally smacking himself, questioning whether he'd said or done something wrong. If he was going to be her friend again, at least he'd better start showing her, proving to her and to the Williams family, that maybe he had some backbone. Then again, he'd better also try and prove that to himself as well.

He slowly rose and made his way out the doors and stopped, gawking at the number of children running through the gymnasium. Some teenagers were at the basketball hoop, tossing the ball in. Ushers stood at the door, handing out small pieces of candy to the children. Vanessa was at the musical chairs booth with Veronica, they were the DJs. Viola and Veronica were at the podium where a bunch of kids were sitting on the pillows, Viola had a note card and was reading off of it. Various children would raise their hands and Veronica would call on one, whenever they got something right, Viola tossed them a small prize from a bowl in her lap.

There were at least ten different booths, several members of the church in the room volunteering or watching their children. Tables had been set up towards the back, and people were starting to sit with plates of food. Valerie was helping out in the kitchen, which didn't seem like all that much of a surprise. She greeted everyone with a smile and appeared to try and share jokes and laughter with them.

He folded his arms over and smiled as he leaned against the doorway, studying her for a brief moment. A eight year old boy walked up to her and handed his plate, he said something to which Valerie laughed and replied, causing the boy to laugh in return. He lifted his eyebrows and watched as she set a piece of chicken on the boy's plate and let him go on his way. He was impressed and happy to see her laughing and smiling. Of course, she knew the people in this church more than he did, so it wasn't so much of a surprise that she'd get along with the people here.

"So what are you doing?" Jared's voice came from the right, stunning him. He looked over and saw the pastor wearing a olive colored shirt with long jeans. The man still had a deep smile on his face. Why was it everyone else always seemed happier than he was? "Join in the fun, go help out at a booth or something, you can't have been here long and you already seem bored."

"It's not that, I just don't know what to do." He moved his head to the left and rubbed his neck. For some reason, it had been sore for the past couple of hours. He turned his eyes to the phone, still clutched in his hand. He'd never quite put it back in his pocket. He was unsure why, but he often forgot to put it away. "My friends have been calling me all day."

"You tell them where you're at?"

"No. I'm a little afraid of what they'd think."

"Why?"

"I don't know." He always thought people were just too quick to jump on religion and attack it, it annoyed him to no end. Sure, he may not have been a very spiritual person throughout his life, but still, it irritated him when people attacked whatever belief for the sake of attacking it. "I don't think they would care, per se, but I am pretty sure they'd care if they knew I was hanging with Valerie." Jared's face fell momentarily and he pat Freddie on the shoulder.

"Come in here for a moment." His forehead creased and he followed Jared back into the youth room. "Have a seat." Without questioning the pastor's reason, he took a seat on the couch and watched the man move to the other side of the couch. "I can't tell you the things that Valerie or her family have been through, but I can tell you this. If you're set to be their friend again, you _need_ to be a friend of real value to them. What that means is you need to stand your ground and be a friend, regardless of what other people may or may not think. It isn't Sam's or Carly's decision who you can be friends with, is it?"

"No…"

"No. So why would you care if they either liked or disliked you being friends with the Williams family?" He bowed his head and lifted his shoulders, no one liked a fickle friend. He only cared because he didn't want to be jumped on.

"I'm just afraid of conflict, that's all. Always have been. I don't want the girls to jump on me for what I'm doing and I don't know whether or not they'd try to attack Valerie." Jared rubbed his chin and closed his eyes, breathing from his nostrils as he appeared to be in deep thought.

"Well no one wants that to happen. Just try to think about if you're serious about reconnecting with them. If not, then don't cause them any grief. I could also say pray and see where God's leading you…There is a reason that He's brought you back into their lives, and vice versa."

"Yeah, though if I didn't have difficulty with prayer…or remembering to do things as simple as that."

"For a struggling Christian, it's not simple. It takes time and patience to understand Christianity, you're not going to find an answer off the bat. A lot of prayer, faith, and patience is essential. Scripture reading as well. Church, as an institution, is important, but not _required_ if you're good with reading the scriptures."

"Do you think the church has a counselor or someone I could talk to about all that? I mean…there's that, but, just between you and me, I do struggle a bit with depression."

"Well, our church counselor is Mrs. Williams." Freddie grimaced and paused before continuing his thought.

"That's good to know." Well, she was definitely someone he didn't really want to talk to about any issues. "Though maybe spiritual issues would be good to talk to her about." Jared slowly nodded his head as Freddie's eyes drifted off to the side. It was one thing to struggle with depression, but it was another to struggle with both Tourettes Syndrome and the menacing _low testosterone_, both of which contribute to depression. He never told anyone about either, and he wasn't about to, all for good reason.

Over the years he found out that people had no idea what Tourettes is, or, even worse, thought it's the crazies who yell out random swear words in the middle of the square. Few people understood that Tourettes is just a disorder, an illness that affects the neurological and muscular symptoms of the body. It could be controlled as time passed, and for him, he was able to control it. However, since it is also a stress disorder, during times of high stress and nervousness, it's harder to control than when he was relaxed, or focusing on something. The thing associated with it were tics, and the level of severity was different for everyone. With him, the symptoms were mild. Sometimes he twitched, his hands would clench up or his fingers would flick, sometimes the sensation in his body would just start building up and up until he _had_ to let loose. It used to be that he felt like a freak, but nowadays, it didn't bother him so much anymore.

However, he'd seen videos online of this _Tourettes Guy_, he hated him with a passion. The man was a fake, playing off of Tourettes and gaining stardom, but in reality he was an insult to people with the problem! Only about ten percent of people with Tourettes experienced excessive, uncontrolled cursing. Because of that man, he had to worry about anyone asking him, if they learned he had Tourettes, if he constantly cursed. No, he did not. Hell, he hid the problem so well, not even Sam or Carly knew he had it! Tourettes became easier to control as time went on, so for him, whenever he felt a tic coming on, either he'd just crack his neck, which did help relieve the urge to let himself twitch, or walk away when he felt he couldn't control that urge. However, it affected more than just a nervous twitch, it also contributed to depression, grunts, sometimes talking to oneself, low self esteem, and confidence. Did having Tourettes mean he was crazy? No, but he sure as hell felt that way sometimes, and to some people it did, that's why he was so careful to hide it This also meant, paired up with having low testosterone, if he didn't take his gel medication daily like he was supposed to, it did not do any favors for him emotionally or mentally.

Low testosterone, besides the fear of developing testicular cancer if he didn't take it, as well as the fear of turning feminine, felt like a curse to him. He'd been diagnosed when it when he was just fourteen. Sometimes he had trouble taking it, his mother would always get onto him for forgetting, and she was right to, no matter how annoying it was. The symptoms of the problem was lethargy, _depression_, low libido, not saying _that_ was an issue for him, and increase in weight. Yes, he was concerned about getting fat, and was already developing a bit of a gut. There were too many issues associated with the two medical problems, and he honestly felt disgusted due to it. He'd have to take that gel every day, around the same time, for the rest of his life. He hated it, but there was no surprise there. Why the hell did _he_ have to be cursed with something like this? Why did _he_ have to be the one with so many _issues_. Why him? Why couldn't life just be easy for him like it seemed to be for everyone? His body shook and he slowly closed his eyes, holding back his frustration.

"Can I just say something? Sometimes, it really does feel like my life is a joke, and there really is no point to my being here. They say God has a plan for everyone, well…what about me?" Jared smiled slowly and closed his eyes.

"You're only seventeen, right? You have many years ahead of you. I assume you've heard the 'pray about it' answer quite often, correct?" Yes, and he hated that answer. When told by any Christian relative or friend. He often felt, even if his prayers were heard, they went on unanswered. He wanted some _real_ advice from someone who could tell him what to do. "Then I won't use that answer for you."

"Yeah, thanks. I'm pretty sure I've prayed enough about everything, still don't know what to do. Not to sound bitter about it, or anything…"

"I understand. As for your question, God does have a plan for you. One day, you will mean something more, you may achieve something, you may do something very important, and not necessarily newsworthy important, it could be important in a different way, like touching someone's life. But you're young yet. Don't expect to fulfill anything so soon in your life, when most people who accomplish something don't do it until they're in their thirties or forties at least. Although, there are things you could be accomplishing right _now_, such as your webshow."

"Webshow? You mean iCarly? Something tells me it isn't all that great." Jared raised an eyebrow as Freddie leaned back in the seat and felt his leg clench up. It rose sharply and struck the table, he let out a grunt and kept his lips pressed together, hoping the pastor didn't catch that. As for pain, he was used to it, so it didn't hurt all that much. "Fans fight because of iCarly, we've been stalked and abducted due to iCarly, so if you ask me, iCarly is beginning to sound less and less pleasant."

"Well, maybe it'll be used for good some day. Freddie, don't sell yourself short because of anything that's happened in your life, okay? It wouldn't be fair to you, to those who care about you, to God. There's a reason we're all here, we don't simply exist just for existing." Freddie's eyes lifted to Jared's and his body began to relax. "Everyone has issues they have to work through, everybody has problems, there isn't a perfect person in this world, and no one here is going to try and tell you that. No one here isn't important to someone else, and no one here has a life that doesn't have meaning. Don't devalue yourself before you've had the opportunity to really _grow_ and find out where your life is headed."

"Yeah, I guess…" He stared down at the table and waited as Jared stood up and started walking. The man stopped at the doorway and looked back at him.

"Feel free to come out and help out at any station you feel like, I'm sure no one will mind."

"I'll do that. I just want to think for a little bit, first."

"Fair enough." Freddie closed his eyes and relaxed his body as the pastor walked out. His muscles were so tense, it felt like his Tourettes was about to act up. Fighting the urges and impulses were hell to deal with, but unfortunately he had no choice. He cracked his neck to the side and twitched his body for a second. As he opened his eyes, he let out a long sigh and rubbed his forehead. He panted and purposely kicked the table. As he shook his head, his fists balled up with anger and frustration. Again, he wished he could get rid of this _curse_.

"Yeah. I'm a freak of nature…"

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><p>Gotta know how that feels, by the way, Pastor Jared is not a fan-made character, nor is he a character made by any professional artistauthor, but he is my original character. Do you see the contradiction? If you still the character of Pastor Jared, well, you just have to go to my church (The actual Harwood Terrace Baptist Church) and talk to my pastor, Pastor Jared, about the ramifications of plagiarism XD.

Note: Pastor Jared approves of this message (Well I did tell him about this story last Sunday XD).


	7. Responsibilities of a Webshow

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N:

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><p>Chapter 7 (Responsibility of a Webshow)<p>

Freddie slowly trudged towards his apartment, it was nine thirty at night and he was exhausted. He had fun at the church event, though, once he started really getting involved. He paid a visit to each station where the Williams family were located, helped them out a bit and relieved them of their duty so they could take a break before returning. He didn't think he could have so much fun with them again, but it surprised him just how wrong he'd been to assume they wouldn't want him around. Valerie had even told him towards the end that she was so glad that he'd been there. Even Veronica and Vanessa came around towards the end of the evening, talked to him, and started joking around about various things that happened over the years.

As he made his way around the corner, he paused and stared at Carly's door, it was wide open for some reason. Could they be waiting for him? He was hoping to avoid them until the following day. Maybe they wouldn't notice him walking by. He carefully stepped towards his door, grabbed the doorknob, and opened it. As he turned his gaze back to Carly's apartment, he noticed their living room was empty. He hiked his shoulders up and stepped into his apartment, then was filled with a sense that something was amiss.

"Hey Freddie, welcome home," Sam's voice erupted in his ears and he winced visibly as he turned his gaze to the couch. Sam was standing tall, her arms crossed, and her expression angry. "Your mom let me in, said you were going to be home soon. Now you can't avoid us anymore." She rushed forward and grabbed his shirt collar, then dragged him from the room and pushed him forward into the hallway. Why was it she still did this? No amount of telling her to cut it out would appear to keep her from shoving him around.

"What are you doing!" He bolted for the apartment opposite his and stalled when he saw Gibby and Carly standing behind the kitchen counter. As he rose to his feet, he dusted off his shirt and flinched as the door slammed shut. Carly had a look of disapproval and Gibby was simply eating an orange with his trademark Gibyy nonchalance. "What part of 'I want to be alone' did you miss? Not to sound rude or anything, and thanks for the assault there, Sam."

"Oh shut up." Sam walked over to the counter and Gibby lifted his eyes to Freddie, his lips fell and his fingers began tapping the counter with frustration.

"You know who they called over to that damn bra section of the mall?" Gibby asked with narrow eyes. "They dragged me out of my own house just so they'd have someone accompany them to the store. Why? I don't know." Freddie was dumbfounded, he _knew_ Sam and Carly weren't _that_ bad when it came to being without one of the guys. What was the problem? Were they stressed out over having to go to a trial later in the week? Was that it? "We got a phone call this afternoon," Carly started. She walked around the kitchen island, pulling her fingers along the surface of the counter. She pressed her lips together and stared into his eyes. "Nora. She called us from prison." He raised an eyebrow and ran his hand nervously through his hair.

"What did she want?"

"I don't know, she called us, said hello, and then…just sat there…breathing oddly. She might want us to testify and say her parents weren't involved. What do you think?"

"I think it's bullshit, why claim her parents weren't involved when they clearly were?"

"Right. That's also not all the 'fun' we've had with fans today. Someone posted a comment saying you were out with some girl. Do you know you're being stalked by fans? They seem to think you're cheating on one of us, because of course, we absolutely _must_ be dating one another." He lifted his eyes skyward and exhaled sharply. He should have known better than to go to Panera Bread with Valerie immediately after a sudden outburst from his fans the day prior, but seriously, how was he to know they'd go nuts because he was out with 'some girl'.

"Wait. Some girl? No, I wasn't on a date with anyone, but I was helping a friend of mine with a project of theirs." Carly nodded and Sam moved over to the couch. He had to wonder, did the fans really not recognize Valerie? Sure, she changed after five years, but she didn't look all that different. Of course, he might have to take into consideration that most of the crazy fans that wanted him to date the girls didn't really think about what someone _else_ looked like.

"We know you weren't on a date. But someone posted they saw you with two girls, sitting a couple tables away. After that post, it seems a bunch of fans wanted your head for being seen with any other girl besides us."

"Yeah, we just wanted to give you a heads up," Sam commented while throwing her heels onto the coffee table. He stared at her with a vague expression, did she _have_ to force him out of the apartment like that? Jesus, her angry demeanor may just get someone hurt one day! He folded his arms over and gently tapped his foot on the ground. She looked at him with a curious expression. "What?"

"You realize the way you act and talk could get someone seriously hurt some day? Right?"

"I guess, but it's just me being me, right?" She sat up straight and pushed her hands along her legs. "Sorry about that, I didn't mean to scare you or anything, it was just frustrating how we couldn't catch you after all the random crap. Then we went to the Panera Bread, you weren't there. Now we don't care who you were with or what you were doing, it's just…it would be nice to be able to get in contact with you when we need you."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to ignore you guys." He pushed his hands into his pockets and closed his eyes, exhaling gently as he felt his shoulder muscles starting to tighten. He wanted to jerk them forward, to let the twitch work its way through him, but pushed it down. "I'm usually spending every day with you, so I figured it'd be fine if I went one day without worrying about you guys, or vice versa." He slowly opened his eyes and saw the girls exchanging unsure glances. He opened his mouth, hesitated, and continued. "So, are you guys concerned about the trial? Should be over after this, I mean you know those parents are probably going to get the maximum."

"Yeah, it is still a bit hard to think about what happened then, but you know it's over now. I mean, it gets easier to think about…" Sam rubbed her forehead and Carly slowly moved behind the couch. "Anyway, we didn't tell you about this one strange message we got from some woman." Sam stretched her hand up into the air and leaned her head back on the top of the couch, looking to Carly. "You want to do this one, Carly?" Carly nodded and leaned forward, gripping the edges of the sofa.

"Some woman emailed us, said she was released from prison about two years ago. She wouldn't say why she was in prison, just that some people she was with are up for parole…" Carly leaned forward against the couch as Freddie raised an eyebrow. What was the point here? What did an ex-prisoner have to do with anything? "She said the the last webshow and the parole hearning reminded her of not only why they were put in, she met another inmate and, Jonah's _dead_ Freddie!" Freddie's jaw fell and Carly's once mildly calm expression was now gone.

"The inmate knew Jonah," Sam replied. She shifted her weight to the far end of the couch and leaned back, putting her hand to her head. She was freaking out on the inside, just as Carly was freaking out on the outside. "His girlfriend." Carly frowned and turned around, leaning her back against the couch and hiding her face. Freddie arched his eyebrow and pushed off the counter, _now_ he was interested.

"What happened? How did he…" Freddie asked while taking a step towards them.

"Suicide..." The words threw him off guard, it was as though he'd been struck with a battering ram. _Suicide_? Why? Sam looked off to the side and Carly continued, trying to speak rationally and quietly. It was hard for them not to just scream in that moment. He wished he'd been here for them earlier when they'd found out.

Carly spoke softly and lowered her eyes. "His girlfriend told our…. fan that she was in for shoplifting, her own 'personal downward spiral'. She dated Jonah, said he was faithful, knew better to cheat, but also said he had severe problems thanks to that bounce thing we put him on, or more to the point, the taunts and bullying he had to endure afterwards."

Freddie's heart fell and he slowly moved forward. He couldn't believe his ears, but it did make some sense,

"You've got to be kidding…"

"I'm not. Jonah left our apartment pretty messed up, remember? We left him on that machine for _two hours_. The woman writing that email said his… last girlfriend claimed Jonah was very depressed because _our fans_ that constantly taunted him, calling him a womanizer and trying to convince whatever girlfriend he had that he would simply cheat again."

"Did that message say anything else ? How did he die?"

"Getting to that." Carly took a deep breath and looked down at Sam, who had just called for Gibby to throw her a banana. She peeled it and took a slow bite. "So apparently Jonah's home life was wreck." Sam nodded in agreement, and of course, she would know. She often said how Jonah's dad was pretty much an absentee father who never paid him any mind, and the mother was no better. Carly's eyes glazed over and her hands clenched into fists. "You know River Legacy Park?"

"Yeah, I know the park" It was ways off, in a pretty bad part of town. "What about it?"

"Well, Jonah was there with his girlfriend two years ago. Apparently they were making some kind of video, she went off to the park restroom, came back and a bunch of fans were calling him names, pushing him around, saying he was 'worthless' and how he was incapable of ever amounting to anything, you get the drift."

Freddie's heart sank and the air around him started to become very tense. He was starting to hope nothing major would happen here.

"You think they killed him…"

"No. And yes…Apparently he'd been acting strangely that day, more so than before, he started convulsing or something while one of the fans started giving him a wedgie. Jonah's girlfriend ran to get help and when she came back, he was dead…I think she found a large bottle of pills, all empty. He killed himself Freddie." Carly choked up and Sam flinched, nearly dropping her banana.

"He killed himself because our fans took it to heart when we punished him and made fun of him when he tried to kiss me. We let him go after two hours, the fans did not."

A heaviness descended upon Freddie as he started wondering if they could have done anything for Jonah's depression. He'd seen the guy around school after the whole experience with Sam, but he never knew Jonah was being picked on. If he knew what was going through that guy's mind, he could have probably stopped and said something! Anything!

Sam's eyes started to water as Carly pushed away from the couch and started walking towards Freddie. A tear ran down her cheek as she met his eyes. "How could our fans be…so terrible?" She asked with a visible grimace.

"I don't know, maybe not all of our fans are good hearted people, but…" Yes, he was quoting something that Valerie and Veronica had told him earlier, the whole thing was throwing his mind in every direction. "What the woman said in that email, about what Jonah's ex said, was it was _our_ fault, because _we_ decided to put on iCarly _our_ personal lives and the lives of others."

"Jesus, it's not like we told anyone to attack him!" Sam exclaimed angrily. Freddie started rubbing his forehead, then froze as he recalled Vanessa's words from earlier. Something she'd said about Sam's statement after breaking up with Valerie. His heart stopped beating for a minute and his breathing stilled.

"No…" Could any of their fans have tried to beat Valerie after the breakup? Sam said that in the heat of passion, she never meant for anyone to go out to beat Valerie. Maybe that wasn't what happened, maybe he was thinking too much. Yeah, that was a constant problem of his, he always thought too much on everything. But knowing that his fans pushed someone to commit suicide, the guilt was almost overwhelming. Though Carly and Sam were probably experiencing it even worse than he was.

"How are we supposed to respond to this?" Carly put her hands to Freddie's shoulder and continued to gaze at him, studying his eyes for answers. He wasn't even sure he had the answers to his own problems, much less this. "I can't stand thinking iCarly is responsible for something like this, Freddie. I don't want to pull the plug, I really don't, but I don't need stuff like _this!_ The fans who were angry that you were out with some girl. Some comments were really negative. Good thing the people who saw you didn't take a picture or she could be hounded by our fans as well…" He sighed and lifted his eyebrows, there was no surprise there, as he actually believed now they were likely to do something like that.

"Relax Carly, nothing needs to happen to iCarly, we just…" He stopped to think about his answer, what really should happen? There was no reason to end iCarly, but maybe it was going too far. He didn't know, but the girls didn't seem to want it to end, they had to have some kind of limit. "Maybe we should be careful with personal details of our lives and not air them live on the internet. There's got to be a limit, right? Like with Jonah, we went too far…" The girls looked away, both visibly cringing. Even Gibby was keeping quiet, seemingly tuning himself out of this conversation. "It was a bit much. Leaving him on that machine for two hours, for the entire world to see. We probably didn't have to say that he attempted to cheat on Sam by trying to kiss you, his only real crime that entire time…Maybe we should have controlled that heat of passion moment of ours." Carly threw her hands up in the air and cried out in anguish. She usually took things way too seriously, but this time, she had a good reason to.

"We may as well have been the ones telling him to swallow those pills! Do you know how it feels?" Carly threw her hands into the air, evidently freaking out more with each word that flew from her mouth. She had every reason to, though. Sam stared ahead and closed her eyes, slowly chewing another bite of her banana. Gibby munched on yet another piece of his orange. Carly stared at the two of them astonishingly, as if she were wondering why they weren't reacting as much as she was. Sam lifted her eyes and breathed out. Freddie's heart was racing in his chest, his mind was not on Jonah, but Valerie. He just couldn't shake the feeling that whatever happened to her was related to iCarly in some way. Sam lowered the banana to her lap and swallowed the bite she had, "I think. Tomorrow, maybe after school, we should try to see Jonah's family." Not a bad idea, actually. They could go and try to offer whatever they could to the family, though nothing could ever bring him back. "His mom and dad may or may not have cared, though I think they did…but his little sister, Olivia…they were close as ever. I remember that. Olivia was _always_ hanging around Jonah, always so happy." Her eyes started to release the tears she'd been holding back, finally her guilt was showing more than before. "I…don't know what I could say to her, but I know, I'd want to say something. I don't know what I'd expect from her."

"Rage," Freddie replied simply. "Anger, sadness, a mixture of tense emotions?" Sam looked at him as he bowed his head and raised his shoulders. He was thinking of everything he saw in Vanessa's eyes earlier that day, everything that he heard in Veronica's voice. He now knew they were angry over something that happened to Valerie, they weren't angry at him, but it didn't matter. They let him see that anger. "You'd have to prepare for what she'd say to you, and I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be friendly. We didn't cause Jonah's depression, we left him alone after that bounce session, but, I'm pretty sure Olivia would still blame iCarly."

Even though he said it, within his heart he wasn't so sure he didn't believe it was iCarly's fault. There was nothing the girls could have done, they couldn't have known what would happen. It would be difficult, but Sam's suggestion was true. They had to take responsibility for what happened. Carly was staring at Sam as though she were daft, but she wasn't saying anything. Perhaps a part of her felt the same way. He lifted his eyes to the ceiling for a minute, waiting for someone to speak. Then Gibby spoke up, for the first time, his voice was quiet, but his words wise.

"Life is a cause and effect deal. Because Jonah made that one mistake, you put him on that machine. You weren't thinking about the effect, it just seemed funny and right at the moment" The others looked at him and saw him staring at the half orange in his hand. He turned the orange over and narrowed his eyes slightly. "Yet because you did that, he came out mentally worse for wear…now I actually had talked to him occasionally after that, and I'm just as guilty as anyone in this room."

"Why?" Sam raised an eyebrow and rose to her feet, staring suspiciously at him. Gibby closed his eyes and slowly shook his head.

"I saw some kids cornering him, insulting him, and I walked on by. I didn't think they'd listen to me, I mean hell, I was afraid they'd start in on me. Whether or not you know, Sam is not the only one that ever picked on me…" Sam bowed her head as Gibby's eyes flicked to her, then back to his orange. " Maybe if I stopped what was happening, things could have been different, maybe things _would have_ been different, but I didn't know. No one could know. Nobody could _ever_ know. I think it was a couple days before he just vanished altogether, I thought he'd been pulled out of school."

"Gibby."

"No. If I try to rack my brain over the what-ifs, I'd probably go insane. Every one of us could have seen the warning signs, could have stopped it, could have done something, but you know what? No one did. Because of that, because of our actions, because Jonah probably never sought out help and the fans hated him so much, he's gone. Forever." Gibby slowly peeled a slice of the orange off and dropped it on the paper plate below his hands. "Now we can choose to blame ourselves, blame others, cry until we drop and become absolutely nothing and cancel iCarly for good, or…we can try and become stronger, try to better ourselves and iCarly. Maybe tell our fans not to take so much heart into things, maybe tell our fans to chill out before anything _else_ extreme happens…I can't say before something extreme happens, because evidently, something already _has_. We can stop spilling our guts out onto the show and telling people _every fucking detail_ of our lives."

Freddie chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of his neck as that and the girls turned their eyes down, their cheeks started to burn from embarrassment and shame. Gibby stared out at all of them, his body tense. "We can also move on, tone down iCarly as I just said, and make sure nothing like this happens again. When iCarly started, it seemed an innocent show where we could say anything, do anything, get away with anything, and _nothing_ _would happen_, but you ever wonder why I don't talk about my personal life on iCarly? Because having a webshow is a tremendous responsibility! You're broadcasting live to the _entire world_, even prisoners in prisons can see you. The things you say, the things you do, the influence you pose, it's more serious than you think. You can't just go out thinking things won't happen. Even Ryan Higa doesn't divulge as much personal stuff as you guys do. Actions have ramifications, both positive and negative…a webshow is a bigger responsibility than you think. It's time to start noticing that."

Carly swallowed and looked from Gibby to Freddie. Her eyes quivered and her hands closed into tight fists. "Freddie, I agree with Sam then…would you be there for us tomorrow? I know you're getting tired of spending _every single day_, apparently, with us, but…I also want to stop by Jonah's house, if his family still live there, and to them." She frowned and bowed her head. She took a deep breath and slowly turned her eyes to Sam, who looked ready to scream. Carly sucked in her gut and lifted her gaze bravely to Freddie. "I know I need to be prepared for what we hear, and it's probably not going to be pleasant, but…I'd appreciate you being there. I feel like we should say something to them, and maybe deal with whatever they have for us. I mean, I don't know, I just feel horrible if we _don't_ say something."

"Yeah…" He agreed with her, even he felt pretty rotten about this. Olivia, Mr. Brown, Mrs. Brown, they probably hated them right now. Maybe not, but there was no telling. They needed someone to blame, and if there was anything to blame at all, it was iCarly. If his friends were going to suffer any kind of wrath from the Browns, then he'd have to be there too. He was the one programmed the damn machine, he could have seen it ending badly when they were hooking Jonah up to it, but he didn't even bother to speak up. "Don't worry, I'll be there. You guys are my friends, after all."

"Thank you." Carly hugged him and closed her eyes as the tears continued to run down her cheeks. He couldn't understand if it was just the guilt, but all of them seemed so deeply affected by this. None had been that close to Jonah, at least no one besides Sam, who actually did appear to be taking it worse than Carly, judging by her facial expressions and eyes devoid of emotion. Even Gibby's stony expression was wet, and he wasn't even with iCarly that day! "I'm scared. I really am."

"It'll be all right guys. It'll probably feel better after talking to them, maybe." When they first started iCarly, they had been so naïve to assume all their fans would be kids who wouldn't take anything so seriously and just laugh at everything. They never suspected the show would have such an impact on _anyone_. How could it have gotten so far? They needed to do this, they had to face Jonah's family. No question about it. "You realize that the minute any of us show up at their door, they're not going to let us in the house. I mean, chances are, we'll be lucky to get a word in edgewise."

"Oh god…"

"Just speculation, I could be totally wrong about that."

Sam scoffed and looked to the side. She knew better than anyone that Jonah's family wasn't exactly the nicest family in the world. The only one that would be nice enough to talk to them was Olivia, who had been the sweetest girl ever at the time. Of course, eight years old, it was a nice age to be. Now, she would be thirteen, and losing a brother as close to her as Jonah was, can't have done wonders for her personality.

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><p>Okay this chapter was very intense. Now that chapter 7 has been uploaded, I await chapter 8 to be proofread by my good friend jhuikmn08. While we wait, why don't you check out her stories! They are awesome! "Shameless promotion for the win!"<p> 


	8. Advice

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N:

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><p>Chapter 8 (Advice)<p>

In his usual seat in Ms. Briggs's classroom, Freddie whittled away on his phone. The teacher was asleep at the desk and the class was supposed to be working on some assignments, but of course, nobody was doing that. Besides, he wanted to talk to Valerie for a bit, see what homeschooling was like. _"Aren't you in class, Freddie?"_ Her text buzzed on his phone and his lip curled into a smirk. He moved his eyes to his right, where Gibby was actually talking to a couple girls, as if he were the next Adonis. In front of him was Sam, snoozing over her history book, and in front of her was Carly, actually _doing_ her homework.

_"Yeah, you remember Ms. Briggs, right?" _

Valerie replied with a smiley with a raised eyebrow. _"Who doesn't…and you're texting me in her class I see." _

He moved his eyes to the teacher and straightened his back with confidence, that woman was not waking up anytime soon. _"Meanwhile, I'm trying to figure out this calculus stuff. I hate math!"_ His eyes widened in a brief moment of surprise and curiosity. They had her working _calculus_? Dang, homeschooling sounded difficult. His phone buzzed once more and he turned his attention back to it. _"Sometimes I wish I would go back into public schools."_ He clicked his tongue and quickly responded _"So why not go back?"_.

He felt for her, especially since she was the only one of her sisters that wasn't in the public school system. What was there to fear in public schools, right? His muscles tightened and he looked towards the classroom windows. What not to fear, indeed. The way people bullied others was just nonsensical, so perhaps she had done the smart thing by getting out. Or, her parents did, anyway.

_"I do have my reasons, Freddie." _ He hated text messaging, really. He didn't even have unlimited messaging! He raised an eyebrow and slowly stood from his seat, pushing his phone into his pocket. Carly looked up at him carefully.

"Where are you going?" She whispered.

"I'm bored." He shrugged and made his way out the door, making sure he didn't wake Ms. Briggs. He knew it was usually Sam that cut class, but it would be okay just this once, right? Besides, class was going to be over in nearly ten minutes. As he made his way into the restroom, he pulled his phone out and dialed Valerie's number. When she answered, she sounded surprised that he called.

"Now you're calling me in the middle of school? We may have to talk about this!" He chuckled lightly and leaned against the wall. He crossed his leg over his other and pressed it against the wall.

"I don't have unlimited texting and I wanted to call you up, so I did. Besides, Briggs is sleeping."

"Don't blame me if you get in trouble."

"Eh, it was my choice anyway."

"Yeah." He heard the sound of a pen scribbling on a paper, so she was likely still trying to figure out whatever math equation she was working on. He wasn't much of a calculus person, but he was beginning to wonder if he couldn't give some help. She set the pen down and sighed. "I'm just going to take a break from this. You're a bad influence." He laughed as she stood up and began walking through the house. "You know, your mother called my mom up this morning."

"_Really_? She did?" Now that was a showstopper right there, but should he be surprised? Once she knew he was friends with the family again, or at least on speaking terms, then why shouldn't she talk to them? "That is shocking, but I guess I'm glad she's branching out."

"Yeah, mom could use an outside friend to talk to as well, she still struggles with a lot of that PTSD. It's really hard sometimes, when she starts having her flashbacks. Daddy and Vanessa are always right by her side. Let's not talk about that, I really don't want to be depressed today."

"I can understand that." Neither did he, but he had a pretty good feeling that his hopes would be shot down after school. "Can I ask you something?" She replied positively and he pushed himself off the wall and looked into the mirror. "What do you say to a family of someone whose life was…I don't know…" He heard Valerie take a breath then her chair pushed along her tile floor.

"What are you talking about?"

"You remember Jonah Brown?"

"Vaguely, yes, he dated Sam several years ago, right? What about him?"

"Carly and Sam received an email from some woman who used to be in prison a long time ago. Apparently some people she knows are up for parole soon." Valerie let out a soft gasp and continued to wait as Freddie continued. "But the woman said she met a girlfriend of Jonah's…"

He closed his eyes. There was a bit of concern in him, keeping him from really talking about the whole situation, but he still wondered if she had any advice at all. "Jonah passed away a few years back…he'd been harassed by fans, struggled with depression, and…he killed himself, Val."

So that woman said we've been putting too much of our own private personal lives out there. You think iCarly's been doing that?" There was no response, he actually had to check the phone to see if he was still connected with Valerie. Why wasn't she talking? "Val?"

"What?" He sighed with relief and listened as he heard the sound of her pen once more scribbling away on the sheet of paper.

"I thought I lost you for a minute there."

"Nope, still here." The pen stopped moving and she took a deep breath before speaking again. "So much for not getting depressed today. Honestly? Yes. I think you guys put too much of your private lives out there, more than people need to know. No one needed to know when and why Sam broke up with Jonah, no one needed to know…what happened between you and me…."

"I know that." He heard a quivering in Valerie's voice, almost as though she were trying to distract herself, or fight back a sudden onset of emotion. He was half thinking that he shouldn't carry this conversation any further. "The girls feel like iCarly's responsible for Jonah's death. He went through some serious depression too, apparently. So, after school, we're going to his family's home to talk to them. To pay our respects."

"Careful with that, Freddie. Depending on what happened…you guys may or may not be the last people that family would want to see." Her voice clenched in the air, catching him off guard for the minute. "Stuff like this, just shouldn't happen…"

"Yeah, see, that's the thing I don't understand. Why should it be, someone makes a mistake, and no one lets them alone about it? He was young, the other kids in the school didn't have any right to do what they did to him. And you're out of public schools, did you go through some bullying too?"

Valerie stopped and cleared her throat. Freddie heard a rustling of papers and paused, waiting for her answer. "Yeah…some…"

"You didn't deserve it. Nothing anyone could ever tell me says you deserved _anything_ that anyone did to you. You know what? I'm sorry you were subjected to _any_ kind of bullying or harassment, it wasn't your fault, just idiots." He stopped his tangent before he carried on too much, he was still trying to be careful, if possible. "Thanks Freddie, that means more to me than you probably think…I have to go, okay? You can call me later if you want." His heart swelled and a goofy smile started to grow. He cleared his throat and puffed out his chest, trying to not sound at all as odd as he looked right now.

"All right. I'll talk to you tonight then."

"Bye." He hung up the phone and pushed it into his pocket. This was going to turn out to be one hell of a day. He only prayed Jonah's family would hear them out, nothing was helping him to be any less nervous than he was when they decided to go ahead and talk to them in the first place. "Yeah, here goes nothing."

After school, he stopped by his house, he had a feeling he'd been forgetting something. When he arrived, his mother greeted him with an irritated look. He clicked his tongue and bowed his head as she walked forward. "Freddie! You forgot your medicine, _again!_"

"It was only the second day."

"Do you want…" She rubbed her forehead and sighed for a moment. "Go put on your testosterone, Freddie. _Now_." He nodded and walked into the bathroom. He pulled his shirt off and tossed it to the floor. He looked into the mirror and slowly shook his head, why did he have to be cursed with this, again? He understood how vitally important it was but it wasn't always easy to remember this stuff, but.

He looked to the box of _Androgel_ packs sitting next to the sink and reached in, grabbing one pack. Where was he at today, the arm or the stomach? As he tore open the pack he started thinking about the last time he put it on, it was the left arm, so this time he needed to put it on the right. He squeezed all of the gel out onto his left hand and tossed the pack into the trash. The gel was clear, bulky, and slippery. He hated the slippery part, since it would always start sliding down his body if he wasn't careful.

As he lifted his right arm, he began applying the gel, rubbing it into his upper arm and shoulder. He had to turn his head to the side, as the unpleasant odor of the gel began seeping into his nostrils. After application, he turned on the sink and began washing his hands. The wait for the gel to dry was about five to ten minutes, and until then, he couldn't wear a shirt or touch anything with his arm.

"Thank you, Freddie." His mother stepped in the doorway and leaned against the door with her arms folded across the chest. "I know it isn't easy to remember, but it's important, you know what could happen if you don't put that stuff on."

It wasn't hard for him to forget, he had to think about it every day of his life. If he didn't use the testosterone, low testosterone leads to mental depression, hormonal imbalances, lethargy, weight gain, and could eventually lead to testicular cancer. Those were just the basics, his mood was always offset by lack of testosterone, and really, he always worried about running the risk of turning feminine! "Yeah, I know." Her face softened and her arms lowered to the sides.

"So, I spoke with Viola this morning, it seems you're getting along with the girls all right." He smiled and nodded in response. He had to show them that he did care about them, so spending time with them was important. He was thinking of taking Victoria to see some movie, then perhaps taking time to take Vixen to get some ice cream. Veronica would be hard to win over again, and Vanessa might just want to kick his ass, but he'll try anyway.

"Well, if by getting along with them you mean Valerie, Vixen, and Victoria, yes I'm getting along with them just fine. For some reason, I think Vanessa and Veronica would want to string me up and light me on fire."

"Oh I'm sure they don't want to do that." He lifted an eyebrow and stared up at Marissa. She frowned and lowered her arms. "I want to give you something to think about. If you're going to be starting again with the Williams family, do it because you want to, not because you feel like you have to. Okay?" He leaned against the wall and sighed, of course he already knew this. He wanted to be their friends, he wouldn't just be their friends because he felt guilty for abandoning them. He knew they would probably want to make sure he _would _be their friends out of desire to be. "Anyway, I know you have somewhere to be with Sam and Carly, but I need you to do something for me first."

"Do what?"

"Help me fold the rest of the laundry, dear. There's not much left, and I wanted to talk to you about what you're fixing to do." He told her last night about what happened to Jonah and asked for advice regarding toning down iCarly. she probably wanted to talk about that now.

"All right, no problem."

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><p>Well, next chapter should be tense, I hope you enjoyed this chapter<p> 


	9. Olivia's Wrath

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N: This story was inspired by so many things, please read and enjoy. Have an open mind about what is coming, and please do leave your thoughts.

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><p>Chapter 9 (Olivia's Wrath)<p>

Sam paced the ground outside of a Burger King restaurant, across the street, just a few doors down was Jonah's home, or rather, his family's. Carly stood against a large post, leading up to a streetlight. They were waiting for Freddie and Gibby. "Stop pacing Sam, you're making me more nervous than I have to be."

"I can't help it! The guys are late!" She stopped pacing and stared past the Burger King, there was a McDonalds in the distance, just next to a thrift store. Behind the thrift shop was a group of people sharing something, there was a young girl with black hair and black clothes, two young guys, and an older Latina lady with short spiked hair. Shuddering, Sam remembered this area from when she dated Jonah, and it was just as uncomfortable then as it was now. At least, it seemed worse in the neighborhoods around the McDonalds than the area here, but it was still not somewhere she wanted to be. Growing up, she did live in similar neighborhoods throughout her life, but even still, she never truly got used to it. Too many things to be afraid of, to be honest. "Not only are they late, but god…"

"Look, I know you're nervous, I'm just as nervous, but what's the worst they can do? Shove the door in our face?" Sam lifted her shoulders and started waving her hand in the air, trying to dismiss her anxious thoughts. She didn't want to have to face the Browns. Granted she never talked much to Jonah's mother or father, but sweet Olivia was always such a joy.

She remembered Olivia, her innocent face and sparkling blue eyes. She would always have wristbands that matched the color of whatever shirt she wore that day. Her hair was sandy brown and always up in a ponytail. The girl played in children's soccer back then. She was never into the things other girls her age was, pushing aside Barbie dolls for toy trucks. Jonah practically raised her, he'd been the glue that kept the family sane, even if he made foolish mistakes. Sam froze and put her hands to her eyes, shivering with fear. Carly stared at her with concern.

"God Carly, what have we done?"

"Sam, seriously, I've never seen you like this…"

"You don't understand! Jonah…yes he did something bad…" She lowered her hands and lifted her eyes to the sky. "He did something egregious, bad, yes…but at the same time, he genuinely cared about his family. He loved them, did everything for them, and kept them sane because they lived in a shithole neighborhood like this." Carly's eyebrows bounced as she gazed off towards the thrift store.

"Yeah, and besides, I think that gang over there is watching us."

"Just. Ignore. Them. Don't make eye contact and they'll leave you alone, besides, they're at least a few hundred yards away. Gangs, they leave you alone if you leave them alone."

"Really now?"

"Yes." Two cars parked in the open spaces next to the girls. They glanced over and saw Freddie and Gibby exiting. Relief settled into her, but Sam still felt somewhat agitated that they took so long. "Where _were_ you!"

"Traffic is horrible," Gibby remarked. Freddie nodded and crossed his arms over.

"Mom needed to talk about something. Let's get this done." Sam rolled her eyes and looked back to the thrift store. The young girl waved off the other members of the gang and started to cut across the McDonalds parking lot. Sam shivered and started motioning for Freddie and the others to get moving.

"Let's just hurry up." The group crossed the street and walked towards the Brown family home, they were moving very slowly, however. Once they arrived, they stared at the front door with an unsettling fear. The house was built in red brick, with several bricks out of place. The porch was made of wood and had two pillars reaching up to a ceiling, but the pillars were splintered and the white paint was chipping. The windows on either side of the door were very greasy looking, with the right window cracked from top to bottom. Even the brown oak door was covered in dents and cracks. "God…"

"What's wrong?" This house was never like this, at least not that Sam remembered. Sure the house was very old, but Jonah always said he tried his best to keep it looking nice. As she turned her eyes to the front lawn, separated by a cracked sidewalk running along to a shattered mailbox, her heart began beating with a sudden swiftness. The grass itself was brown, almost completely dead, though it had grown out. It seemed to not have been cut for months.

"This house has gone to hell." Bravely, she took the first step. Her hand shook as she paused it just before the door. Her eyes widened as she remembered Jonah's smiling face as he pushed his little sister on the swing attached to the tree in their backyard. Not saying it as a big yard though, it was small and the swing on the tree was pretty small as well with only two yellow ropes coming down from the branch and connected to a small wooden board. It didn't matter to them then, they'd always been happy. So happy, despite the father hiding away in the bedroom and the mother always being gone at work, never focusing on the family. That image, she was afraid it would be gone now. If she knocked on that door, she would _know_. "Oh god, I can't…"

"It's easy," Gibby commented. To her shock, Gibby reached past her and knocked loudly on the front door. Fear shot through her heart and clouded her throat. She wasn't ready, she could never be ready!

"What did you do!"

"Sent the ball rolling."

"Gibby!" She was about to shout some more at him, but everything silenced when she heard what sounded like a deadbolt unlocking. She turned shakily towards the door and watched as it cracked open. Half of someone's face gazed out, crow feet stretched from the corner of the eye, and underneath, a swollen sac from lack of sleep. The face appeared very aged and tired. Sam could make out a flash of faded red hair, and her heart immediately ceased beating. It was Jonah's mom, Denise. Maybe it wasn't, it looked more like the woman was old enough to be his grandmother. "M-Mrs. Brown? It's me, Sam, and-"

"I know who you are. You and your little _iCarly_ group can burn in hell for all I care."

"But-" Denise slammed the door and the deadbolt moving into locked position exploded into her ears. Sam felt the force of the door and was sure she was thrown back, though she was standing perfectly still. A part of her soul had just shattered into pieces. Maybe, maybe Olivia would be more willing to talk. Her eyes brimmed with tears and she turned away from the door. It was strange that Denise was even home, usually Michael, the father, would be the one to answer if Jonah or Olivia weren't around. "Come on guys…they don't want to talk to us."

"So you're just going to give up?" Gibby crossed his arms as Sam slowly stepped off the porch and walked to the middle of the yard. She stopped and slowly closed her hands. The great Sam Puckett, giving up? No, she wouldn't give up, but she wouldn't pester the Browns if they didn't want to talk.

"Uh guys, I think we have other problems," Carly added with a swift interception of the conversation. "Someone's walking towards us, and I think it's the girl from that gang." Sam looked up and felt a sudden cold air swirl around her. Directly across the street, glaring at her, was indeed the girl with the gang. Only, she wasn't just _any_ girl, it was Olivia!

Olivia was wearing black clothes with a chain-link necklace. Her nails were painted black, her lips were black, and she was wearing purple mascara. Her hair was long, flat, covered one side of her face, and was dyed the color of coal. Her wrist bands were now leather and with metal spikes adorning them. Her black pants sagged and had several holes in them. There was one huge piercing right through the top of her left ear. Her nose had a small silver speck on the right nostril and her lip had a ring on the lower left lip.

Her hands were clenched tight and her movement seemed calm, but angry. She watched as a car passed in front of her, then once gone, she started rushing across the street, her roar echoed throughout the air and her eyes burned into Sam. Sam stood there, frozen with shock. This, this wasn't the same girl that she remembered, it couldn't be! Yet her face was the same, aged just a bit, but there was no mistaking that face belonged to Olivia.

Suddenly Sam was thrown to the ground and felt angry hands beating down against her. "How dare you show your fucking face here!" The girl screamed with a voice full of wrath and hate. Sam heard Carly call out for her, but she yelled for the others to stay where they were. "I _hate_ you! I fucking hate you! It's your fault, everything is your fault!"

"Olivia please!"

"Shut _up!_" Olivia glared into her eyes, burning them as her hands twisted her shirt. "You're the reason my brother is dead! You're the reason mom and dad separated, the reason mom lost her job and dad went to god knows where! It's _all your fault!_ Then you decide to show up at my house after all these years? You don't have the fucking balls to own up! I don't care what he did to you, you had _no right_ to make him go through two hours of that jacked up machine. Two hours! You know what? _You still have the video on your website!_ You didn't have the fucking _decency_ to remove it from your goddamn archives! People _still_ comment on it! They still comment on it, Puckett!" Sam's eyes widened as Olivia slammed a fist into her gut. She didn't know anyone cared, she thought it was long forgotten. Hell, she was sure they deleted it! "Mom cries her eyes out every night, she _still_ does! I can't stand being around her! This life is hell, and all because of you!"

The others started to come over and help, but backed off when Olivia shot them a glare. Sam clenched her eyes shut and tried to suck her stomach in and avoid the searing pain her body was in. This girl was vicious. More vicious than she herself was. Jonah wouldn't have wanted this, not at all! He wouldn't have allowed his little sister to grow up this way.

She debated her next move, if she defended herself, would she have the right to? Her eyes started stinging with tears. She knew she didn't have the right, everything Olivia was saying was true. It was their fault. They had no right to put Jonah through two hours of that torture, but they were young, stupid, and thought it would be funny. It was no excuse, and clearly, it was not funny. Were they just as bad as the fans that bullied those who wronged them?

Olivia pulled her up about an inch, then slammed her back into the ground. "My brother killed himself because of your little stunt, because your fans called him worthless, do you know that? I hope you're pleased with yourself!" She shook her head at Olivia and bit down on her lip. She could never be pleased with herself, not over this. "Do you know that after that little 'joke' of yours, putting him on the machine, he was always different…" She looked up to Olivia and saw the girl's mascara running down her cheeks. "His mind, the way he talked, the way he looked…depressed, scared, injured. For two hours he begged, pleaded to be let off of that machine. Two hours that hook pulled his pants and underwear further up his ass. For two hours…you _laughed_ at his pain! He wouldn't push me on the swing anymore, he wouldn't smile anymore, much less talk. He became a damn recluse like Dad, thanks to _iCarly_. Finally he gets comfortable dating women, certain not to make the same mistake, but then what? Those fucking fans of yours hurt him, beat him down, cursed him, spit on him, called him names and told him he was better off _dead!_ Now what? _Now what? _Mom became a depressed wreck because he was gone, lost her job, she and dad started fighting after Jonah became depressed and stopped trying to keep them together. Then dad left, he just walked out the door and never came back! What do you have to say _now_?" Sam's eyes widened and her heart started to race, thinking on her own father, who had walked out on her and her mother when she was young. It was damn painful. "You fucking bastards ruined my life! Ruined my _family!_ All because he _tried_ to kiss your best friend. Note, _tried! _Did he do it? No! No he didn't! He _tried, _and you still put him on that thing!"

"We're sorry!" Carly exclaimed with a tearful sob. Sam slowly looked over, the others had tears in their eyes as well. It was hard as hell to take this. She wanted so badly to rough this girl up for even attacking her, but she knew it would be wrong to do so. "We didn't mean for all of this to happen, Olivia!"

Olivia's teeth clenched and flashed in Carly's direction, the girl now being the fresh target of her rage. "You shut up! Don't even talk to me! You think 'sorry' is going to make anything better? You think it's going to _change_ anything? No, 'sorry' doesn't get my brother back, bitch!"

That was it. She'd had enough. Yes, this was Jonah's little sister, but nobody treated her friends like that. Sam let out a grunt and pushed Olivia off onto her back. Olivia gasped out and Sam quickly leapt on top of her, holding her wrists tightly to her chest and straddling the girl's waist. "That's _enough_, Olivia! Do you think Jonah would have wanted all this for you? Look at you! Look at what's happened to you, you're barely recognizable!"

"Get off me."

"No! You can spout all the anger you want at me, I can handle it, but when you start cussing out my best friend, that's where I draw the line. I know we deserve that anger, but there's a line, and I know Jonah would have taught you not to cross that line." She studied the girl for a moment, deeply saddened by what she was seeing. Olivia was better than this, at least that's what she thought. "What I can't understand is…why would you besmirch your brother's name by…by doing this? You've got those piercings, you're part of some gang, it's exactly what your brother wanted to _avoid_."

"Well _forgive me_ if my brother's no longer around to keep me from doing whatever the hell I want to do. I guess it's my fault he's gone!"

"No." She closed her eyes and sighed, loosening her grip only slightly. "No you're right, iCarly may as well have been the one beating him down all those years. Even though, none of us, especially not myself, would have wanted that. If we were there, we would have tried to stop it from happening. Even Gibby…" Gibby turned his eyes away and Carly slowly pat his shoulder. Freddie only stared, probably letting his mind wander into various places. "Our fans acted out of anger, out of hate, and that destroyed Jonah. We didn't know…we _couldn't _know just how badly our fans took everything. Granted, we saw that when I hounded Freddie for never having had his first kiss on the webshow, and then the entire damn school started picking on him for that."

The strange thing was, that had been a lie. He'd been kissed by Valerie. Granted it was just a chaste peck, it was a kiss nonetheless. So clearly the first kiss didn't belong to either Sam nor Carly, and she actually wondered what would happen if the fans ever discovered that. Even she was beginning to fear the fans!

"We need to tone it down with the private lives, we do. We will. I know there's nothing I can say, nothing I can do to bring Jonah back, and I wish so badly right now that I could, Olivia. I wish I could go back and rethink that damned machine we put him on. I'll remove that video from our website, I'll do _anything_."

"It would never be enough." Olivia squirmed free from Sam and slowly stood up. She dusted herself off and stared down as Sam rose to her feet. Sam brushed the grass out of her hair and sighed, disheartened. She met Olivia's eyes, they were filled with sadness, but the anger seemed gone. She'd had her moment.

"You…I know you're angry, and you have a right to be. So maybe you needed to let it all out, just…I know there's nothing I can say, really…" Olivia's eyes fell and her body relaxed. Sam wiped her eyes. Maybe now that all that anger was out of Olivia's system, she would be more willing to listen. "I have no excuses to offer you, nothing I say would make this any easier. I know we just kind of jumped in on you, and I'm sorry about that, it's just…we _just_ learned about Jonah."

"We never reported to the police or anything, it was too devastating and my parents couldn't bother doing anything. To the papers he was just another suicide, just another mark not important enough to put in the papers because of where he lived. Mom and Dad didn't care to do a damn thing, so they just let it go. The police did their little 'investigation' consisting of asking questions, then moving on. Our little family just wasn't important enough to create any sort of uproar over." Sam felt a rush of anger, but swallowed it down. She wanted to find the people who did this and beat them all down, but that wouldn't do a thing for them. Olivia's body trembled, her chest shivered, and her eyes narrowed into slants. "You people carry on like nothing you say or do will carry over, like there are no consequences. You act like everything is funny, like nothing is real, but you don't realize…'Sammy'…"

That nickname was what Olivia called her when she was young. She chuckled in vain and closed her eyes as Olivia took a step backwards and spread her arms open wide.

"You don't realize that this, this is what happens when the fans of your show destroy someone's life. I'm not saying that you've only influenced negativity, I'm certain there are _many, many_ positive things out there that have happened because of iCarly. However, my life? My life is pretty much over because you told your fans that my brother tried to kiss your best friend. One single, innocent statement, cost my brother his life…" Those were heavy words, spoken from the lips of a thirteen-year-old girl. They weighed on Sam's heart, opening her up to the possibility that she herself may have a serious problem that she needed to work on. Olivia took a napkin from her pocket and started wiping her eyes, trying to clear off the streaks of mascara. "You might say this isn't who I am, this isn't me, but this is who I've become. My dad doesn't come around, doesn't even pay child support. Mom doesn't care about me, she sits around crying all day." She pressed her hands to her chest, still staring into Sam's eyes. "This is who I've become. I'm sorry Sam, I looked up to you when you dated my brother, but when you put him on that machine…I lost everyone I cared about that day."

"Everyone?" Her voice was weak, strained, and her eyes were fresh with tears once more. In a way, Olivia had lost Jonah that day, she already said earlier that Jonah just wasn't the same after that experience.'

"Jonah was a depressed wreck, unable to stand up for himself whenever the kids bullied him at school. He wasn't the same, never would be. Then there was you, the one that did that to him, as far as I was concerned. Every ounce of respect I had for you…gone." She snapped her fingers in Sam's face, causing her to flinch and step back. "Just like that."

"I know. I…don't deserve your respect. However…" She stepped forward and gestured her hand to Olivia's outfit. "Think about Jonah, his memory, the kind of person he was. What do you think he'd say if he saw you like this?" Olivia crossed her arms and pressed her lips together. She tilted her head to the side and growled softly.

"You think it's wise to lecture me?"

"I'm serious! Would he like what he saw right now?" Olivia scoffed and looked off to the side. "You're in a gang, Olivia. A gang. You could wind up in prison because of involvement. Think about it. We only learned about Jonah because a former gang member had been in prison with Jonah's girlfriend, who was in for shoplifting. That woman told us to be careful with private information, yes, but still, the point is she was a gang member sent to prison."

"Any ideas why?"

"Not a clue, the girl apparently was released on parole years ago. Who she is, no idea. Don't think she plans on corresponding with us anymore after this, she only emailed as an anonymous person."

"Honestly Sam, sometimes the gang seems friendlier than the school kids. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get inside." She waved her hand in the air and Sam slowly stepped off to the side. As Olivia made her way through the door, she stopped and glanced at the others. "Don't darken my doorway anymore, go away." Sam watched with pity as her friends moved behind her. They placed their hands on her shoulder and she slowly turned away. She wanted to turn back the hands of time, to change what happened, but she knew there was nothing she could do but move forward. As they walked, they heard Olivia pounding her fist on the front door. "Come on mom! Open the damn door!"

"No daughter of mine is a crack-head gang member!" Denise's voice echoed from the house, surprising the group as they heard her loud and clear. "I have no family, my daughter died years ago!"

"Oh give me a break!" Olivia kicked the door with her foot and shouted a profanity. "Open the door already!"

Sam shook her head and continued on her way. She felt her friends' stares, each of them were likely wondering what was going on through her head. Her heart was literally in a dozen pieces at the minute and she was trying to scramble to unload them, she needed no more bad news. Gibby stepped next to her and brought his hand to her shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"Am I okay?" Her voice cracked and she stopped walking before the crosswalk. The light was green and cars were flying past. The others surrounded her and she quickly shook her head. "That girl…the Olivia _I_ knew would never in a million years act like that. She saw the good in everyone, even her mom and dad, she wouldn't treat them so coldly. It was in every way my fault too, I'm the one that stands on iCarly and spouts off all the negativity. Me."

"Sam…"

"No. Don't 'Sam' me!" Sam turned to Gibby, her insides were screaming in rage and frustration. "I sit up there and badmouth my mother, badmouth our teachers, I spill everything about our personal lives." It hit her just how serious things were, this was just a swift kick in the ass for her, but maybe the eye opener she needed. Every night she had to listen to her mother complain, but now she understood, her mother always said her workers mocked her. The reason her mom had such poor job performance over the last five years wasn't solely because the woman couldn't find a job, but because workers mocked her and brought down her morale.

Whenever a kid was doing something stupid at school and she mocked him on iCarly, it wouldn't be long before that kid was being mocked by others. It happened to Jeremy, whom other kids so lovingly dubbed 'Germy' because that was what they called him. Even Ms. Briggs had been so grossly accused due to comments made on iCarly. Sam went so far as to reveal that Mr. Howard was cheating on his wife with the teacher, and thus, he was no longer married. Whether or not the affair was true, had never been proven. She was like the Queen of all bullies and pricks! God, she'd been so full of herself that she had failed to realize that _she_ was becoming the source of the problem.

"People follow me, they mimic me and repeat the things I do or say. It's just like they do with Carly, we're a fifty-fifty bet!" Carly was the good one, the one who always tried to remain positive, if possible. Whoever was influenced by her, went on to do good things for people. Why? Why couldn't she be like Carly? "If I was like Carly, then I wouldn't be influencing people acting like assholes!"

"I'm just as guilty in all this," Carly remarked while throwing her hand out to Olivia's home. "I supported you putting Jonah on that machine, I stood there and allowed it to happen." Carly wiped her eyes and Gibby brought his hand down to the side, sighing with exasperation.

"I'm the one who saw the signs. I _saw_ the bullying and I didn't stop it. I had that thought too, funniest thing." He squinted his eyes and moved his fingers before his face, blocking out the sun to see. Sam sniffed and looked across the street, it was time to head across. As they walked, Gibby continued, "I thought about putting a stop to the kids picking on him. I can remember just barely, because I saw it happening several times. I knew if I stepped in, maybe I could have made a difference, but I didn't. Not because I was afraid to, but because I chose not to. You think I don't think about that? You think I don't think about how maybe that _one split decision_ could have made the difference between life or death for someone? Because I do, I thought about that all night last night."

"So what do you guys want to do about it?" Freddie asked. His voice was quiet, calm, but filled with uncertainty. "I don't think it calls for a cancellation of iCarly, not over this, but I think we need to do _something_. _Without_ bringing Olivia and her mother into the spotlight. At least not without their permission, and I don't think we're going to be getting that." Sam let out a scoffing chuckle and stared ahead thoughtfully. Maybe if they did a segment on bullying, maybe if they did something to help their fans understand that it wasn't right, then maybe they_ could_ do something!

"I like where you're going with that, Freddie." Carly and Gibby lifted their eyebrows and Sam quickly beat her fist into her palm, grinning widely. "We need to change our attitude for one thing, without changing our dynamic at the same time. We need to let our fans know where to draw that line."

"I could agree to that," Carly grinned. She clapped once to the idea and Gibby gave a nod of approval. So then it was settled, they would somehow advise their fans to cut back on the bullying and they would cut back on the airing of personal, private information that the world had no business knowing. "I don't think I could take anyone else getting hurt because of something we said on the show."

Sam looked off to the thrift store where Olivia and the gang had been. Her heart seemed to skip a beat, though she didn't know why. She rubbed the back of her neck and took a deep breath. "Me either, Carly. Me either." Sure, they might slip up once in a while and say something they shouldn't, but at least now they would try to catch themselves first.

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><p>Got it up for you guys, hope you're enjoying it thus far.<p> 


	10. Cleaning up the Site

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N:

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><p>Chapter 10 (Cleaning up the Site)<p>

"It was not pleasant," Freddie commented as he sat on his bed and spoke to Valerie over the phone. She wanted to know how the meeting with Olivia went, and he was being honest. It was dreadful, in every way. "I think we can rise from this though, we're going to try and run a segment of iCarly on bullying." He waited as Valerie bit into what sounded like a potato chip. "We're going to try and tell our fans to tone it down, and we'll lessen the personal information." Valerie hummed and swallowed her chip.

"That sounds good. There's a line that shouldn't be crossed. The world doesn't need to know that your mother's had an obsession with something, that Sam's mom doesn't 'shave', as I believe Vixen said Sam put once."

He remembered a statement like that was made at one point of time. Sam slammed her mom on iCarly, quite a bit.

"They don't need to know if Carly's getting her teeth cleaned or if you break up with some girl, much less who you're dating and how the dating life is going"

He smiled at the comment and laid back on the bed. Valerie was definitely right about that, maybe he should say something about it in the next iCarly. He could benefit from telling his fans that whichever girl he dated, it not any of their business.

"Yeah, I'd love to quiet the fans on that. Still need to develop that backbone, I suppose. I'd love to have a girlfriend, but not Sam or Carly, no offense meant to them." He heard the television click on in the background and Vixen started to laugh at something. Victoria commented that Valerie was on the phone and the younger girl quickly apologized. Valerie chuckled lightly and exhaled.

"Don't worry about it, I can hear him just fine. Anyway, Freddie, if you want a girlfriend, then you'll definitely need a backbone. Also, you'd have to show that girl that you mean it when you tell her you'll stick around. If she's a family person, then you'd want to show her that you care about her family just as much as you care for her. You know, basic stuff like that."

He nodded and moved from the bed. As he gazed to the far wall, he smiled towards the poster on the wall of iCarly.

"I think I could do that."

"Yeah, but now if you dated some girl and became close to her family, what would you do if you broke up with her?"

Should he panic _now_? He pulled the corner of his lip back and ran his hand through his head. Certainly if he were close enough, he'd stick around and just be friends.

"Well?"

"It depends. I think if I were close enough to remain friends of the family, I would remain friends of the family. If the girl told me she didn't want me around her family then I might not be able to."

"Hmm…" She took a bite of another chip and chewed it quietly. He always liked that she was a modest eater, not at all like him. Whenever he ate, it was fast and had a tendency to be noisy. "What about my family? You know you've never been unable to see them, and I'd be happy to see you hanging around them more often."

His heart rose up to embrace what sounded like an invitation, or maybe a suggestion. Yes, he would love to be around her family, maybe even give dating her another shot. If it did happen, she would need to know he wasn't fickle. However he would do that, he wasn't too sure, but he did think that strengthening friendships with her family members and remaining as such might help. It was worth a shot.

"Anyway, what are you going to do about iCarly? I mean, I'm on the site right now…not an easy task, mind you." She blurted out the last bit and his eyebrows rose and curiosity began to spark.

"Really?"

"Yeah I walked into that. Anyway, you do still have Jonah's video up…and a _lot_ of users are still commenting. This is bad, it's a wonder his family didn't sue iCarly."

He swallowed and remembered Olivia and what she had become. Maybe suing wouldn't be a bad punishment for something like that.

"There are a lot of videos that are still in the site archives with negative statements and personal things said, including uh…" She took a deep breath and paused.

He scrunched his face and waited for her to continue.

"Including the one where Sam…the girls pretty much announce our breakup to the fans five years ago. Where Sam cussed me out."

He cringed and slowly fell back onto the bed. He ran his fingers through his hair and stared down at his feet. Did she resent him for that? He couldn't help but to wonder. She didn't talk like she did, and if she hated him, she wouldn't want him around

"Hey Val? Do you…" He paused at the sound of her fingers running along a keyboard. "Are you really angry at me? Do you resent me in any way?"

"If I did, I wouldn't bother talking to you, much less, want you around my family." This was true, she was _not_ shy about her feelings. "Whatever anger towards you I felt passed ages ago. Vanessa and Veronica may act angry at you, but it's not you they're angry at. It may take a while for them to trust you again, but as for me, I don't resent you."

"I'm the cameraman of iCarly, though. I allowed these things to happen…"

"It would be one thing if you were an active participant. If you went in front of the camera like Carly and Sam, then went along with them, blatantly insulting anything, but you don't do that. You're just the cameraman, you don't control them and no one should ask you to."

He moved to his desk in the room and moved the wireless mouse, taking the laptop off the screensaver. When he went to the website, he had a couple more comment alerts. Usually he went through the comment alerts every day and just clicked 'accept all' because each day he had hundreds of new comments and didn't want to sort through all of them. Since he'd checked them an hour ago, he had about five new comments, so there was no trouble just reading them. The most recent was a comment made by a girl named _V-Chick2_. It was on a very old video that he wasn't sure even existed.

"Freddie, how come the video of that monitor…falling on my head…is on your site?"

"What?" His eyebrows rose and he clicked on the comment, which took him straight to the video of Valerie's last webcast. The girls wanted to put it on the site, he remembered, but both he and Carly said no. As he read the comment, it was clear that Valerie was the one who comnented.

_Freddie, please remove this video from your site. It shouldn't be up here, take it off. Clean up your site…_

"Carly and I did not want the video there!" Sam must have put it up, she would have done something like that back then. He groaned and started scrolling down to see the comments made over the years. They were not something he would want Valerie to see, and here she was, possibly reading every one of them. "That's it! I'm shutting the site down until I can get it cleaned up! What happened with Jonah had truly hit him hard, so he did not care to have all these people laughing over a big screen hitting Valerie and nearly causing her a concussion! He didn't want this, he didn't even want her to see this stuff. "Valerie? You still there?"

"Yeah, I'm here. You probably should also monitor and filter the comments you let through to the site. How often do you check?"

"Once or twice a day. I probably need to start checking them more often."

"Yeah. I'm getting off the site now."

Fair enough, he wouldn't want to be on a site where everyone was slamming him. He went into the admin controls of the site and turned off the access so he could work as the moderator and clean up the place. His first act was going to be deleting that video of Valerie.

"Hey, I'm sorry that video is on the site, I'm taking it down now." He clicked on the video editing and started scrolling down the numerous videos on the site. Next to each video was an X button, once clicked, it was gone, along with the comments. "The video, and all comments, will be erased from the site."

"Thanks." He'd probably be up for hours trying to get rid of videos that shouldn't be up, along with other sensitive viewer items. If there were any comments elsewhere, anything that was too overboard, he'd check and delete.

So, the girls are waging war on bullying, now?"

"Either that or on their own fans. Our fans need to understand that there's a line they shouldn't cross, and even we cross it sometimes. I think Sam's had an epiphany today."

"Really now? An epiphany?"

"Yeah, she's the one who came up with the idea of talking to the fans about the whole bullying thing." Even he was amazed by it, Sam was never one to take initiative on things, especially not on topics like this. He opened a new tab on his browser and opened up a list of movies in the nearest theater. "Now. Victoria says I owe her a movie, right? So what kind of movies does she like."

Valerie laughed lightly and paused for a brief second.

"You're really considering that?"

"Of course, I figure I should deliver with my promise of a movie."

"Okay, well, Victoria is a major fan of Daniel Radcliffe, she's been wanting to see that new movie he's starring in. _The Woman in Black_."

Freddie scrunched his nose and checked on the movie. He wasn't a fan of the actor, though the _Harry Potter_ series had been okay. He was a bit of a fan of scary movies, but this movie seemed like it would be boring and reliant upon cheap jump scares. If so, he wasn't all that interested in seeing it. However, if Victoria was interested in it, then perhaps that would be the movie he owed her.

"Oh and Freddie, they just heard me say that, now Vixen wants to know if you could take her to see that movie too."

He laughed with a full, hearty tone. After a minute, he stopped and stared blankly at the image of the movie picture. Could he make a commitment to Valerie and her family? Could he be trusted with that? Once in their lives, was he to be certain he wouldn't disappear out of their lives altogether once more? Yes, he was certain that wouldn't happen.

"Sure, I'd be happy to do that. Would you want to join us?"

"I would not mind at all, but I, uh…" She sighed and his eyebrows rose. Was she afraid of running into iCarly fans? He had to admit, he was a bit afraid of that same thing. "Didn't you say somebody emailed Sam and Carly when we were at the Panera Bread? If your fans are stalking you…"

"Well, a movie theater with your sisters seems like it wouldn't be so easy to spot you. I'm not too concerned who sees me with you."

"I know you're not."

"You don't want to be seen with me?"

"No, it isn't that at all. I can't explain it right now, Freddie…"

He could honor that, there really wasn't any choice other than honoring that.

"So you're not afraid to go to the movies, not afraid to be seen with me, and you don't care who sees you with me." He smirked teasingly and tilted his head to the right. Maybe he could goad her into tagging along, it couldn't possibly be _that_ scary. "I'm pretty sure the scariest thing is going to be that movie, and I'm also pretty certain that the movie itself won't have any frightening scenes besides ghosts jumping in windows and whatnot."

Valerie chuckled and sighed as her two youngest sisters started clamoring around her. Freddie's smirk increased as he listened to their pleas for her to join them. "Sounds like they want you to go too."

"Is it really that important to you if I'm there?"

"Yes." He said it with such certainty that it astonished him, where the hell had he pulled _that_ confidence from. Valerie's silence indicated she was just as shocked. He stammered for a minute and cleared his throat. "Hey, I'll even wear a disguise if I have to."

"Oh that should be fun to see."

"What? You don't think I have any cool disguises?" He put his hand to his chest and gasped, feigning shock. "Why I'll have you know, I have _plenty_ of things in my closet. Besides, that, as fun as your sisters are, I'm pretty certain going to a movie with a couple preteens is going to be as frightening as sitting in a circle of obsessed Twilight fans."

Valerie laughed and Victoria yelled into the phone.

"I'm _thirteen_ now, not a preteen, and Twilight is amazing!"

He snickered and shook his head.

"See what I mean, Val?"

Once more she laughed. He listened as she began walking and exhaled loudly after a while.

"Fine, if it means that much to you, I'll go. If you want to wear a disguise, go for it, I'm not sure I want to get harassed by your fans for being in your presence after all these years..."

He rolled his eyes and started looking for the movie showtimes. Saturday seemed like a good day.

"They can mind their own business for all I care."

"I'm glad to hear that. Maybe you're right, maybe there's nothing to worry about."

"I wouldn't let anyone say anything to you, Val."

"Thanks."

"Now, how does Saturday at three sound to you?" He leaned back in his computer chair and closed his eyes. The sisters started cheering and Valerie chuckled once.

"I think the girls are happy with that. I don't see an issue, should work. We'll see you then."

"Yep." He was very happy that she'd be coming along and believed they'd have a great time. At least, that's what he was hoping for. He leaned forward, he switched the tabs on his browser over to the iCarly webpage. He sighed heavily and lifted his eyes skyward. "Okay Val, I'm going to let you go so I can get to work on cleaning this site up."

"All right. It was good talking to you, Freddie."

"You too." When he hung up, he practically leapt from his seat to cheer. There wasn't a thing in the world that could tear him down, though he wasn't sure why he felt that way, other than he did feel triumphant in the fact that he just got Valerie to go to the movies with him and her sisters. Truly, this was a reason for celebration. When his eyes fell onto the site, he was more than happy to go through it.

* * *

><p>Well, let's see how this turns out.<p> 


	11. Heading to the Movies

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N:

* * *

><p>Chapter 11 (Heading to the Movies)<p>

Saturday afternoon, Freddie was already parked at the curb of the Williams household. He was wearing a brown leather coat over a solid blue shirt and jeans and had a black baseball hat with the state baseball team's logo on the front. His face was disguised with a pair of black shades and a fake beard and mustache. When the girls entered the car, Vixen and Victoria sat in the back, with Victoria directly behind Freddie. Valerie moved into the front passenger seat and stared at Freddie with a mild snicker. He looked over at her and raised an eyebrow, smirking playfully. "So what do you think of my disguise?"

"I honestly…is that a fake beard?" He couldn't grow facial hair all that well, so yes, he had to purchase a fake beard. At least he looked a little like a hobo, and they hadn't done this disguise on iCarly, so there was no way any fans could detect him.

"I tested it, went to the mall in this disguise and _not a single person_ recognized me." Valerie looked amused and watched as Vixen reached over to scratch the beard. She giggled and Freddie looked at her with concern. "Why?"

"I wanted to see if it felt real!"

"I see. Well, it's fake because I can't seem to grow any facial hair. If I could have done that, I would have gone that route." Vixen laughed and Victoria impatiently pushed Freddie's seat, asking him to hurry and drive. He laughed and started the car up. "Anyways Val, about your question this morning, yeah we do iCarly on Saturdays, but not until seven o'clock. We have plenty of time to see the movie and everything." This was going to be a fun time, he could tell. Of course, the fake beard would get itchy. He scratched his neck and turned the corner. Valerie snapped her seatbelt on and looked to Freddie with a growing curiosity.

"You know, you don't _have_ to wear the disguise in the car, or at all if you don't want."

"That's the thing, I'm sure if there are any bugs in this beard and I take it off now, the poor things won't have a home." The younger girls started snickering and Valerie simply shook her head, smiling just a bit. "Not that there _are_ any bugs in the beard, but this thing itches enough that I honestly wouldn't be surprised if there were." Valerie put her arm around the back of her chair and glanced over at Vixen, who was staring at Freddie with wide eyes.

"Well if there are bugs in that beard, then Vixen, I wouldn't be touching it if I were you."

Freddie was impressed, she was a pretty good sport. He looked in the rearview mirror as Vixen gasped and started wiping her hands off on her pink jacket. Victoria laughed and Valerie's smile only grew.

"Eek, I touched Freddie's fake beard and there might be bugs in it! I might be infested!"

Valerie laughed and reached over, poking her sister's belly and tickling her. Vixen shrieked and laughed, squirming in her seat. "No Valerie, you know I'm ticklish!"

"That's the point, my dear sister." She reached over with her hand and continued tickling Vixen. Victoria snickered and joined in, scratching under Vixen's ribcage.

"Eek!"

Freddie removed his beard and looked out of the window with a frown. They were passing Olivia's home. The girls were so focused on having fun with tickling Vixen that they didn't bother to look out around the area. It was good, he didn't want to depress them by pointing out the home.

He looked down to the McDonalds and the thrift store beside it, slightly obscured by other buildings and cars. It was a shame, this was the first McDonalds or Burger King that they'd passed. So, if Valerie wanted a Big Mac or a Whopper, she'd have to drive ten minutes into this area, quite a change from her area.

She actually lived in a relatively upscale looking house, two stories, and with brown brick. The second story was made of brown wood just over the garage and driveway. There was a sidewalk that arced from the driveway to the front door, off to the right of the home. Next to the door were three vertical windows with long narrow, vertical blinds that could be turned flat against the window to close or sideways to open. It was the same house she lived in five years ago. They had not found a better, or affordable, home to live in.

After the laughter died down and Valerie turned to the front, she started looking around and stopped her eyes on the McDonalds. Her body started to tense up. Freddie glanced over as she closed her eyes and cleared her throat. "We usually go a different route for the movie theater."

"Oh? This was the only route I know…is everything okay?"

"Yes. Just keep driving."

He nodded and pressed down on the pedal, watching closely as she continued to eye the store. Olivia was spotted walking along the sidewalk to the left, her eyes flicked over to the car. She didn't look any different than before, though her wrist bands and facial piercings were gone.

"I can't stand this neighborhood."

"Why's that? Nothing here but beat up old houses and cheap restaurants."

Valerie cleared her throat and looked out the window, not laughing at the poor attempt of a joke. He saw Victoria in the mirror shaking her head, but thought nothing of it.

"Okay, okay, bad joke, I know…"

She shrugged and glanced at him from the corner of her eyes. He turned right, and started to turn onto the freeway.

"I wouldn't say it's a _bad_ joke, I just think there's worse things than beat up houses and cheap restaurants. Plus, I'm not the kind of 'prissy' girl that would find those two things to be bad. I wouldn't mind eating at a cheap, smelly restaurant, if I couldn't go elsewhere."

"True."

"Just not in that neighborhood. Never stop in that part of town…"

He lifted his eyebrows and stared directly ahead at the car in front, they'd just cut him off. That was fine, though, he was getting off after two exits. Five minutes on the freeway, then the theater was just off to the side.

"We're almost there. Sorry about driving through that area, didn't know there was anything bad there."

"No need to apologize." She closed her eyes and leaned her head against the window. Vixen and Victoria glanced at each other and lifted their shoulders. "What kind of music do you like? I remember you told me once, but that was a while ago."

"I listen more to classic rock than anything else. What about you?" He almost wanted to assume she liked gospel music, but the strange thing was, he hadn't met many Christians who enjoyed the gospel music that played on radio stations. At least he didn't enjoy it.\

"Old school country and rock, usually classic rock."

Now there was a surprise, he never quite imagined her listening to rock music. He lifted his eyebrows and glanced in the rearview mirror, he wanted to know what the others liked to listen to as well.

"How about you guys?" Vixen tapped her chin and Victoria blurted out her favorite music.

"Pop! I love pop! Though, I prefer songs from the older pop singers than the new ones, so no, I don't like Justin Bieber."

He laughed as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Jonas Brothers were…I don't know what to make of them. They do have good music, but I don't like the hype around them. Hannah Montana used to be good, but Daddy doesn't let us listen to or watch her videos anymore."

"Not surprised." The way Hannah Montana would prance around the stage half-naked, performing sultry dance moves comparable to that Lady Gaga, it was ridiculous. "A good singer doesn't need to act like that, they can look beautiful on a stage without dressing in the nude." Valerie nodded and Vixen quickly raised her hand up.

"I like electronic and classical music. I also like Evanescence." Freddie raised an eyebrow and glanced over at Valerie, who chuckled in response. He was surprised to hear Vixen liked Evanescence. "Veronica sometimes listens to Eminem, but Daddy does not like for us to listen to rap music." Ah, so Veronica was the rebel sister. How nice. He turned into the exit and sighed, he was really surprised with how much the family had changed. He never pictured Victoria as a fan of pop music, but of course, that was when she wasn't a preteen. "Are we almost at the movies?"

"Yes."

Vixen looked out the window and rested her fingers on the edge of the door. Her eyes danced around the buildings and her lips opened in a joyous gasp when she spotted the theatre. Freddie turned into the parking lot and found an empty spot right near the door.

"Yes! We're here!" Vixen started bouncing in her seat and quickly turned to Freddie. "Don't forget to grow your beard back!"

Valerie smirked at him while unbuckling her seatbelt.

"Yeah Freddie, let's see how fast you are at growing a beard. Evidently you can shave it off with the pull of your hand." He met her eyes with a mocking smile as he put his fake beard on his face. She clapped once and looked back to her sisters. "Look! Five seconds and he's grown a full beard again!" Victoria and Vixen laughed and he shook his head, chuckling lightly.

"I would love to grow a beard in that amount of time, it's been a life goal of mine. Anyways, everyone out, let's get in to the movie." The younger two cheered and hurried out of the car. "Hey Val." She had her hand on the door handle and was about to open it. She stopped and glanced at him. "I'm really glad you're here with us."

Her lips curled into a smile and she gave him a brisk nod.

"I wouldn't miss this time for the world. I love seeing my sisters happy like this. It means so much for you to take Victoria to see a movie and to spend time with them, I think they were really confused when you left them back then. So hard to explain to six and eight year olds the process of breaking up."

"I know." There was a part of him that still regretted breaking up with her, a part that still wanted to be with her. It was rekindled as of late, but perhaps, it had always been around. "I won't do that again, I actually want to be with you guys." Valerie paused for a moment, possibly stunned by the statement. She cleared her throat and glanced over at him with a very subtle smile.

"I'm sure you do, otherwise you wouldn't even be here, right? It's so easy to avoid someone just by changing churches."

"Well…" He smirked teasingly and started to open his door, though keeping his gaze with hers. "The pastor is a cool and humorous guy. Maybe that's what's keeping me there."

"Oh is it now?" She smirked back at him and wagged her eyebrows playfully. "You mean it's _not_ the family of beautiful girls, also known as my sisters, which you get to happily mix with?"

His cheeks grew red and she laughed, having managed to silence him.

"I'll let you try and think of a comeback for that one. Until then…" She looked out her window to see the girls staring at them with growing impatience, their arms were crossed and their feet tapping on the ground. "I think we'd better hurry up and get the girls inside."

"Okay, and why not mix yourself in with your sisters when referring to 'beautiful women', how about that?"

Valerie silenced, her cheeks turning a light shade of pink. She cleared her throat and opened her door.

"I'm not beautiful."

He raised an eyebrow and slowly opened his door. It was strange she didn't consider herself beautiful, she was just as gorgeous as any other woman out there, and better looking than half the 'beautiful' models out there. Hell, he thought she was the best looking one in her family!

"Well, I'd argue that point," he spoke under his breath. He locked the car doors and closed his. As he looked up, Valerie was already behind her sisters, her arms were around their shoulders and a beautiful smile was spread on her face. It was the first real good look he got at her today. She was wearing a purple t-shirt and blue denim jeans. Her hair flowed in waves over her shoulders, and her forehead was concealed by short, neatly trimmed bangs. Her eyes pulled him in and her smile was the final lock that kept him there. If she didn't think herself as beautiful, then he must not be truly looking at her. She was just as beautiful as Carly and Sam, and he didn't feel nauseous when admitting it about her, as unlike admitting that fact about his two friends.

"Come on, what are you waiting for? Let's go."

He hurried up to them and pulled out his wallet so he could buy for the movie and snacks. The girls walked in front, letting him watch as Valerie started eyeing her surroundings. She seemed very nervous about something. Vixen fell back a step or two and looked up at him.

"Valerie doesn't leave the house very often, except for church or when she's with one of us." Her words struck him like a bee sting from out of the blue, he could not imagine Valerie never leaving the house. "I don't really understand why, but she says she's afraid of iCarly fans attacking her."

"I can understand _that_, unfortunately." His stomach twisted with the memory of Jonah's death so fresh on his mind. He knew there were good fans out there, but never before did he think there were bad fans. "We've been so naïve up to this point of time…what happened to Jonah was just a kick to the head that we needed."

"I heard about that. Valerie told us and Mommy issued a family prayer, so we all prayed for Jonah and his family, so maybe they'll have some peace."

"Peace would be…great…right about now. I don't know if Olivia or her mother will ever be at peace though."

Vixen frowned and bowed her head. She kicked a pebble across the ground and sighed.

"Well, I went through the website with Veronica, she said she was happy you took off all the videos with negative statements, as well as comments. That's a start, right?"

"Yeah, a start." He knew how Sam felt, but at the same time, he didn't know. She'd just discovered that fans bullied her ex because of something she did on iCarly, and it ended up with him getting hurt and later, his dying. What would he do if that happened to Valerie? She had a good family, so chances were, she never thought about death, but what did he know. She often acted like she'd been hurt by someone, if anything, by his fans. He still wasn't sure if it was just bullying or not, but whenever he thought on it, he would start feeling very sick. "Vixen, I'm sorry I abandoned you guys."

Vixen smiled at him and lifted her shoulders up.

"It's okay, Freddie. You're back now, and you're not going to vanish again, are you?"

He smiled at her and pat her shoulder, there was absolutely no way he was vanishing on the family again.

"Of course not. Nothing could tear me away from you guys."

Her smile brightened and she danced up to her sisters. He hoped nothing would tear him away. If Sam and Carly discovered he was with the Williams family, would they try and force him away? Would they try and tell him that Valerie would just hurt him again, and keep him from seeing her family? What would he do? Backbone. He needed that backbone. He was scared of not being able to stand strong, he'd never really stood for anything in his life, he just simply lacked that confidence. He knew it was there, it showed when it mattered, but for the most part, he often felt it was missing.

"Freddie, why are you all the way back there?" He looked up to see Valerie glancing back at him. Her eyebrows were high and her face appeared mildly anxious. "Could you come walk with me? Please?"

"Sure." He picked up the pace and moved beside Valerie, who immediately relaxed her tense body. "You all right?"

"I'm fine." Freddie's lip curved into somewhat of a goofy smile that he had to quickly erase, but his eyes he was having a little trouble tearing away from her. The way she walked, with such confidence, and how her hair seemed to sway from side to side with each step, he couldn't help but to let it grab his attention. She _was_ beautiful, whether she believed it or not. Rather, it took all that he had _not_ to tell her she was beautiful in that moment, and risk making the situation awkward for her. She looked to him and lifted her eyebrows. "What are you looking at?"

"Just admiring-" He stopped himself quickly and cleared his throat. "I was wondering how you get your hair to feather out at the ends like that, it looks great!" Her cheeks flashed red for a second and she casually glanced away.

"I have a good shampoo, and then I let Victoria style my hair sometimes. She's really good at styling…and anything that has to do with art, I think she should be an artist, like an art teacher, when she grows up." He nodded and glanced back to Victoria and Vixen, they were watching him attentively, grinning from ear to ear, as if they knew this conversation of theirs was just him distracting both himself and Valerie from the fact that he'd been gazing at her.

Once inside, Freddie paid for four tickets to see the movie and waited outside the line of the concessions with Valerie. Vixen and Victoria wanted to buy some snacks and drinks for the movie. Valerie bestowed upon them a limit of ten dollars each. "So, you and your friends have to go to that trial for Nora's parents on Tuesday, is it?"

"Yeah. It'll be boring, but I guess we still have to attend. I'm not sure why we have to be there, I don't think we really do, but they are deciding a verdict. I'm pretty sure kidnapping, and whatever they did to Spencer, constitutes as quite a bit of time in prison."

"Must be nice to not have to worry about seeing them again, huh…" Her eyes moved towards her sisters and her lips pulled back into a frown. He was well aware of the parole hearing that her family had to attend on the same day, at the same courthouse. He had his thoughts about what happened, and had been seriously hoping it wasn't something that happened to Valerie, but the more he observed her, the more he realized whatever happened had likely been done to her, not anyone else.

So, he knew the pieces to the puzzle, not all, but most. Some group of iCarly fans, perhaps, had done something to Valerie, and were now in prison because of it. Only question was, how severe was whatever happened to her? It was clear she never wanted to talk about it. Also, in pondering, he pieced together whatever happened must have taken place within the vicinity of that thrift store and McDonalds. It was just a guess, but he based it off of her reaction driving through that area. But maybe he was looking too into the whole thing, he often thought too much about stuff.

His eyes drifted to Valerie's back, the back of her shirt collar had fallen loosely from her neck, probably due to the seatbelt in the car. What he saw, disturbed him greatly. While not vibrant enough, making him question whether it was really there or just a trick of his eyes, he was almost certain he was seeing at least two square shaped scars just under her neck. They could have been done with anything, but they looked almost like a belt buckle.

Who could have put those there? Not her dad, that was for sure. The man _cared_ about his family. Even though he was stern and imposed strict rules, he would never lay a hand on them. Anger started pouring into him as he started thinking about his own iCarly fans, and the 'bullying' that Valerie suffered years ago. Did _they_ do this to her? Did they put those on her back? If they did, then he knew better than to get in front of that camera tonight, because if he did, he would chew out the whole lot of them when the plan was only to talk calmly to the fans.

Valerie must have caught him looking at her, because she quickly tugged on the front of her shirt, pulling the back to close against her skin. Her sisters came walking up with a bowl of popcorn to share and one box of candy each, as well as two sodas. Valerie smiled at them and started walking, Freddie followed quickly behind, trying to calm his anxious mind.

How many of those scars were on her back? It looked like there would have been more. What happened to her? Who really hurt her? He honestly didn't want to believe it was the fans of iCarly, and maybe he would have believed that, if he didn't know about Jonah, and if he didn't know what Nora and her family were capable of. This was just too much, too far, and he wanted someone to pay for everything.

Now. Now, he knew how Sam felt, and why she wanted to find the fans that hurt Jonah. Now he wanted to find the people that scarred Valerie, and he wanted answers. If these were the people possibly getting off on parole, then he wanted them to stay in prison.

As for Valerie and her scars, he wouldn't bring them up. It would be too invasive, most likely, and he at least respected her more than that. If she ever told him about what happened, though, he would try his best to listen and be understanding. As for right now, he just wanted to enjoy his time with the girls, and make sure that they had a good time as well. That was far more important.

* * *

><p>Seems like a sweet chapter, a lot of Freddie getting attracted, embarrassingly in front of Valerie's sisters. Oh, could he <em>be<em> any more obvious? I hope you enjoyed the chapter.


	12. Are You Happy Now?

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N:

* * *

><p>Chapter 12 (Are You Happy Now?)<p>

Freddie made his way to the studio, just minutes before iCarly had to start. The girls were getting nervous, sending him texts, and making sure he wasn't going to be late. Still, they were wondering what was taking his time.

The movie had been _interesting_, at best. He and Valerie both fell asleep during the film, so he missed about half of the entire film. When the girls woke them up towards the end of the movie, they were having a fit of giggles. Valerie's head had fallen onto his shoulder at some point of time during their nap. When they told Valerie about it, her cheeks turned bright red, and stayed that way for the remainder of the day.

The rest of their time together had been fun, they went for ice cream and a walk through the park, just like old times. They had gone down a nature hike path in the park, covered by trees and beautiful scenery surrounding. Vixen and Victoria wound up running ahead while Freddie and Valerie hung back and walked along the sidewalk. They didn't say much, they merely enjoyed the scenery, and when they did talk, it was about the church and life in general.

Tomorrow morning he'd _attempt_ to wake up earlier and attend the Sunday school. He wanted to meet the youth group, but was a bit nervous about whether or not he would be accepted. So far the church members seemed genuine and accepting, accepting enough to let him branch out and try other things.

As he opened the studio door, he was met by Sam grabbing his shirt and pulling him into the room with violent force. He shouted out and stumbled backwards, trying to stop his fall. His poor balance was more a terrible curse than anything else, because once he started stumbling, he could never catch himself. "Sam!" His hands fell flat onto the floor, catching him before he hit the ground. He heard Sam gasp. With irritation, he looked up for an answer to why she decided to throw him to the ground. She cupped her hand to her mouth and chuckled nervously.

"Sorry Freddie, I didn't know you'd fall down."

"You tend to not think before you act…" He pushed himself up and dusted off his shirt. Sam's eyes dulled for a second and she slowly walked over to where Carly was standing on the center rug. He didn't mean to say anything to upset her, but she really did need to start thinking before she blurted something out or did something wrong. Carly rubbed her forehead and sighed.

"Okay, let's focus here. Freddie's finally here, so we can start. Where's Gibby?"

"Still in the bathroom," Sam replied nonchalantly. "Want me to…nevermind." Freddie raised an eyebrow and moved over to the camera and laptop. As he started typing, he noticed some new comments in the comment approval and denial section. Some fans were still reacting to the changes made over the site. There were some fans that were confused by the changes, but didn't mind, and then there were the fans that were demanding the changes be undone. The comments that irritated him the most were the ones suggesting their deletions were being sympathetic towards the 'Bitch', Valerie, or the 'Asshole', Jonah. It wasn't a matter of being sympathetic, it was a matter of _caring_, doing what was right, not feeding the fuel of harassment. "Hey Freddie, are there any new comments?"

"Yeah there are." He started clicking the 'deny' button on several of the negative comments and accepted the ones that were okay. Throughout the week, he'd been observing, and fortunately there was a greater percentage of the _good_ fans than there were of the bad ones. He looked up as Gibby walked into the room. With a sigh, he clicked off the comments and reached his arms across his chest. "They're a bit upset over the changes."

"Had to be done," Gibby remarked. "Honestly, I don't know what made you go through and delete everything that you did, but I guess it can't be a bad thing." No, it wasn't a bad thing. He was still reeling over those marks he'd seen on Valerie, still reeling over Jonah's passing, and still infuriated with his fans. "Are you going to do any talking?"

"I'd better not." His voice was somewhat bitter and cold. His friends stared at him, noting the reaction in his tone. His eyes drifted to Sam, who was gripping a water bottle firmly in her hands. "Hey Sam, I saw Olivia while I was driving, some of her piercings are gone." Sam's eyebrows rose and her lips curved upwards.

"Well, it's not a drastic change, but it's a start."

"Sam. You know, there are some things that happen that are permanent. Things that never leave a person…be it marks on a body, or something much deeper. Like the death of a loved one." Sam breathed in roughly, uncapped her bottle, and started gulping down the cool liquid. He watched her closely and arched his eyebrow up. "Is something on your mind?" He asked as he observed her. She was fidgeting, sweating, and acting a bit different than her usual 'cool and collected' self. Gibby tapped his wrist and Freddie quickly snapped on the camera, there was no time left, iCarly had to start. Carly caught the red light turning on and quickly flashed a smile, then frowned. Sam had yet to notice.

"Yeah." She brought her bottle down and sighed. "I've been looking into a lot of those negative things. It's worse than we thought. More than just what happened to Jonah, it's worse than my mother having trouble and your mom being laughed at for her craziness, more than Miss Briggs coming under fire and Mr. Howard losing his job. I always thought my jokes, my picking on people, it only affected that one person…"

"Most bullies think that."

"I didn't know I influenced our fans so much. Did you know-" She paused and stared at the camera, finally seeing the red indicator light. Freddie's lips thinned as he reached over to the control board and brought down the large screen behind the girls. They turned to see an image of Jonah from his yearbook picture above the dates of his birth to his death. "Well, I guess iCarly's starting then…"

"Yep." He didn't feel like talking, he was too busy pushing down his anger to risk droning on if he did talk. He knew once he started talking, he would never stop and he'd lash out, something he really didn't want do.

"Okay." Sam bowed her head as the lighting in the studio started focusing on her. Carly folded her arms and Gibby hung off to the side, watching closely. "Jonah Brown, many of you remember him as someone I dated years ago. He…he's dead now. To be honest, several of our fans…yes, _our_ fans, assaulted him, taunted him, injured him for years…until he couldn't take it anymore." She tensed her body and closed her eyes. "We're doing a segment…to show you just how bad this harassment looks. To see first hand…" She bowed her head and closed her eyes, the start of the segment had to be sudden, to the point where it was almost unexpected.

Gibby stormed into view of the camera, as per plan, they were starting out with a scene on bullying to grab attention. Carly nudged Sam, who looked up as he slammed his fist into his palm. "Hey, you two! What the hell are you doing here?"

"What do you mean? We're just doing the webshow."

"Well I think your show sucks, and you know what? I think you're both pathetic losers who need to get a life. You're too old for this kiddy business!" He started shoving his finger in their face, yelling profanities at them, a very believable act. The girls started backing away, asking him to stop yelling at them. Once he pushed them to the ground, they lay sprawled out and waiting as he hurtled further insults their way.

Freddie watched the comments coming in, many fans were asking about what was happening and why Gibby was being so mean. Fortunately, the skit didn't last long. Gibby turned towards the camera, now zoomed in on him, and he pointed an angry finger towards the camera and the fans.

"What are you staring at? You want a piece of this? How would you like me to start in on you, because you will! I'll take on every one of you _losers_ out there! Don't think I'm kidding!" With that, Gibby relaxed his expression and folded his arms over. He tilted his head to the right and slowly breathed out. "Bullying, it's criminal really. Most people don't even see the effects of it, and those who do, rarely ever get involved. Instead of using the word 'bullying', however, I think we should use a more impacting word. A more, adult, word. Harassment, _abuse_, whether verbal or physical, assault, and _murder_…list goes on."

Carly slowly rose to her feet and moved next to Gibby, leaning up against his right shoulder. Gibby looked to her and let her say the next part. "When people hear of bullying, they think of a grade school student demanding lunch money. They don't think of it as anything more than childish behavior, but it is so much more than that. It is harassment, it is abuse, it is assault and battery, it is hazing, and it can lead to murder or…even suicide."

"Jonah…" Sam rose up, her eye blackened with makeup, she walked into the view of the camera and pushed her hands into her pockets. "Suffered this day in and day out because I thought it would be okay to say that he tried to cheat on me…it was a simple mistake that he made, and mentally, putting him on that machine destroyed him. Instead of telling you what he suffered, because you know, all the verbal insults and attacks…I'll tell you what kind of person he was, who he was to his baby sister, who he was to his mom and dad."

Freddie zoomed the camera in on her and smiled softly as Sam moved her hands towards her stomach and started tapping her fingertips together. "I, um, contacted his last girlfriend, who told me that Jonah was a good boyfriend to her." That was a surprise, Freddie didn't know Sam would go so far as to reach out to someone like that. "She's backstage right now. She was in…nevermind…" The girl was likely out of prison by now, shoplifting was such a small crime. Sam wiped her eye and turned to the wall that Gibby usually hid behind to get into costume. "Allison, are you ready?"

"Yeah…" Within seconds, this girl with long blonde hair and brown tips, came striding from around the corner. She was frowning and her eyes held almost no emotion. Her cheeks were red, as though she must have been crying.

"I know you didn't want to be here, but, thank you…"

"Anything for Jonah, right?" She sniffed as Sam gave her a quick hug. This poor girl had to be going through too much emotional pain to be here, she must be really strong. "I'm only here because you want to try and let these people know who Jonah was, I…" She closed her eyes and breathed in. "You don't know how hard these last two years have been."

"I know…just seeing you, seeing Olivia, I get an idea…I'm sorry if I'm bringing anything up. Do you have anything to say to the, um, the viewers?"

"No." Her voice was laced with bitterness, with anger, but at least she appeared to be remaining calm. "I'll talk to you, but…Olivia wanted me to be here." Now it was getting interesting. Freddie rolled his head to the side and looked down as his leg started to tense up. He rolled his eyes and kicked his foot in the air while no one was looking. "You know how hard it was to go back there? To see his little sister like that?"

"Yeah, but I figured she'd talk to you more than she would talk to me." Sam slowly turned to the camera and breathed in. "I borrowed a CD with some old home movies of Jonah's to show you guys. Olivia was reluctant, but after Allison and I talked to her about this whole thing, she said it would be okay…"

He waited as she moved to the chairs in the studio and grabbed a CD from her backpack. She opened the CD case and hurried over to the computer. After a minute, the home movie was playing on the giant screen.

"This has a couple home movies on one CD, a bunch of thorough organization that Jonah went through. He was the one who put them all onto the CDs. Olivia says she hasn't watched any of them since his passing…" The others nodded and started moving to the chairs as the video started. Allison pulled out a small handkerchief and wiped her eyes once more, then folded it up in her lap as she looked to the screen.

_Eleven-year old Jonah stood in front of the Christmas tree that he'd worked hard to decorate. His camera rested neatly on a makeshift stand that consisted of his school textbooks. He was gazing proudly at the tinsel covered tree with the presents below it. "Finally."_

_ "Brother!" He looked to the right as his seven-year old sister came running towards him. "Hey Jonah, I can't reach the hot chocolate!" She was very tiny for her age, she never could reach the front counter. He smiled at her and walked over, rubbing her hair. She had very short brown hair that was up in a small ponytail. _

_ "I'll get you some, don't worry." Olivia squealed with delight as her brother walked out of the camera. She started spinning for a few seconds, then bounced over to the tree, eyeing it with joy. After a minute, Jonah returned with a fresh cup of hot chocolate. "Here you go Olivia, drink it carefully okay, it's hot."_

_ "Okay!" She grasped the cup with both hands and slowly brought it to her lips, sipping it quietly. After she swallowed, she lowered the cup momentarily and pressed her lips together. "Do you think mommy will be home today? It's Christmas morning! She needs to be home and daddy needs to come out of his bedroom."_

_ "It'll be all right, if they aren't here to celebrate, we'll celebrate just you and me." She frowned and slowly shook her head, it wasn't good enough that the whole family couldn't be together. He tapped his chin and closed his eyes. "I'll see what I can do, maybe I can talk Dad into joining us. As for Mom, I think she's working until midnight…" _

_ "It's not fair!" She stomped her foot on the ground and Jonah quickly rushed to her side, grasping the cup gently before she spilt the drink. He smiled at her and rested his free hand on her shoulder._

_ "Hey, I know it isn't right, but it's just Mom's work schedule. I don't think she has any control over what her boss tells her to do, so right now, we just need to make the best of it. I promise you, things will be better one day." Olivia bowed her head and muttered softly. Jonah held his optimistic expression and placed his hands to his knees as he was crouching. "What was that?"_

_ "I said…I want to be a family. My friends have a family Christmas, so why can't we!" She lifted her now tear-filled eyes up to him. "It just isn't Christmas without mommy and daddy." She turned and started off towards her room. Jonah stood straight and looked to the tree, scratching his head._

_ "I'll figure something out." He switched off the camera for the day, then switched it back on to reveal Olivia sitting with Denise and their father, Michael. Jonah was smiling at the camera as Olivia was unwrapping her presents and laughing with joy. Denise and Michael were sitting cross-legged on the ground beside her, smiling brightly. Jonah whispered to the camera. "So I managed to convince Dad that he should come out and spend time with his family because it was important to Olivia. I think he knows how family should be on Christmas…he called Mom's boss, who told her she needed to take the day off. Well, now we're all here, and Olivia's having the Christmas she always wanted. Only the best for my little sister."_

The home movies continued through multiple timelines, all revealing Jonah to have strong family values, doing the best he could for his sister with a mother and father who were never around. "He wasn't a bad human being at all," Allison said with a teary smile. "You see, that's the key word, _human_. He loved his little sister to death, he loved his family…even you knew this, Sam."

"I did."

"Then why? Why did you put him on that machine?" Allison shot Sam an accusing glare and crossed her arms over. She didn't want to get violent, but no one could deny that the tension in the room was high. "Why did you leave him there for two hours?"

"I…didn't know what would happen. I know now, there are ramifications of everything. When you showed me the video…at the park…" Allison tensed and looked away, clenching her eyes shut. Freddie's eyebrows rose and his heart sank, could she not bring herself to delete that video. The girl began shaking and wiping her cheeks with her wrist.

"I tried everything, I thought I could make him at least smile again. He was just so depressed and…he never told me he was thinking of dying. I wish I'd never suggested we go to the park that day. I don't blame you, Sam. I blame your goddamn _fans_."

"I know, I know you do…I just have to ask you this, because I know it's hard. We talked about this before, you seemed uncertain then, so you don't _have _to…" What was she talking about? Freddie shared nervous glances with Carly and Gibby. Allison slowly reached into her purple purse and carefully pulled a camera from inside. She sobbed once and handed it over.

"Show it, let your fans see what they did to him…I…I'm going to go to the restroom." The girl quickly rose up and rushed out of the room. Sam stared down at the camera, a tense expression upon her face, as though she were contemplating showing the video at all. Her cheeks were wet with tears and her fingers were gently caressing the sides of that camera.

"This…is the video that Jonah and Allison made at the park. She went away for a few minutes to the restroom, came back…" Sam choked up and quickly removed the SD card from the camera. She couldn't say anything more. After handing it to Freddie, he pushed it into the computer and waited for it to load up. "While I'm at that, let me tell you something about harassment, leading to suicide. Sometimes, not just suicide. Harassment isn't just traumatic to the person you do it to, but to their sister, their brother, their mom and dad, their friends, coworkers, anyone that depended on that person or that person depended upon. Anyone they loved…the pain that person goes through, is the same pain, everyone else they know might go through…It may piss a lot of you off, knowing we're pointing fingers, I know we're all very much to blame in every way, but…yeah."

The video started up and shot out onto the screen. The others looked up when they heard Allison behind the camera, laughing while Jonah sat on the park bench, staring off into the distance.

_"Come on Jonah, dance with me. It's a beautiful spring morning! Look at all the flowers!" The camera spanned over a field of fresh daisies laying in patches along the earth. "How can you _not_ enjoy this morning?" The camera turned back to him and he stared back with a completely empty expression and blank eyes. They were near soulless, a much different look than he'd ever had._

_ "Yeah Ally, it's a great morning." His voice was low, somewhat raspy. His hands were concealed in the pockets of his leather jacket, but they were clearly clutching onto something unseen. His lips slowly turned up as he removed his left hand from his pocket and slid it slowly through his hair. "You know, I've been meaning to tell you…just don't know how…"_

_ "Tell me what?" His eyes finally started to fill with a loving emotion. _

_ "I think you're beautiful and I…I love you." Allison gasped and quickly moved next to Jonah, sitting beside him. _

_ "Oh my god, you mean that? Really?"_

_ "Yes. You, Olivia, Mom…and Dad, even though he's gone now. I think you might hate me after today though."_

_ "W-Why? I…If you don't think those feelings are returned, you're wrong. I love you too Jonah." She set the camera on the bench and threw her arms around his neck. He hugged her waist and slowly rubbed her back. _

_ "I just figured, since I'm always so depressive, you might get annoyed with me."_

_ "Never! Jonah, what those people do to you, it's wrong. I hate when you get so depressed because of them, yes, but it's not your fault they hurt you." _

_ "How so?" He scoffed and leaned back on the bench. His emotionless expression returned as he gazed off into the sky. "I'm the dickhead who tried to kiss Carly Shay while I was dating Sam Puckett. Right? I'm the asshole that's not worth…" He heaved a heavy sigh and bowed his head. "I'm nothing. I didn't even kiss Carly, I realized it was wrong the second I walked out that door."_

_ "Sam should have just talked to you."_

_ "I wasn't worth talking to apparently, but it was worth the laughs and the two hours of fucking _pain_, wasn't it?" Allison rolled her head to the side and pressed her lips together. _

_ "It'll be okay Jonah, I promise you. It'll blow over…"_

_ "Yeah, it'll end. Soon." _

_ "What does that mean?"_

_ "Nothing, I'm just confident that it'll be over eventually." She leaned back and ran her hand through her hair. Her face scrunched and she quickly moved forward, looking back at the bench. There was a large, disgusting wad of gum now attached to her back._

_ "God…why do people put gum in the…I'll be right back, Jonah." He smiled vaguely and gave her a quick nod._

_ "I'll be here." After she left, Jonah slowly turned his gaze upon the camera. He fixated it upon himself and slowly pulled out his right hand. He was holding a medium sized bottle of pills. To his left was his water bottle, still full of liquid. "I'm sorry Ally, please tell Olivia that I loved her. I…I'm tired of this shit…I've tried and tried desperately to find some other way to end this abuse, but, I just can't." His voice started to crack and his body trembled. The finality of such an action seemed too glorious to him, to be rid of all these problems. "You'll all be okay, right? I mean, sure you will." Tears started to well up in his eyes, as he'd been planning this all day. "Ally, please know I meant that I loved you. I don't want you to have to love someone like me though, someone so…so fucked up that no one cares about…you'll find someone out there, someone better. I'm sorry…god…don't hate me please. Don't be mad at my ex, I mean, she did what she did out of anger I know, but…Olivia, please, don't ever change, not over this, not because of me. This is the only way, so, stay strong…you've always been able to see the good in the bad, so…stay that way. Ally, you too. I just want you to stay how I remember and loved you…" _

_ He shook his head and slowly reached for his water bottle, he didn't look like he wanted to talk anymore. He just wanted this to be over, now. After the deed had been done, the drugs hadn't started taking effect yet when a small group of the neighborhood gang spotted him from behind. "Look, it's the asshole that was on iCarly." He groaned and clenched his eyes shut. His stomach was churning up a storm and his chest was starting to become very tense._

_ "L-Leave me alone, please…just…not today."_

_ "Aw look at that, he wants to be left alone." The group laughed and walked around the bench, yanking him from the seat and holding him up. One of the people held his arms back and laughed as another stood in front of him. "Come on, let's kick his worthless ass. For Puckett, right?"_

_ "Please…don't…"_

_ "You made a mistake coming to _our_ park. Big time." He groaned and slowly shook his head, his vision blurring. Though he had been able to catch their faces. While gang members, one or two of them were students from the school! "Now we're going to make you pay. Come on Tommy, kick his ass, initiate yourself into our little gang."_

_ As they started to beat him, Allison returned. She started screaming and calling out for them to stop. "Let go of him! He's not doing anything!" She grabbed the man holding onto Jonah and was quickly thrown back onto the ground. Just then, Jonah began foaming at the mouth. The gang stared at him with uncertainty as his eyes rolled to the back of his head and vomit started dripping down his chin._

_ "Oh my god, he's puking! Gross!" They dropped him to the ground and quickly ran off, likely trying to clean themselves up. Allison rose to her feet and called out to Jonah, then declared told him she was going for help. The camera had been knocked off and was now pointing directly at him. His pupils began to dilate as voices and frantic feet started running towards him._

"Shut it off for god sake!" Sam cried out. Freddie quickly ended the video and turned his eyes to the computer. He'd been noticing a war going on through the comment thread during the videos, some fans were laughing at Jonah while others were chastising them and sympathizing with him. It was hard to keep faith in the fans, while at the same time, the good ones made it hard to lose faith.

When he turned his attention back to Sam, she was seething with rage and anger. Carly and Gibby were staring with bewildered expressions, their eyes glazed over. Even Allison had returned and was standing, very shaken. Sam put her hand to her chest as the angry tears ran down her face. "That's the worst thing I've ever seen any of our fans do. How the fuck do you beat up an innocent man, and do it in _my name!_ Why? I would _never_ do something like that! I know I have a problem saying things or doing things without thinking and I've often expressed discontent, but _never_ would I do something so bad! I thought my fans were at least _decent_ people!"

Carly looked ready to tell Sam to calm down, but she couldn't. No one could speak in this moment, it was too hard to even generate a rational thought. Sam looked from the camera to Allison, then from her, back to the camera. "Look, Olivia, Allison, I'm _sorry!_ I fucked up. I mean that from the bottom of my heart, to you two, and to anyone out there that I might have indirectly hurt through my goddamn _fans!_ I'm sorry and there's nothing I can say that'll ever take away the pain of what happened."

She rubbed her hair frantically, practically screaming at the top of her lungs. "My god, you even attacked Freddie a year or so ago when I said he hadn't been kissed yet? What the fuck? I mean seriously? A first kiss riles you up!" Freddie cringed as Sam continued her rant. He didn't have the heart to tell her to silence. She needed to get this out of her system, and now. "Apparently my 'influence' doesn't end there! Mr. Howard's relationship is over, Mom's laughed at, Freddie's mom's laughed at, and I'll accept full responsibility for it all! But where does it end? What was I _thinking_ for believing my fans could _ever_ be mature enough to handle _anything!_ I hope you're all proud of yourself! Are you happy? Huh? Are you! Are you happy now, now that you see what your actions do to people? Yeah I may be part to blame, but you're the ones that actually went out and made that good man's life a living _nightmare!_ God, if only I knew our fans would harass someone that wronged me, or is it anyone that ever did something wrong to us!"

"It happens more than you know," Freddie said with a quiet voice. Perhaps it was time he got his own words out and let Sam cool off for a moment. He rubbed the back of his head and breathed out. He was trying not to be bitter, but seeing that video, he remembered Valerie and thought on those scars he'd seen. "Apparently the fans decide to bring it upon themselves to extract their own sense of 'justice', but I guess you can't really lump them _all_ in one pot…not all are bad…"

"I know…"

"I mean right now, we're getting comments from fans who are trying to support our stance and are trying to quell the negative stuff." He was doing his best to remain calm, and so far, he was succeeding. He set the camera down and walked up next to Sam. He turned towards the camera and crossed his arms. "Listen. Our lives, the people involved in our lives, please understand…we thank you for your concern when something happens, but…a friend of mine recently told me, and I agree wholeheartedly: It isn't your business what happens in our personal lives. It isn't your place to impose justice, because quite frankly, you don't _know _who that person is. You don't know if they might have a loving family, you don't know if they might have a younger sibling or someone out there that looks up to them as though they are their entire world. You can't possibly know, and when you hurt these people…as Sam said earlier…you hurt everyone that they care about and everyone that cares about them. While it may seem hard to believe, everyone that we're associated with…even _Nevel_ himself, has people who love them and that they love back."

Gibby cleared his throat, finally bouncing back from what he'd just seen. He smacked his hands to his legs and quickly stood up. "I think what Freddie's trying to say is, you need to know your place." He walked up to the others and closed his eyes. "What I just saw was disturbing as hell, and I'm _astonished_ that there are such violent people among our viewers. I know they don't represent the whole lot of you, but it's…shocking nonetheless. You _really_ need to tone it down when it comes to how you respond to things that we say or do, or even the people we come into contact with." He looked over at Carly, who was still gawking, but tears were streaming down her face. "Right Carly?"

"I-I…" She shook her head and remained seated. The others looked at her with genuine concern. "I love all of my fans, but, I can't believe that there are fans like this out there. It's too much, _too_ much."

"Like I said, having a webshow is a big responsibility. Now…" He turned back to the camera and smiled slightly. "We're going to be extra careful with how we deal with our personal, private lives. Should something slip up, we hope you, as our fans, can be responsible and mature enough to _not_ do something so…so terrible…So, from this point on, things are going to be different."

"Very different!"

"Right. We'll still do skits and whatnot, but no more sharing details from our personal lives. It's not that we don't _trust_ you fans, but it's something that we've decided has to be done. The things we say, the things we do, they could be out there forever. We don't need complete strangers knowing anything about us, or those we know. I think what we just saw is a perfect example of what happens when the wrong type of message gets sent to the wrong type of people."

That was it, it was all that needed to be said. After the webshow, the four friends were merely lazing about in the living room. The effects of the home movie still tore at them. Carly and Sam were on the couch, staring at the blank television screen. Even Allison was still there, struggling to calm herself down, she was too worked up to drive home right now. Gibby was drinking a soda at the kitchen table while Freddie shifted through the comments of iCarly. Many fans were apologizing on the behalf of others and themselves, some of the more angered fans were going on about how they were not watching iCarly any longer. Of course, the better fans would tell them that it would be better if they left anyway. Hopefully from this point on, iCarly could at least become better and _not_ used as a tool for violence.

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><p>Sorry it took so long guys, but I do hope you enjoyed it :)<p> 


	13. Sunday School

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N:

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><p>Chapter 13 (Sunday School)<p>

Sunday morning, Freddie dressed himself in good casual church wear. He was meeting Valerie at the church before the Sunday School service so she could show him around. He hoped today would be calm and relaxing, though even now the haunting images from yesterday played his mind like a drum, pounding him into submission. It was just something he'd have to ignore, if he could.

Just as he was about to grab the door, he heard his mother's bedroom door open. He turned around and saw Marissa walking out into the living room with a smile on her face. She had a long church type dress and her face was lightly touched with rosy colored blush. "Hey Freddie, did you look out the window? It's a beautiful morning. Great day for church, right?" He raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms, staring at his mom with a dumbfounded look. Why was she acting so strange? The last thing she ever wanted to do was go back to church. She grabbed her purse strap on her shoulder and frowned. "What's wrong?"

"You're the last person to be excited about church. Believe me, I should know. You're seriously considering church this morning?"

"Well…you've been going for practically a month and apparently the Williams go there, so I thought maybe I could look into it…"

"So it has nothing to do with any kind of spiritual connection whatsoever?" She removed her purse and glanced to the side. Valerie did tell him that it wasn't right to go to church for just appearances. Pastor Jared even referred to church as a 'hospital for the broken'. Church was for people like him, who were trying to find meaning or point to their lives. Maybe she was trying to do that too and didn't wish to admit it, he wouldn't know. "Is is it because of Dad?"

"I don't know, I just think it's time to get out of this apartment."

His lips thinned and he slowly shrugged his shoulders. Maybe she was looking for something too, if she was, maybe she'd find it. Who knows, he still hadn't figured anything out and he'd been going for a month. Maybe there was some kind of block.

"Well if you're up to it, then let's get moving." He really hadn't seen her show an interest in _anything_ since dad died, so he wasn't about to suggest she _not _try to do something. "I just have to warn you, I haven't found an answer to my own questions yet. With everything, I'm starting to wonder just where my faith is…" The two left the apartment and started towards the elevator. Marissa brushed her hair back and looked at Freddie with growing concern.

"Are you doubting your salvation?"

"No, not at all, I mean…I believe in God and everything, but I just wonder. Prayers...He hears them, but why are they unanswered?" He clicked the elevator button and pushed his hands into his pockets. "Why do people suffer and pray, only to find the suffering continues? God can just snap away all our problems, so why does a teenager kill themselves over harassment? Why do bad things have to happen to innocent people? Why are people cursed with stuff like…" He closed his hands and breathed out, muttering. "Tourettes. Low Testosterone. Traumas, fears, death, and hell…I don't know, but I think the Bible was wrong about something. Hell isn't below us, Hell is Earth."

The doors opened and Freddie walked inside, his mother followed close behind. "Maybe, but I know I wouldn't have the answer to that. I honestly don't know who would. It would be hypocritical of me to say that I think the Bible would have answers, because I'm not an avid participant in all that anymore…I know I used to be, but…I just don't know anymore." When the accident happened, Marissa had been the one who pulled away from spirituality the most. She'd become angry at not only the world, but at God for taking her husband from them. Freddie didn't think it was God's fault, he didn't think the man upstairs was responsible for the bad things. He wasn't too sure if he allowed for bad things to happen or not, but hell, who knew the answer to that question anyway.

With a scoff, he folded his arms over and continued to speak his mind. "And then when something bad does happen, you're told you either 'deserved' it because of leading a sinful life or you get criticized for something stupid." The trick to that rule was finding a good church, he'd learned that already during his searches for a church. This one he was going to now was not the first church he tried, but the first he saw where people didn't turn their noses up at people. They weren't snooty, they actually cared about both members and guests. "Just remember one thing here, at the start of the service, they ask that the guests stand while the members go around and greet them."

"What? You mean I'll have random people coming up and saying hello?" Her voice fell flat, causing him to snicker for a moment. "Oh joyous day."

Once they arrived at the church, they met Valerie in the back room, which led into the hallway where the classes and the hall to the gym were located. Valerie smiled at Marissa and waved. "Hey, I didn't know you were coming today." Her eyes lit up for a moment, as she'd always been fond of Marissa in the past. Seeing her again after all these years meant quite a bit to her, because it meant she'd hopefully get to see her more often.

"I thought it would be good to show up, maybe I'll learn a thing or two, who knows."

Valerie smiled and clasped her hands at her waist, turning on her heel. "So follow me and I'll show you where everyone's meeting for Sunday School. After that, just follow the others to the foyer."

"All right." They followed as Valerie led them down the hallway. To their left was a door into the library and pastor's office. To the right was the small break area with a microwave, coffee, and fresh box of donuts. "So, I'm guessing Freddie and I are going to be in separate classes."

"Yeah, unless you really want to sit through the youth group's class." Marissa chuckled as Valerie glanced back at her with eyebrows arched. Freddie smirked at his mom. Sure it was a bit amusing to imagine her taking his class, but he did understand that taking a big step like this was scary for her. Not having him around meant she'd be missing the much needed familiarity. "Mom and Dad will be in the adult service, everyone's nice too, so no worries there. Trust me, this is probably the only church that I feel comfortable at."

"Just Viola and Vincent? Isn't Vanessa nineteen now? Surely she wouldn't be in the youth group still?"

"Oh no, Vanessa's in the college class." Marissa nodded and peered to the right, where there was a alcove space and a door leading into a room full of people around her age, younger, and older. "Okay, that's where your class is. Do you want me to introduce you?"

"I'm a little gun shy, Valerie dear." She tapped her lip and clutched her purse strap. "Sure they're all going to notice me anyway, but…"

"It's okay, just look for mom and dad. They're usually in the back of the room. Want me to go in with you?"

"No thank you, I'll be fine. You and Freddie have a good time and I'll see you in the main service." Marissa took a deep breath and started for the door. Freddie smiled at his mom and looked to Valerie. He had to admire his mother's bravado, even he hadn't been sure enough to try Sunday school on his first try. Valerie smiled back at him and gestured for him to follow.

"Okay our class is right this way. It's nice to see your mom again, by the way."

"Yeah, I'm not entirely sure what made her come today. Maybe she's just searching for the same thing I am." Everyone was searching for something, it seemed. Could church really help, though? He still constantly pondered the question. He watched Valerie's hair sway as she walked down the hall. Still he thought she was beautiful, despite what she believed about herself. He had to wonder, in regards to her own past, was she searching too? Did she have the same questions he had? The only one of the Williams family members that didn't seem to be heavily involved in the church somehow. There had to be a reason. "Hey Val?"

"Yeah?" She stopped and glanced over her shoulder. Her bright eyes stunned him for a moment and he quickly cleared his throat, trying not to stammer. It was just that they connected with his eyes so suddenly that he was thrown off guard. "What's up?"

"Do you believe…God answers prayers?"

Her brow furrowed and her lips thinned for a moment. She turned towards him and slowly nodded her head, but she didn't appear to be one hundred percent certain.

"Yes. Given time, I believe he answers prayers. Sometimes it's a 'no', sometimes it's like 'not now'." She lifted her shoulders and let her eyes drift off to the side. "In reality, if it's in God's plan for you, then you're gold. I hear all too often though, for example, that bad things happening are a way of God's plan, or that they're _punishments_, but I don't believe that. God is a loving God and he wouldn't take someone's life or put them through pain and suffering. Psalms 118 says 'God is Good', which means, nothing evil can come from him."

"So…what happened to Jonah, all the stuff that people go through, my dad dying…none of that was _God's_ doing?"

Valerie breathed in and responded with a very firm nod.

"Exactly. I don't know if we can say it comes from the Devil either"

Well that was strange. The Devil was an evil tempter, was he not? So if not the Devil, _what_?

"If not from the Devil, then what?"

Valerie rubbed her chin and stared down at the bible in her left hand.

"Have you ever read the Book of James?"

He almost replied sarcastically, but refrained. Of course he hadn't read James, he hadn't read _any_ books of the bible. At least not all the way through.

"If not you should, it's one of the short books in the Bible."

"Okay…"

Valerie lifted her eyes up and quickly opened her bible. She leaned to the right a bit as she flipped through the pages, finally stopping when she found what she looked for. Freddie moved next to her and looked at the page as she moved her finger down to a specific verse. There were many notes written along the side of the page, as well as many highlighted verses. She was so studious, it was admirable.

"Anyway, a key passage is James 1:13-15. _Whene tempted, no one should say, 'God is tempting me.' For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil _desire_ and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin when it is full grown, gives birth to death." _Freddie leaned back and raised an eyebrow. This spoke of God, not the Devil.

Before he could say anything, Valerie closed the book and glanced up at him. "When I studied James, I asked Pastor Jared a bit more about this. As we talked about temptation, he said that Satan was responsible for the desires put into someone. The sin and the temptation comes from that person's _choice_ on whether or not to act."

"Oh…"

"Let me see if I can explain it at all…" She rubbed her forehead and closed her eyes in thought. "So the Devil doesn't cause bad things to happen. Such as murder, abuse, and so on…however he gives way to the _desire_. Such as, the thought that you might want to hurt someone, the sin comes from the person choosing to do so. Therefore the act that comes from man, who is already weak, is what causes the bad things to happen. Does that make sense?"

"A little. What about accidents?"

"I don't know…most accidents are caused by negligence on someone's part. I think when a person passes away, however, it's not because of any 'plan' or anything like that. I think it happens just…there's no force that makes it happen."

"Yeah." He leaned back against the nearest wall and turned his eyes down. So, maybe, maybe God didn't curse him. Maybe Satan didn't curse him. Maybe he was just born the way he was, with Tourettes and with low testosterone. Maybe he was born with low self-esteem and other issues that he had to work through now. "You know my dad died when I was eight…"

"Yes. A car accident, wasn't it?"

"He was speeding." Freddie scoffed and turned his eyes to the side. He hated this memory, but now that it was on his mind, he had to get it out. It was okay if Valerie knew, he didn't have any issue with her. "Hit a puddle and spun out…This van…" He moved his head against the wall and looked up to the ceiling. Valerie stepped closer to him and started to put her hand on his shoulder for comfort. "This driver comes out of practically nowhere and hits him broadside. His car came out so messed up…"

"Freddie, I'm so sorry. I know you probably get tired of hearing that…"

"A little, but what does it matter." He lifted his shoulders and looked to her beautiful eyes. Even now, they still demanded his attention. "I miss him. Nothing will ever bring him back."

"No, but his memory lives on." She took a pause, then after a moment of silence, she reached out and hugged him. His body filled with shock, but at the same time, there was a distinct joy he felt from her. He lifted his arms and hugged her back. He wanted to cry, but he held back with amazing tact, it was just something he learned to do. 'Men don't cry' was the phrase he had grown to teach himself over the years. "When tragedies happen, it's best to surround yourself with those who love you. Your family, your friends. Have you ever talked about your dad before?"

"No."

She released him and stepped back, keeping her eyes locked with his.

"I haven't even told anyone the details of the accident. It's just…" It was often too difficult to think about. It wasn't _fair_ that he had to be without a dad. "After the accident, Mom and I just stopped going to church altogether. Mom blamed God and I…I just stopped. When she didn't continue going to church, I obviously couldn't go."

"Right. Maybe you can find some kind of healing here…"

Healing? Through religion? He always figured he could get that healing through people, but really, there wasn't even anyone to talk to. He couldn't talk to Sam or Carly about his dad. He didn't know why, he just couldn't. His mom never wanted to discuss it, so he was on his own.

"Come on let's go. I'm sure there's a lot to talk about."

"Right. Lead the way."

She lifted her hand to his back, rubbing it. He smiled slightly and walked with her beside him, she didn't know how comforting that single gesture was to him. It was as though she were telling him that things would be all right. He hoped so, he could use some good news. "So, who all is in the Sunday School?"

"Of my sisters? Victoria, Veronica and myself. Though once I turn eighteen, I can still be a part of the youth group or I can go to the college classes, my choice."

"What? No mandatory cut-off?" He smirked and she chuckled.

"No by the time I'm nineteen I need to be going to the college group. Either that, or I can start attending the adult Sunday school."

He moved his head back a little and saw them approaching two doors on the left, there was a space in between the doors, but when they walked through the closer one, they found a very large room. Along the back wall were four doors that led into four smaller rooms. In the large rectangular room, there were several metal chairs lined up in many rows, with several members of the youth group chatting amongst themselves. The youth pastor was up front, talking with the music producer.

There were many people there, so numerous that he was thrown off guard. Taking a mental head count, he thought for sure there were near fifteen youths, all ranging from about thirteen to eighteen years of age. He was going to have to find a way to get used to this., but maybe his nerves would die over time.

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><p>Hope ya liked it<p> 


	14. New Friends

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N: Sorry it's been so long, my friend's been busy. So this story's kind of not going about the usual update cycle, however it should eventually be finished

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><p>Chapter 14 (New Friends)<p>

There were so many people there that he was thrown off guard. There had to be about fifteen youths, ranging from thirteen to eighteen years of age. It wasn't that he did badly in large crowds, not at all, he was simply a bit shier and didn't want to talk to anyone. He leaned closer to Valerie and whispered. "Please tell me none of them recognize me from iCarly…" Her eyes dug into him, she seemed to be amused by his nervousness.

"There's no reason to be nervous. The reason I like this church, and my parents like it, is because it's the least judgmental church around. It's hard to trust people sometimes…but they've all been good to me here. As for whether or not they'd recognize you, probably, but the youth group believes in the church being like a family. Go on and make some friends, the girls and boys get separated for individual lessons."

"What?" Was she kidding? It made sense, four small class rooms, but still, he was a bit too anxious for that. He wasn't sure if it was just his nerves, or if he was uncomfortable with small groups due to his lack of knowledge in the Bible. He didn't want to be singled out, and the more people, the less likely he'd have to say anything. "I'm a little bit out of my element here, Val."

"Oh you'll be fine." She looked around the room and pointed towards the back right corner. "Look there's Victoria and Veronica." He saw the two girls talking to each other and smiled politely when they looked up to them. The girls rose and moved towards them.

"Was wondering what took you so long," Veronica said with sudden smile. She looked over to Freddie and crossed her arms. "So, we saw iCarly last night. You guys did good, just wanted to let you know that." She patted his shoulder and his heart lifted up. He wondered if Valerie saw the webshow as well and what her thoughts were. Would she really have watched it though? He glanced at her and tilted his head to the side. "Oh yeah, Valerie watched it with us." Valerie smiled with pride and nodded her head.

"I'm proud of you guys for taking a stand on the bullying. It definitely shows what you believe. I'd love to let Sam know I'm proud of her, because it _is_ a big step for her, what she's doing…but…I really don't think I'm ready to talk to them."

"Why's that?" He asked. Was she still upset over what happened so many years ago regarding their breakup? Or was it what Vanessa said, the things that Sam and Carly had said on iCarly about her?

"I'm just not ready to talk to them. Maybe one day, but for now…." She lifted her shoulders and glanced over to the youth pastor. The man had turned towards the class and the music instructor had left. "Pastor Josh is about to start, so let's go sit down." She led the others to the seats and looked up to the youth pastor. Freddie looked at her could not stop watching as she started brushing her hair with her hand. She probably wasn't aware she was doing it.

She looked very beautiful this morning, and again with minimal makeup, something that he appreciated in women. She was wearing the same dress she wore last Sunday, so it was probably her favorite of her church clothes. Her hair was no longer flat and straight as it was several years ago. It was flowing out over her shoulders and had ample volume to it, something he didn't really notice so much last week.

Where was he again?

Valerie turned her eyes to him and smiled. Suddenly he remembered they were at church, _and_ he was staring! He smiled back and quickly looked to the pastor, as though nothing had happened. Veronica was on the other side of him, snickering. His cheeks turned red and he crossed his ankles together on reflex. Damn. Those old feelings he had were resurfacing. It did not help that Valerie had become more attractive over the years.

As he stared at the youth pastor, he folded his arms across and struggled to listen. The man was going on about some upcoming events and another bible camp in the summer. Nine in the morning was way too early, but he was doing the best he could to stay awake. Not only that, but he just couldn't seem to get Valerie off his mind.

It wasn't long before everyone split into groups. Junior High guys went into the far left room, High School guys went into the middle left. High School girls went into the middle right, then Junior High girls went into the far right. He sat in the back corner near the window. About five guys, plus Josh Moore, the pastor, all sat along the perimeter of the wall.

He didn't recognize _anyone_, so he didn't really want to talk, but he had that sinking feeling that he was about to be singled out. Yep, the new guy in the group, why _not_ talk to him and make him feel awkward? The boys looked like your average high school students, not preppy in any way, and wearing casual teenage guy clothes. At least he could be comforted in the sense that they looked somewhat normal. He lifted his eyes up to the ceiling and sighed heavily. _"God if you're up there, if there are any iCarly fans in this room, is it all right if I scream?"_

They were looking at him. Dear God, they were looking at _him_! His eyebrows rose as he started scanning them with his eyes. There was one tall skinny youth with feathery blonde hair, a short and buff youth with short black hair, and one tan youth with his hair in cornrows. That one was leaning against the wall closest to the door. Another youth, close to Josh, was overweight, and had a very friendly look in his eyes, as did the others. Then the one sitting next to him, the youngest looking of the group, his hair was spiked up and his lips were in a wide grin.

"So, Freddie is it?" Josh asked while leaning forward and stretching his hand out. Freddie reached out and shook his hand, smiling nervously.

"Yeah."

"It's good to meet you. Don't be so nervous…let me introduce everyone to you." He started pointing at each youth in the exact order that Freddie had observed them in his mind. The tall one was named Tyler, the buff one named Daniel, the cornrows was Andrew, the overweight youth was Mike, and the spike-haired boy was Jerry. They all waved and introduced themselves upon name.

"Saw you were with Valerie and her sisters," Andrew began the conversation. "Did they get you to come in?" Now that he knew their names, he wasn't _as_ nervous, but still he didn't _want_ to talk. He figured it was polite to do so anyway. Hopefully his mom was having an easier time than he was.

"Well, sort of yes and sort of no. I didn't know they came to this church until last week."

Jerry rubbed his chin and leaned back casually in his seat.

"Didn't you two date several years ago?" He asked curiously, "I think you did, I used to watch iCarly all the time."

Freddie's eyes shot over to him and his heart slammed against his ribs. Would this end badly?

"Yes, I did. You're not one of _those_ fans, I hope."

"What do you mean?"

Tyler laughed and pat Freddie's shoulder while waving his hand in the air. "Jerry, he means one of the negative ones. Don't worry, even though most of us in the youth group know what's going on with iCarly…" Freddie's heart started to sink and his gaze turned slowly towards the tall one. "No one here is all that worried. People here won't cause any problem, most of us are mature enough to know it isn't our place to impose judgment."

"Oh…"

"Was it just me, or did anyone else see him kind of doze off in there?" Daniel asked with a playful smirk. Freddie's eyebrow arched as Daniel gestured to the door leading to the big room. "When you sat down you looked over at Valerie and got this big look in your eyes."

"He's still attracted to her," Mike said with a confident grin. Freddie's cheeks started burning and his eyes quickly fell to his seat. "Dude needs to ask her out, seriously."

"What?" His gaze shot back up at Mike and his eyes widened. His heart started to pound in his chest. Should he ask Valerie out? Sure he wanted to, but was that even something she'd go for? Daniel moved his ankle onto his leg and put his arm on the top of the chair next to him, clearing his throat gently.

"Well you looked like you were thinking of…something."

"I guess, she is attractive and I wouldn't _mind_ asking her out." He wasn't feeling too much like talking about the subject, but they were oddly comfortable people. This surprised him.

"Give it some time, but hey, you never know unless you try. She might agree, for all you know. She's a good person, her family are good people, so I don't see how you could go wrong there."

"Yeah…" He smiled and slowly nodded his head, he could definitely see the point in trying. Though, he wanted to at least be on good standing with her family before he even thought to ask her out. He leaned back and took a quick pause, these were fans of iCarly, indeed, but they were _good_ fans? They weren't vying for him to date Sam or Carly? "So you all…watch iCarly?"

"Most of us," Andrew stated while lifting his hand up from his leg. He pointed to the others and called them off. "Daniel watches on occasion, Mike doesn't watch it at all, but he always joins in the conversation if it's ever brought up, Tyler is an avid watcher, and Jerry doesn't watch it anymore. As for me, it's all bits and pieces really, I could say I'm a fan…"

"So what's your take on Sam and Carly? I mean, I'm almost in shock that any of you would suggest I ask Val out…"

"Look, no one here is going to tell you what to do, you're your own person. I'm sure you have your reasons for not wanting to date either of your friends there, and honestly…don't take it the wrong way…we just don't care. We're not concerned.

"Thank you for that."

Andrew chuckled and the others shared in a laugh. Freddie was noticing now that he'd just jumped into the conversation without any problems, he was _comfortable_. How the hell did that just happen? He looked to Josh, who was listening patiently. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hold up the lesson…"

"That's okay," Josh responded. "We usually have a few minutes at the start of just chatting, so it's no problem." He nodded as the others quieted down and looked towards the teacher. He could get used to these people, very easily. "So if everyone's ready, we'll continue on our series in the Book of Romans…"

After Sunday School, he actually went with the guys towards the foyer, they'd been very friendly to him and acted almost like family. Their class ended before the others, so he didn't get to see Valerie until after the main service. The guys invited him to sit with them during the service, so he did. His mother sat with Vincent, Viola, and the girls. She seemed to be doing well, so perhaps she had a good time too.

The sermon was great, and Pastor Jared was just as laid back as always. One memorable quote, "That's why horror movies take place at night: How many horror movies do you know that take place in broad daylight? How many vampire movies do you see, how lame would that be-Actually I think I just described the movie Twilight…Case in point!" That got everyone laughing. It felt good to be able to go to a church that didn't rely on being stuffy and judgmental, it really did. There were many moments where Jared would crack a joke, while keeping in line with the seriousness of the sermon, and it really relaxed people. Even Marissa seemed comfortable. The sermon was about walking in darkness, basically living a life of sin and misery. It was a very good sermon, and really spoke to him. He wouldn't soon forget it.

Afterwards, he met up with his mom and Valerie's family. Valerie had her book flat against her waist with arms over it and hands clutching it at the bottom. She smiled at Freddie and kept her enchanting eyes with his. "I see you've already started making friends with the guys."

"Yeah, they invited me to sit with them during the service, they seem like pretty cool guys. I didn't know that some of them also watched the webshow…It's nice to see fans that aren't concerned with my business."

"True, that's one thing I like about the youth group here, they're not all crazy."

Freddie laughed.

"So what did you guys talk about? Guy stuff like girls?"

His cheeks started to turn red once more, much to his disdain. Veronica and Victoria stood behind Valerie, smiling and rolling their eyes at the obvious crush he was starting to develop. _What?_ He mentally slapped himself and let out a small sigh.

"Something like that. Girls were _definitely _a topic. Any in particular, I won't say, but it's nice to know these fans treat me like a human being and not a celebrity, to the point that they're not crazy obsessive over who I'm into."

"Yes, you get my point then. How was the sermon?"

"It was…really good." He looked from her to Marissa. "Mom, what about you?

How was your first time back at church?"

The woman lifted her shoulders and hinted at a smile.

"I could see myself coming back. The Williams invited me to lunch, the Spring Creek Buffet. You want to come along?" Spring Creek was a very nice barbeque buffet and was known for its remarkable hot and fresh bread. He wanted to go, but there was just one problem. Sam called him during the time between the end of Sunday School and the start of the service, she needed his help with something.

"I'd love to, but Sam called me up...she said she's going to try and talk to Olivia today and wants my help. Apparently Carly's feeling really sick today and is not leaving her bedroom, so other than Gibby, I'm the only person she wants help from."

"Oh…well then you can take the car and I'll ride with the Williams family. Are you sure you want to go there?"

"I think you should," Valerie stated. The others glanced at her, surprised to hear her say anything at all on the matter. "Your friend needs your help, you need to help your friend out. Be there for support." She was right, Sam did need some moral support, the girl was using a lot of bravery and could come crashing down very easily.

Victoria started looking around at the others, then quickly lifted her eyes up to Freddie. "Can I come?"

Freddie coughed and Valerie quickly looked to her sister, astonished by the suggestion.

"Why do you want to go along, Victoria?"

"Because I _know_ Olivia. By that, I mean we have a class together in school. By _that_, I mean she sits in the back, I sit in the front, and we've never talked…but I recognized her because we've had classes together in the past, again never talked. I was just thinking, maybe I could try to help her out…"

"Well, I don't have a problem with it. What about Dad?"

Vincent raised an eyebrow and gave Victoria a very serious look. After thinking for about a minute, he closed his eyes and lifted his shoulders.

"Just be careful. Olivia sounds like she's gone through a lot, probably harboring a lot of anger, so don't set her off." He turned his eyes to Freddie and kept his stern expression. "If Olivia or her mother happens to fly into a rage, try to avoid letting them do anything to Victoria."

"I will, sir." He nodded in response and Victoria cheered. Now he just had to think of how to explain Victoria's presence to _Sam_. He wasn't ready for Sam to know about Valerie, so he couldn't just up and say Victoria was Valerie's younger sister. He was confident nothing bad would happen, but as unpredictable as Olivia was, he couldn't be too sure. It really was a lot of trust on Vincent's part just to put Victoria in that position. This man would not want another of his daughters being harmed in any way, and Freddie could see that in the man's eyes. Surely Olivia wouldn't hurt her, not after what she went through with Jonah. The only anger she would likely take out on anyone would be directed towards Sam, and that's why Sam wanted him to be there. Maybe having a familiar face would keep Olivia's anger at a low level.

Vanessa looked away for a second, then glanced back at Freddie with a serious 'I will kill you if anything happens' look upon her face. "Should this girl start making any kind of sudden movements at my sister, you will throw yourself in the way. Got that?"

"I got it."

"Okay enough!" Valerie quickly waved her hand in the air and stared at her sister and father. "I'm sure nothing's going to happen, give the girl the benefit of the doubt. Besides, Freddie's going to be there, Sam's going to be there, Victoria's not worried…I know you guys are just looking out, but…it'll be okay." Freddie smiled at her and breathed in a confident breath.

"You can trust me, I won't let anything happen." He knew Olivia had to have a good heart underneath all that muck, and perhaps Victoria felt that way too, which would explain why she wanted to come along. Though, seeing a typical overly girlish preteen trying to befriend a tough, criminal-like girl would be interesting to watch.

He lifted his head and blinked for a second, thinking about how _familiar_ that sounded. Oh right, where else had he seen that scenario? Surely not Sam and Carly. Yep, this _would_ be interesting.

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><p>Hope you liked it.<p> 


	15. Sam Discovers

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N:

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><p>Chapter 15 (Sam Discovers)<p>

Truthfully, Olivia called her, not the other way around. Sam sat huddled on the curb outside her house, waiting patiently for Freddie. She didn't know what Olivia would say to her after last night's webshow, which ended up being more like an explosion than she meant for it to be. Could she help it? She hated seeing how people used _her_ as an excuse to harass people. It just wasn't right, wasn't fair, how was she supposed to defend herself? If she were put before a judge, would she plead guilty or innocent? The things that happened to all those innocent people because _she_ expressed dislike, definitely not a proud moment.

She called Freddie because he was like a good brother to her, and brothers cared about their sisters. If Olivia were pissed with her, Freddie wouldn't let anything happen. At least she hoped so. What was Olivia going to do? She let the video run way too long. She should have ended it the second those people appeared on the screen. She couldn't help but to freeze up, though, so really it had been difficult for her to say anything at all.

She saw Freddie's car turn the corner and slowly rose to her feet. She didn't deserve his friendship, at least not since she had time to reflect on the various years of torture she'd given him. That's why he was like a brother to her, he still treated her like family and bothered with her, even when she treated him like shit. Really, that was the reason she dated him before, because of his heart, but it just felt too damn weird after a while. Whenever she kissed him, it felt like she was kissing a brother!

Once Freddie parked beside her, she moved to the passenger side and entered the car, taking a deep breath. "Thanks for being here for me, Freddie." She looked to the rearview mirror and quickly caught her breath, there was a girl in the backseat. "Freddie? Who's that?"

Freddie glanced back and smiled slightly.

"That would be my friend's little sister, Victoria. She says she knows Olivia from class, so she wants to try and talk to her."

"Oh, okay then…" Victoria looked vaguely familiar, but she couldn't place her hand on it. She looked relatively similar to that girl Freddie dated several years ago. She pushed the thought from her mind and smiled at her. "Nice to meet you Victoria."

"You too Sam."

"You know my name? Has Freddie been talking about me?" She smirked slightly as Freddie started driving. Victoria laughed once and shook her head.

"I watch iCarly. Not as much as my little sister Vixen. Yet, more than Veronica and Vanessa. They're my older sisters…" Victoria looked at Freddie and poked his seat with her foot. Sam lifted her eyebrows and grinned at Freddie. He befriended a family full of girls? Why was she not surprised? She knuckle bumped his arm and laughed.

"Freddie, you dog." He raised an eyebrow at her and pulled to a stop at a stop sign. "So which one is the girl you've been spending time with?"

"Uh…" He chuckled nervously as Victoria hummed to herself. Sam stared at him with suspicion and turned her eyes to the road. Why did she feel like there was someone missing? Her eyes drifted to the rearview mirror and she watched Victoria closely. She couldn't get the image of that girl out of her head. _Valerie_, that was her name. Victoria had just a few features different. Her cheekbones were higher, her lips were not as plump, and she seemed a little thinner. Was this girl Valerie's sister? Was Freddie hanging out with _Valerie?_ Why wouldn't he tell her that, if so? Was he afraid of her bothering him about it? It wasn't like she would care, not nearly as much as Carly.

She could see Carly now, if Freddie were hanging with Valerie. _"How could you hang out with the girl who tried to ruin iCarly! Are you insane? Oh my god, this has got to be the dumbest thing you've ever done!"_ No, Carly wouldn't act like that. At least, Sam didn't think Carly would act like that. She had been wrong before. It wasn't often for her to be wrong, but if she was, it wasn't fond to admit. Should she bring it up? Should she ask him? Her thoughts were probably incorrect. Valerie had practically vanished.

"Freddie, is there something you're not telling me?" Would he lie to her? She wouldn't tell Carly, if that was the problem. He could tell them when he was ready to. "Nevermind, it isn't important, I suppose." She turned herself around and met Victoria's inquisitive gaze. "Hey, glad you want to help out. So, you know Olivia?"

"Yeah, she and I are in Art class together. We don't really talk, she sits in the back and I sit up front…I've tried to talk to her before, but she doesn't seem to want to talk." Sam clicked her tongue and sighed. She'd hoped the two were at least friends. So how was Victoria supposed to help?

"Okay, and what's your big plan?"

"I haven't really thought that far yet. My sister told me to just be cordial to her and friendly. Vanessa and Veronica were concerned that something might happen because Olivia's a bit aggressive, but my other sister gave me some great advice." Other sister? Vixen? If Vixen was the younger, then would she really have that much advice? No, if her suspicion was correct, maybe it was Valerie.

So why keep Valerie from her? She understood a bit, perhaps Freddie was afraid she'd do something or say something to him about befriending her. She wasn't exactly _friendly_ about the situation five years ago, forcing him to stay away from Valerie and her family. Her heart sank for a minute and she slowly looked to Freddie, he was focusing on the road in front of him. Maybe he wouldn't see what she was about to do.

"Hey Victoria…" She slipped her phone from her pocket and pushed it around the chair. She lowered her voice to a whisper. "Would you give me your number?" Victoria lifted her shoulders and took the phone while Freddie looked out the side window to try and make a turn. Sam smiled as the girl handed her the phone back with her number on the screen. "Thanks." She turned back into her seat and clicked to save the number. "Freddie, how much longer do we have?"

"A couple more minutes."

"All right. I'm just going to send a text out to a friend of mine, let her know I'm a bit busy."

"All right."

Sam quickly began texting, entering in Victoria's number in the recipient box. _"Victoria, I have a question. If you know who this is…you look a lot like this girl that Freddie dated some years back."_ Victoria's cell phone vibrated in her pocket, so she quickly whipped it out and started texting back. Sam smiled and leaned back in her chair. If Freddie didn't want her inquiring about Valerie, then he wouldn't have to know. She could do covert as much as she wanted to. Her cell buzzed and she quickly glanced at the screen, smiling at the girl's response.

_"People say I look a lot like my sister." _The girl must be used to texting, as her response came rather quickly. With a nod, Sam immediately replied.

_"Your sister wouldn't happen to be Valerie Williams, would she? Freddie dated her five years ago."_ She watched the rearview mirror and saw Victoria wince. Maybe she was concerned about her knowing as well.

_"I'm really not supposed to say. Freddie and Valerie are concerned that you and Carly would be really upset. Even Vanessa's afraid you might force him to stay away from us again. Valerie didn't mean any harm back then, you know, she really cared for Freddie and he cared about us, until he broke up with her…"_ Sam put her hand to her chest and turned her head back to Victoria, who frowned at her. They were concerned she'd force Freddie to stay away? She wouldn't do that, not now at least. She turned back and texted Victoria again.

_"You mean he was actually a good friend to you guys?"_ Victoria nodded and moved her gaze to Freddie. Her lip curved up for a split second and her fingers started moving rapidly across her phone.

_"Freddie was like family to us, he even made promises. Life has been difficult, Valerie became really depressed after the breakup. She really cared about him, Sam. She didn't mean to be so mean, but Freddie didn't give her a chance to explain anything. He just left, saying that you and Carly didn't think he should see her or us again."_

"No…" She breathed from her lips and looked to Freddie with a guilty sadness in her eyes. He looked over at her and flashed a small smile, then looked back to the road. She texted back and closed her eyes. _"I'm sorry. Carly and I only thought Valerie was a…"_ Be respectful. This was Valerie's little sister after all. _"We didn't think she actually cared about Freddie."_

_"There is a lot that you don't know about her."_

_ "Are they really afraid of how Carly and I would react? If so, I won't say anything…"_

_ "They are. Our oldest sister too, actually, I think she simply does not want you or Carly involved in Valerie's life."_ Sam's lips parted and she slowly set her phone on her lap. Why was this? What did she do wrong? Then again, she knew what she did wrong. She couldn't help but wonder what Freddie's friendship with the family was like, or even what the family was like, but she wasn't going to ask anything more. It seemed like Victoria didn't really want to talk about this. Her phone buzzed once more, so she checked it. _"Don't let that scare you, Vanessa's just really protective of us. She's even stiff with Freddie, but she's coming around! You could talk to Valerie if you wanted to."_

Sam moved her eyes to the side and lifted her shoulders, she knew better than to do that. She didn't want a repeat of Olivia. Did she really cause people this much grief? Jesus. "We're here," Freddie said while parking the car. Sam took a deep breath and slowly exited the vehicle, her chest was aching and her mind was spinning. Victoria exited on her side and looked to her with a subtle smile.

"Victoria, can I ask one more thing? Why did Valerie do what she did back then…if that's not really what she's like, then why?"

"She made a mistake. Got chewed out by Vanessa afterwards, but she made a mistake. She wanted friends and went about gaining friends the wrong way, I think."

"Contrary to what people may think, I usually try to avoid the habit of making people's lives a living hell…I'm sorry if Carly and I influenced Freddie to abandon you guys. I won't do that again. If Freddie and Valerie decide to let me know they're friends again…I'll accept that, I guess."

"Maybe, you'd just have to look past what she did." Victoria looked over as Freddie finally started to exit the car. She breathed in and folded her arms across her chest. "My sister is not a bad person. Misunderstood maybe, but she's got a good heart. Anyway, let's go talk to Olivia…"

"Right. That won't be easy."

"Eh, once you've dealt with Vanessa's anger, you can deal with anything." Sam chuckled nervously and followed Victoria towards the front door. She did want to talk to Valerie, to see how she was doing in recent years, but perhaps it was better that she didn't. Especially if she was such a bad name through the family. Maybe she was thinking too much, maybe there really wasn't that much trouble. "Val isn't angry at you, by the way. Nor is she angry at Carly."

"So they don't like us just because we tore Freddie away?"

Victoria paused for a moment, bowed her head, then slowly looked up.

"Not that." The girl glanced back at the restaurants across the street and the thrift store. She pressed her lips together and turned her attention back to the door, knocking swiftly. "Maybe it's just a part of the whole picture. Something my art teacher would say, small details create a whole image, they can make or break anything. Let's not talk about this anymore, okay?"

"All right. Sorry…"

* * *

><p>So I'm putting this chapter up after a long wait, still waitin' for a couple things, but I'm still doing this story. Sorry for the long wait, I got a bit distracted. Still am, and now with college going on, everything's kind of funky. I'm not abandoning the story for anything, I just keep getting put on one track and going until I get to a good point on that track and my mind allows me to work on a different track XD. *Whistles working on the railroad*<p> 


	16. Broken Inside

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N:

* * *

><p>Chapter 16 (Broken Inside)<p>

_"I've said too much_," Victoria thought as she slowly lowered her hand. This was what she was afraid of, she always wound up talking too much. Kids at school called her a chatterbox due to her constant talking, she just didn't know where the boundaries were. She told herself she wouldn't talk about Valerie to Sam. Now Sam _knew_ Freddie was hanging with Valerie again. What would she do? Could she be trusted?

Valerie was hurt. Victoria had been too young to understand everything that happened, but she definitely saw what the pain did to her. She hadn't thought Olivia lived in this area. Hopefully the gang that hurt Valerie wasn't around anymore, she didn't want to be hurt the way her sister was. Her eyes moved to Freddie, who was walking up to the front porch. His hands were in his pockets and his lips were up in a smile. It meant _so much_ to her that he was back in their lives. In part, she came along for Olivia yes, but she also wanted to come along because of Freddie. She didn't want to lose him again. No one did, not even Valerie, but they were scared of his leaving them. It was so hard for her sisters to be close to him, even Valerie, who remained optimistic about the whole thing, was just a little afraid he might vanish on them again.

Maybe he wouldn't, he'd already been _talking_ to them for about a week now, and he was showing signs of sincerity. She was eight at the time, anyway, it took her like five years to even realize _why_ he up and left. She didn't think he'd actually take her to see a movie, she was just messing around when she said he owed her a movie. The movie wasn't even all that great, really, but she really respected him for taking her, as well as Vixen and Valerie.

The door opened and Olivia's eyes drifted to her and her expression fell slightly. "What are you doing here? Whatever, everyone inside." Olivia didn't look too worse for wear. She wasn't wearing any facial piercings and her full face was actually visible. Her jet black hair was pulled back into a ponytail and her ears had only one piercing where her lobes were. She still had black wrist bands with skulls on them and was wearing a black shirt and black pants. She had purple mascara and no lipstick.

"Wow," Victoria scanned Olivia and raised an eyebrow, not thinking too much about her first few words. "What happened to your face piercings?"

Olivia rolled her eyes and started motioning the others in. As everyone walked inside, they were astonished to see not only Denise, but Michael Brown, sitting on the couch. Sam's jaw dropped and Victoria's eyebrows lifted curiously. Michael had brown hair flowing to his jaw-line, with hints of grey hair. He had a sharp gaze in his eyes and had a muscular build. "Is that your dad?"

Yes, it's my dad. He saw iCarly and decided to show his face. He said we should let Sam come and hear what we had to say."

Victoria looked at Sam with a subtle smile. Sam swallowed hard and remained frozen in place. There wasn't much room, the living room was a small square, possibly twelve feet by twelve feet.

"He doesn't think I should be wearing face junk."

"I think you look pretty without all that jewelry in your face." Olivia rolled her eyes once more and stared at her as if she had a second head. "What? It isn't like you usually walk around without the facial jewelry." She had a feeling she should stop now while she was ahead. Olivia looked perturbed and annoyed.

"Are you asking me to pound your face in?"

There it was, the lovely threats that she knew all too well from their days in class together. Victoria sighed and crossed her arms. "I'd rather you didn't…I'm pretty certain people wouldn't like that all that much." Olivia turned to her and narrowed her eyes.

"I'm pretty certain I don't _care._"

Freddie cleared his throat and the two quickly looked towards him. Olivia huffed and started moving towards her mother and father. Olivia stared at Sam and began speaking. "Anyway Sam, we wanted to tell you...thanks for what you did." Sam smiled and closed her eyes. "I've never…seen that video before. I miss him. Jonah. I wish he were still here, I would have tried my hardest to keep him from taking those pills." She bowed her head and closed her hands. "Some of those people in that video, yelling at him and mocking him, I recognized them…from the gang…I'm done with them. Whether Jonah would have wanted me to be involved or not, I'm done with them. I can't stand thinking that they were responsible for something like that."

"It's a good thing, too!" Victoria said with a quick interjection. Olivia glanced at her, her eyes hazy. She raised an eyebrow and Victoria slowly inhaled. "Look, that gang is just bad news, trust me." She knew it was the same gang that hurt Valerie. Not the same people, obviously, but the gang was still the same. The same name, the same hiding spot, everything was the same. "You don't want to be a part of something like that. Trust me."

"That's kind of why I'm leaving them." Olivia turned her stare on Victoria and exhaled sharply. Victoria felt sweat running along her neck, she was a little concerned that her presence was a bit unwelcomed. She was trying not to talk too much, she didn't want to annoy the girl. "Anyway, Dad came back after seeing the video because of the memories that resurfaced, so…mom also wants to apologize to you, Sam."

"She doesn't have to," Sam replied with a quiet voice. Olivia cleared her throat and moved her eyes to the side.

"Well she's going to. You don't know what seeing that video did to us, and well, hearing his words…" Olivia was stammering out her words, as though she really just didn't know what to say. Maybe she was trying to reach into that little sister that was deep inside her, maybe was just too difficult to actually get past that barrier she put up. "So I, uh…I'm going to let mom and dad talk to you. I guess. It was dad's suggestion, really." She turned and hurried out of the room. Victoria looked to Sam and Freddie, both were unsure of what to do.

_"They got this."_ She excused herself and walked after Olivia. As she followed the girl through a hallway, she saw various family pictures along the walls. The majority of pictures were of a younger Olivia and Jonah, laughing happily and enjoying their life. There were a few that gave the thought of a family in a happier time, but it seemed Olivia was just a toddler in that time. Could they have ever been a happy family?

Slowly she made her way to Olivia's bedroom. The door was wide open and Olivia was laying on her bed, tossing a rubber ball into the air and catching it. "Hey Olivia, can we talk?" Olivia caught her ball and shot a glare towards Victoria.

"What gave you the crazy idea that I wanted you to follow me?"

"I thought it'd be the right thing to do." She walked into the room and slowly closed the door behind her, much to the girl's disdain. Maybe she was crazy to try talking to her, but no one ever accomplished anything without risks. "Your family seemed happy at one time…what changed for you?" She looked around the room and lifted her eyebrows. The walls were painted red, while the bottom portion of the walls were painted black. The carpet was purple. There was a black television stand against the wall facing the bed, it was large and held a stereo, CDs, and a television. Olivia's bedding was a shade of dark red with pink lace on the edges. The pink seemed to be the only non-gothic thing in the entire room. She walked towards the edge of the bed and smiled sadly. "Seems like it was before Jonah…passed…"

"Yeah, my parents started fighting, what of it." She sat up and pulled her knees towards her chest. "I don't expect someone like _you_ to understand pain and broken families." She was taken aback by the words, but she bit down on responding angrily.

"Olivia. Just because I don't _act_ like there's anything wrong, doesn't mean that there isn't anything wrong."

"Yeah…somehow I doubt that."

Victoria shook her head and looked towards the window to the far end of the room. On the desk was an oil painting, most likely done by Olivia. She walked over and gazed down with a subtle smile, the girl never seemed to do any work in class. Though this painting was spectacular.

"What the hell are you doing?"

The painting looked like a self-portrait of a girl, shoulders up, with long brown hair flowing over the right shoulder. The hair covered a portion of her right eye, the girl's left eye had a large blue tear dripping from it. Her face was covered by a veil attached to a black hat. The background was of a sunset, and a tombstone sat in the distance. The bottom left corner had the name _Olivia Brown-My World_.

"This is gorgeous, I didn't know you could paint so well…"

"Just because I don't act like I pay attention in class doesn't mean that I don't." Olivia smirked and Victoria slowly shook her head. If only she could paint this well, she would. She wanted to be an art teacher one day, but she just didn't have confidence in her own painting. "Now if you'll leave my room, I'll be happy." It shouldn't be so damn difficult to talk to her? How was she supposed to get past this defensive wall that Olivia built up over the years? How could she reach that soft part of her classmate that was hidden away? If there was a soft part. She closed her eyes and slowly moved her fingers along the brown maple computer desk.

"I was just eight…"

` Olivia raised an eyebrow and looked away from her, rolling her eyes.

"Now what are you going on about?"

Victoria opened her eyes and turned to Olivia, narrowing her eyes and closing her hands.

"You said I don't know anything about a broken family. I do."

Olivia scoffed and met Victoria's eyes, pausing when she saw the seriousness and the hurt behind them. "We were a happy family, always doing our best to make each and every day a good one, I remember that. We worried about things like mom going overseas, right? That was probably our only 'worry' at the time…but I guess I didn't know what that meant."

"It means-"

"I _know_ what it means!" Olivia jerked back somewhat as Victoria took a step forward. "Freddie comes into our lives, makes us not worry so much, and I think I have a pretty good friend. Then he vanishes, just stops coming around. I was only eight, I didn't understand why he would abandon us. Mom got sent overseas, everything got tense. Vanessa and Valerie did their best to remain strong for us younger children. You think things were easy having a dad that had to start working harder to provide for us? Before mom even came home…." She whisked her hand out, pointing to where she thought the thrift store would be. At this point, she wasn't thinking about what she was saying. "Valerie got attacked by gang members belonging to that same gang you're a part of."

Olivia's eyes widened. Her lips moved, but no sound escaped. "As if we didn't need enough stress, Vanessa, Valerie, Veronica…they weren't the same after that. They just weren't. For practically a year, everyone held themselves in their rooms, they wouldn't talk to anyone, not even Vixen or myself. Even our parents worried more about Valerie than us!" It was a part of the trauma that happened to her, she knew that _now_, but back then she had no clue why their family was changing so dramatically. Her heart ached with each word she threw out. "We didn't understand why, Dad was so worried about Valerie that we honestly thought it was favoritism! So there was plenty of sibling rivalry to go around. Then mom comes home, she's not the same either, she lost the ability to _walk_. Every one of us struggles with trying to rise above all the pain in our lives, trying to smile from day to day without letting our own personal problems come out, so for you to say I don't _know_ what brokenness feels like, is like a slap to the face! Do you understand that?"

Olivia slowly closed her mouth and smiled as Victoria breathed heavily. Immediately she felt guilty for saying so much to Olivia, more than she even wanted. More than she needed. Olivia rose to her feet and slowly pat her on the shoulder. "I have to hand it to you, you're not half bad. That was a mouthful…"

"Oh shut up." She crossed her arms and looked away. Olivia's lips fell and she lowered her arm with a sigh.

"I'm sorry. I should probably not have been so snappy with you…I just don't like people so…I don't know."

"So what? You don't like letting people close? Is that it? You realize because of what happened to Valerie, I don't really even like talking to people that much, I tend to think it'll happen to me. I worry about being bullied like she was, I worry about being treated like I'm a bad person. At least I don't push people away from me before I even get to know them."

Olivia took a deep breath and shut her eyes.

"I wasn't always like this There were happier times, until Mom got that promotion at work that she'd always worked so hard to get. I think I was about four or five then. She stopped coming around so much, always working, Dad went out and…well, he had an affair." Olivia scoffed and let her eyes drift off to the side. "And before you ask, _no_ cheating doesn't run in the fucking family. Jonah wound up hating dad, Mom started fighting and staying away even more. When Jonah came home after being put on that machine, I remember hearing him in the bedroom, crying about how he was afraid of turning into Dad."

Victoria felt her heart tighten in her chest, there was definitely a good amount of pain to be felt. It was horrible, truth be told, that so many bad things could have happened in their lives. Olivia took a long pause, staring down at the painting on her desk. She pressed her lips together and rubbed her forehead. "He didn't want to make those mistakes...he hated himself. When he changed, everything changed. People started hurting him, hurling insults that reminded him of his mistake. The more they went, the more he was afraid of turning into Dad, and the higher his fear became, the deeper he sank. I thought _I_ was the problem, I thought maybe he was tired of _me_."

"I don't think that would have happened…he seems like the kind of brother who wouldn't let anything happen to you."

"He was." She smiled sadly and quickly wiped a stray tear from her cheek. "His final words to me in his last video…confirmed that, I guess. I know he didn't want this life for me, he just wanted us to be a family again."

"That's all anyone wants, to feel _normal_. Things happen that take away from that, I guess…"

Olivia bowed her head and sat back on her bed. Victoria moved next to her and lifted her eyes to the ceiling. "It's kind of funny, Vixen's the only one in my family that actually probably thinks the way we are is normal…that we've always been this way. The only one that doesn't have to worry about remembering all the pain that we've gone through."

"Is it possible to even go back? I mean, some things can never be the same again. I know that, Jonah's gone and he'll _never_ come back, no matter what I do."

Victoria's eyes watered and she felt a bit of Olivia's sorrow, it really wasn't hard to know exactly how she felt. When tragedies happen, it's like a part of that person dies.

"I would love to be happy again. Mom and Dad don't appear to be fighting, Mom looks happy that Dad's here."

"You guys need each other. You needed each other back then and you need each other now. I guess it doesn't always have to be broken, there are still those pieces that you can pick up."

"How?"

"I guess…maybe start by opening yourself up. _Try_ to be happy again. Maybe you and I…need to make a new friend outside of the family."

Olivia raised an eyebrow and stared at her with uncertainty. Victoria smirked gently and crossed her arms over. Olivia opened her mouth as her eyes grew.

"You're not serious. You? Me? _Friends_? We hardly even talk!"

"True, but I see how well you paint. I want to be an art teacher one day, and I'm not all that great of a painter, so…maybe we could meet up and give each other tips? Perhaps we could also be there for each other whenever we…have something going on. You know, like friends do for one another."

"You honestly think that would do anything?"

"You never know until you try." Olivia gave her a suspicious look and she slowly bowed her head. Did she seriously want to do this? None of the sisters that could _drive_ would want to drive into this area, but at least she knew how to ride a bike. She was just sick of not having someone to talk to, sick of having to hear Valerie crying whenever the anniversary of her attack came around or something triggered an emotional flashback for her. Vanessa wasn't even at home half the time, she lived in the dorms at Seattle University. Veronica always seemed like she was mad at _something_. "I'm just tired of feeling alone, aren't you?"

"I guess…" Olivia leaned forward and held her hands together at her chin. She stared directly ahead at the television screen and closed her eyes. "I don't even know what we have in common…"

Victoria gazed at the television and lifted her shoulders.

"An older sibling that has been hurt because of some bad fans of a webshow?"

"_Besides_ that," she replied gruffly.

"Yeah, I know…" She tried to think of something they would have in common, anything that could possibly spark an interest. "Twilight?" Olivia narrowed her eyes and slowly inhaled.

"Dracula would slaughter those pitiful excuses for vampires." She chuckled and closed her eyes. Definitely not Twilight.

"No argument there." Olivia smirked subtly and slowly turned her head to Victoria, resting her cheek on her hands.

"Pulling pranks on teachers?"

"I don't enjoy detention all that much."

"Of course not. Let's talk bands…Skillet?" Victoria's eyebrows rose and her lips curved into a bright grin. She actually secretly enjoyed Skillet, the same for other bands like Three Days Grace, Simple Plan, Nickelback.

"Love them!" Olivia's eyes widened in shock and she quickly sat upright. "I also really love Nickelback and Simple Plan."

"Sweet! Maybe we _do _have something in common…I have two tickets to a Skillet concert. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go, since I didn't have anyone to go with. You think you'd want to tag along?" She gasped and quickly nodded, this was an opportunity she just couldn't pass up.

"Yes!"

"Awesome. Here let's exchange numbers, we can talk over the phone." Olivia pulled her cell phone out and handed it to her. She took the phone and handed Olivia her own. After entering in their numbers, the phones were returned to the rightful owners. "Quick, favorite song by Skillet."

"Hero."

"Ooh, good choice. I prefer Awake and Alive."

"That's another one of my favorites, actually."

They heard a knock at the door and looked over as Freddie opened it. He smiled slightly and met Victoria's eyes. "Hey, it's time to get going. Have to drop Sam off at her place and then get you home."

"Aw man…" She bowed her head and quickly met Olivia's eyes. "Text you later?"

"Sure."

"All right. See you." Olivia waved her off and she quickly moved over to Freddie, who was watching with curiosity. She smiled and brushed past him, he didn't suspect a thing. At least Olivia was willing to try and be friends, and maybe now she realized, she didn't have to be alone in this. Maybe neither of them had to feel _broken_ anymore.

* * *

><p>Well, hopefully you liked that chapter. There's a lot in it, so let me know your observations.<p> 


	17. Searching for Balance

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N:

* * *

><p>Chapter 17 (Searching for Balance)<p>

The conversation with Mr. and Mrs. Brown went well, Sam even offered to spend some extra time going to see them every now and then. It was enough to make Freddie think even more on his own plan of action. He cared about Valerie's family, he honestly did, and he knew it would be difficult to regain their trust. What he'd been doing lately, it was a start. His confidence was relatively shot, however, all things considered, but mostly it was just a case of depression he was working through.

Having what he called 'The Two T's' caused a lot of grief for him. Low testosterone, tourettes, and a _number_ of medical issues from childhood just piled up. It was the reason for his low confidence, the reason he let everyone push him around, and perhaps even the reason he never truly stood up for what was right. What would his father say? Or better yet, what was _God_ thinking about how he was leading his life.

He barely even picked up that bible. With all the stress coming on from iCarly fans, the upcoming parole hearing with Nora, and reconnecting with the Williams family, what was he supposed to do? Stress was the predominant factor in Tourettes. The higher the stress level, the harder it was to control a twitch. He'd been in situations where Sam and Carly would take notice and ask, but as always, he kept true to his own silence. Still, Valerie was the only one he'd ever told about everything in his past. Even when he tried dating Sam, he couldn't bring himself to talk to her about it.

Freddie heard his name being called and quickly snapped out of the daze he was in. He was parked alongside the curb by Bushwell Plaza, with Sam and Carly standing outside the car. Carly was leaning in through the window, snapping her finger. Victoria was still in the back seat, humming to herself as she texted on her phone. He smiled awkwardly at Carly and reached up, scratching his head. "Freddie, you're not coming in? I guess you have to take your friend home?" He looked back to Victoria and nodded, not knowing exactly how to respond.

"Yeah, she's my friend's sister…" Carly smiled back at him, then raised an eyebrow. She appeared skeptical of something. There was really nothing to be suspicious about, absolutely nothing was happening with Valerie at this point of time. As much as he'd _like_ there to be something, she wouldn't go for it unless he actually could prove to her that he cared about her family, and he did. "I need to get her back home."

"All right. It seems like you're spending a lot of time with this friend of yours, and we don't even know who she is." He lifted his shoulders and glanced over to Sam, she didn't look interested in this at all. It was fine by him. As long as none of his fans saw him with Valerie, there would be no problem. "We kind of miss you, Freddie. I mean, you're not telling us a whole lot…"

"I'm sorry about that, I really am, it's just…some things I'm not sure I can tell you right now." He didn't want to deal with them freaking out. He couldn't take any more stress. "Now, I have to get Victoria back before her family starts freaking and thinking Olivia did something. I swear, her oldest sister will kill me." Victoria looked up from the phone, laughing lightly. He smirked and Carly stepped back from the car. "I'll swing by later, all right? Would you check on mom for me?"

"Sure Freddie…bye…" He saluted her and drove off, relaxing his muscles as the girls faded into the distance. Victoria looked up at him and rolled her head to the side.

"I know you and Valerie are concerned about the fans and everything else, but don't forget to spend time with your friends." He frowned and stared down at the steering wheel. Victoria was correct, he shouldn't be so forgetful towards the girls, but he didn't know how to spend time with them and Valerie while keeping the two lives separate. Not only that, but there was a hint of resentment towards them for making him ignore the Williams family, though it wasn't wholly their fault. "Also Vanessa wouldn't _kill_ you. She might have some fun beating you like she does those mannequins, but she wouldn't _kill_ you." He laughed and glanced at the rearview mirror.

"I'd still like to avoid that. Also, Sam and Carly are the ones that told me to stay away from Valerie and the family. I'm not blaming them, because I know I should have just listened to myself rather than letting them dictate to me, but at the same time…I kind of resent them for it. You know?" Victoria reached forward and pat his shoulder. He was comforted by the gesture and breathed in calmly through his nostrils. "I know I shouldn't, and I'm not angry at them, I just…I don't know how to balance them and you guys."

"Valerie wouldn't want you doing that, Freddie. None of us do. You either have time for both or you have time with one, simple as that." She pulled her hand away, clearing her throat as she did. "You should forgive Sam and Carly. Let go of that resentment and let God deal with the problems." It wasn't that easy for him. With all the hell he'd gone through in his life, he may have the faith, but trusting God was still somewhat difficult.

"I can't tell you how many times…" His voice cracked once and he quickly cleared it away. "I've prayed many times for many things, I've searched, and I've lost sight. Then I wind up doing things I shouldn't do, I wind up not standing up for what's right, and I just…I'm a failure. I can't see how I'm worth God's time."

"Everyone's worth God's time, Freddie. He loves everyone the same." She shrugged her shoulders and closed her eyes. "Don't tell Valerie I said this, because she'd freak, but…" He held his breath and glanced back to the mirror full of concern. Victoria had her head bowed and was tapping the chair. "She's always reading that bible, making notes and everything, but…she struggles a lot with her faith too. I've heard her ask those same questions from time to time, wondering if God's forgotten her, wondering where she went wrong, and well…it's hard to hear. She doesn't let anyone in, won't talk about what bothers her, and so we just kind of watch as she slips away into her own depression."

His heart crashed then, and his hands grew heavy on the wheel. He couldn't think of anything to say, but he let his mind begin to spin out of control. "She's changed a lot over the years, huh?"

"We all have. We're not the same family you might remember. Let me just say, none of us want to come face to face with iCarly fans, and it's hard to trust people. It's hard to trust even you, because of what happened…Vixen and I don't know a whole lot about everything, but I do know enough. I know how everything affected Valerie, and I know how it felt when you disappeared on us. Vixen and I, we were confused and uncertain. Why didn't you ever come back? Did you even care about us? These were the things we thought about…"

Tears flooded his eyes. He came to a stop at a red light and moved his hand to his heart. "I did and I do care. I honestly want to be a part of your lives again, and I'm not saying that out of guilt or anything, I mean it. I never meant to hurt you guys."

"I know, and I don't think anyone assumes you'd feel guilty or else you'd be acting differently. It's just going to take a while. As long as you show you care, then you're fine…but don't hide it from Carly and Sam…"

"I don't know how they would react, but Valerie doesn't want them knowing right now…"

"It'll take some time, sure, but when you guys feel okay with it…you might try being open and honest." The light changed to green and Freddie continued to drive. He focused on the road, trying to ignore the sensation to kick his leg or smack his arm against the wheel. The Tourettes was strong now, and his entire body was tensing up. He clenched his teeth, trying desperately to regain control.

After several painful seconds, the urge to twitch went away, but he still felt highly uncomfortable. Fortunately Victoria didn't appear to notice anything, and had gone back to texting. His mind went to Valerie, and he had to wonder, would she really consider dating him again? "Victoria, I think I already know the answer to this, but I was just wondering…do you think it'd be okay to ask Valerie out after a while?" Victoria raised an eyebrow and looked up at him, staring for several seconds. Her lips curved into a subtle smirk as she reached up and swept her hair over her shoulders.

"Sure it would, but first things first, you definitely need to be a part of the family first. She's big on family and really wouldn't go for you unless you show that you actually care about us all again." He understood that loud and clear, and there was no reason he couldn't do that. It wouldn't be an easy task, winning them all over again, but he was going to try his hardest to be friends again. "Just during all that, remember not to neglect your other friends. Sam, Carly, and Gibby…they need you too. Also I know you're having some problems with your fans, but you can't let them get the better of you either."

"Yeah you're right, thanks Victoria."

After a while, they made it back to her place. She was met by her sisters and parents in the living room. Valerie looked up at Freddie, smiling. She tucked her hair behind her ear and locked her eyes with his, pulling him in. He breathed in slowly and thought on what he could do first. Sure he needed to spend time with them, but Carly and Sam _did_ sound like they needed him. Nora's parole hearing was coming up, and they would need him to be there for support.

It would be a difficult task to balance the priorities in his life, and then to add all the stress on him, but he could do it. Maybe eventually, he would even regain Valerie's trust, but they'd have to work on it. Both of them were suffering, and likely for different reasons, but he wanted to be there for her. There was no sense in denying that.

"Thanks for getting her back in one piece," Valerie joked. Freddie rubbed the back of his neck and bowed his head. His cheeks went red and his stomach emptied out. Valerie folded her arms over and looked to her sisters, then back to him. "Do you want to stay for a little while?" Did he have time? He glanced to the nearest clock, he could stay for an hour at the latest.

"I can stay for a bit, but then I need to also get back and check on Carly and Sam. They seemed a bit troubled."

"Fair enough, I hope everything's okay with them."

"Yeah, they're just a little stressed, but I'm sure everything's fine." Unless they were being stalked by savage fans angry with their last webshow, in which case, he truly couldn't be surprised.

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><p>Tell me your thoughts on this chapter, I do hope you've enjoyed it.<p> 


	18. High Stress

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N:

* * *

><p>Chapter 18 (High Stress)<p>

When Freddie returned home, he initially wanted to check on his mom before heading over to Carly's and make sure they were okay. When he entered the apartment, he came upon a shocking sight. His mom was going through a cookbook she hadn't picked up in years. She was on the couch, scraping her fingers along the glossy page. She rarely cooked anymore, usually dining on leftovers or store-bought goods. It used to be common for her to make things fresh, but that was back when his father was still alive, and a little bit of when he was dating Valerie. "Hey Mom, what's going on?"

"Oh hi Freddie…" She looked up from the book, smiling at him and motioning for him to hurry over. He made his way to the couch and looked at the page she was on, it was a recipe for a special kind of stuffing. It was the 18th of November, Thanksgiving was well on its way this week, and she _never_ made Thanksgiving dinner. At least, not since his dad passed. "Viola and Vincent invited us over for Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday." He was a little uncertain on whether that would be a good idea, but he was all for it. "That wouldn't be a problem would it? Beats the hell out of having Thanksgiving in this stuffy old apartment."

He smirked at her and folded his arms over. "Aw, you mean no Thanksgiving eating overcooked turkey sandwiches in front of the television?" His mom rolled her eyes and smirked back at him. "If that's what you want, I'm all for it. I want to get back in with them, you know…though I'm sure Vanessa and Veronica want to kill me, so if they're thankful for anything, it'll be for the prey they're about to capture." Marissa laughed. He hugged her and quickly hopped to his feet, remembering his friends. "Wait until-never mind-can't quite tell Sam and Carly yet." Marissa looked confused, as she didn't know the full story. He dusted off his lower shirt and shrugged. "Valerie and I are a little nervous about telling the girls we're friends again. Sam and Carly are kind of the reason four our falling out in the first place."

"Oh, I'm sorry…well hopefully you two will be able to get past that eventually." He hoped so as well, but there was no denying it would take a while.

When entering Carly's apartment, he saw Sam in her usual laid-back spot on the couch, with Carly nonchalantly sipping a soda in the kitchen. He waved at the two and closed the door behind him. Sam looked up with an acknowledging nod, while Carly merely shook her head. He did feel a tad guilty about keeping Valerie and her family from them, but he had to respect their wishes. Not only that, but he honestly didn't want to deal with them trying to separate him from the family _again_. "How was your time with your friend, Freddie?" Carly asked, lowering her soda can onto the counter. She narrowed her eyes and raised an eyebrow. "We're stressing out, a parole hearing's coming up in a couple days, and you won't even tell us who you're spending your time with. What happened? Why won't you tell us? Didn't we used to share everything?"

Sam shot her a look, silencing her. She looked back to Freddie with a frown. "Don't take it seriously, we're just all going through a lot right now. Fans are riding us because of our webshow, so it's kind of hard to deal with that." Freddie moved over to the couch and took a seat, watching as Carly began making her way towards the couch.

"Yeah, sorry about snapping Freddie. I'm not upset with you or anything, I just wish we could have what we used to have years and years ago. You know…when we were best friends who shared everything together." His heart began racing as his eyes slowly drifted towards the door, seeking escape. "Sam knew what we did, you guys knew who I was talking two, and we all knew about your latest endeavors and whatnot. Now it's just like…because of the fans, we've all become distant from one another. I'm scared of that…I don't want anything to change."

"Nothing's going to change," Freddie answered. He wasn't entirely confident that nothing would change, but he did hope their friendship would remain the same. "I have to be honest, there _are_ things that I haven't shared with you guys, and some I just haven't shared with anyone." Carly hummed in response, perhaps questioning whether she wanted to push the matter. There was no need to press onward, at least not in his opinion. He searched his mind for a quick change of subject, so as to avoid having to disclose any uncomfortable information to them. "So…mom and I got invited to Thanksgiving dinner by a family we met at church…" He bowed his head and leaned forward, turning his eyes slowly towards the girls. The corners of Sam's mouth seemed to flick upwards for a brisk second. Carly clasped her hands together and smiled fully.

"I'm glad you guys are getting out this year! At least someone finally got you and your mom out of that dusty old apartment."

"Yeah." He chuckled to cover a scoff. Never before had he thought of his apartment as dusty or old, but he did see Carly's point as a valid one. Ever since they'd known him, whenever Thanksgiving came around, he and his mom were indeed cooped up inside. Many attempts to pull him out would fail. "I guess ever since Dad's accident, we just kind of lost sight of everything that was important. It drained us…"

After a few seconds, he froze, realizing what he'd just said. The girls knew his dad was gone, but they didn't know he was _dead_. The girls stared at him, their mouths agape, and their eyes distressed. "I didn't know you lost your dad in an accident…" He clenched his eyes shut and tightened his fists on his jeans. Had he become so comfortable that he would just blurt something so personal out like that? Now he felt like throwing himself out the nearest window. "Freddie…I'm sorry." He rolled his eyes. When Carly put her hand to his shoulder, he moved away reflexively, tensing up. "We're all friends here, Freddie…I know it's hard, but I know what you're going through. I lost my mom overseas, and every day I worry that my dad won't come home…"

He moved his gaze over to Carly and felt an empty feeling wavering inside of him. She lost her mother in a war? He never knew that about her, but it explained so much. It explained why she was always so tense when it came to discussing her parents , or anyone asking about her mom. Sam crossed her arms and interjected her own point. "I told you guys my dad ran off with some chick years ago. We all have some shit going on in our lives, nobody's perfect, and no one's without something working against them. So that's why it really hit home what happened to Jonah and his family…" That was understandable, Freddie didn't have to guess why it would hurt for Sam to see a family so close together at one point just crash and separate. "I keep thinking it's my fault, but hell…I think it's my fault for everything that happens now."

"It's not all your fault," Freddie remarked. Sam raised an eyebrow and scoffed. She smacked the back of her right hand into her palm, voicing out her protest.

"My big mouth has gotten us into trouble _how_ many times? The things I've said have cost people their jobs, their homes, their entire fucking _lives_, and you want to say I'm not at fault? So I took out my angers and aggressions on people, I guess I never realized that other people had shit going on too, right Freddie? It's not just me, it's not just you, and it's not just Carly…everyone's going through stuff."

The silence and tension in the air grew tense, and the trio averted their eye contact. Carly checked her cell phone and let out a quiet scoff. Her eyes looked glossy like they were to the point of tears, and her face was slightly redder than usual. "Then our fans think we don't even have lives," she muttered, tossing her phone onto the coffee table. Sam looked over and Freddie gazed at the phone. "I'm thinking about deactivating my twitter account, that's how serious it is right now. Another fan of ours posted on my profile…"

"What'd they say?"

"Still asking about the girl they saw Freddie with the Sunday before last." Freddie rolled his eyes and Carly rubbed her forehead. "They want me to 'step up' and push her out of the picture. I'm not even interested…to top it off, we have to deal with Nora's parole hearing! I think I'm going to be sick…"

Sam grunted and waved her hand in the air, "I stopped using twitter ages ago. Remember when Freddie and I stopped dating? I _still_ got messages up to a couple months ago telling me to get back together with him. I've actually seen messages on Facebook from people we've dated, all saying how dating us ruined their lives because of the fans. Either the fans were pissed off at them for dating us, or the fans were pissed off with them for dumping us and 'breaking our hearts'. There's no winning with the fans, they're all like freakin' bipolar people!"

Freddie was disturbed to hear this news, especially considering how attached their fans had become and how influential they'd been upon their fans. It still scared him, wondering what the fans did to Valerie, if they truly did anything to her. When he thought about the fact that the Williams family would also be attending a parole hearing for someone, then connected that to the scarring he saw on her back, it made sense to believe someone hurt her. To what extent, he didn't know, but it stirred a deep anger within him.

"Give me a reason not to pull the plug," Carly growled. "Give me a reason not to give up. In my opinion, iCarly's worn its welcome."

"We can't just end it."

"Why the hell _not_, Sam? You just got through saying how we caused a lot of crap! Someone _died_ because of our influence. God knows how many people were hurt in one way or another by the crazier half of our fans! I say we blow off this parole hearing with Nora, because that's just one more crazy fan I don't want to have to deal with, and then we pull the plug on iCarly. The fans don't deserve our webshow, they take advantage of it so damn much and use it as an excuse to bully people and tear them apart. I didn't even know Sam had that many followers."

"You're not perfect, Carly…You've said and done stuff that's turned our fans onto people also." Freddie raised his eyebrow at Sam. She was tense and irritated beyond reason. "It's not just me, okay!" Sam's eyes held fresh, frustrated tears, as did Carly's. The thought that iCarly could have become something so tense and stressful was unfathomable. Someone had to step up to the plate and play mediator, but he wasn't even sure that he could do that much.

He cleared his throat, grabbing their attention. He smiled at them when they looked his way, breathing heavily. "Okay guys, we don't need to pull the plug right yet. You know our fans well enough to know that just tearing the plug from the wall like that is going to create a lot more problems…and if the fans have an impact outside of iCarly, you can bet they'll still be dealt with."

"So what are you saying, ending iCarly isn't the answer?"

"Yeah, we just need to bring it down slowly if we're going to end it like that. I say before we even consider ending, we try to see if our fans will back off a little. They're creating too much stress on us, we shouldn't be fighting because of them." The girls bowed their heads and glanced apologetically at each other. "Let's just do what Gibby suggested the other day. Take it easy, not divulge such personal information on iCarly, and see if our fans will slow their roll. If they're still out of control, we may have to start ending the show. If they calm down and stop getting crazy, then we should be fine."

"We can only hope…"

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><p>Your thoughts?<p> 


	19. Can't Give up

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N:

* * *

><p>Chapter 19 (Can't Give Up)<p>

Valerie tapped her foot on the ground, seated on her couch and watching Vixen and Victoria playing a video game on the television in the corner of the living room. She had her laptop on her lap, doing some research for her home school project. Normally she would do it in her bedroom upstairs, which she used to share with Vanessa before she went to stay on the campus dorms. Now she had the room to herself.

The couch she was on was a soft vanilla three seat with foot rests that could be raised up. To her left was the door leading into the fenced in backyard, just a plain yard with a patio that had old porch chairs and an unused table. To her right was an entryway carved into the wall that the couch was pressed against, then past that was a small counter within the wall facing her, a mirror, and shelves containing several movies and video games. The wall that the mirror-counter was embedded into was a part of a long brown L-shaped stairway with brown carpeting. It was sideways towards the living room, and exited out away from the living room into the kitchen area. Along the wall facing the living room were two leather brown recliners with an oak end table in between them, with a glass top and two coasters. The brick fireplace was straight across from her and had a large sculpture horse on the mantle. The corner in between the fireplace and the adjacent wall had the large television with a Playstation 3 on top that the girls were using. This room was her favorite in the house, warm and cozy.

Usually her parents liked her to work in the den, which was the hot dog shaped room on the other side of the kitchen. The room had a oval shaped table in front of the three narrow windows that looked out towards the sidewalk. This table was on the right of the room, the left of the room had a small television that was rarely used. There were also two desktop computers on the wall that faced the front door. Whoever was sitting at the computer could look into the entryway that faced the kitchen. The kitchen had yellow linoleum and soft yellow lighting, with the yellow marble countertop adjacent to the wall facing the stairs. In the middle of this long counter was a metal sink and stovetop. On the opposite walls, cabinets and an oven.

On the far right end, if someone was facing from the living room, was a silver refrigerator with several magnets attached to it. On the left end were two desktop computers against the wall, then a glass sliding door facing the side of the house and backyard. Next to the refrigerator was a door that led into the tiny laundry room, which also had the garage door. There was a second entryway between this room and the wall with the oven, and in between this walkway was a door that led into a large closet full of various snacks and food ingredients.

It was comfortable living, and back when she dated Freddie, he often joked about how they could live in such a good house. The trick was, they rented it. The downside, they couldn't have pets. There were also only four bedrooms, including the master bedroom and the large bedroom upstairs. The entryway beside her couch led into a hallway with a bedroom on either end, and a restroom directly in the middle. Veronica slept in the bedroom on the far left end, while Victoria and Vixen shared a bunk bed in the bedroom on the right.

"No fair!" Vixen cried out. "This controller's messed up!" Victoria laughed heartily, apparently winning the game. The girls were playing a racing game, which Vixen _hated._ Valerie smiled slightly and shook her head. "I so should have won, I was turning right but the car wouldn't turn!"

"Maybe your controller sensitivity isn't on right," Victoria smirked. Vixen scowled at her as Victoria's smirk increased. "Maybe you'd like to play a game you can win? Though those games are a bit childish." Whenever they started playing games, the trash talk and competitiveness was often at a high level. "I _suppose-_"

"No! I'm going to crush you at this, Victoria." That was said with the most innocent tone of voice that Valerie had ever heard her sister use. It was almost scary, but she had to admit, she was proud. Vixen looked over to her and smiled brightly. "Valerie, do you want to play?" She shook her head and pointed to her laptop.

"I still have to get this work done." It was bright and early Monday morning, the schools were out of session for Thanksgiving week, and she didn't _have_ to work on her project. She preferred to focus on it though, considering tomorrow was the parole hearing for the people who attacked her. She needed this distraction. "Mrs. Benson is bringing stuffing for Thanksgiving dinner, right?"

"Yeah, I think so. It's going to be fun having her and Freddie over!"

"Sure, it will be." She was a little nervous having him back in their lives, and she was still on edge concerning where his loyalties were. She still had that attraction to him, but if he didn't have a strong bond for her family, there was no way she would date him again. He had to get along with them, though she also worried that they might kill him. At least Vanessa might be tempted to throw him over a Cliffside into rushing waters. She gave off a fake smile and quickly nodded. "Hopefully he'll get along with everyone. Who has turkey duty this year?"

"Daddy. Mom's making sure he doesn't botch it this year like he did last year." Vixen giggled and turned back to the game. Valerie raised an eyebrow and thought to last year's turkey, it was completely dry and tasteless. She and her mom had to make a backup turkey just for that instance, seeing as how her father was the only one in a family of cooks that _couldn't_ cook. "Okay Victoria, you're going down this time! It's going to be ten to one now!"

"If you say so," Victoria replied. "If you lose this round, I get top bunk tonight." Vixen growled back at her and focused intensely on the television. Valerie shook her head and looked over to see Vincent walking in. Victoria barely glanced at him before glancing back. "Hey daddy."

"Playing nicely girls?" Vincent asked. The girls murmured their agreements as he sat on the couch next to Valerie. "How's your homework coming along? You don't have to work on it right now, you know." She shrugged her shoulders and looked down to her computer.

"I don't know, Dad. I need something to focus on. Things are kind of stressful lately." She felt his hand on her shoulder and leaned against him, hugging him with one arm and trying to steady her laptop with the other. "Love you, Daddy."

"I love you too. I know things are hard right now, try to relax. Have you talked with Freddie today?"

"No, he's busy helping his mom get ready for Thanksgiving. It'll be interesting having them over here this year…"

"I know. Your mother's happy to be reconnecting with Marissa. I would love for you girls to get along with Freddie again, but I know it'll take some time."

"Yeah…" She leaned up and peered down at her computer, in a separate browser she had the iCarly website open on a new tab. She didn't know why she was torturing herself with it, to be honest. At one point years ago she did enjoy the show, and in some ways she wanted to try and watch it, but she could hardly summon the courage. "I wish I could tell Sam and Carly not to worry so much about their fans, it isn't like those people are ever going to change." She was a little cynical towards the fans, but she thought she had every right to be. "I'm not _angry_ anymore, at least not with them, but…do you think they'd still influence Freddie? I mean, I'd hate for him to start getting involved with the family again and then stop because they told him to…"

Victoria looked back from the game as Vixen groaned, having just lost the final race. "I don't think Sam would make him do that, Valerie." Valerie was intrigued by the statement, did Victoria know something? "Just observing her yesterday, I don't think she would do that, she really seems to have changed."

"Tragedy does change people…"

"Yeah, it can."

"Anyway, I've been meaning to ask." Victoria stood up, ignoring Vixen's protests and demands for a rematch. "You know the tickets for that Skillet concert this Saturday?" Valerie acknowledged with a smile, remembering having bought them for her. Vanessa was going to try to take Victoria. "Well, Olivia and I decided to go together."

"Oh?" They'd been glad when Victoria said she and Olivia had formed a friendship, even though they weren't certain whether this would be a good thing or a bad thing. Victoria pocketed her thumbs and lifted her shoulders up, bouncing slightly on her toes.

"Well I was wondering if Freddie could drive us there. Maybe you could ask him?" Victoria's eyes moved from Valerie to Vincent. Their dad hummed and tapped his chin. Valerie's lips fell flat for the moment, she really didn't want fans to see Freddie with her sister and then her sister would get attacked. "Please?"

"I can see Freddie chaperoning you two," Vincent began, "You'll just have to let Vanessa know." Who was she to deny her sister an opportunity to hang with an old friend and a new friend? Valerie sighed heavily and closed her eyes.

"I guess I can ask him, but just be careful. If any of the iCarly fans see you guys…I don't want you to get hurt, Victoria." Olivia sounded like a tough girl, so chances were likely that if anyone picked on the two girls, Olivia would scare them away. Victoria's eyes closed and her lips curved into a cheerful smile.

"It'll be okay sis, we'll be fine."

"I believe you." She couldn't shield Victoria from everything. Hopefully nobody would notice Freddie, but in all honesty, who would think he was dating a thirteen year old girl? Valerie closed her eyes and released the breath she'd been holding on to. She needed a dire subject change. "Is mom awake yet?" She looked over to the door for the master bedroom. Vincent frowned and put his arms up on the top of the couch.

"She's still asleep." Her mom still suffered from depression, and Marissa's presence was doing her some good evidently. This was the first time she actually decided to invite someone else over for dinner since she'd been home. "She told me last night she was going to try and get herself out of bed this morning. Your mother doesn't want to be 'babysat' anymore. Her words."

"Oh." The group silenced and Vixen kicked her controller across the floor. A loud crash startled them and Valerie quickly jumped up, putting the laptop on the couch. "That came from Mom's room!" They ran towards the bedroom and saw Viola on the floor beside the bed, groaning as she reached for her wheelchair, which had rolled up against the wall. "Mom!"

"No, I got it dear," Viola said. Her face was tense and puffy, red from tears already shed. She was wearing her red nightgown. Viola folded her arms on the ground and put her forehead to her arms, her body trembled and her fists clenched. Vincent reached down for her, but she snapped at him. "I said I can get in the chair!" Vincent withdrew and Valerie put her hands over her heart.

Her chest quivered with pangs of fear and concern as her mom eyed her current situation. She wanted to help her mom, but she didn't want to get snapped at. Veronica came rushing in with her bathrobe, shouting her concern. "What happened! Mom!"

"Let me be…" Viola looked over her shoulders at her legs, then back to her arms. "I don't need my legs. I was almost in there, it slid out from under me. Valerie, could you hold the chair for me?"

"Sure mom…" She moved behind the wheelchair and grasped the handles, watching with tears in her eyes as her mother began to use her arms to pull herself forward. Moments like these were not uncommon, but they were difficult on the entire family. Valerie tried to be strong for the rest, but given the emotional pains that she had, she honestly didn't believe she had what it took to be strong.

Her mom let out a grunt as she grabbed onto the metal legs and started pulling her upper body up. Valerie started to ask if she was okay, and her sisters wanted to help their mom into the chair, but she was adamant against it. Watching was a slow, grueling process. "Almost there, don't worry about me, I got it…"

A full minute of struggling felt like an eternity to them all, and her mother finally managed to at least pull herself up to the armrests. Viola peered down at the seat, an expression of terror passed over her face and her body froze in place. Tears ran down the woman's face, something that before her leave, had been a rare sight. "Mom…" Viola shook her head and closed her eyes. This was killing her, seeing her mother in such a shape. It was impressive that she never gave up, admirable, and a bit of an inspiration. "You can do it, Mom…"

"I can't…I can't take this anymore." Viola started to sob, choking up between her words. "It's too hard. Sometimes I wish…" The woman opened her eyes and looked to the two youngest girls. She smiled weakly. Valerie bowed her head and let her own tears run along her cheeks. She knew what her mother wanted to say, the same words she often told herself.

_"I wish they killed me." _

Her mother never gave up though, and it honestly kept her going. At times, she felt nothing, just like her mother, she felt useless and weak. She couldn't understand the full extent of what her mother went through on a daily basis, just like no one could understand just what she went through. Living life was hard enough. Every day she'd see those scars on her body, she would break down and cry. She would curse her own existence, many nights she would be so overwhelmed with grief that it made her nauseous.

If Freddie knew, would he care? Viola had Vincent, but who did she have? Nobody wanted to be with the 'bitch that ruined iCarly'. Nobody would want to be with someone as scarred as she was, emotionally and physically.

Her mom finally managed to twist herself around to sit in the chair, but the woman was panting from exhaustion. Valerie smiled at her and wiped her tears away, then reached down to hug her mom's neck. "I'm glad you're okay, Mommy."

"Thank you sweetie…" Viola looked up at her and frowned. "Why are you crying, baby?"'

"I was worried about you. I'm better now."

"I'm glad. Have you eaten breakfast yet? I'll make you all some omelets…" Viola wheeled herself out of the bedroom, leaving the family gazing sorely at one another. Her mother needed them just as much as they needed her, so perhaps her mom's daily battle with that chair had more meaning than Valerie was giving credit to.

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><p>A little insight on what's going on at the William's house. I tried to describe their house like the home my Uncle and Aunt have. Seems Valerie and her mom have the same basic internal struggle. What are your thoughts?<p> 


	20. The Parole Hearing

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N:

* * *

><p>Chapter 20 (The Parole Hearing)<p>

Freddie hurried out into the parking lot on Tuesday morning, he was running very late. The problem was simple, he stayed up too late trying to check the iCarly website, and wound up sleeping through his alarm. For some reason, his mom forgot to wake him. He completely skipped his daily medicine, which wasn't a good idea, but he just didn't find that he had the time.

Carly and Sam had gone on without him, since no one answered the door, they must have figured he already left. He didn't exactly want to go to the hearing, especially considering this was just another attempt to release Nora, despite keeping her parents in prison. The problem was, the courts and lawyers managed to make it appear that everything was the parent's doing and not Nora's, which was entirely backwards. If they released her into society yet again, Carly had better not be as gullible as she was last time.

He jumped into his car and rushed from the parking lot, still battling the feelings inside telling him to just stay home. He was needed there, he couldn't blow it off, unfortunately. There was still the off chance if he blew it off, Nora would get released due to his not attending. "Much more important things I'd like to do than attend this," he growled, turning onto a freeway on ramp. He could hardly remember the number he was supposed to go to. Each floor had a letter before the number, with the court rooms ranging from 100 to 500 on each floor. Floor one was A, two was B, and so forth. He had no clue what floor he was supposed to be on, as each floor was designated for a particular type of crime from kidnapping, DUIs, assault, all the way up to murder. According to the person telling them where to go, there were thirty or so floors, going into double letters before the numbers. It was far too confusing for him. "G-432, I think…" It was either B or G, maybe D, but he was going to have to guess G. Carly and Sam had their phones off when he tried to call earlier, so likely they were already within the building.

When he made it to the giant building downtown, he rushed from the parking garage and into the building. Hastily he tossed his phone, keys, and shoes into the security bin before going through the metal detector. He thought about asking for confirmation regarding the correct floor, but he was certain he had the floor right. He kept replaying the letter and number in his head so he wouldn't forget.

He dusted off his thin sport coat and retrieved his phone, shoes and keys, throwing the loose objects back into the pockets of his slacks. He always liked looking nice, and this was one of those opportunities where he _needed_ to wear a suit. As he made his way to the elevator, he heard the bell ring and called out, reaching forward. "Hold the door!"

The middle elevator was open, and an elderly man with a kind smile held the doors for him. He thanked him and quickly moved to the back of the elevator, sighing heavily. "Which floor are you going to?" Freddie moved his head against the wall and closed his eyes.

"Floor G, I think that's 7, right?"

"Got it."

"Thanks." He smoothed his hair back and felt a shiver running down his spine, causing his entire upper body to twitch. He rolled his eyes and tensed his face, slowly moving his hand to his face. _"Damn it calm down." _ He could feel the man's eyes on him, possibly wondering if he was okay. "Just a little stressed out is all. I have to attend this parole hearing…" What? The guy didn't need to know that. It wasn't his business. _"Think before you speak for god sake."_

"Ah yes, parole hearings can be very stressful, traumatizing even." _No shit._ Freddie smiled awkwardly and moved his eyes towards the lit elevator buttons. A lump formed in his throat as he slowly slid to the left. He moved his hands behind his back and started tapping his foot anxiously, a nervous habit just as annoying as the damn jaw-popping thing he did. That caused his entire face an extreme amount of pain, typically. "I hope your hearing goes well." He raised an eyebrow as the elevator stopped on the man's floor. "You have a nice day son."

"Thanks sir, I'll try, and it's not my parole hearing…" Not unless the man was referring to his probationary status with Valerie's family, in which case, he was _sure_ he had that parole hearing already. _"Not a bad analogy, actually."_ They'd granted him parole, put him on probation, and if he screwed up again, he was done. Thank god the Williams clan believed in second chances.

Freddie's eyes flicked to the number above the elevator and his lips curled into a smile when his floor came into view. "Finally, I was getting impatient…"

He wasted no time getting off the elevator when the doors opened up. There were two signs on the wall in front of him, both with arrows pointing in one direction, the numbers above dictated which way to go. He turned right and charged down the hallway. His face tightened, forcing a growl from his throat. Of all times for his tourettes to be acting up, it had to be _now?_ _"Jesus, calm the hell down."_ He breathed in slowly and started focusing on the task at hand, usually focus was what helped him control the tics. He couldn't be twitching around Sam and Carly, they hardly ever noticed the tics before and would think there was something fundamentally wrong with him.

How was it he'd been controlling these twitches all his life, but now all of a sudden they were skyrocketing like crazy? He could just hear Sam crowing on and on about him having a cussing problem, which obviously he did not. If he ever met the man behind the 'Tourettes Guy', he was seriously going to punch the man. He could use a social group or something, but everything he found online was about _children_ with Tourettes. He was _not_ a 'children'!

Once he found the court door, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes, exhaling slowly. This would hopefully be the last time he had to deal with Nora ever again. She didn't need to be rereleased on probation, and there was no possible way that her parents 'put her up' to anything. "One last hurrah Nora, then we're done with you. God the iCarly fans piss me off…at least the crazy ones…"

He pushed open the door and the first thing he heard was the judge going over the case. Assault and battery? Attempted rape? He raised an eyebrow, this was the wrong court room wasn't it. Before he could react, everything came to a halt. Several paces ahead, past a low wooden barricade and two desks, was the Judge's chair and the thin, wrinkled face Judge was staring right at him.

This wasn't the worst part, however. His face started tensing up once more and his nerves became frayed. Sitting in the pews to his right were Valerie, Vanessa, Veronica, and Vincent. At one of the two desks were three men with handcuffs on their wrists, the oldest looking man was glaring over at the sisters, then turned a glare onto him. The judge lowered his wire framed glasses, darting his eyes over to the bailiff standing beside him.

Sweat poured down Freddie's neck and forehead. He tried to muster the courage to walk out, to speak, to do _anything._ He could play this off coolly, but how? His body began heating up as Valerie's gaze fell upon him. Her eyes were full of sorrow and fright. _This_ was what happened to her? The fans went _that far_ off of something _Sam_ said? A desire to kill the men swept over him, but he managed to keep that rage concealed and focused his attention on the judge. "Can I help you, young man?" The judge asked.

"Y-Yes sir, I'm sorry, I think I got the wrong court room." The judge smiled and started tapping his papers on his desk. Freddie felt his face twitching and quickly looked back to the door, trying to hide his twitches as much as he could. "Can you tell me which floor kidnapping is on? I know it's 432, but I thought the person said floor G. Nora Dirshlitt?"

"Ah! Yes, she's on floor _B_, as in _boy_. B-432. Don't worry, people get confused often, we're trying to get our secretaries to say the floor number." Freddie's face turned red and he moved his gaze to the three fans at the table. The middle one, eldest, possibly the leader, was gazing at him with a smug grin. The left corner of his lip and left side of his face was raised up, giving off a condescending air.

"Thank you sir." He glanced at Valerie, meeting her eyes for a split second before she turned back. He hurried from the courtroom, then bent over a bench, holding his abdomen as his stomach spun out of control. Freddie withheld a scream and clenched his eyes shut, groaning from the embarrassment and anger welling up inside of him. _"Those sick fucks!" _If he heard right when he entered, then he heard more than he wanted to hear. Bullying was one thing, name calling, pushing people around, and all around cursing them in the name of their idol. These were childish pranks compared to what these people had done to Valerie and her family!

He breathed out and looked back to the door, panting aggressively and imagining the look on the man's face inside. _"Forgiveness? Forgiveness my ass. If those fans can go that far and not change…I'll pull the goddamn plug on iCarly myself!" _Now he understood why Valerie was so tense lately. To think, this could have been _avoided_ if he hadn't been such a spineless coward! That was it, he was through, no more being weak. He was no pushover!

It took him nearly ten minutes to calm down enough before he could get to the right room. Fortunately the hearing hadn't begun yet, the girls and Gibby were pleased to see he arrived. He had difficulty being fully there, however. "What happened?" Carly asked. "We thought you'd be here by now."

"I got the wrong floor," he muttered. His eyes fell onto Nora at the defense table. A scowl formed at his lips when the girl waved at him. He muttered and sat beside the girls. "I'm telling you, I'm just about finished with all our fans." The girls studied him for a minute, and Gibby asked what was going on. He didn't think it would be right to tell them, no, it wasn't his place. They didn't need to know.

As the hearing went along, Freddie was losing his focus completely. Memories of his time with Valerie and her family were playing over in his mind, from meeting them all the way to their painful breakup. He winced at the memory of her tears falling down her face, how had he not been affected back then? Those tears tore him apart now that he looked back on them. He never meant to hurt her.

It was his backbone that did this to her, his _lack_ of one that is. He closed his hands and glared down at his feet. It wasn't like he didn't already know it, but this was more than a slap in the face, he'd just been sliced into pieces before he could blink. He wouldn't push what happened to her, and he'd be there for her sure, but damn anyone who tried to tear him away from the Williams family.

So, he needed to work on his spirituality, so he needed to work on forgiveness, but how easy of a task was that really? He couldn't get that man's face out of his mind, and even looking at Nora was enough to instill deep rooted anger inside of him.

He felt someone nudging him in the ribs. Ignoring the jabbing pain, he looked up to Carly, seeing her pointing towards the judge. "It's your turn to speak," Carly said. How long had he been losing his attentiveness? What had he missed? "They're asking if we feel she should be released. She's been begging for our forgiveness and swears she won't do it again, says her parents made her do it." He rolled his eyes and glared over at Nora.

"Right, basically the same stuff she said before…"

"I don't think she should be out on the streets," Sam began, "Certainly not after messing up before. We've all said our points, so…yeah, it's your turn."

"Gladly." He rose up and walked forward to the oak boarder separating him from the open area. He looked Nora straight in the eyes, tensed his muscles and let out a low growl. "No." Nora's eyebrows rose up and her lips parted. He lifted his index finger and narrowed his glare. "We believed you the _last _time, and whether or not your parents did anything, _which_ I don't believe, isn't enough to convince _me_ that you should be released. So forget it! You've traumatized us, not once, but twice, and there is _not_ going to be a third! My opinion? You should stay in as long as your sentence was set to, people like you shouldn't even be on the streets." That man's face came back to his mind, and his anger flourished. He kept his voice as calm as possible, trying hard not to let it show just how badly he wanted to snap the man's neck in two. Especially since he was talking to _Nora_ right now. "You can beg, cry, lie all you like, but I'm done being gullible. Done being pushed around, done believing what everyone else says, and done believing _you. _Rot in prison for all I care."

Nora gasped out as Freddie turned and walked back to his wide-eyed friends. Carly's lips moved without sound, and Sam appeared flushed. Gibby coughed into his hand and slowly shook his head. "A simple 'no' would have been enough," Gibby stated.

"Sorry."

After the court hearing, Freddie waited on the bench outside the courtroom. The others had gone back to their cars, but he wanted to relax before leaving. He couldn't get out of his mind, _still_, what he'd seen. "Freddie?" His head jerked up and he looked towards his right, seeing Valerie standing before him. She was frowning and had red, puffy cheeks. "I guess you…" She paused and moved her eyes towards the side, closing her left hand and raising her right hand up to her purse strap on her shoulder.

"I won't ask if you're uncomfortable, but…if you ever want someone to talk to about it…I'll be there for you." She smiled slightly and sat down beside him. He felt terrible about running into her courtroom. He chuckled nervously and closed his eyes. "Of all the wrong rooms to walk into."

"It happens, I understand. Thanks for not saying anything…how did the hearing go? Any news?"

"Nora's not been granted parole this time around. She may be eligible after a few years…" He did not want to say he flipped out on Nora. "And how about yours?" Valerie started to tense, relaxing after a few seconds. "Sorry, I didn't mean to bring anything up…"

"It's all right. Chad, the leader has to finish out his sentence. The other two are out, but they have to stay away from me and my family…if they come near us, they'll be in violation, and shipped back to jail." She moved her hand to her arm and peered down. Freddie reached over, resting his hand on her forearm. Her eyes moved to his hand, then up to his eyes.

"I'm sorry Valerie, I really am. I don't know what happened, I just wish…I wish I could take back what happened."

"I know." Her shaky voice quieted and her lips pressed firmly against each other. "You have some pretty crazy fans…anyway, I noticed you were twitching a little back there."

"Yeah…" He bowed his head and shrugged his shoulders. "Tourettes of course…"

"Have you tried looking into the TSA? Tourettes Syndrome Association, they should have some support groups and stuff for people your age and older. One of my uncles is involved in that." Freddie's eyebrows rose up and his lips curved into a tiny smile. "I can get you his number…"

"That'd be great. It's stressful, you know…"

"Yeah, there's a lot of stress to go around." Valerie looked up at the door in front of them and folded her hands over in her lap. "Are you and your mom still coming over for Thanksgiving?"

"Yeah."

"That's great, has she finally decided on what stuffing to make?" Freddie laughed. They talked a bit the other day about how many stuffing recipes his mom had found and been going through, making it so difficult to decide what to make! Valerie smiled at him and breathed out. "Victoria wants you to chaperone her to the Skillet concert. She's going with Olivia." There was a surprise, on both accounts. He appreciated the chance he was being given to chaperone Victoria and bond, though he was stunned to see that a friendship really _was_ developing with Olivia.

"Sure, I wouldn't mind. I'd be happy to. You know, I really do care, I want to show you guys that…"

"I know, otherwise you wouldn't be interested in messing with us. Just the fact alone that you're talking to me right now after walking in on the hearing tells me there's still something left in there…" He furrowed his brow and closed his eyes, letting out a small sigh.

"That wouldn't influence my opinion on you, Valerie. I'm mad that someone would hurt you like that, but it wasn't your fault…" Valerie smiled at him and reached up, putting her hand to his shoulder. He looked into her soft gaze and smiled back. It felt like he was being given permission, for what he wasn't sure, but he'd guess it had something to do with her family.

"It wasn't your fault either, Freddie. Keep that in mind."

"Yeah…"

"I need to go, dad and my sisters went ahead towards the car to wait for me there." She rose up and looked over her shoulder at him. "Walk with me?"

He smiled back at her and quickly moved to his feet, practically stumbling over himself. "Sure." He smiled nervously, relaxing when she giggled at him.

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><p>Well what are your thoughts and observations here?<p> 


	21. Regaining what is Lost

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N: This chapter is a bit inspired by Tom Petty's "Free Falling", you'll see things referenced to the song. I feel that song goes perfect for the story ^_^. Enjoy the chapter.

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><p>Chapter 21 (Regaining what is Lost)<p>

Thanksgiving day arrived, Freddie and his mother were on their way to the Williams's home. He was holding the large tray of stuffing while gazing outside as the radio in the care blasted out classic rock tunes. Since the hearing, he avoided Carly and Sam, telling them he just needed to rest. He asked Gibby to shoot this week's iCarly when it came up, since his explosion with Nora, along with what he walked into with Valerie's hearing, he didn't trust himself to hold that camera when the time came to do so. He did, however, call that number that Valerie gave him for the TSA, and coming Saturday was a support group outing. They would be going to a martial arts facility. Why? He didn't know, but he thought it would be nice.

He'd been intrigued by martial arts for years, at least since he met Vanessa. Shelby Marx sparked the interest once more, and he loved watching Jackie Chan, Jet Li, and other great artists. So this support group having an outing at a training facility was good for him, he might inquire interest about joining. He was told that controlling Tourettes wasn't a difficult task, and when focusing on something, clearing away stressors, it was easier to deal with. Maybe if he joined a faction of martial arts, it would help him out, along with helping him gain strength and a backbone.

As they drove past, a familiar and favorite song of his popped on the radio. He smiled and leaned back as the singer's voice soothed his anxious soul. His eyes glued to the expansive field they were drifting on by, a large group of teens were playing baseball and running around makeshift bases. At the corner of the field was a cooler with iCarly's logo on it. He frowned and slowly shook his head. "Vampires, sucking the lives from us…" Marissa raised an eyebrow and looked over to him, inquiring about his statement. "Our fans. That's all they are."

"Have some patience, Freddie. Your fans may come around eventually, they're not all bad." He shrugged his shoulders and leaned back, sighing heavily.

"I wish I could believe that. You don't know some of the things I've seen, Mom…" He wasn't about to tell her what happened with Valerie. Even he didn't know the specifics, but the basics were enough to drive him over the edge. "I think I'm going to stop working on iCarly for a little while, Gibby can do the camera work." He rubbed his forehead and groaned as his mother stopped the car at the light and studied him for a moment. Emotionally, he was shot. "What happened with Nora at the hearing…it wasn't even _her _fault. I just exploded, all the fans' issues crashed in that instance…I don't think I can do iCarly without exploding again."

"It _would_ be best that you take a break if it's affecting you so much."

"Yeah…" He lifted his eyes to the street sign, mentally noting the street name. Reseda Boulevard, Valerie was just a mile or two down this road. As he glanced at the mirror, the kids playing baseball were packing up and moving down the road towards Ventura. "Mom, all these years…up until just this last year I don't think I really ever thought much about Valerie. I missed her, but I never thought about how much I hurt her…her family…"

"Well, apparently they're giving you another chance. Just don't mess it up with them if you can…"

"I won't. I just want them to trust me again." He knew it wouldn't be an easy task, nor did he expect it to be. He never thought much about how much of a bad person he had to have been in order to not stand up and choose them the first time. Now, even Veronica seemed to hate him, and she was the one of Valerie's sisters that he was closest to in the past. His lips curved up at the memory and a chuckle fell from his mouth. "You know, I remember how close I was to all of them in the past. If I had to say an order of how close we were, Valerie would be first obviously…then Veronica was always around, so she was the closest to me of the sisters, then Vixen was so young that she always wanted to be involved in everything. Victoria wasn't always so close, but she always made her presence in the room known whenever she was in there. Of course, Vanessa was always the watchful sister…that hasn't changed any." If it did change at all, it was to the degree that she was _more_ watchful and protective, and she had every right to be. "I don't know if they'll ever trust me again, but….it would be nice to figure a way to at least earn it again."

"I can understand that. Trust is the easiest thing to lose, but the hardest thing to gain. Just spend time with each of them, show them that you won't actually disappear on them again. You and I may know you won't, but they don't. You have to remember, you didn't just hurt Valerie…"

"I know."

When they arrived at the house, Marissa hugged Viola while Vincent led Freddie into the kitchen. Freddie set the stuffing down on the counter and breathed in, slowly moving his eyes along the house and absorbing the memories that filled these walls. He closed his eyes and sighed as Vincent pat his shoulder. "Valerie's upstairs working on some homework assignments, why don't you go upstairs and say hello?" Freddie smiled and slowly nodded his head, he'd been wanting to see her. "Knock first though, she might be asleep."

"Okay, thank you."

"No problem. It's good to see you, we're happy to have you over." Vincent smiled at him and Freddie slowly began moving up the stairs. There was a curious look behind the father's kind eyes, almost as if he were gauging him as well. It made since, Vincent was a good man and a good father, he wouldn't be too happy with Freddie for hurting his daughters.

He knocked on Valerie's door and announced himself for her when prompted. "Come in!" She instructed. He slowly pushed the door open and saw Valerie sitting Indian style on her bed, her silver laptop positioned directly in front of her. Her purple jeans matched the deep purple bedspread. The brown headboard was the only thing separating her dark red shirt from meshing into the similarly painted bedroom walls. She smiled at him and waved her hand. "Good to see you."

"You too. Wasn't this Vanessa's room a while back?" He raised an eyebrow and looked around, smiling vaguely at the nostalgic room. He'd been in this bedroom once or twice in the past, whenever he and Valerie needed to ask Vanessa for homework help. The walls had been a bit of a different shade beforehand, he couldn't quite recall what color it had been before, if different at all.

"When I go off to college, I think Veronica intends to take this room. She'll probably put up posters of Tyra Banks all over the wall, who knows. It's kind of a hand-me-down room."

"I see." Above the headboard was a framed American flag, with a cross above it. The cross had the words 'forgiveness' and 'love' along its arms. To his right, at the foot of her bed, was a maple oak desk with several drawers on the left leg. On the corner of the desk was a CD rack, and several Elvis Presley albums scattered loosely in front of the rack. He smiled heartily and exhaled slowly. "You're still into Elvis, I see."

"Who isn't? Wouldn't you love to be a popular singer this many years after your passing?"

"True." He moved over to the bed and sat beside her. "So what are you doing?" Valerie glanced at her computer and sighed, running her hand through her hair.

"I'm not sure really, I started an online tutoring thing for students at the local schools who need help in areas like Math or English. I'm not using my real name, obviously, but still it's hard to even deal with this stuff." She lowered her hand and started typing on the keyboard. "I'm helping someone from Ridgeway with some math assignments they're trying to complete over thanksgiving break. Their penname is SP41095, why that's their _penname_ I have no idea. Glad they can remember it."

"Eh, it's probably just their initials and birthday."

"That's what she told me. I don't mind tutoring people, a little bit of a friendship tends to begin, not that anything can ever come of it." Why couldn't anything come of a friendship formed from tutoring? Did she not trust people that much? It made sense, seeing as how those group of fans hurt her in the way they did. "Anyway, I'm letting her know you and your mom are here, so I'll have to tutor her later."

He chuckled briskly and laid back on the bed, putting his hands behind his head. "Don't stop on our account." She peered over at him, resting her right hand on the top of her laptop.

"It would be rude not to." She shut the laptop and glanced to the window towards their left. "So you're going to join that support group on their outing, Saturday?"

"Yeah. There are a bunch of people my age, some older, so I'm glad about that."

"Right." She looked back to him and unfolded her legs. "But isn't Saturday when you're supposed to work on iCarly?"

"I'm taking a break from iCarly for now, Gibby can shoot this week's episode. I just can't seem to get over all this crap that's been going on…"

"As hard as it is, you have to forgive your fans eventually." She lay on her side pillow and moved her hands behind her head, sighing briskly. He turned his gaze towards her, smiling slightly as he watched her staring at the brown ceiling fan. "I know I'm one to talk…I may be forgiving of a person, but I still have issues with that. Take that man, Chad…It's increasingly harder to forgive what he did to me…" She closed her eyes, her body trembled for a brief second. "I'm working on it though. You know, not all of your fans are bad…I'm sure of that. Try to focus on those good ones."

"I would like to. Right now, though, I just need a break."

"Yeah. That is up to you." The corner of her lip tucked into a quick smirk as she looked over, meeting his gaze and quoting his earlier phrase. "Don't stop on our account, Freddie." He laughed and shook his head.

"I'll keep that in mind. Though, I have a lot of other stuff on my mind too, you know."

"Like what?"

"Well, for instance…getting to know your family all over again." Valerie frowned and slowly nodded her head as he turned his eyes towards the fan. She moved her hand to her stomach and looked up to the ceiling. "I know what I did, and I want to fix what I screwed up…I don't know how to regain their respect or trust, but I want to."

"I know, but a good way to start is by doing what you're doing, spend time with us. Not just me, but them too…" She closed her eyes and exhaled softly. "Show them you're going to stick around, be their friend. Participate in their interests. As you know, Vanessa's big on martial arts, so…maybe get involved in that stuff if you're interested in it. Veronica's into modeling, Victoria's into art and music, and Vixen's into dancing…show a genuine interest in everyone and eventually you'll gain their respect back. It's not impossible."

"Yeah…"

After a few minutes of silence, Valerie moved her other hand to her stomach and smiled at him. "Victoria's looking forward to that concert Friday. She's happy that you're chaperoning."

"I'm happy to do it."

"Good. It's a start. Now, what do you say we go downstairs? I'm sure everyone's wondering where you're at."

"Right."

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><p>What are your observations?<p> 


	22. Friendly Conversation

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N:

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><p>Chapter 22 (Friendly Conversation)<p>

Freddie stopped midway down the stairs and glanced into the living room from the railing, smiling at the couch on the side wall. His mom was sitting on the far left cushion with Viola in the wheelchair beside her. Vanessa was sitting beside Marissa, and Vincent was beside her. Victoria and Vixen were playing a game of Mario Party on the WII beside their PS3.

He heard noise coming from the kitchen and made his way into the room, seeing Veronica and Valerie moving some dishes into the pantry from the dishwasher. Veronica looked over at him and rolled her eyes, earning a nudge from her sister. "How's it going?" Freddie asked with a nervous smile. Veronica lifted her shoulders and pushed one of the last plates into the cabinet. Her expression was stony and her body appeared heavily tensed, perhaps gaining her trust again would be harder than he thought.

"Just putting away dishes from last night," Veronica replied. Valerie glanced over to the oven and moved to straighten the hand towel on the handrail. "Valerie has been up all night working on homework and tutoring, you need to tell her to take a break." Freddie raised an eyebrow as Valerie slowly glared at her sister and shot her a sly grin. Veronica reached into the dishwasher to pull out a ladle to return to its proper place.

"Hey Veronica, want me to tell him what _you _were doing up all night?" Veronica's eyes widened and she quickly turned, pointing the ladle towards Valerie, challenging her. Valerie closed her eyes and folded her arms over, still smirking at her sister. "I go downstairs to grab a drink from the kitchen and who do I see strutting the living room floor with a bunch of dresses, acting like a model? It wasn't me…" Veronica's face grew red as her sister cheered triumphantly. Freddie had to stifle a laugh. He was hit with nostalgia, remembering how much the family teased one another in the past, it was great to see they still had a good family dynamic with one another.

"I uh-I, well…" Veronica narrowed her eyes and tapped her chin, grimacing as she struggled to think of a comeback. She pointed the ladle towards Valerie as though it were a sword. "I will think of something."

"You got nothing on me, sis." Valerie moved over and hugged Veronica from behind, squeezing her. Veronica struggled for a second, then gave up, sighing in desperation. Valerie kissed her sister's cheek and laughed. "See the difference between meat eaters and vegetarians? I'm stronger." Veronica crossed her arms and huffed. Freddie was astonished to hear Veronica was a vegetarian now, but seeing as how she wanted to become a model, it made some sense.

"So you've become a vegetarian?" Freddie inquired with a subtle smirk, glancing towards the oven. "How do you intend to eat the turkey?" Veronica lifted her shoulders.

"I eat turkey on Thanksgiving, I don't mind. It's just the typical days of the year I don't eat meat."

"That explains it, then." His eyes drifted towards the fruit basket in the corner of the counter, it was full of bananas, peaches, and apples. His stomach started to growl, so he glanced towards the girls and pointed at the basket. "May I have a peach?"

"Help yourself," Valerie replied. "Anything in the fridge or pantry is up for grabs for guests."

"Thank you." He started to reach over, but Veronica beat him to the peach. She ran it under the faucet, cleaning it off, then handed it over to him. The gesture was a bit surprising, considering how much he was sure she hated him at this point. "Thanks." Valerie pat Veronica on the back, smiled, and then made her way towards the living room. Veronica watched her sister depart. She sighed and grabbed an apple from the basket. Freddie raised an eyebrow at Valerie, feeling a slight pang of despair over the fact that she was leaving him alone with one of the two sisters that might want to tear his head off.

"No problem. We bought some soda for you and your mom in case you drank that stuff." He recalled the family didn't drink soda often, if at all, they were all water drinkers. There was the occasional Gatorade bottle. Taking a bite of the peach, he smiled at Veronica and swallowed the fruit. Conversation was important, and Valerie clearly wasn't going to be holding his hand through this. If he wanted to gain the respect and trust from her sisters, he would have to do it on his own.

"Much appreciated." Veronica grabbed an apple and began washing it under the faucet. She looked towards the refrigerator, humming quietly.

"Do you still like Root beer?"'

"Yes."

"All right, we weren't sure, so we went with that." She turned off the faucet and brought the apple to her lips. "Valerie says you're taking a break from iCarly. That true?" He grimaced and leaned back against the counter, slowly shaking his head.

"Yeah, I'm just kind of fed up with all the crap it's brought people. Never knew how much we influenced people." Veronica scoffed and took a second bite of the apple. She chewed it for a minute, then spit a seed out into the nearby trash bin.

"Not sure whether to blame your webshow for being influential, or to say that you have a million stupid fans. I know the bible says not to judge and not to hate, so you'll have to forgive me for it, but I hate that show of yours."

"That's fine, I know…I'm starting to hate it myself, unfortunately." Veronica raised an eyebrow and began inspecting her apple, staring down at the core. Freddie took another bite of his peach and leaned back, glancing towards the dots on the ceiling. "I'm debating whether or not there's any point in trying with that show anymore."

"That's up to you guys. I frankly don't care if it ends or not." Her words were harsh, blunt, but honest. He admired and accepted it. "Anyway, Val mentioned you called up Uncle John, what did you want with him?" He had no qualms with the Williams family knowing about his Tourettes, they all knew about it anyhow, but he was a little surprised Valerie didn't tell them why he was calling their uncle. It was a nice sentiment, seeing how she was keeping things between them unless otherwise noted.

"I'm getting started with the TSA support group." He glanced over and saw Vanessa moving into the kitchen. His eyebrows rose as she turned her sharp gaze towards him. "We're uh…I'm joining them at this martial arts dojo _Firestrike."_ Vanessa moved to the fridge and retrieved a bottle of water, slowly shaking her head.

"That's where I go, I teach there on occasion. A bit of an internship." His lips parted as Vanessa moved her water to her lips. She stood calmly, swallowing mighty gulps of water. When finished, she lowered the bottle and wiped her mouth with her arm. "Bet you didn't know that. Our dojo is going to show the members of the support group how to focus and whatnot."

"No I didn't, that's awesome. It's this Saturday, I guess I'll be seeing you there then? I was actually thinking about starting to learn some martial arts, maybe tae kwon do…" Vanessa's eyebrows rose as she took another swig of her water, drinking for what seemed like an eternity. It wasn't unusual for her to take long gulps of whatever she was drinking, she did so years ago as well, always into exercise.

"Well…" She lifted her hand, sweeping her hair back over her shoulder and smirking at him. "Our dojo _does_ offer some of the best training. If you do join up, I think we can offer you a discount. I'll even be your sparring partner if you would like."

"Yeah, that would be great!"

"Cool. See you there, then, Benson." She lifted her hand up for a high five and he happily obliged. Veronica began to snicker and shake her head while Vanessa made her exit. Freddie's brow furrowed and a sudden pit filled his stomach. All of a sudden, he could imagine Vanessa performing her most strenuous moves on him. What had he just walked into? A test, no doubt, but he'd carry through without fail. If it would help to become closer to the family, he would happily ask to be her sparring partner, even if it meant becoming a human punching bag.

He felt Veronica's hand on his shoulder and quickly looked over. She was smirking dangerously and had one eyebrow arched up. "You do realize you just signed up to get the crap kicked out of you, right? There is a _lot_ of repressed tension she's holding back, just to let you know…"

"Yeah…I figure as much…" His shoulders slumped and his face fell. "I really want to learn martial arts, I think it'll help to get strong and whatnot-"

"Maybe get a backbone too."

He hesitated, stammering for a second, and inhaled slowly. "Y-Yeah. I don't mind sparring with Vanessa, she seems like a good teacher."

"Oh she is." Veronica bit her apple and began walking towards the living room, pausing to look back at him. "It's your funeral, Freddie." He could feel her eyes searching him, scanning to see how genuine he was. He smiled back at her and slowly nodded his head. He couldn't shake the vision of him in a full body cast, not that he didn't _deserve_ that outcome. Perhaps Veronica was just trying to scare him.

"It'll be a good time, I'm sure…"

"Oh yes, it would be even better if I could watch."

"I'm not worried." Veronica bit her apple once more and moved to the living room. Freddie put his hand to his stomach and groaned inwardly, it felt as if Vanessa were already punching him in the gut. She wouldn't _really_ injure him, would she? She could control her anger no matter how much she wanted to kick his ass, right? He closed his eyes and breathed out slowly, whispering. "I may need to consider face shields and a suit of armor."

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><p>Well, what do you think?<p> 


	23. Combat Game

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N:

* * *

><p>Chapter 23 (Combat Game)<p>

"Freddie, play with us!" Vixen pleaded as he walked into the living room. Astonished by the sudden request, he glanced at the screen and nearly cringed. _Super Smash Bros Brawl_ was on with the third player flashing on and off. Vixen and Victoria were eyeing him with wide eyed grins. They were sitting on their knees and a gamecube controller rested in between them. "Pretty please?"

"Well, I guess I can." He hadn't played Super Smash Bros in a long time. It used to be that he was good at the game, but of course, he never had much time to himself to develop these skills. He was grateful for the controller, as the WII nunchucks were too difficult for him to utilize with the game. "I guess you two have it all set up?" The girls nodded and Victoria lifted the controller up for him.

"Pick any character," Victoria chimed, "but we warn you…we're _good_ at this." They were going to virtually beat him to a pulp, weren't they? He chuckled nervously and took the controller, kneeling down with them. On the screen, Vixen had chosen Peach, Victoria had gone with Pit. "Valerie always plays as Zelda and Vanessa goes for Samus." His eyebrow arched and his lip curled into a slight smirk, he was not surprised by this. "Veronica almost never plays and Vanessa's almost always at the campus, so usually it's just us."

"I see." His favorite character had always been Ike, but for some reason, he wanted to choose another person. His subconscious was drawing him to Link, a sudden urge due to hearing Valerie often went as Zelda. He moved his cursor over Link and dropped it down, selecting the character. "I'm good to go. What's the set rules?"

Vixen lifted her arms, laughing happily, "It's an all out brawl! Five lives, no items allowed, and high damage!" He nodded and leaned waited as the girls moved to the map select screen. Much to his pleasure, they went for the final destination stage, his favorite map. "Okay Freddie, I hope you're ready to _lose!"_ He laughed as Victoria playfully pushed Vixen. He remembered the youngest as having a mild competitive streak when it came to games, but nothing like this.

On the screen, Freddie appeared as Link in the center while Vixen's Peach came in on the right and Victoria appeared on the left. He withdrew his sword and turned both directions, almost immediately the girls began moving in towards him. "Not giving me a minute to collect myself, I see." Vixen pulled a vegetable from the ground and Victoria began charging an arrow. He knew he could deflect the projectile, but Pit's blue arrow could be hazardous.

Instinctively he jumped into the air, spinning with up-b. The vegetable flew underneath him, but Victoria guided the blue arrow upwards, striking him in between the legs. Link flashed from the electricity and recovered, landing on the ground. He charged for Pit, slashing forward and striking the angel's chest. Pit flew off the screen, losing a life. Behind him, Peach thrust her hip forward, creating an explosion on his back, sending him flying off the screen.

"I'm starting to wonder why you put the high damage on…_Peach_ just took out _Link_." Vixen grinned and Freddie cracked his head towards the right. With a sigh, his character dropped down and began running for Peach. Peach spun around and slapped at him, to which he jumped back to avoid. Unfortunately, Pit glided in over him and used a downward strike, sending Link crashing against the ground and flying up into the sky. "Teams aren't set up here, and you two are already teamed up against me? I see how it is." The girls laughed as his character appeared once more.

"Having fun?" Valerie asked from behind. He looked over at her with a smile and nodded. She was tapping her chin and gazing at the screen with her eyebrows arched. "So they're beating the snot out of you, huh Freddie?"

"Yeah, I'm starting to think-" He heard another loud booming sound and quickly looked over to see his character losing yet another life! "Hey no fair, I was distracted!" Valerie laughed as Peach and Pit waited together on the right side of the screen as Link appeared again.

"I thought you used to be good at Super Smash Bros, Freddie?"

"I _was_." Link back-flipped onto the left of the screen and withdrew a bomb. The girls started running for him, he followed up by throwing the bomb and shooting a charged arrow. Pit leapt upwards, but Peach got caught in the explosion and was sent flying away. Vixen howled out angrily and dropped back onto the ground after being revived. "I'm dead now, aren't I?" Valerie confirmed this and smirked at him. "How did they get so good at this game!"

"My sisters love this game."

Without hesitation, Peach smacked Link with a golf club, sending him flying off the screen once more. His face fell and his shoulders slumped. These girls were out to get him. "I can tell." Vixen and Victoria high-fived behind him and began winking at one another. He raised an eyebrow and groaned as Peach and Pit moved to opposite places on the stage. "So _evil_."

"Yep!" The girls chimed happily as Link fell in the middle, his last life now hung in the balance. "You're going _down_ Freddie. Nowhere to hide!"

"You two are going to violently kill me, aren't you."

"Would you like me to take over?" Valerie inquired, a sly grin encompassing her face. How good was _she_ at the game? He couldn't help but to wonder as her sisters were staring at her with wide eyes. Considering Valerie was homeschooled, she likely played more than they did. Also, this was one of those games where it was fun to relieve tension. "I can beat them with just one life left."

"No thanks Val, I got this."

"Are you _sure?"_

"Ye-" With a sudden blast, he turned his head back to the screen in time to see Peach coming back from a slap and Link flying off to the right. "Or not…" He sighed heavily as Valerie broke out in a laugh. "You guys _so_ cheated…"

"We can't help it if Valerie distracts you," Vixen retorted while sticking her tongue out. Her eyes closed and her lips curved up. A familiar crinkle surrounded her nose, reminding him of the teasing he often got from years before. A fond memory came to mind, playing board games with the family and having Valerie sneak up on him from behind, enabling her sisters to win as she distracted him. He chuckled and bowed his head, scratching at the hairline on his neck.

"Yeah, well…" Suddenly Valerie took the controller from him, smirking as she returned the game to the character select screen. The girls looked at one another with raised eyebrows and quickly selected their characters.

"This time I mean business," Valerie reprimanded. She sat beside Freddie, nudging him with her shoulder. "Watch how it's done, Benson." His cheeks began to shimmer with a light red shade as he waited for the trio to prepare their game. "Vixen, Victoria, you two are going _down._"

"Don't you have homework to finish up on?" A nervous tone fell from Victoria's lips. Valerie raised an eyebrow and scoffed in return. "Or tutoring?"

"I don't _have_ to do anything right now, I just choose to. Now I'm going to avenge the fallen."

"But _why_?"

"Because I enjoy beating you at this game."

"You're going down, sister!" Vixen laughed. Freddie curled his finger on his chin and watched eagerly as the game began. Zelda appeared in the middle of the screen, and immediately sprang into action.

Zelda curled her arm inward, sending a bomb directly towards Peach, exploding and sending the girl off the screen. Pit was gliding towards her, so without hesitation, Zelda spun around and slammed her hand into the angel, sending it off the edge. Victoria and Vixen yelled out in vain and quickly hopped to the right of the screen. Valerie smirked at the two, wagging her eyebrows.

"Let's get her!" Victoria exclaimed. The two began charging towards Zelda. "You're going down!" Pit lurched forward, Peach shot her hip forward, and Zelda hopped away from the explosion that sent Pit flying into the background. "Vixen!"'

"Sorry! We should have put teams on!" Zelda teleported next to Peach. Vixen's eyes widened as Valerie slammed the down-b button, shooting off a diamond shield that send Peach gliding off the screen. "Ouch!" Pit fell beside Zelda and quickly slammed forward, striking her in the back with gold daggers and throwing her off the edge. "Yes! Way to go Victoria!"

Valerie huffed and flung her hair over her left shoulder. "Not a bad hit at all. Lucky shot." Freddie turned his eyes towards her, smiling as the battle raged onward. Her back was straight, her shoulders high, and her expression confident. It was as though this game had become the only thing to focus on, something she was putting everything into. Perhaps, this was a usual thing, putting her all into whatever she did. It was a quality he admired.

The screen flashed twice more, followed by the sisters' groan. They each had two lives left compared to Valerie's four. "Down, but not out!" Victoria crooned. Pit glided into Zelda, who attempted to counter. Both went flying off, but Pit grabbed the stage as Zelda slammed off to the right. Victoria cheered and pumped her fist into the air. "Got you!" Pit hopped back onto the stage, Peach slowly walked across with a vegetable in her hand. As Zelda came from the resurrection area, she tossed the vegetable. Zelda reflected it with her diamond and Peach donned her shield, avoiding the projectile.

"So close!"

"Dear sweet Vixen, you can't get me with a vegetable." Valerie playfully nudged her sister. Zelda teleported away once more and appeared behind Peach. Vixen began protesting as Zelda grabbed her. Instantly Pit went running to help, but Peach was thrown into the angel, and both went sailing away. "Down to one life each. You two give up yet?"

"Not at all!" Victoria's phone went off and she paused the game, earning a groan from Vixen. When she checked the phone, her eyebrows rose and she instantly hopped up. "It's Olivia! Vixen, play my character if you die, I have to take this."

"Okay…"

Freddie watched the girl run off towards her bedroom. He was still getting used to the fact that Olivia and Victoria struck a friendship, but hell, anything was possible. _"If Sam and Carly could be friends, then Olivia and Victoria can also…" _He returned his gaze to the screen in time to see Zelda and Peach fly off the stage. _"Damn, what did I just miss?"_ Vixen instantly grabbed Victoria's controller, laughing wildly as she made Pit fly towards Zelda.

"You're going down, Valerie!" Almost instantly Zelda went flying off once more, leaving her with one life left. Pit hopped to the edge of the stage as Zelda reappeared. A confident smirk appeared on Valerie's face as Zelda landed on the floor. Pit began gliding towards her, and Zelda began controlling a blast towards Pit, stopping it just in front of him. The angel couldn't stop in time to avoid the explosion and was sent flying off the screen. "No!"

Vixen huffed and folded her arms over, glaring at the victory screen. Valerie laughed and hugged her close. "You brought a good game, little sis. You almost beat me!" Vixen's lips curved up, she stretched her arms out and hugged her sister back. "Maybe next time you'll get me, Vix." It impressed him how much she loved her sisters, and how well she cared for them. He always knew she had a big heart, and only wished Sam and Carly had seen this side of her. Sure, it was all in the past, but it wasn't easy to ignore those 'what ifs' he felt.

"Yeah! Next time I'll win!" She pulled away and hopped over to Freddie, hugging him as well and catching him by surprise. He saw Valerie smile at him. "Thanks for playing with us, Freddie. It was fun!" Freddie smiled at her and hugged her back, feeling a sense of pride as she warmed his nerves. Essentially he'd been afraid of how the sisters would treat him, but he was now confident they were willing to give him another chance. At least, the younger two.

"Anytime Vixen, anytime."

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><p>Well, what did you think of the chapter?<p> 


	24. Promise

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N:

* * *

><p>Chapter 24 (Promise)<p>

Vincent and Viola guided Freddie into the master bedroom and motioned for him to sit on the edge of the bed. He did as instructed and watched as Vincent closed the door behind him. They had pulled him away from the group to talk to him, about what he wasn't certain. Valerie had gone on to continue tutoring her friend, Vixen convinced Veronica to play with her. Vanessa had joined the parents in the bedroom and was leaning against the vanity dresser with her eyebrows arched.

"You guys wanted to see me?" Freddie eyed Viola, moving in front of him and meeting his gaze with a warm smile. Vincent stepped beside her chair and put a hand to her right shoulder.

"It's nothing bad," the man began. Freddie breathed a sigh of relief and moved his hands to his jeans, tapping lightly on his legs. He had been anxious about whether they were going to tell him to screw off or not, but by the grace of god they weren't throwing him to the wolves yet. "We wanted to say, we appreciate you spending time with the girls. It's good to see you around, but we also want to make sure that you mean to stick around for them as their friend. Don't get involved with them if you're going to disappear again."

"My babies missed you," Viola added. "They've been happy to see you around again. I know Veronica and Vanessa, as well as Valerie, are acting a bit cautious…"

"They have every right to," Freddie nodded to her and breathed inwards. Viola folded her hands over in her lap and lifted her shoulders. Vincent's fingers began tapping like an ocean wave on her shoulder and Vanessa's sharp gaze burned into him, as though searching his soul for the truth. "I know I hurt you guys, them, and I know it's going to take a lot to be trusted again…but I _promise_ I won't vanish like I did back then. I wasn't in the right mind at the time…"

Vanessa lowered her arms and firmly grasped the edges of the dresser, "Damn right you weren't." Her voice raised momentarily and Vincent slowly lifted his hand up. She closed her eyes and sighed. "Sorry. I just don't like seeing my sisters hurt."

"I know, neither do I…" He dipped his eyes towards his knees and smoothed his hands towards them. "I never meant to hurt them, I never meant to hurt Valerie. I really cared about her, I cared about you guys too…I let my friends get in the way of that. I regret never showing them the side of Valerie, of you guys, that they should have seen…" Vanessa closed her eyes and slowly shook her head.

"If your friends control and decide who you can or cannot spend time with, then they're not being true about their friendship with you."

"They're different now, they've changed." Back in the day, they did seem a bit fickle. It was questionable if they would have still given a damn about him if something happened to the webshow, but now they were all loyal to one another. "Now, I know they wouldn't be like that. At least, I think they wouldn't. Valerie and I haven't even told them we've been hanging out…I understand why though."

"In reality, Freddie, we're all more upset with them than you. We're hurt that you dropped us off like we were nothing, but they're the ones that made you…and they're the ones who, indirectly, hurt my sister." She began tapping her fingers on the polished wood and opened her eyes into narrow slants. "If you two decide to open up about your friendship to them, and they start telling you what they did before…"

"I won't leave you guys. I won't." He studied the stern gaze and felt a shiver shooting down his spine. He cared the world for the family, there was no way he would leave them after connecting with them once more. "I'll do anything, anything to show you that I'm true." They wanted him to know if he ever hurt Valerie or the sisters again, he would lose them for good. Freddie had no trouble understanding this. "I didn't have enough of a backbone then, I know. Even now I struggle to stand up for things-" In the corner of his eyes he saw Vanessa cross her arms once more. Viola held her tiny smile and Vincent slowly nodded to him. "But I'm starting to get over that. It's hard, there's a lot of stuff I have to deal with…I know I have confidence issues, I know I have trouble with spirituality and sticking up for myself or others from time to time, but I'm doing the best I can. Now that you guys are back, I won't let anything come in between that again…"

Vanessa slowly nodded and glanced over to her parents for a second, then back to him. He met her gaze with confidence, despite the very stern appearance in her eyes. "Valerie's the most important one to all of us. You broke her heart once, your friends were responsible for something else that occurred, so she's become very delicate…If you hurt her again, Freddie, that's it. You don't get any other chances. Don't come into her life and leave again, don't get her hopes up."

"I won't."

"I know you say that, and you probably believe it. I'll still be watching, I am the oldest, it's my responsibility to make sure no harm befalls my sisters." Freddie watched her push forward from the dresser and move her hands behind her back. She began to slowly pace the foot of the bed, which didn't help his nerves to simmer any. "I've had a couple boyfriends over the years. My first when I was about fourteen. Broke up with me via _text_. After about a week of not seeing me all he sends me is a text message saying he 'moved on'." Freddie cringed and bowed his head, lowering his voice as a flash of irritation flew past his heart. Why would anyone do something like that to a person like Vanessa?

"Ouch…"

She stopped walking and turned towards him, raising an eyebrow. "Next boyfriend ended up cheating on me, didn't bother to even let me know we were over. Then I had the misfortune of seeing Valerie go through a similar thing with _you. _So yes, I was angry." A lump began forming in his throat along with the urge to apologize nonstop for his actions, but he felt it was best to remain silent. "You can understand why I'm so protective of her, and of the others. You can see why I'm watchful. We girls have had some rough luck with the men we've come around, so it's safe to say…you better not be a deserter, because while martial arts teaches people to control their emotions, I _won't_ hold back when I tear you apart."

Wiping the sweat trickling down from his neck, he lifted his head up and locked eyes with her. His lips fell into a frown and his shoulders slumped. "When you say 'rough luck', what do you mean?" Each day he learned more and more about what the family had gone through, and every time, he regretted never being there. She leaned back and folded her arms across her chest, her eyebrow rose to the top of her forehead as she reached up and brushed her hair from her face.

"Let's see, there's _you_…there's my first few boyfriends. Thankfully my current guy is a good man. Veronica dated someone once, he was cruel to her in the end and left her behind. Victoria hasn't dated anyone yet, but a boy she had a crush on in the past decided it would be nice to lead her on just days before moving. Vixen's the only one that hasn't had her heart broken, Valerie's the only one to have someone come back." He couldn't _believe_ what he was hearing, every one of these guys he wanted to find and personally kick their asses, even though it wouldn't be appropriate. Yet, it also meant he'd be kicking his own ass. "Now I've talked with Mom and Dad, so yes, I am allowed to state this: If you break her heart, I'm going to break you. Got that?"

"Y-Yeah I got that."

"Other than that, I'm glad you're spending time with my sisters. They're happy, and if they're happy, I'm happy. I know you two aren't dating or anything, and by no means should you two rush into that at this point. I see the way you look at each other, I see those glances when you two think nobody's looking, and I can see the gleam in her eyes when you're on her mind. If she _ever_ decides to open up and share with you what you two once had, then you'd _better_ be careful with her. I _cannot_ stress it enough."

His lips parted and his eyebrows rose in an instant, he never thought Valerie would even be interested in getting back together again. Though, he still understood that if there was any hope in it, he needed to prove to her above all else that he was genuine. "I promise you, I am who I say I am now."

"And who do you say you are?" Vincent inquired, raising his eyebrow. Freddie glanced over at the man. His jaw was firm, lips pressed in a thin line, his eyes ever watchful and his shoulders broad as ever. Freddie gazed into the watchful eyes of Mr. Williams and spoke without hesitation or fear.

"I am a man that cares about your family, I'm true to my heart and loyal to those that I care about, and that includes Valerie and her sisters. I'm not a deserter, I'm not fickle, I'm faithful…I know I am. I mean what I say when I say I will not vanish from your family again, unless that is what you want…" Vincent's smile calmed him, relieved him. He watched happily as Viola stroked her husband's hand on her shoulder and Vanessa moved towards her parents. Even she had a subtle smile going over her face.

"I think that's acceptable." Vincent closed his eyes and cleared his throat. "I wouldn't ask you to leave and not look back, not unless I thought you were a bad kid. I do trust you, but like my eldest, I have to be wary and certain you're not going to just vanish away from my daughters and leave them wondering what went wrong." Freddie agreed, nodding carefully at the man. "You've ensured me already that maybe there's something more to you than meets the eye…just keep true to what you say, and all will be fine, I'm sure. It'll take some time for everyone to ease up, I'm sure you know that."

"I do…"

"Then take it one day at a time." Vincent glanced at his wristwatch and sighed. "Turkey's done. I think we can wrap this talk up." Viola and Vanessa agreed and began leaving the room. Freddie sat in place for a few seconds, his eyebrows meshed together and his gaze remained glued to the wall in front of him.

_"Never knew there were others that hurt them. To think…they'd be willing to give me a chance, I don't even deserve it."_ He immediately swept away a tear that had fallen from his eye and groaned, wiping his hand on his pants. His heart beat slow and his eyelids fell towards his cheeks. _"I'll do whatever it takes…to show them they're not wrong in that. I'll keep my promises, I always will."_

Vincent's head popped in the doorway and Freddie quickly looked over, startled by the man. "Are you coming, Freddie? I hope we didn't spook you too much."

"You didn't, and yeah I'm coming. Sorry about that." He returned the man's smile and pushed himself from the bed. Perhaps this second chance he was being given was something he could be thankful for. For the first time, he _did_ have something.

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><p>So, tell me your thoughts and observations<p>

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	25. Reflection and Forgiveness

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N:

* * *

><p>Chapter 25 (Reflection and Forgiveness)<p>

After dinner, everyone went off to different locations in the house. Once again, Victoria and Vixen were glued to the video game, Valerie had gone back upstairs to continue talking to the tutor, and Vanessa was doing the dishes with Marissa and Viola. Vincent was on one of the computers in the den, checking on stocks. Freddie took the opportunity to lounge on the couch and watch the girls play Mario Party.

His thoughts were still on the earlier conversation with the parents and Vanessa. Vixen's and Victoria's laughing and ongoing competition was a distraction from his thoughts. Vixen was bouncing up and down as she attempted to push Victoria's character off a large mushroom. When she managed to succeed, she threw her hands in the air and began a victory dance that consisted of several ballet moves. Freddie raised an eyebrow and chuckled briskly. _"It's great to see Vixen so happy, all her sisters have had it rough…hopefully she'll fare better…"_

Freddie's eyes drifted towards the second floor railing and his heart sunk as he recalled Chad and his group from before. They were just an example of the shit iCarly was causing, but of all the people their fans could go after, _why_ did it have to be Valerie's family? Why did they have to hurt _her. "What if I stood up for her back then, if I never left?"_ At that point, Sam and Carly might never have said the things they did, thus influencing the fans to harm her. _"I have to make things right. Now I made a promise, it's time to show my promise means something…"_

He moved his hands behind his head and exhaled slowly, watching the girls and pushing his worries from his he was getting more involved with the family, and he was glad for it, but a little unnerved at the same time. Vincent wanted to him to join him on a hike through one of the nearby park trails. He'd be happy to oblige, always a fan of adventure, but who knew the man would be interested in spending any time with him? Granted, having five daughters and not a single son, it made some sense. The funny thing about all of this, Valerie didn't seem to mind his spending more time with the family. In fact, she seemed to push it.

Upstairs, Valerie hastily chatted with her newfound friend that she was tutoring. Her fingers glossed across the keys like a racecar speeding over a finish line, her typing skills had increased over the years since she became homeschooled. She was a bit curious as to who the person was, they knew her name as the school's list of tutors actually had to use it. If SP were the initials, it was only a fleeting thought that made her wonder if she was actually tutoring Sam.

Her usual topic was English, but SP wanted some advice for math. It was difficult to explain the concept of mathematics, especially considering she wasn't too well versed in the subject. Currently they were discussing how their thanksgiving dinner had gone. _"My friend and I hung out with her brother at my place, Mom burnt the turkey so badly that my sister had to go buy an already cooked turkey from a nearby diner."_

"That sucks." She felt bad for the girl and was tempted to ask if she'd like some leftovers. She thought better of it, since she wasn't really wanting to see anyone from the store. Glancing up at her closed door, she thinned her lips and typed her response. _"I can have my dad or maybe Freddie bring you some of our leftovers if you'd like."_ Her student took a minute to answer. Valerie pondered whether the girl really wanted their leftover turkey dinner. It was good to suggest, but not when you're actually frightened of trusting people.

_"Uh…no thanks, we got our turkey from a pretty good place. Thanks for the offer though!" _

_"No problem." _She glanced at her internet browser and released a shaky exhale. iCarly was open on a tab, she wondered if she was simply torturing herself by going on the site and looking around, but she merely wanted to desensitize herself. Not wanting to be the only one thinking about iCarly right now, she switched back to Skype and began typing. _"Haven't been on the iCarly site in some time…there seems like a big upset among the fans."_

_"Yeah, I've noticed…" _She lifted her eyebrows and pushed herself back up against the headboard, pulling her laptop with her. _"You're Valerie Williams?"_ Her heart screeched to a halt as her fingers hovered over the keys, she wasn't surprised this person knew of her, but she wasn't sure if she wanted to talk about that experience. She studied the moving pencil above the chat box and held her breath, waiting for SP to start typing. Her eyes drifted up to the username, the girl told her she wasn't using her real Skype account for this for security reasons, but she still wanted to know in case something happened. _"It was wrong what happened, I think."_

Valerie swallowed the fear and ignored the stabbing pain in her chest as she allowed her fingers to fall onto the keys. Her back straightened and her shoulders broadened as her eyes narrowed on the words. _"What happened was the worst experience of my life. Not only because Sam and Carly told my boyfriend to leave me over what I know was a stupid thing I was doing at the time, but because fans ruined my life for it. I've never stopped paying for my mistake…but at least, I never once asked him to stop being their friend. When he left, he didn't just leave me, he left my entire family behind…"_

_"I…can't say anyone ever knew that…"_

_"No. None of the fans would ever know, they only know what's on the _surface_ and what iCarly tells them." _Tension increased in her chest, causing her to grasp at it with her hand. She clenched her eyes shut, remembering the cruel beating she suffered from that monster. She took a deep breath, forcing the tension away, and slowly opened her eyes. Her breath shot from her lungs when she saw the question posed.

_"What would you say to them now? If you talked them…"_

What _would_ she say? There were millions of things she _wanted_ to say. She wanted to explode in a full rage, she wanted to scream, to cry, to cuss, but none would be appropriate. Her eyes moved towards the bible on the end table beside her bed. Reaching over, she grabbed her bible and began thumbing through it to find an appropriate verse. Once she did, she hurried to type it out. _"Colossians 3:13, Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."_ How many times could she memorize and recite verses, but at the same time, feel like her own faith was slipping? A tear fell onto the page of her bible, giving it an extra crinkle to join the numerous others on her water-logged pages. Slowly, she closed the book and set it back onto the end table, wincing as Skype signaled a response.

_"You would forgive them for ruining your life?"_ She stretched her arms out and lowered her fingers to the computer once again, sniffling and twitching her nose in an attempt to pull back her tears. _"How could you ever forgive them for judging you? Taking your boyfriend away from you and your family? How could you forgive them for mocking you and telling their fans to attack you? Why? Why would you ever forgive that? They're responsible for screwing up your life, and you would forgive them? If someone did all that to me…I don't know that I could ever be strong enough to forgive…"_

Valerie breathed in suddenly and held onto her breath, studying the words with a pounding heart. Her voice caught in her throat after releasing a single whimper. What strength did she have? She forgave simply because it wasn't her place to judge. Sam and Carly never knew exactly what happened, and they certainly didn't know how important Freddie had become to all of them. This conversation was a bit too personal for her, but now it seemed too late to back off. There was something odd about this girl, but at the same time, something that drew her in. As she wiped her eyes with her thumb, she began to think about her response. There was no easy answer to the question.

At Sam's home, she sat on the couch in tears. Her laptop remained on her lap and her back was digging into the leather cushions. Fortunately the couch's back was to the wall, and nobody was around to see her. She glossed over Valerie's words in Skype and wondered if she should come clean to who she was. After all, she stupidly clicked on her name when she popped up on the school's list of tutors. After that, she made a commitment to who her tutor was. She never anticipated the conversation would become so personal.

She knew it was dishonest what she was doing, but she didn't know if it would be right to admit to being Sam. Valerie might freak, and Victoria asked her to leave it alone. It was hard to do that when she thought about how the fans treated Jonah, she just _had_ to know if they really hurt Valerie. It seemed to be the case, and it frightened her. It frightened her to think Valerie, or even Freddie, may resent her.

Her laptop slid down her left leg onto the cushion beside her and her hands moved up to her face. _Forgiveness?_ Did she and Carly really deserve that from anyone they hurt? She began to sob, praying to keep it quiet so nobody would come in and ask questions. _"How? How could anyone forgive that?"_ Her chest felt like a bomb had exploded inside, shattering her ribs and crushing her lungs. She could hardly breathe as the guilt of everything she ever said on the webshow began to beat her down.

This wasn't just Valerie, it wasn't Olivia or Jonah. It was her own mother, Freddie's mother, Carly's brother, Mrs. Briggs, Mr. Howard, and it didn't even stop there. Sam prayed to scream, to tear the room apart and go wild with her anger. Freddie had taken a break from iCarly, but she was the co-host, she couldn't leave Carly hanging like that. The sound of Skype registering startled her, she lifted her head and moved her teary gaze towards the computer, reading Valerie's words slowly, with a wary heart.

_"Because Sam and Carly had no idea what would happen. It isn't their fault what happened with me, with Freddie, Jonah…They may have started the ball rolling, but they weren't the ones that did the damage. No matter what anyone says…My youngest sisters watch the show, they see that the girls are upset over it, and I know they're hurting too because of all this. Forgiveness is being able to let go…to say it's okay and to move on…it's having the strength to stand up on shaky ground, to cry but not give up. It was years ago, so yes, I forgive them for what they said. It may be hard to trust them, it would be difficult to talk to them, but that's the way it is. There's nothing more to it than that, it's hard to forgive, but I can't blame them for something that was out of their control…the people that did the things they did, whether to me, Jonah, or whomever, did it out of their own thought process. I can tell not every fan is alike, that tells me that they're capable of controlling themselves where others just can't. It's not my place to judge them, and they don't need to tear themselves apart for it all. At least, I hope they don't tear apart. So yes…I forgive Sam and Carly."_

Sam opened her mouth, her body trembled as her eyelids slid down. She felt a bit of peace sweep over her heart as her lips turned up slightly. She whispered under her breath, ignoring the tickling sensation of a tear streaming along her chin. "Thank you…" It meant a lot to her to know Valerie would forgive her for that past. It was a mistake on her part, a poor error of judgment, like always. If she had the chance to do it over again, she'd try to get to know Valerie a little more. Maybe the girl had a point, maybe it was time to move on and not let the past haunt her, but how could she make things right with those whose pain she caused?

If there was one thing she was thankful for during this season, it was the eye opener she had. "How could I…ever make up for all of that?" Though, she did have an idea for the upcoming iCarly. She wasn't sure if Carly would go for it. She bowed her head and chuckled slightly, shrugging her shoulders. "Open season for me…everyone we ever hurt…can take their shots at me. I'll allow it, it's what I deserve."

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><p>Well what are your thoughts?<p> 


	26. A Star's Advice

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N:

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><p>Chapter 26 (A Star's Advice)<p>

"How was thanksgiving with your friend?" Carly asked as Freddie walked into the apartment. She and Sam were on the couch. Sam appeared somber while Carly seemed chipper. Gibby was behind the couch, leaning his hip against it. "You have fun over there? Melanie was asking about you." He raised an eyebrow, remembering the twin that he thought had been Sam. Eventually he figured it out, but the whole memory was still a bit awkward.

"We had a good time. It was fun catching up." He actually _wanted_ to share his day with them, but opted out of it as he wanted to keep true to Valerie's wish for them not to know he was hanging with her. "She's got a great family. You guys would probably enjoy them, maybe…" No way could he say that with confidence. Sam lifted her shoulders and bowed her head, a concerning sight for him.

"Is your friend one of the ones that hates us?" She muttered. Freddie raised an eyebrow and folded his arms across his chest. Sam had been acting increasingly suspicious since they took Victoria over to Olivia's. She raised her head up and lifted her eyebrows. "I know your friend won't tear us apart. At least, I think so…just…I hope she's okay and not one of the ones that hate us…"

"She doesn't watch iCarly, but she doesn't hate you guys." He could see the question in the girls' eyes. They looked at each other, then back to him. "She never gained an interest in the show." They may catch on to the lie and he didn't feel good about it, but what other option did he have? "Anyway, Gibby, you're recording the webcast Saturday, right?" Gibby nodded gruffly and glanced towards the window, a silent observer as he'd been lately. "Good. I'm sorry I have to miss out, I just-"

"It's fine," Carly stood up and put her hands to his shoulder, smiling sadly. "We understand. This whole thing with our fans has us all messed up, you lost your head with Nora, you're fine to take a break. Besides, we understand if you have other commitments, you can't be expected to do it _every_ week, right?" She lowered her hands and bit her lip, glancing towards the right. "Not that it would surprise me if you wanted nothing to do with iCarly either…"

"Something else up?"

"Well, Sam…has this odd idea for Saturday…" He gave Sam an inquisitive look and watched her pat her knees and stand up. "Gibby seems to think it's fair, so I don't know."

Sam put her elbow on Carly's shoulder and smirked at her friend, "You don't have to do anything Carly. I want to do this…for me…" Tiny beads of sweat formed on his brow as he studied Sam with curiosity. "Open season for iCarly…everyone we ever hurt, everyone we ever insulted…I'm letting them attack me." His eyes widened and his jaw dropped. Had Sam gone _insane?_ She bowed her head and narrowed her eyes, slowly closing her head. "I know what you may be thinking, and I'm aware that it could cause a lot of grief on both sides, but…I think it needs to be done."

"I don't know Sam, if it's what you want to do…" He moved past them towards the refrigerator. The girls followed him and stopped at the island counter, leaning over it. He grabbed a water from the fridge and turned around, closing the door with his foot. "Isn't it enough just to acknowledge that we screwed up? Opening up something like that…" He wasn't certain if it would even stir a good reaction among their regular viewers. The crazy ones may lash out and the good ones, not that there seemed to be any left, might be alienated. "Aren't you worried that it might cause a storm?"

"No." She frowned and moved her hand up to her head, rubbing gently. "I mean I'm sure some people might not be thrilled, but Freddie, this is something _I _personally feel I need to do. I don't know how else to make things right. I caused a lot of people a lot of pain by running my mouth. This is the one opportunity I'm giving them to actually lash back out at me. I expect a lot of cursing and a lot of hate. It's not going to hurt." She grabbed a fruit from the basket in the center and took a bite. After chewing for a second, she closed her eyes and swallowed. "I think it's important. Simple as that. People out there…they probably all have many things they want to say to me. I know how sensitive I am, but I know how tough I am. I'm used to people yelling at me, hating me…I'm not going to break, that's why I'm taking the brunt of it and not Carly."

"I see." He wasn't comforted any, there was a genuine concern he had for his friends. He didn't want to see them hurt, no matter how much they may deserve what they'd get from those hurt by Sam's scathing remarks over the years. "You won't get upset and retaliate? You get defensive whenever someone hurts you, so…how do you think you'll react?"

"As calmly as I can. I'll listen to their complaints and take them all in stride. Face it Benson, I've had it coming for a long time." He could picture the many people iCarly offended calling them up and cursing out Sam and Carly, and then, he was certain neither could be able to take it. Sam could dish out a lot of punishment, true, but what were the true chances of her _taking_ it? Olivia was a bit different, she still was able to take the girl cursing her out, but that behavior was hard for _anyone_ to take. "I won't react negatively. I spent a lot of time this week just studying our old videos, and well…I know how badly I've insulted people. Then I look at the comments below and-"

"The fans treat you like some kind of god," Gibby scolded. Freddie's eyes flicked over towards him, he waited anxiously as the man started walking towards them. Sam and Carly looked over with slight pained faces. "It's really not your fault. You remember when you two asked for money and all your fans wound up sending it? That's what I mean, people like you two so much they'll do anything you ask, no matter if it's good or bad."

Freddie took a swig of his water, then gently set the plastic on the counter. "And face it girls, a _lot_ of bad _has_ happened." They turned to him, Carly whined and Sam's lips flattened into a thin line. "I know it's hard to hear, but it's true. We just need to accept that. Wouldn't surprise me if the majority of our fans' 'victims', so to speak, moved on with their lives."

"Jonah's family hadn't," Sam threw her hands in the air and pointed her finger towards him. "And I've had the thought to search out Valerie just in case." His voice hung in the air with hesitation. Would Sam really seek out Valerie? It wouldn't surprise him, but he couldn't let that happen. Of course, he couldn't openly say anything without worrying that they'd figure him out. "I just have a feeling she's like Jonah…she's one of the people who've dated one of us, and you _know_ those are the ones that get hurt the most…"

While this was true, he wasn't sure if every person the group ever dated had been hurt by the fans. He wasn't sure which ones _hadn't_. Adam still was missing when the fans carried him off years ago, Shane wasn't speaking to any of them and the last he heard, fans were harassing him. Even the girl obsessed with him, Shannon, had transferred schools. Was it due to iCarly's fans?

Gibby cleared his throat and sat on the armrest of the couch, "None of the girls I've dated have been attacked by rabid fans." Freddie raised an eyebrow as the girls turned inward, glancing over to Gibby with mouths agape. "Then again, I've never made it public who I was dating. You three _have_, in ways…"

"There are _some_ web stars that make it public…"

"Not many, but those that do have very specific ways of doing it." Gibby pushed himself up and began moving towards the computer on the counter. "Even _Fred_, of all people, is smart enough to reserve his videos for the comedic bit that he does." Gibby brought up Skype and began to login. The trio surrounded him and eyed the contact list. What was he doing? "Now I managed to convince this one guy to, you know, talk to us about it…and it looks like he's online…"

"Who-" His gaze froze on the highlighted name. _Ryan Higa?_ His heart shot up to his throat and his palms began to sweat, he was a major fan of this star's videos. "You actually got in touch with…_him_?"

"Yes." He requested a video call and soon the man's face popped up. The girls gasped, Freddie did what he could to remain calm as the internet's top sensation studied them. "Hey Ryan, I got the gang for some advice…"

"Okay." The star's response rattled Freddie, stunning him as he realized the man was _truly_ there. It was surprising that he was reacting in such a manner to him, considering all the stars they'd met before, and he'd managed to be relatively calm with them. "What's the question? I know you said you guys were going through a difficult time. I can see that from your last show. I don't normally watch, but I have seen some of your older stuff."

"The thing I was saying to you before on Skype…about the whole getting too personal thing. I mean, you don't reveal that much of your personal life, and I think you let your fans know about _one_ girlfriend."

"Yeah, she was in a couple of my videos. Your group does get a little too personal, it has a tendency to turn some people away. No offense, but I wouldn't watch it." A pit began to form in Freddie's stomach as he looked towards the girls, they were astonished, but didn't appear upset by the words. "With all the talk of your personal lives, you open even yourselves to danger. Which, correct me if I'm wrong, has likely happened?"

"Nora," all four answered simultaneously. Ryan hummed as the group looked amongst each other, Gibby kept his eyes on the screen and continued to talk. "Frankly where we're at right now, with all the fans going after one another and going after the people they've dated-"

"Now you see, that's why you don't tell people stuff like who you're going out with or where you live, etcetera. Because if you do, you're not only putting yourself in danger from the _crazy_ _stalker_ fans, but you're putting those people you care about in danger also. I've had a couple, Ray William Johnson's had a few. Hell even that hack, Fred, has likely had one or two, no star is going to tell you they _haven't_ had some stalker fans. Judging by your latest show…one of those people you've dated already ran into trouble with your fans…"

"Jonah. Sam dated him several years ago and-"

"He tried to cheat on her with Carly, then they put him on that bouncing thing, right?" The group froze, Sam whimpered slightly and Freddie bowed his head. Ryan closed his eyes and exhaled. "See how easy it is to find out what happened with people in your lives? All anyone has to do is fiddle around with iCarly for a few hours, and suddenly they know who you dated, what happened, where you live, who you are, what's going on in your life, and so forth…You're just _asking_ for crazy fans like Nora to pop up wherever! By the way, that machine? It wasn't funny, as it was disgusting and just, I'm _amazed_ you didn't get sued for it. You lucked out."

Sam moaned and put her hands to her head, "I _know!"_

"No you don't! At least, I don't think you do, otherwise you wouldn't slander the amount of people that you have." Ryan pointed at the screen, narrowing his eyes. Sam lowered her hands and Carly's eyes began to enlarge. "Every time you slander someone, you open yourself up to a libel lawsuit!" They heard Spencer's voice as the man passed by them from the stairs, he was confirming Ryan's statement. It sent chills down Freddie's spine when he thought of all the times they could have been sued by someone. "You have _zero_ responsibility! Once you put something on the internet, it is out there _forever! _You think deleting videos off your site is going to remove them? No. You can find that Jonah video on youtube, probably. If you type it in Google and click the videos tab, I'm willing to bet it'll find it two or three more times. It's out there, you can't take it back."

Sam cupped her hand over her mouth and took a slight step backwards, bumping into Spencer. Carly ran over to him, hugging his waist and asking if it were really that true, his experience in the criminal justice system was still enough. Of course, he had four years of college with a CJ Major before law school. Spencer's lips pressed into a thin line and he lifted his shoulders. "It's more than true, it's happened." Freddie's jaw dropped and Carly began stammering.

"W-What? Spencer, what do you _mean_ it's happened?"

"Dad and I have sorted out some complaints in the past where we were told to pay for emotional damages, therapy, etcetera, or be sued for slander, defamation of character, assault, you name it…it's so much that I've actually gone _back_ to law school to finish off my degree…"

"Oh god! Why didn't you tell us?"

"We were trying to protect you guys. This whole Nora thing that happened kind of overshadowed everything, but Dad has stated if another threat of lawsuit were to come up, he was going to force iCarly to shutdown." Carly threw her hands over her mouth and shook her head. Spencer crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. "What amazes me is half the people out there want to sue because you told the fans to do something to them."

"Man that's stupid," Ryan muttered. Everyone turned back to him, he had his hand on his forehead and was shaking his head. "You don't need to attack people or mock people, or even tell your fans to rough someone up, in order to gain respect from viewers." He lowered his hand and pulled his lips back as he studied something on his own computer. "You know Shane Dawson?"

"Yeah…" Sam raised an eyebrow as Ryan's eyebrows lifted up.

"Well he's got a few negative thoughts in regards to the privacy issues you guys have. There's one thing he says, I agree with and say it myself, you need to be careful what you put out there because it's the internet. Everything you say and do has repercussions, and well, people have feelings. You've done a lot of damage, but I don't want you to think you're all _bad_ or anything. Bear in mind that you're always going to have 'haters' out there. There isn't a thing you can do about it, but you _can_ do something about those privacy concerns."

"I guess."

"Either that or shut it down for your own safety, and maybe, the safety of everyone else in your life. You know how many girls I've dated that tell me they don't want me to talk about them online, nor do they want to _be_ online? There is good reason for this. I would never talk down about my teacher or tell my fans even indirectly that they ought to harm somebody, because the crazy people out there _will_ do it."

"He's right," Freddie growled out. The girls held their breath and watched as he moved to the couch.

The conversation carried on for a brief time before they said their farewells. Carly had been rendered speechless and Sam was glaring at the door with a sense of longing in her eyes. If she wanted to leave, she could. Carly wiped her eyes and scoffed, "Spencer…Has there really been anything _else _happening over the years?" Spencer moved for the kitchen and lifted his shoulders.

"Yeah. Remember Lewbert?" Freddie lifted his head and started wiping his brow. "Before he left his job, he was the guy that kept watch over our apartment." He snapped into attention, listening closely now to what Spencer was saying. _Lewbert_ was protecting them? Carly moved her hands over her mouth and Sam cringed. "Every time you guys insulted him, attacked him, mocked him, he took it in stride…of course it affected him, but we needed him, and he stayed until he couldn't take it any longer. There've been a few obsessed fans over the years that tried to come by the apartment, he chased them off."

"Oh god. Oh please no…"

"He left the job and I've had to occasionally check and make sure nothing was going on. Fortunately he beefed up security on the place before quitting, but…if someone really wanted to, they could get in."

As Spencer walked away, Carly and Sam collapsed on the couch beside Freddie. Gibby spun around on the stool and leaned back against the counter. Silence was thick in the air, but nobody dared to speak. Everything they'd heard, everything they were learning, it was all so overwhelming. They'd taken iCarly too far, crossed too deeply over the privacy boundary. As trodden as that line was, their footsteps smeared it into nonexistence.

Was it even possible to bring that line back? Or would they be forced to shut down the show for good? They had to at least _try_, but was it worth it anymore? Freddie wanted so badly to trust the fans, but all he felt now towards them was disgust. He wished Sam the best of luck in iCarly's 'open season' segment on Saturday, but at this point, he wasn't even sure if it was worth another episode.

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><p>A lot was discovered in this chapter. Tell me what you liked, what observations were made. What do you think of Ryan's advice? Tell me your thoughts, do you see a future in the webshow, or do you see a lack of a future that Freddie (and you'll soon see Sam) sees in it? Do you think iCarly can be saved, or are they really past that point of salvation?<p> 


	27. The Concert

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N:

* * *

><p>Chapter 27 (The Concert)<p>

Friday afternoon, Freddie picked up Olivia first as Victoria's house was on the way to the Skillet concert. When he arrived, Victoria and Valerie were standing on the front lawn. Victoria hurried to the backseat where Olivia, holding on to a Skillet brand baseball cap. Valerie moved to the driver's side door and leaned into the car once Freddie rolled the window down. She folded her arms on the top of the door and gave him a subtle smile. "Have fun, all right? Take care of my sister."

"Are you _sure_ you don't want to come along?" He'd already asked her once before, and Victoria even tried to convince her to join the trip, but she couldn't get in without a ticket of her own anyway. "Or are you just going to do homework all day?" She closed her eyes and smirked back at him.

"I think I'll go with the homework." She looked into the backseat at Victoria, who was seated behind Freddie. "Try to behave, all right Victoria?" The young girl grinned sheepishly as Olivia smirked her way. Freddie studied them in the rearview mirror and felt a sudden shift of energy in the car. Why did he have a feeling they were planning on ditching him? Valerie laughed, returning her gaze back to him. "Call us if she gives you the slip, all right? I'll have to have a talk with her if she gives you any trouble. We're trusting you with her, so try not to lose her, got it?"

"Got it. Though, it's just a concert, it isn't like there's going to be all that much stuff going on outside of the stage area." Valerie lifted her eyebrows, her smirk deepened and her eyelids slid halfway down. Suddenly he felt like an idiot, forgetting that concerts weren't only what was happening around the stage, but everything else in the area. The place they were going to was a very large area with many booths and games to deal with. "Don't worry Val, I won't lose them." He saluted her and grinned, earning a skeptical look followed by a laugh.

"You _almost_ look cute, Freddie." He slowly lowered his hand, blushing red as Valerie shook her head, seemingly not realizing what just came from her mouth. "Trust me, if she runs off, give us a call. Dad and I will probably swing by, Dad knows some of the security guards working there." Victoria's hand brushed through his peripheral and landed on Valerie's arm, she smiled at her sister with a wide tooth-filled grin.

"Don't worry Val, we won't cause Freddie that much trouble. We're probably going to be among the fans up in front of the stage. What reason would _I_ have for giving _Freddie_ a hard time, right?" Freddie raised his eyebrow and Valerie began to snicker. He could think of a million and one reasons why the Williams family would want to give him a hard time. "Love you, sis!"

"Love you too, brat." Valerie reached in and hugged Victoria, then leaned back out of the car, waving at Freddie. "Be careful out there and bring my sister home in one piece. You think _Vanessa's _bad, lose my sister and you'll see what happens with me. But you won't lose her, I have faith in you."

"We're going to be late," Olivia complained, pushing Freddie's chair. He glanced over his shoulder and Valerie laughed once more.

"Okay get going. Have fun guys." Freddie started up the car and grinned at Valerie.

"See you later Val." As he drove off, he heard Valerie whispering to Olivia about him having a crush on her sister. He rolled his eyes and smiled slightly as he continued on towards the freeway.

Once at the concert, it didn't take long to find the stage where the many hundred people were gathering at. When the band first stepped out, excitement roared through the crowd, shaking the ground beneath his feet. Unfortunately standing beside two thirteen year old girls did not do wonders for his eardrums, he wasn't about to leave their side and let them get lost among this crowd.

"Oh my god this is amazing!" Victoria screamed, jumping up and down and bumping into Freddie. "We're seeing Skillet in _person!_ Yes!" Olivia laughed and cheered with her, putting her hands to her mouth and screaming out. Freddie rubbed his ear as the band shouted out in their microphone, asking how their fans were doing. "Freddie can you believe it? We're seeing Skillet live!" He smiled at her and nodded.

"Yeah, it is amazing." The band began to play their hit song, _Awake and Alive_. Freddie held his breath and glanced up at the singer with a somber heart. This song was one of those that had always affected him greatly, the words to this one fit his current situation so well. He really hadn't heard much of Skillet over the years, he knew they were a Christian rock band, and the songs he had heard, he enjoyed.

After about five songs, Freddie noticed the girls slipping away from the crowd, hand in hand. He chuckled vainly and moved his hand to his forehead. _"I knew it wouldn't be long before they decided to run off."_ Thinking fast, he hurried after them, but was getting caught up amidst the crazed, roaring crowd constantly pushing him and blasting out his eardrums. _"I am going to need a Tylenol after this. Or something stronger…"_ Now he knew why he stayed away from concerts.

When he managed to get out of the crowd, he frantically looked from side to side, trying to gain sight on where the girls ran off to. "Victoria! Olivia? Where did you go…" His first thought was to check any nearby food booths they could have stopped off at, and there was one hotdog vender close by.

He ran for the hotdog vender to the right and saw a flash of Victoria's brown hair rounding the corner of the blue RV. He narrowed his eyes and waved his hand in the air. "Victoria! Come on!" He breathed in sharply and passed by the hotdog vender, not caring too much for food, despite the growling stomach. He hadn't eaten all day. He stopped running after a few minutes and put his hands to his knees, breathing heavily. "Could they tell me where they were going?"

This chase continued on for about half an hour before Freddie finally managed to round them off and corner them near a rock wall climb. He crossed his arms and glared as Victoria nervously swept her hair back. "Hey Freddie, you caught us." She smiled happily and rubbed the back of her neck. "I guess we couldn't give you the slip, huh?"

"No, but seriously, did you have to run all over the park? You had me worried, I wouldn't be able to find you if you just vanished. You see how many people there are out there? It's dangerous, I don't want anything to happen to you guys because I wasn't watching you!"

"He has a point," Olivia muttered. Victoria scratched the back of her head and dipped her eyes down, pouting her lip as her brows meshed together. He was genuinely upset that she gave him the runaround, he had it in his mind to turn her in to the family. It was heartbreaking to see her pout, however. "I mean what can you say really, your sister _did_ say not to give Freddie any trouble, right?"

"Yeah, and dad told me to stay right with him." Victoria lifted her head and pointed to Olivia. "It wasn't her plan either, so if anyone should be in trouble…I'm sorry Freddie, I know I shouldn't have done it…" Freddie slowly lowered his arms, trying to continue his disappointment, but it was difficult as hell to stay mad at her. "Valerie told me not to and I let her down. Please, _please_ let's not tell them?"

"I don't know…I don't want to lie to Valerie _or_ your family…" He was already trying to regain their trust as it was, if he lied to them, then what good was it to earn their trust and respect? Victoria put her hands together, gazing at him with apologetic eyes and begging him to keep it between the three of them. He winced at the sight and scratched the back of his head. "Victoria look, you had me worried, okay? I can't lie to your family, but you can take responsibility for your actions."

"They don't need to know, they'll never let me go to another concert again if they thought I wasn't mature enough to be on my own!" He moved his fingers to his forehead and exhaled deeply.

"We'll see, we've still got another hour or two. Just stay with me, let me think, and let's enjoy the rest of this. Okay? I just would prefer you not ask me to lie to your sisters for you…It makes me uncomfortable…" She lifted her lips up into a bright smile and hugged him, taking him by surprise.

"Thank you Freddie!" He staggered back a step as Victoria grabbed Olivia's hand and started to move back to the stage. "Come on! Let's head back to the stage!"

After the long drive home, listening to Victoria and Olivia gloat about the 'insane' experience of listening to a live concert for the first time, Freddie was almost glad to be done with the trip. Once at the Williams house, they all exited the car as Valerie and Vincent came striding out. Victoria ran up to her sister, hugging her close as Vincent waved. "How was the concert?" Vincent asked.

"It was good."

Victoria stood in front of Valerie as her sister put her hands on her shoulders and looked up to Freddie, "Did Victoria give you any trouble?" Freddie chuckled and moved his hand to the back of his neck.

"The concert was fun, the girls enjoyed it."

"She run off on you? We did tell her to stay with you, under the punishment of being grounded if she ran off." Victoria mouthed for him to say 'no'. He winced inwardly and closed his eyes, struggling with the decision of whether or not to turn Victoria in or to say she stayed with him the entire time. In truth, he did get distracted by the songs.

"Well, it's kind of debatable, to be honest. I got caught up in the music myself, she and Olivia probably tried to let me know they were going to grab a hotdog or something, but I wouldn't have heard it…So I can't say for sure if she ran off without letting me know where she was going, I think I wasn't paying attention for a couple minutes there." Valerie's eyebrows rose and a smile began to spread over her face, much to Freddie's surprise. Vincent snapped his fingers and Victoria let out a defeated sigh.

"Damn that works," Victoria muttered under her breath. Olivia laughed and declared that Victoria now owed her ten bucks. The sudden tension inside of him fell off to the side and suspicion swept over him. It was then that he took another look at the Skillet cap that had been on her head, there was something peculiar about the dot above the 'I'.

"So she _did_ run off," Vincent began while rubbing his chin and glancing down at his daughter, "But you don't know if she tried to tell you. You're not denying she ran off."

"I did run off, Dad." She took off her cap and looked up to her father and sister. "He's taking the fall for me because he didn't want to lie to you for me. It's true, Olivia and I waited for a moment he wasn't paying attention, then we took off. He ran after us for about half an hour. It was all my idea. I even tried to get him to keep it all between us, but he refused. I'm sorry, Dad, Valerie…"

"I see." Vincent took the baseball cap and smirked at Freddie, then lifted it to reveal wiring and a thin screen beneath it. Freddie's eyebrows rose as a video began playing on the screen. Was he being _tested?_ His jaw fell as both Valerie and Vincent appeared beyond pleased. "I work with security, so don't worry, we saw everything." Valerie quickly nodded her head and motioned her thumb towards her dad.

"I mentioned Daddy knew a few of the guards there, so you _were_ under watch." He stammered as Valerie began walking towards him. How was he supposed to react to this? She put her hands to his arms and gazed into his eyes with a warm, gentle smile. "I'm sorry we put you on the hotspot like that, we did ask Victoria to see what would happen. Moreover, Veronica suggested it, we went along with it just to see how you would react when Victoria started asking you not to turn her in."

"Testing to see how trustworthy I am?"

"Something like that. A little backbone too…I personally wanted to see if you would lie to _me_. You didn't…you were honest, and we appreciate that." Vincent scanned the video and moved towards them, chuckling as he revealed a scene where Victoria and Olivia were poking him during a song.

"So the girls _did_ try to let you know they were going somewhere," remarked the father, "You did get caught up in the song. An innocent mistake. We know you care too, otherwise you wouldn't have gotten as upset as you did when you finally caught up with them."

"He was genuinely concerned," Victoria chimed happily, "All in all, I think he's doing good." Freddie was still unsure whether or not he was happy for the test, he honestly didn't like the whole chase, it was very stressful for him. When Valerie hugged him, it made his thoughts vanish away. He looked to her and smiled slightly, lifting his arms to hug her back.

"We won't do that again, okay?" Valerie stepped back and pushed her hands into her pockets. "It was a one-time thing, it's the last time we'll put you on the spot like that. Thank you, though, for being honest…and for standing your ground. You could have told us she didn't do anything at all, which wouldn't have been _bad_, it just would have been dishonest."

"Yeah…so I'm guessing Victoria's _not_ in any trouble, then." Valerie laughed once Victoria put her hand to her chest and sighed with relief.

"Of course not. Anyway, come inside, we're all about to have dinner if you'd like something to eat. Olivia's free to join us."

"I'd love to, thanks." He followed the family inside, Olivia happily stepped beside Victoria, eager for food. Freddie was thrilled that he passed whatever test there had been, but not quite as happy as he was to hear they wouldn't put him through that type of stress again. Although, he had a feeling it wouldn't be the last thing he'd go through to earn their trust. Surely Vanessa had some stuff in mind for him when he went to visit the dojo on Saturday.

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><p>So what did you think of Freddie's "test"? Let me know what you liked and what you think could be done better<p> 


	28. Tutoring

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N:

* * *

><p>Chapter 28 (Tutoring)<p>

Freddie sat at Valerie's desk while she was working on the computer with her student. She seemed happy to have his company, and he was happy to be there. "Your father wants me to go hiking with him at some point of time. Should I be concerned?"Valerie lifted her head from the screen and chuckled.

"No, jus spend some time with him. He's got five daughters and not a single son, so it would probably make him happy to have you spending a little quality time with him." He hadn't looked at it in that manner before, but when she put it like that, it sounded like a very good idea. Not to mention the man worked in security, he could give Freddie some tips about his own future in security. "As for Vanessa, I'll try to convince her not to damage you. Too much." She smirked coyly and he dipped his head with light laughter. "Either way, I _am_ glad you're spending some more time with my family. It really does feel nice, everyone's a little happier lately."

He turned his gaze back towards her, "I'm glad." He moved from the chair and walked over to Valerie, glancing down at the computer with her. There were math equations and solutions going all the way down Skype. "Your student learning anything from all that math?"

"I hope so, it would be better to tutor her in person, but I'm not sure it's wise…" He raised an eyebrow, gazing suspiciously at the student's penname. He knew Valerie wasn't so good at math, but she was the type to help if she could. "Thank god they don't require math to be a chef. I plan to go through college and go to culinary school, you know."

He smirked and moved his arm around the post on the headboard. "So you still want to be a cook, huh?" Valerie quickly looked from the computer and wagged a finger in the air, once more explaining the difference between a cook and a chef.

"A _cook_, Freddie, is someone that could simply work at any fast food joint in town. That will not happen, I want to be a _chef_. Hopefully a five-star chef!" She got up from the bed and curled her arms up, holding them tight against her chest as she closed her eyes and breathed in the dream. "A chef cooks for classy restaurants, hotels, or even presidents and ambassadors!" Her arms fell back to her sides, joy glistened in her eyes as her face radiated with a bright glow. "Can you imagine how it would feel to make a freshly grilled salmon for the President of the United States? Or scones for Queen Elizabeth!"

"That would be amazing." He enjoyed seeing her so happy and full of joy, something he'd not seen so much of lately. She knew what she wanted out of life, and that was truly a great thing "I suppose a chef could do many great things as well."

"A _cook_ can't get a high quality job like a _chef_ can, and a cook doesn't need any kind of education or a degree. A kid that knows how to cook, is a cook, a _chef_ however, is fully trained." He folded his arms over his chest, chuckling as she continued her rant on Chefs and Cooks. After a minute, she stopped and smiled nervously at him. Timidly, she pushed a strand of her hair over her ear and turned her nervous smile into an anxious grin. "Sorry about that."

"Don't be, I think it's great you're passionate about something. I admire that." She paused for a second, studying him. When she was finished, she returned to the computer and motioned him over. "What is it?"

"I don't quite know how to solve this last problem. Since she doesn't understand it and needs me to help her out, I'm at a loss." He leaned forward, studying what appeared to be fractions with a bunch of letters. "Three X divided by 13 plus 4(x+50)=24x-10. Solve for x."

"Well, I think first you need to solve the parenthesis. That should be four times both in there. 4X and 200. Now you have 3x divided by 13+4x+200=24x-10." He tapped his chin and closed his eyes, trying to recall what he learned in his math classes, the next step would at least be to solve the X's on both sides. "Okay add 3 and 4, then the 200 and thirteen. You have 7x divided by 213=24x-10." Valerie began typing as he spoke, trying to give the solution. Her eyebrows rose as her fingers slid across the keys. When finished, her hands hovered over and she glanced up to him, waiting for the next step.

"I think it's just the fact that I've been doing math problems with her for so long now that my brain's dying over here."

"I can understand that. Math does that to me all the time…" She laughed. He scraped his fingernail down his chin and hummed at the equation. "I think the next step is to move the 213 over by multiplying it with that minus ten. So then you have 7x=24x-2130. After that…divide 7 by 24 to get .29x=2130 and…I'm not sure what the next step is."

"Division? 2130 divided by .29?" Valerie leaned back and tucked the corner of her lower lip beneath her teeth. She always did this whenever she was thinking about something, and in the past, Freddie always thought it was cute. Even now, it still was. He smiled at her and returned his gaze to the computer, trying to keep his own thoughts and feelings inside. She brought up a calculator, did the math, and groaned. "7344.83, I am not confident in that answer."

"Me either, but I think you know more about math than I do."

"That's not saying much at this point."

"Maybe. Maybe not. One thing is guaranteed, your student thinks so." Valerie laughed heartily and fell back onto her pillow. She sighed heavily moved her hands down to her long pleated purple skirt. It went nicely with the purple sweater she was wearing, although, he did miss seeing her in the dresses she used to love wearing when they were younger. Then again, with the scars he saw on her back, she probably wouldn't want to wear dresses.'

"I can't tutor someone in math over Skype, but I can't meet them in person either." He frowned and sat on the side of the bed beside her, staring over at the computer screen.

"Why not? Are you afraid of them?"

"We had a personal conversation yesterday, Freddie. She knows that something happened to me in the past…thanks to the iCarly fans…" She slowly pulled herself up and stared at the computer. Freddie moved his hand to her back, rubbing it gently. He saw her close her eyes and tense her back muscles for a second before relaxing. "She seemed accepting of me and didn't care who I was, and I may have mentioned that you were over here…"

"Really?"

"Yeah, but at the same time, I kind of get this feeling that I know her…and it terrifies me because we're getting along. I'm afraid of what would happen if she turns out to be who I think she is." She rubbed her forehead and shook her head, muttering under her breath. "I'm sure it doesn't matter, and it's probably just anxiety and nerves making me get this feeling…"

"Who do you think it is?"

"Sam." His eyes widened and quickly shot towards the conversation. "Is that possible? I mean…" Sam _had_ been feeling guilty lately in regards to everyone in their past, could she have sought out Valerie? "I had to put my name on the school site under the list of tutors. I didn't want to, but I did, and I don't really know why."

"You want me to ask Sam?"

"No…I'm sure if it _is_ her, then she probably has a reason for not telling me."

"Guilt, maybe? Fear? I mean look at what she plans to do this Saturday…" Valerie pressed her lips together and stared at him inquisitively, he'd not yet informed her of the plan. With a deep breath, he closed his eyes and moved back against the headboard, sitting beside her. "She's making the whole hour of iCarly devoted to allowing every single person she's ever hurt call in to take a swing at her." Valerie's jaw dropped and her hand moved up to the side of her head, her fingers tangling with her hair.

"What? Why?"

"She says she deserves it. It's the only way to make things right, in her eyes, and she's apparently expecting a lot of yelling and cursing. Sam may be a tough girl, but I can't imagine how well she could take that…" Valerie's brow furrowed and she quickly pulled the laptop closer, typing furiously on the keys. Freddie read the words forming on the screen and lifted an eyebrow at them.

_"Quick and hypothetical question, SP. If you were Sam on iCarly, and you decided to open yourself up to your fans…why? What would your reason be? If you _were_ Sam, you would know that I've already forgiven you based off of our conversation last night about the iCarlys, why would you further punish yourself?"_

"You said you forgave her?"

Valerie pulled her hands away, gazing at the screen with a heavy expression. "Yesterday when we were talking about iCarly, she asked me what I would say if I had to talk to Sam and Carly." She turned her eyes towards him, staring from the corners. "I said that as hard as it is, I would forgive them. It's not their fault, they didn't know the stuff that would happen…it isn't like I told anyone, other than my family…"

"Yeah…so what do you think she'll say?"

"I don't know, I'm still not sure if it _is_ her I'm talking to here." He hummed and returned to the screen. After a minute of waiting, they finally got a response from SP.

_"If I were Sam and if I were to do that, it would be because…I feel like I've caused so much trouble, so much damage, and this would be something that I'm sure everyone I ever hurt would want to do. If I were Sam, I would be able to tough it out, I could take all the yelling and the hate. It would be something I deserve, something of an eye for an eye, so to speak."_

Valerie groaned and shook her head once more, "In all honesty, the Bible also says to turn the other cheek."

"What does that mean exactly?"

"Let it go. Basically." She returned her keys to the keyboard and began typing, her body was tense and her expression had fallen into a deep frown. _"I'd tell her, if I were talking to her…she doesn't have to do this, it doesn't matter anymore. What's done is done, it's time to let go and move on. Hard as it is…because even I still cling to some of the hurt in my past…but she doesn't need to subject herself to that, or further open wounds for anyone that may not want to remember that hurt. I'd tell her to think it through, that it's up to her what she does…"_

"That's probably the best thing you could say." Knowing Sam, she wasn't going to back down from this plan. "You'll pray for her?"

"Yeah…I guess so…"

"I guess we'll just have to see what happens Saturday. I'll probably be busy being beaten down by your sister." Valerie chuckled at him and rolled her eyes as he smirked in response.

"Yes Freddie, we'll see what happens. If you're really that concerned, take a suit of armor with you to the dojo." He laughed and caught himself just as he nearly fell from the bed. Clearing his throat and regaining his cool composure, he flashed a toothy grin her way.

"I may do that, actually."

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><p>What are your thoughts?<p> 


	29. The Protective Cousin

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N:

* * *

><p>Chapter 29 (The Protective Cousin)<p>

The next day, Freddie anxiously waited outside the door for the TSA support group, he'd never been to a 'help' meeting like this before. If Valerie suggested it, then he would have to at least give it a chance. His worries spanned to greater concerns outside of how large or small the group would be, or how old everyone in the group might be. He didn't want to be the only teenager in a group of old men and women, nor did he want to be a teenager in a group of small kids.

"Here goes nothing…" Taking a deep breath, he slowly pushed the door open. When he entered, he was surprised with how bright the place was, mostly due to the numerous windows along the milky walls. The chocolate brown carpeting matched the tanned chairs scattered about the large room. There were eight people walking around the room, all glancing occasionally at him and greeting him with a friendly smile. They were around his age, seventeen to college. He waved nervously, "Hi."

"You must be the new guy." A boy with curly hair and dark skin moved in front of him and stretched out his hand. Freddie returned the friendly gesture and shook his hand. "I'm Owen. John said you'd be joining." Valerie's uncle Johnny Guglielmo, he always thought it was strange that Vincent's brother had a different name when the two had the same set of parents. He never bothered to question it, though. He liked the name, considering it was Italian, but it _was_ Italian for _Williams_, so it worked. "Valerie's friend, right?"

"Yeah, I'm Freddie." Quite clearly this sector was headed by Johnny. In the corner of his eye he saw a tall man in a brown suit and khaki pants talking with a girl who looked to be around Vanessa's age. The girl had long brown hair sweeping just below her shoulders and a sharp glare. She had a toned body much like Vanessa's, which came to lead him into the suspicion that the two were likely related. He looked back to Owen and motioned to the two. "That's him, right?"

"Yeah. John and his daughter, Courtney." Owen turned and called them over. He watched Courtney's burning glare descend upon him, much like that of Vanessa's. Not surprising, after hearing that this was her cousin.

"Freddie hello!" Johnny enthused on his way over. Courtney's arms folded across her chest and her eyebrow raised as she studied him. He was uncomfortable with her glare, but if the Williams family told them about him, he wouldn't be surprised if she wanted to string him up just like them. "We've heard so much about you. I'm John, this is my beautiful daughter, Courtney." One corner of her lips tucked up and she extended her hand.

"Pleased to meet you."

"Same," Freddie responded with a firm handshake. "I'm surprised I never met you guys before…Valerie's told me a little about you, not much though."

"Not surprising." Courtney circled him like a lioness eyeing her prey. He could feel the sweat pulling from his hair. "Five or so years ago, we were not in Seattle at the time. Family business, you know."

"Right…so you guys are a part of TSA?"

"Actually," Johnny cleared his throat and pushed his hands into his pockets, "My wife and youngest daughter both have Tourettes. I got involved with the TSA to learn a bit more, eventually became a counselor for it. That _is_ my profession after all, I'm a guidance counselor."

"Cool!" Freddie moved his eyes over to Courtney, still glaring at him. With how she was glaring, he was almost certain they were a part of the mafia. "Er, you don't like me much, do you?"

"Just sizing up the target," she huffed at him. His eyebrows slid upwards and her head tilted towards the right. "Being the oldest, I have to look after my cousins. You hurt Valerie, so I'm sizing you up should you mess with her again. You think Vanessa's scary? You haven't seen anything yet." Johnny chuckled and put his hand to her shoulder.

"All right Courtney, no need to scare him. I do believe Valerie asked you to be _nice_." Freddie rubbed the back of his head, twitching slightly. He couldn't run, as nervous as he was, because this was Valerie's family. "Now, have you seen your sister?" Courtney glanced about the room and sighed, Freddie followed her gaze to see a ten year old girl standing shyly in the corner of the room.

"Marcie, come over here please!" Marcie was blinking repeatedly and shaking her head as her wide eyes glanced at the teenagers. Courtney smiled at her and walked over, kneeling beside her and gazing into her eyes. "Marcie, what are you scared of?"

Freddie looked up to Johnny, he was watching his daughters with a genuine look of concern in his eyes. "I've recently moved up to counsel the older teens with Tourettes, Marcie refused to stay in the children's group. With as shy as she is, she absolutely refuses to talk to any of the people here."

He frowned and glanced back at the young girl. "Any of them ever try to talk to her?" The man shook his head and Courtney slumped back over, stating Marcie was once more set on remaining in the corner. He had to wonder how to get her out of that corner, nobody tried to talk to her, so nobody tried to push her out of that comfort zone. Clearly they could find common ground with the girl. She likely was just learning about her Tourettes, as he was when he was that age, so she may be frightened and feeling out of place. "Let me try to talk to her…"

Courtney narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms, "Excuse me?"

"Well think about it, she's not had anyone here try to talk to her, so how's she to know if anyone's friendly?" He moved over to the child and knelt beside her. She moved her eyes up to his, after a few seconds of silence, she turned towards him. Her face clenched and relaxed. She'd learn to control the twitching soon enough. "Hey there Marcie, I'm Freddie. You know your cousin, Valerie?" Marcie slowly nodded her head. He flattened his hand against his chest, still gazing into her eyes. "I'm her friend, a friend of the family. I also have Tourettes…"

"You don't look like it," Marcie muttered. "You're not flinching."

"Oh, well you see, Tourettes is something you can control as you get older. It's nothing to be afraid of…" Marcie's almond shaped eyes sparkled with cheer and her lips curved upwards. "I know how you feel. It started to appear when I was your age, it was so new to me that I felt like everyone was going to turn me away. Sure, even now I think some of my closest friends might mock me, but…they wouldn't, I know them enough to know that."

"It's scary, I don't know how to control it! They didn't talk about it in the children's group, they just talked about having it."

"Yeah, I understand that." All the shit people gave towards children with Tourettes was like children with any other disorder, pity and sympathy. Let the world know, everyone donate to a pointless cause that won't actually help the children in any way! "I think you may be in a good one here, though."

"You think so?"

"Sure. As for controlling the tics, just take a deep breath, relax, and focus on something other than the urge to twitch." Marcie lifted her eyebrows and slowly closed her eyes. "Tourettes is affected by stress. The more stressed and tense you are, the more you're going to lose control of the twitching. So the best thing to do is learn to be calm. Your dad says you're shy, and I know how that goes, but it's no fun to stay hidden and away from the group."

"Why not?" He smirked as she opened one eye, gazing with skepticism.

"Look at it this way. You like cake?"

"Very much."

"What's going to happen if there's cake and everyone's eating, but you're too shy to go into the group and grab a bite? Instead, you stay away."

"Cake goes away…no more cake?" Marcie's other eye opened and gloom overtook her expression.

"Exactly."

"Bu-But I want cake."

"So join the group today." She narrowed her eyes and pointed a chubby finger at him.

"Will there be cake?"

He laughed heartily and looked over to Johnny and Courtney. Courtney lowered her arms and gazed with wide eyes and parted lips, Johnny simply had his eyebrows raised and was rubbing his chin. "I think we can talk to your dad and sister about providing cake later." He returned his gaze towards the girl and wagged his eyebrows. "But you have to be a part of the group."

"Okay!" She wasn't shy, just frightened of all the changes going on in her life, she just needed someone who could understand what she was going through. Freddie pushed himself up and motioned for her to follow him over to her father. She grabbed his wrist, taking him by surprise, and ran for her dad and sister, dragging him behind. Courtney was speechless and Johnny looked ready to laugh. "Daddy! Sis! I'm going to be part of the group today!" Johnny reached down and lifted his daughter up, hugging her close.

"I'm glad to hear that!" He glanced over to Freddie, "Thank you Freddie." Freddie blushed and locked his right heel over his left, nervously rubbing his neck.

"It was nothing, sir…she just need someone who understood what she was going through." He felt Courtney's green-eyed glare upon him once again. This woman was _not_ kidding when she said she was scarier than Vanessa! "Uh, I kind of promised her I'd talk to you about getting her some cake later."

"Oh you did?" Marcie put her hands to her father's shoulders and laughed.

"Cake, Daddy! I want cake!"

"Okay sweetie, I'll get some cake for you tonight at dinner."

Her arms shot up into the air as she let out a triumphant cry. "Yes!" Courtney smiled and closed her eyes, chuckling at the sight.

"Impressive, Freddie." He glanced over at her, resisting the urge to twitch. "I have to hand it to you, you're not so bad. If you can get my sister to trust you. But…" Her eyelids rose halfway and her finger poked out at him. A lump began forming in his throat and his hands slid into his pockets as his eyes remained glued to hers. "Just because you won over my little sister doesn't mean that I won't be watching you. You might even get all my cousins to trust you again, but I'm _still_ going to be watching you, making sure you don't break them apart again. Vanessa may break you in two, but should you hurt my family again, _worse_ things than what she'll do, will happen to you. I may sound like a coldhearted bitch, but given the crap that's been happening to my family over the past few years, I have every right to be that way towards you and your little iCarly friends."

He winced inwardly and closed his eyes, imagining himself alone in a dark alley with her pointing a Tommy gun at him. This was _not _someone he wanted to be caught in an alley with. "Yeah…you're right…" She raised an eyebrow and he slowly breathed out. "I did hurt them, and I deserve everything I get in return for it. I'm trying to earn their respect again, and I know it's going to take a lot of work. You're right to watch me, it's your family, and I don't think you're acting like a 'bitch' at all. I think you're right to be protective…"

"Right." She crossed her arms and tapped her finger on the inside of her elbow. He swallowed the lump in his throat and listened to his heart pounding painfully in his chest.

"I won't hurt them again. I'm not perfect, I might screw up, but I will not leave them behind the way I did. They're in my life for a reason, and I intend to keep them there."

"Benson. Those are the _nicest_ people you're ever going to meet. They're kind, forgiving, trusting, and once you've earned their trust it's yours to keep. You break them, it's harder to regain that trust, but once you do, it's yours forever. That's especially how it is with Valerie…but god help your soul if you break them a second time. You do that, you lose them again, you will _never_ get them back. I don't want to see them hurt, but I will take a certain amount of glee in tearing you apart if that happens again."

"I understand. Also, I know where I stand when I say I won't hurt them again…" He breathed in and tried to calm his frayed nerves. "You said you're the oldest?"

"I'm Twenty-Two. I'm the one that inspired Vanessa to go into martial arts, let's put it that way. Also, good that you know this, that means you don't have to worry about me coming after you."

"Great." Johnny cleared his throat and motioned to the circle of chairs in the room.

"Okay you two, we need to get started. Speaking of Vanessa, we will be heading to her dojo soon, I'd rather not be late." Freddie nodded and watched the man carry his daughter over to the chairs. Courtney studied him one final time, then brushed past him. Still heavily frightened by her, he shook off the emotional remnants of their conversation and followed her to the chairs.

Granted, she had every right to act and talk the way she did. He knew there was nothing to worry about, but _damn_ this woman knew how to put the fear of god into someone.

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><p>So what did you think of Courtney? She's a marine XD..<p> 


	30. The Martial Artist

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N:

* * *

><p>Chapter 30 (Martial Arts)<p>

He parked his car behind John's vehicle next to the large martial arts studio. He studied the building nervously while exiting the car. It seemed like a simple building with white brick and sliding glass doors, but inside, he had a feeling a storm was waiting. Vanessa didn't seem all that scary anymore now that he met Courtney, but surely, that feeling wouldn't last.

Upon discussion and discovery, Courtney was a starting officer in the Marine Corps, which really frightened him. Everything she said, he took seriously, nothing was a threat, but a promise. One thing he knew well enough, you don't cross a Marine when they tell you something, you _listen_. When he looked over to their car, he felt a heavy feeling coming over him as the family exited. _"I think I'm almost happy to see Vanessa."_He knew Courtney meant well, she was likely a great person with how protective of her family she was, and how much she loved her sister. _"I'm going to have an interesting talk with Val, that's for sure…" _

"You going in or you going to keep staring at the car?" Courtney barked at him and he quickly snapped back to reality. The group had moved towards the doors and were waiting for him. He cleared his throat and hurried over, smiling nervously at Courtney. With the way she was looking at him, he thought he'd be forced to do pushups relatively soon. "It's about time, Vanessa's been waiting for you I think."

"Really?" He wiped his brow with the back of his hand and stared through the glossy doors.. _"This is going to be one of those days I'm going to wish I had Valerie here with me, isn't it?" _Johnny pat his shoulder, trying to tell him to relax, but he was far too anxious. His legs felt like concrete as he moved into the dojo. His head filled with the sounds of shouts and fists hitting various punching bags. Standing in the center of this mess on a wide blue mat was Vanessa. She was wearing a black GI with a black belt around her waist. Her hands were at her hips, her hair was in a braided ponytail over her left shoulder, and her lip was tucked up into a smirk. Her eyes pierced into his soul as her eyebrows lifted up beneath her brown bangs. "Vanessa."

"Hey Benson, come here." She snapped her fingers and gestured towards the floor in front of her. He chuckled nervously and walked over to her, not daring to disobey. "You're going to be my volunteer today." His eyes widened as the others in the TSA group whistled and snickered. "How'd you like meeting Courtney, Freddie?"

"She's uh…she's tough."

"Yep, that's why we love her. You think my sisters look up to me, I look up to her. She's the reason for my martial arts training."

"Could have warned me." Vanessa laughed and pat his shoulder.

"Would have been too easy."

"You're not going to scare me away…"

"Good to hear, we don't want to scare you away. I _want_ you to be around and I want my sisters to be happy. I just need to know that you're willing to do whatever it takes to prove to us that you're genuine." She wanted him to do whatever it took? Then he would, he would go through anything necessary to prove to her that he was serious about reuniting with her family.

"All right, well I'll take whatever you have to throw at me."

"Uh huh." The group gathered around and Johnny began to explain how one could focus on something and not twitch, and then described that Vanessa would show them some martial arts moves in case any of the people there were interested in taking classes here, which Freddie was. "Okay first…" Vanessa faced Freddie and he stood firm, his arms against his sides. "You acknowledge your opponent with a bow."

After they got past the greeting, Freddie and Vanessa both moved into what she deemed was fighter stance mode. She began to instruct him on how to block. While still firmly planted on the ground, he watched her closely as she moved over to him, pointing at his waist. "The center point of gravity needs to be right here, focused and ready to strike. Don't move too much. Freddie, if you will, slowly lift your front knee up, and kick outwards. This is a frontal kick, obviously."

Freddie performed the kick, beaming with pride as he did so. To his right, he saw some of the students practicing. They were throwing punches, blocking, tossing kicks to the side, behind, all full of grace and skill. He imagined himself there, performing those moves. More than ever, he wanted to do this.

"Martial arts isn't just about having _fun_, though it is important to have fun as you learn it." Vanessa moved her hands behind her waist and circled around to the front of Freddie. "It's about discipline, skill, self defense, integrity…building up a moral code, confidence and a backbone even…Freddie." He rolled his eyes and exhaled as she flashed him a smirk.

_"Never going to let me live that mistake down."_ He was all for the discipline, the integrity, the _backbone_ even. "Conditioning and control as well, right?"

"Yes, controlling your emotions is something you're taught as well." Vanessa moved her fingers to his sternum and glanced at the others in the room. "Now a good place to strike your opponent is the breastbone, or sternum, it will put them back some." He watched her hand slide down and point towards his ankles. "Striking their ankles, while risky, can be good for getting them on the ground…" She flattened her hand and twisted her arm upwards, positioning the side of her hand to his neck with her palm facing upwards. "A knifehand strike to the neck can be excellent for delivering a quick knockout strike."

_"Okay so she knows all the points on the body that are good target spots. Ouch."_ He had a feeling this was more than just educating the masses, but more instilling a sense of fear in him. In which, it was working. However much he wanted to run for the door, he was still going to stand strong. _"I care about Valerie, I love her family that I'd do anything for them. I may not have been there in their darker moments, but damn me to hell if I'm not there for them now." _He wasn't too sure where this confidence was coming from, he attributed it mostly to what he saw in the courtroom the other day. In that moment, he saw just how wrong he'd been to leave them behind. It all stemmed from him, after all. Had he never left Valerie or her family, had he told Sam and Carly not to say anything, then those fans would never have hurt her. _ "I'll never let anyone hurt her again, not while I'm around."_

Some amount of time had gone on listening to Vanessa drone on and on about the art of Tae Kwon Do, and other martial arts routines. He would have been astounded by how much she knew at just nineteen years, had he been paying attention. "So who's interested in joining the studio here?" The question snapped him back into reality, albeit he was still fantasizing about tearing Chad apart limb by limb, along with any other fan that ever threatened or hurt the Williams clan. Martial Arts wasn't something to be used for revenge, but rather, protection. Of course he knew this, but one could dream.

"I am." Vanessa jerked her head back and glanced over at him, eyebrows arched high and lips parted like a fish. He was the first to speak up, but the last person in her mind to honestly consider the training, even if he'd mentioned it prior. "I want to learn Tae Kwon Do, anything you have to teach me." She slowly closed her lips and curled her arms over her chest, smirking skeptically.

"You'll need a sparring partner, may I suggest myself?"

"I'd be honored if you'd teach me, so yes." He smirked back at her and wagged his eyebrows, there was no way he would back down from this. He was sure Vanessa thought he was crazy, and it was possible she might try to weed him out of the class. It wouldn't make a difference how difficult she could be, he'd do his best and give it his all. "When are classes?"

"Monday, Wednesday, and Friday…Saturdays and Sundays are wild card days, you can choose to come in on one of those two days or opt out. The sessions are from six in the evening to eight o'clock at night. Rigorous training, lots of strength, endurance and flexibility training, and for you…you can get a discount on the price. Normally it's about seventy dollars monthy, but since I referred you, you get half off of that price."

"So thirty-five dollars a month?" Vanessa's eyes flicked towards the left for a second as she pondered the pricing. She slowly nodded and closed her eyes.

"You can _also_ get a family discount since apparently you're close to my family, though because you're not a direct relative, instead of getting ten more dollars shaved off, you get five dollars shaved off your monthly price." He was elated that the rate was so good, but he was almost certain it was only the tuition, and everything else he would have to provide himself. In other words, he'd have to find his own uniform.

"So the uniform?" She tapped her arm with her index finger and breathed slowly.

"You can purchase a uniform for about twenty-five to thirty bucks, but we provide our own belts. Obviously." No self-respecting dojo would make their students purchase a belt from an outside source, surely that would be insane. "So Freddie, you're serious about joining?"

"Yes." She raised an eyebrow and glanced towards an older man at the back of the room. He had spiky grey hair, a grey fuzz goatee, and a thin, but strong figure. He looked to be of higher authority than Vanessa, but she was still just the student there, whether or not she was the best of the students. "Is that the instructor?"

"Yes, go talk to him about joining the dojo. That's Dr. Frank Wyatt, we call him Sensei, Sir, nothing but respectful titles."

"Okay. Thank you!" As he started moving towards the instructor, he could hear Vanessa asking if anyone else was interested in joining the dojo. A sense of pride struck his heart and he puffed his chest out confidently, beaming with joy as he imagined great things from taking this class. Maybe with Vanessa as a sparring partner, he could not only learn to excel, but become better friends and on better terms than he already was. _"Still, I have to show them that I'm serious about them. I really, truly am." _A challenge no doubt, but one he hoped to rise to.

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><p>What are your thoughts on this chapter?<p> 


	31. Open Season

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N:

* * *

><p>Chapter 31 (Open Season)<p>

Freddie collapsed on the edge of Valerie's bed and spread his arms out like wings, "You didn't tell me your cousin wanted to be a drill sergeant." Valerie was adjusting some picture frames and figurines on the shelf attached to the wall beside the window. She glanced over her should and raised an eyebrow at him. His body was aching from having actually had a practice spar with Vanessa before leaving. His legs were exhausted, his arms felt ready to drop off his body, and his chest was heaving in and out. "Not only did I have a practice spar with Vanessa, Courtney stayed after the TSA group left and decided to run me through a few 'rigorous drills'. I didn't know I could do so many pushups in my life, Val."

Valerie chuckled and walked over to him. He looked up to see her smirking down at him, slowly shaking her head. "Too much for you?" _Too much? _Courtney had him going up to fifty pushups almost, his body had begun to give way after twenty five or thirty! At that, she made him do sit-ups, followed by pull-ups, all of which nearly killed him. She sat down on the bed and pat his forearm. "I'm sorry about that, Courtney's just really protective. Being a Marine, she really doesn't mess around when it comes to family…As for Vanessa, she takes martial arts very seriously. I'm just surprised you actually were serious about taking classes." He forced himself to sit upright and brought his hands to his knees, sighing heavily.

"I want to, there's a lot of values I can learn from it. I'm willing to learn."

"Well that's a good thing, though training with Vanessa…that might be hard on you. I mean, typically she doesn't take it easy on anyone…" Was she trying to tell him Vanessa would be tougher on _him_? His body tensed for a minute and his eyelids closed over his eyes.

"If she's tougher on me because of who I am, then I'm fine with it. I'd rather her be tough." He could endure. It might be difficult, but he'd figure a way. Valerie hummed and turned her eyes towards the laptop on the desk beside her television. Freddie followed her gaze and turned his lips into a saddened smile. "iCarly's about to start…I kind of feel bad for not being there, but I just can't do it right now."

"Because of your fans?"

"Yeah." He leaned forward, clasping his hands between his knees and bowing his head. Remembering the things he heard in that courtroom, what Chad had done, it sent him into a near rage every time the man came to mind. "I just know I would be ranting and raving at my fans if I were there. Can't stand them anymore." Not to mention, he was still getting emails from 'Seddie' and 'Creddie' people. A lot of them wanted to know about the girl he'd been spotted with. "Ryan Higa was right, iCarly's not safe anymore…"

"I don't know. You should at least watch them, don't you think? Is Sam still planning what she was talking about?"

"Yeah, there's no changing her mind there."

"I see." Valerie took a deep breath and slowly walked towards her television. Freddie watched cautiously as she reached behind her television and pulled out an HDMI cable. What was she doing? He knew the cable hooked up to computers to show up on a TV, but he thought she hated iCarly.

"What are you doing?"

"If you can't be there for them physically, then you can be there in spirit and mind." She connected the cable and turned on both TV and computer. She closed her eyes and hovered over the computer, pausing to breathe before typing. "I know what I'm opening myself up to, but you need to at least watch…"

"You're going to watch the show?"

"Yeah…I need to…" He looked to the screen and watched the iCarly homepage pop up. To the right was a timer clicking down to the start of the webshow. Nausea pitted inside his stomach. He didn't want Valerie to watch if she didn't want to, he knew the memories it could bring up. He glanced over at her and smiled as she moved over to him, holding a wireless mouse in her hand. Her body was slightly tense looking and her expression was unreadable to him. She appeared upset, but didn't appear to waver from the show. "I need to somehow cope with it anyway, Freddie. I've been slowly looking over the site for a while now, just looking at comments and blogs, so…" She took a sharp inhale and sat beside him. "I think it's time to watch an actual video."

"It just so happens that the webshow you're going to watch is one where Sam's expecting a million people to yell at her…"

Valerie chuckled vainly and folded her hands in her lap. "Who knows, maybe it'll help some of that pent up anger." Her eyes burned into the screen, which consisted of iCarly's chosen default image to use before the webshow began. It was only a picture of a beach and sunrise, a beautiful picture that _Sam_ picked out to be the 'wait' image. "No, I really don't think Sam deserves to be yelled at, but I do think we need to watch…in case of necessary damage control."

"Would you be willing to actually talk to her in that case?" Her expression hardened and her lips fell into a flat line. Judging by the crease on her forehead, he could tell she was pondering a difficult decision. They already had a strong feeling that Sam was the student she was tutoring, but Valerie had been too unsure about bringing it up.

"Maybe. I mean…" She stuttered over her words. She put her hand to her chest, closed her eyes and cleared her throat. "I mean, if she's really getting cussed out by everyone that calls in, I'll call in. If you have someone that treats you negatively and you treat them in the same way they treated you, it doesn't make you _better_ than that person, it makes you almost exactly the same."

"Yeah, I can't say I'm used to the spiritual concept of turning the other cheek."

"Just because it says that in the bible doesn't make it a Christian view, Freddie. It's about morals. To me, Christianity makes it easier for me to follow my own morals and not go against them…the Bible is like a kind of guidebook and when it's really difficult for me to _not_ lash out or do something I shouldn't, I read until the feeling's gone."

"Ah. I can understand that." The screen flashed on and the girls appeared in place. "Don't Victoria and Vixen watch this?" He watched from the corner of his eyes when Valerie reached over to grab her bible. "Going to read instead of watch?"

"Downstairs typically." She opened the book and lifted her eyebrows. "I'm going to read a little as I watch, just to try and keep my emotions in check. If possible." It made sense she'd want to keep her emotions in check, after going through what she had, it would be difficult to resist all the anger iCarly could produce. "I'm not sure how many people are going to know about Sam's plan, you'd think anyone damaged by iCarly wouldn't watch…"

"I mentioned that, so Sam began advertising the segment on the website and some of her blogs on Facebook and Twitter. She wanted to make sure people knew what was happening tonight."

"All right."

"I'm Carly!" Carly's cheery tone startled Freddie, making him snap his head back towards the screen. Carly had a fake grin on her face, her body was shaking and her eyes held a look of fear. Sam stood calmly beside her, an expression of torment on her face. Her body was tense and her eyes were forlorn. "Sam and I are here to bring you the newest iCarly. Gibby is currently recording because Freddie is out with a friend today." Sam flinched and quickly looked to Carly. Valerie raised an eyebrow and Carly looked back at Sam. "What?"

"I said to let me handle that."

"I thought he was with a friend?"

Sam closed her eyes and breathed in slowly. "Doesn't matter." She closed her hands and drew an exhale from her lips. "Anyway, it's come to my attention…that over the years, the things I've said and done have affected many people." Sam's eyes opened halfway and focused on something unseen on the ground. "So for the next hour, we're going to sit here and open the lines for those of you who Carly and I have ripped on. It's your turn, this is what I deserve, let loose your thoughts on me. I will take whatever you throw. For all those that I've hurt…I'm sorry…" Sam's eyes began to glaze over as she and Carly started to sit in a pair of wooden chairs behind them. "So without further ado…"

The words 'Open Season on iCarly' appeared on the screen in large Helvetica font, bullet holes filled the place of the O and the dot on the I. Valerie shook her head and peered down at the book, muttering under her breath. "She doesn't have to do this…"

"She feels it's necessary."

"I know. But still I don't think it's necessary." A beeping sound radiated from the screen and the two turned their eyes up as Carly announced their first call in. Valerie moaned slightly and closed her eyes. "Here we go…"

"Carly, Sam," a familiar young voice startled the two and Valerie quickly looked at her bedroom door. Freddie's jaw fell once he recognized Vixen's voice. Valerie began shaking, so without thinking, Freddie moved his hand to hers. Upon contact, her trembling began to slow as her eyes moved towards him. He met her gaze with a nervous smile. She took a deep breath and looked back to the screen. "I won't say who I am, but my sister was hurt by you a long, _long_ time ago." Sam moved her hand over her mouth, her eyes grew cloudy as she began to ponder the person.

Valerie lowered her voice to a whisper and closed her eyes, "Why is Vixen talking to them? Why?"

"She's concerned about her big sister?"

"Sis doesn't think you should do this," Vixen commented, "All my family agrees, you don't need to do this. You should let go, they're letting go."

"I can't let go," Sam responded. She bowed her head and grasped the edges of her chair. "Everyone I hurt…your sister, Jonah, my teachers, hell even the parents of various people…I've done _so much damage._"

"But it's the fans' fault! They're the ones to blame, your stupid and mean fans! You and Carly are good people, your fans aren't! They're the bad ones! They're the bad guys! My other sister and I love your show, we watch all the time. Maybe because we were too young to know what happened with big sis, or to understand, or to even hate, but we _don't_ hate because it wasn't _you!_ You hurt her, yes, you affected a good friend of ours, sure, but you didn't directly abuse any of us. You couldn't have _known_, you didn't _know_." Valerie started to smile and Sam tensed, smiling only slightly. Carly had her eyes squinted, trying to figure out who this person could be.

"She would never have been hurt if _I _didn't say something, though."

"You don't _know_ that Sam! The fans that attacked Jonah, you didn't say anything about doing something to him. All you did was put him on a machine, fans acted after that. The bad guys are your fans! That's all!"

"Your sister…whoever she was…" Sam started to choke up, placing her hand up towards her neck and rubbing her thumb along her collarbone. She gasped for air and slowly opened her eyes. "I wonder if we could have ever been friends in the past. Is she…is she watching iCarly right now?"

"I don't know, she's up in her room, probably working on homework. I'm watching with the rest of my family though." Freddie watched Valerie get up and move to her door, opening it and looking out towards the living room. Sure enough, iCarly was on the television down below, and the entire family was in the living room, with Vixen on Skype on one of the girls' laptops. Valerie sighed deeply and looked back to Freddie, shrugging her shoulders. "I think if you got to know her better, you guys would have been great friends. I don't know, everyone jumped to conclusions because of some poor mistake she made. All she wanted were friends, that was it. She doesn't live in fear because of you, she lives in fear because of your _fans_, but at the same time, she-all of us _forgive_ you and your fans."

"I see. Well…thank you, I guess…" Within minutes, a familiar masculine voice came over the room. Freddie couldn't remember who the voice belonged to, but Sam's face changed to recognition. "Mr. Howard!" He leaned back, lifting his eyebrows as Valerie took her seat.

"Sam Puckett. The things I'd like to say to you are some things I'm sure a lot of people would like to…" Sam slowly nodded her head, gazing expectantly at the camera. Freddie heard his former teacher take a deep breath and grunt out his exhale. "But let's be honest here. I've moved on." Sam raised an eyebrow and started to tense, was this to be yet another calm response rebuking her attempt at being torn apart by those she'd insulted? "Miss Puckett, my wife and I have remarried…we've moved to a nice countryside estate and are currently enjoying our lives together. I don't know what happened with Francine, nor do I wish to know, the affair ended as soon as my career did. The truth? Your announcing that affair was perhaps the best thing that could have ever happened to me."

"Well th-wait, _what?!" _Carly's jaw fell and Sam's eyes began to widen as the mist in her eyes started to fall onto her cheekbones.

"The minute you announced it, my wife and I had that big fight. It reminded me…it reminded me how much I loved that woman, and how far I'd fallen from grace. I ended the affair with Francine, I left my job, and I did everything I could to win back my wife. Since then, we've happily reunited and just enjoyed a thanksgiving dinner with our grandchildren. The girl that was just talking to you was right, you don't _need_ to go through all of this. Many people you've hurt have moved on with their lives, so maybe…it's time for you to do the same."

"I…" A click ended the call, deafening silence followed after. A single whimper fell from Sam's lips as Carly pat her shoulder. "Why…Why aren't they yelling at me? I deserve the pain, the punishment." They picked up another call, one from _Adam_ himself, the same Adam Carly wanted to date before the fans carted him away. "Adam? I thought you were like…gone…"

"Sorry, I didn't exactly want to bother with iCarly after that moment with those fans." Carly frowned and dipped her eyes towards the ground. Her fingers clung tight to her knees and her jaw locked in place. "I want to apologize for that, especially to you Carly. You have to understand, it's really difficult to be involved with you iCarly people when you get in the way of your crazed-rabid fans. I'm sorry, but I'm sure every person that's ever dated one of you can attest to how difficult it must be to hear how your fans talk." Valerie lifted her hand and smirked, causing Freddie to roll his eyes. He smiled back at her and shook his head.

"I know," Carly muttered, "We still deal with them on a daily basis. What people don't understand is _neither_ of us want to date Freddie, nor does he want to date us. It will _never happen. _Yet our fans insist upon it…I'm sorry Adam, I really am. You have to understand, I never meant…for anyone to get hurt…"

"I know. You guys are forgiven, your fans…it's harder to forgive your fans than it is to forgive you two. As I'm sure _some_ other people know, it's unwise to ask one of you three on a date during a webshow." That earned a chuckle from Valerie. Freddie bowed his head and snickered, recalling the uproar on the show when she first asked him out over the webshow. The fans were _not_ thrilled. "Look Carly, Sam, please don't beat yourselves up over what your fans do. It isn't your fault, its them. It's how their brain works, many of them might just not _have_ brains…so to speak. Think about it, you have _some_ smart fans, but the dumber ones are the ones that actually think the things you guys say or do is _serious_. You two are beautiful ladies who are just trying to have fun with a webshow during your spare time. Nothing more. Sure there are things you guys have said and done that negatively affected people, but as the others before me have said…we've all moved on. You should too."

Several more people called in, each saying the same as before, that they'd all moved on with their lives. It was hard living in the past, Freddie knew this well, but it was hard to move on. As the calls came and went, Sam grew more visibly impacted by the reactions she was getting from the people she'd offended. Nobody was yelling at her, everyone informed her it was time to move along. By the time Ms. Briggs herself called in, Sam was shaking violently and silent tears had stained her cheeks red, but continued to flow. She wasn't accustomed to _kindness_, Freddie knew this well.

"Samantha Puckett, all I have to say is just-get over it." Ms. Briggs's voice was somewhat cold, but not spiteful. Rather, she seemed to be short with Sam. Sam straightened herself and slowly curled her lips into a smile. She could always expect their former teacher to yell and curse. "Now I'm not going to sit here and tell you to go to hell, it wouldn't be right. What you're not understanding is nobody wants to insult the person that insulted them, it puts them on the same level as that person. Yet at the same time, many have, as said, moved on with their lives. You should too."

"Ms. Briggs, I-"

"You've said a _lot_ of negative things about me, I know because I've seen every time. Why? Because unbeknownst to you I actually had students that gave a shit about my class that would come up to me and tell me whenever you've said or done something." Sam began to pale and Carly's eyes started to enlarge. "Note that I didn't quit my job because of you, I _retired_. I was done working."

"I thought you quit, changed your name and went elsewhere…"

"Yeah, I couldn't stay out of work for long, I'm a workaholic. I wanted a fresh start, to go somewhere where your fans wouldn't jump to conclusions about me. So yes, I changed my name to Skidmore and was hired as a principal at another school. I very much enjoy my job." Sam started to smile as her arms folded over her stomach and her tears fell faster. The call ended and Carly put her hand to Sam's shoulder once more, gazing through her own reddened cheeks.

"What's the matter, Sam?"

"It's just…I don't know." Sam wiped her eyes, gasping out a sob and clearing her throat. "I don't cry, I don't, but…the fact that no one's yelling at me…"

"Starting to notice a bit of a trend though. Everyone's been complaining about our fans…"

"Of course we know that's where it is but I thought I was the one…" One final call came in that made Valerie freeze up. Freddie looked over as the speaker entered his ears, Valerie had tensed up and her body was beginning to tremble. Who was the caller? "Hello?"

"Listen, you girls don't know me, and I know you're almost done, but please don't finish before I give my thoughts." Sam slowly nodded her head and Carly put her hand to Sam's knees. Freddie heard Valerie whisper about this man, it wasn't Chad, but one of the other people that recently got out of prison. "My name's Eric. I just…I got out of prison recently…Anyway, you two need to seriously stop punishing yourself for what your crazed fans do!"

"It isn't that easy," Carly replied, "We feel responsible for-"

"Responsible for what? Look, I am _one_ of those fucked up fans of yours, and I apologize for cursing on your show." Sam and Carly tensed at the words and Valerie quickly turned around and started reading her bible aloud. Freddie's eyebrows meshed together and his heart sank as the man continued to speak. He debated turning off the computer and reached for it, but Valerie looked over and informed him to keep it on. She wanted to see how this turned out. Reluctantly, he moved back beside her and nearly jumped when her hand touched to his. "Actually, I shouldn't say I'm the worst one, but trust me, what we did…our gang leader's still in prison."

"Should I ask?" Carly inquired, her naturally pale skin seemed whiter now, as though someone dumped a bucket of white paint onto her. Her fingers fidgeted on her jeans and her teeth.

"No, I'm not going to waste time lamenting over the crime. I just want to tell you, while there are good fans out there, there's _always_ going to be bad ones. You've gone so far, so deep that really, I don't know that you can safely continue the show without somehow influencing fans. As others have said, the 'Creddie' and 'Seddie' thing will probably still continue no matter _what_ you say or do on the show. Fans will still be angry if something happens that they don't like. Even if you put someone on your show and don't say or do anything personal, if that person so much as _looks_ at you the wrong way, fans will retaliate. I'm sorry, I hate to say it, but that's the way it is now. You've more than worn your welcome, you've more than crossed a line, and now…now you're just a danger to anyone you guys touch. It sounds bad, I know, it sounds hard and it is. You mean well, and it's true, _nothing_ is your fault. Believe everyone you hear when they say it _isn't your fault_."

Sam rose up, clenching her fists and screaming in frustration at the screen, "How is it _not!"_ She slammed her foot on the ground and narrowed her eyes. "Why does everyone forgive me? How is it not my fault?"

"Because our gang leader did things to people in the past to people that he didn't like involved with your show." Freddie started to tense and worried for his friends when they appeared to grow numb. Sam fell back into her chair and put her chin in her hands. "You have crazy fans out there that will always be a threat as long as iCarly exists. Whether or not you tell them to react, they'll react. It may just be best to pull the plug before anyone else gets hurt by a fan influenced by your show. Remember, it isn't your fault what the crazy ones do, it's their own fault…"

"Yeah…someone told me that recently…"

"Right. Ever since you girls started making iCarly personal, people have taken it to heart. Your good fans are right, you need to get over the past and move on, there's nothing else you can do. I guess that's all I can say right now, I just wish you guys the best of luck…goodbye."

When the call ended, silence stabbed everyone. Sam and Carly were staring at the screen like lemurs with mouths agape. Tears were running along their cheeks, their hands were trembling. Freddie could tell Gibby was reacting, the camera was shaking as well, not as evident as how badly the girls were, but just barely noticeable. Freddie glanced to Valerie, who was gazing from over her shoulder, she had a wounded look in her eyes, her chest was heaving and her eyes were misty. Realizing how hard it must have been to hear this man's voice, Freddie carefully moved his arms around her. She allowed the hug and moved in against his chest, soaking his shoulder with her tears. "Breathe if you can, Valerie…it's okay…"

"I-I know, I just…" She closed her eyes and choked out a sob. "That was hard. I think…I think we should talk to her. To Sam." Freddie raised an eyebrow and glanced down at the top of her head. He lifted his hand up to her back and stroked her hair with his fingers. "Thank you for being here, Freddie. You didn't have to be, you know."

"I wanted to, and I'm glad, because I didn't know you'd actually want to watch. It's a hard thing to do…" It was hard for even him to watch, to hear all the calls that had been made. He couldn't agree more with what Eric had said, but it was the hardest thing to take in, especially considering it came from someone who had done something bad to Valerie in the past. "You really want to talk to Sam? You think you can?"

"Sam, yes…I don't think she'll judge…me being around you." She looked up at him and smiled sadly, lifting her shoulders up. "Victoria told me about her visit with Jonah's family, she said also that Sam was changing. I think…I think it would be okay." Valerie turned her head towards the screen and frowned, Freddie glanced over in time to see Sam leaving the area in a huff. "She needs a friend too. I know how it feels, to feel alone and to want a friend…"

"I'd say she's got Carly, but-"

"Has Carly ever been lonely though? I'm sure she has, but I mean…really hurting? I know lately she is, I don't know how to word what I'm thinking." He understood what she was asking, if Carly had ever been through situations that Sam had. Carly was a great friend to Sam, always supportive, but sometimes there were things Sam would be going through that she just couldn't grasp.

"Carly's been sheltered, often gets what she wants, be it the guys or the grades. She's not really had it _hard_. She's never been _hurt_ either. As for Sam…there's always been some kind of unexplainable pain in her eyes, something that neither Carly or I ever understood, but it happened a while after iCarly started. So you really want to talk to her?"

"Yes." Valerie leaned back and wiped her eyes. "I'll pray about it, prayer helps. If anything, just the feeling of confidence that comes from praying for strength helps a lot…"

"I see. Well…I'll tell her I want to introduce you two…" Valerie smiled at him and quickly nodded her head.

"Thanks."

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><p>So what do you think of the words given to Sam from those affected by iCarly? How do you think the conversation between the girls will go. Guess we'll have to see<p> 


	32. A Shared Pain

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N:

* * *

><p>Chapter 32 (Shared Pain)<p>

"Are you sure about this?" Vanessa asked, dropping Valerie and Freddie off at the Groovy Smoothie. She was eyeing Valerie with extreme concern, it had been requested that she not be there. A hard task for her, but one that she would respect for her little sister. Not to mention, she had to go help her boyfriend with something. "Freddie, you'll make sure nothing happens between the two of them?"

"Yes, I promise," Freddie replied. Valerie said goodbye to her sister and hugged her neck before leaving the car. She was anxious to get inside and met up with Sam. It was a grueling task, and she was a bit nervous considering it was just an assumption that the student she was tutoring was Sam. She didn't think about what would happen if that was _wrong_, and if Sam would be upset when she realized who Freddie's friend was. Before the fear could hit her, she immediately hurried to the doors, with Freddie close behind. "Wait up Val."

"Sam said she'd be here first, right?" Sam had been heading over to the smoothie shop when Freddie contacted her after the show, so it was highly likely she was already there. When she entered the shop with Freddie, thankfully not in the same disguise as before. She didn't really like going to the movies with that itchy fake beard of his on his face. Though, it scared her to think of the fans seeing him with her and giving her hell, but she had to be strong. "Freddie, you know I don't mind being seen with you, right?"

"Yeah, but my fans…they can suck it if they have problems, that's just my opinion on the matter." Her heart lifted, swelling with courage, she was thankful that he would stick up for her. She bit her lip and slowly moved into the building with him close behind. In the far corner of the shop she spotted Sam, hunched over and sipping on a smoothie. She had a blank look in her eyes, which were frozen on a red smoothie drop on the table beside her cup. Valerie felt Freddie's hand on her back and flinched at the contact. She breathed in and slowly relaxed, looking back to meet his concerned gaze. "Do you guys want me to sit with you, or no?"

"I don't know, it could get personal…maybe it'd be best that you didn't."

"I can appreciate that. Besides, I have some stuff to talk with T-Bo about." She nodded and motioned for him to lead the way. She studied Sam's posture as they walked up to the girl. Her face was red and swollen, her left hand was tucked between her cheek and her blonde curls. Her shoulders were slumped, her lips formed frown lines at the corners, and her right hand was grasping the Styrofoam cup with near unbearable pressure. She recognized this panicked, anxious stage, as she'd been in the same situation after what happened years before. "Hey Sam, we're here…" Sam's eyes lifted up to the two, but her emotionless expression didn't waver as she glanced to Valerie.

"Hey Freddie, Valerie…" No shock in her lowered tone, a sure sign that she expected her. Valerie smiled slowly and moved into the booth across from her. Freddie raised an eyebrow and Sam moved her lips back around the straw, sucking in for a minute before pulling away once more. "So this is your friend, huh Freddie?" Sam leaned back and lifted her eyebrows. "It's nice to see you again, Valerie…" She looked up to Freddie and tucked a strand of her hair over her ear. "Are you sitting down, Benson?"

"Not right now Sam, I have to talk with T-Bo about some stuff. Will you guys be able to talk with each other?" He rubbed his neck and breathed in as Valerie slowly looked towards him. "I uh…I'm sorry I didn't tell you about her, we were kind of worried about your reaction."

"I understand that. I'll play nice." Sam smirked slightly and circled her arms around the smoothie cup. Valerie smiled at her and waited for Freddie to part and walk off. Hopefully he'd remain within eyeshot, she trusted Sam not to flip out on her, but she didn't trust the possibility of fans being around here. Sam looked back at her and lifted her shoulders. "If you start wondering about fans seeing us, don't worry, I practically scared away any fans that were here." Valerie hummed and looked out at the lobby, there _were_ few people in the shop. She hadn't noticed that it was basically empty. Anyone that was in the store couldn't really see the booth that well, and the chairs stretched up about a foot above their heads. "So we're pretty secure…"

"That's a good thing. It'll help with the anxiety, that's for sure." She looked over to the front desk where Freddie and T-Bo were talking with one another. Part of her contemplated grabbing a smoothie, but she really wasn't sure if she wanted to waste any time with it. She looked back to Sam and lifted her eyebrows. "So I uh, I saw iCarly. You know, with Freddie…" Sam's lips formed a weak smile and her eyes started to light up.

"I didn't know that you would. Um, was that your sister at the beginning? Did you know she was calling?"

"Not at all, that kind of surprised me. We had a long talk afterwards…" She informed her family that she was going to see Sam, they were just as unsure as Vanessa about whether it was a good idea, but they were not going to say no. They trusted her to trust her own instincts, and her instincts told her to talk to Sam about what happened on iCarly. "My family was a bit wary, but I trust you."

"Another surprise." Sam bowed her head and chuckled vainly. "All I've ever gotten was negative, all I've ever been or had was negative. I have _never_ gotten the treatment that I did in that iCarly. People don't give me that, especially not my fans." Sam's tone grew bitter as she glared at the smoothie cup in front of her. "Fans only want one thing, whatever it is to satisfy their craziness." Her body tensed as her expression hardened. Instinctively, Valerie reached over and put her hand to Sam's wrist. The girl turned her eyes towards the hand, then to Valerie's gaze.

"Sam, it's okay. I know…"

"You don't know, or at least, I don't know what you know."

"I know you're bottled up, I know you have a lot of pain…Freddie tells me he sees it in your eyes, but he never asks." Sam's expression softened and her eyebrows curled up in the middle as her eyes began to quiver. "I knew walking up to the table that you have something, your posture…I know that posture because that was _me_ years ago." Her voice cracked as Sam's curious gaze fell onto her hand that was pulling away from her. "I had a family to be with, who understood what I was going through because they were there. That last guy that called…_Eric_…he and his gang are the ones that hurt _me_." Sam's eyes flew to her and her eyes widened, filling with fear, concern and shock.

"_What?_ That was him? God Valerie, I-"

"You wouldn't have known, no one would have. I don't blame you for it, I never did." Sam started to tense and her eyes narrowed on the table, she looked ready to ask something but was holding back. It didn't take long to figure what Sam was curious about. She wasn't ready to open up, but she knew talking about it was the best therapy. She closed her eyes, recalling the memory as though it happened a day prior. Her voice shook and water started to fill her eyes. "They beat me, Sam…Behind….behind a thrift shop." Sam gasped and moved her hands over her mouth as Valerie cleared her throat, struggling with the story. "The leader wanted to do more, and would have if it wasn't for that girl that was there…"

"I-I'm so sorry Val!" Valerie closed her hands and opened her eyes. She took a deep breath, trying to calm down and shake the memory from her head.

"It _isn't_ your fault. It's those fans. I thought I'd coped with it, but I hadn't. And well, Freddie being back…"

"Did it open up old wounds? The fans, they're always crazy, so full of shit…" Sam started to sip her smoothie. Valerie watched in silence as Sam clenched her eyes shut and opened her lips, still holding onto the straw with her teeth. A sob fell from her lips and she quickly pulled away. "Carly would never understand, I've never had anyone. Why did she have to call? That prisoner? Why? Why did she have to bring up Jonah? How could he die? How could he do it! He…He was the only person that understood, and I…screwed it…" Sam's head fell onto the table and her body started to shake. Valerie reached over, rubbing her back. Her heart was pounding within her chest as she struggled to pull back on her own tears.

"You were hurting, you'd seen him flirting with Carly. It's understandable to be hurt. You lost it, I know-"

"No. You don't understand…" Sam lifted her head up, scrubbing at her eyes with the heel of her hand. "I loved him." Valerie froze, her eyes drifting over to Freddie for a split second. She pressed her lips together and returned her focus to Sam, who was shaking her head and rubbing her forehead. "Carly and Freddie didn't know it, they thought I was stupid to be, but…he saved me, basically. That's why I was so enamored with him." Sam started to choke. Valerie grabbed a napkin from the dispenser and handed it to Sam, who immediately wiped the fresh tears from her eyes.

"I see…"

"You think I don't understand how crazy fans can get? I do." Sam lowered her voice, shuddering as she spoke. "I blacked it from my mind for so long. I was so hurt when Olivia was so angry with me, I was scared when I found out Jonah was _gone_. I-I couldn't…"

"It's okay Sam, you're fine."

"No. I…I have to tell someone…Carly wouldn't understand, she's never been through it. You…you have…" Valerie raised her eyebrows as Sam's already tense body seemed to increase with tension. The girl's chest was moving in and out so rapidly that she was afraid Sam might explode. Thinking fast, Valerie moved over to Sam's side of the booth and let her cry on her shoulder. After a few minutes of sobbing, Sam opened her eyes and stared blankly at the booth in front of her. "In '07, when I met Jonah…when we dated…I was getting letters from this guy…I'd been for a while. He said he was a huge fan of the show, he had a massive crush on me, but I wasn't interested in someone I didn't even know…"

Valerie held her breath, cautiously hugging Sam's shoulders. "Okay?" She had to put her own memory aside for her, but was afraid for where this was going. In her mind, she was praying for strength and guidance as Sam talked, and praying that Sam would be comforted. Sam closed her eyes and slowly shook her head.

"Eventually he found me behind the school, he was just some kid in my math class. I fucking hate math, Valerie." Sam started breathing heavily, so Valerie rubbed her arm, whispering that it was okay. She didn't have to go any further if she didn't want to, Valerie was getting the picture. "H-He…He forced me to…I gave him a blow job, Valerie." Valerie clenched her eyelids shut and hugged Sam close, her heart shattered as tears ran down her cheeks. "I mean I fought him off before then, but he…he…" Sam opened her eyes, and whimpered at the memory. "I ran off after that, because he wanted more. That wild look in his eyes...God I remember it so clearly..." Sam was shaking tremendously, and all Valerie could do was be her shoulder, but she knew that would be enough for what Sam was going through. "During the act I'd managed to grab something near the dumpster and I hit him…I hit him and ran off, I think he chased me, but we ran into Jonah. I was a mess, so it didn't take long for Jonah to figure it out…"

"What happened? You don't have to go into detail, Sam."

"Jonah beat him up and drove me home. When we explained what happened to mom…why I was a mess…" Sam's body tensed once more. Valerie glanced over to Freddie, who was seated at another table with T-Bo and a deck of cards, she was thankful his back was turned to them. "Mom ran out the door, just _flew_ like a bat out of hell…"

"Your _mom_? The one you're always complaining about?"

"I know!" Sam wiped her eyes and groaned. "Mom killed him, Valerie…it was…it was a heat of passion. I stayed with my grandparents for a while, Mom was let out around 2010, but I never told anyone…I mean, how could I? Carly wouldn't understand what happened, and I was afraid she and Freddie would think I _willingly_ gave the guy-" Sam shivered at the thought and dug her face into Valerie's shoulders. "The _scent_, oh god…"

"It's okay Sam. I understand…it's fine…I'm not judging you, and I don't think anyone would." Valerie hugged her again, letting Sam cry. It was hard to see this usually tough girl break down, but everyone had their moments. She was stunned by Sam's story, but she would never judge her for her own experience. "It's hard to talk about this, you're brave for doing so…that guy is gone, he won't hurt you anymore."

"T-Thank you, it's just…fans…" Sam lifted her head up and wiped her eyes again. "Valerie, would you tell me a little about you and Freddie? I…I just want to think about something else."

"All right. So obviously you remember how Freddie and I met." A tiny smile crept onto Sam's face as she nodded her head. "Our second meeting occurred a month or two ago at _church_. I never thought I'd see him there, actually never thought I'd see him again." She chuckled fondly as the image of seeing him for the first time seated in the front pew played with her mind. "He looked so handsome there…" Sam raised her eyebrows.

"Handsome?"

"Oh yes." Valerie flipped her head, letting her hair fly over her shoulder. "My family told me to talk to him, even though they were a little wary…it really was my youngest sisters that wanted me to talk to him. Though, mom and dad were all for it." She smiled heartily and glanced over at Sam, "I'm glad I did…"

"Freddie's a good person. He really is. It wasn't his fault he left you behind, Valerie."

"I think I know that now. I was just…really hurt back then. He hadn't given any explanation for leaving me, he didn't even bother to tell my _family_ he wasn't going to see them again. He was close to them, they all cared for him and he just up and left. What hurts worse is, because of that closeness, I fell for him. I fell for him like a damn schoolgirl." Sam gasped and started to smile more, though she had a hint of sorrow in her eyes.

"You _did_? But then Carly and I…"

"Again, not your fault. I was the one acting stupid when all I wanted was a friend. I was the one that made you guys think I was so bad, and boy did Vanessa chew me out for it!" Sam chuckled once and turned her gaze to the table. Valerie smiled at her and put her arm around her shoulders. "The thing of it is, Sam, a lot of things happened. Maybe if I'd talked to you guys instead of being so shy like I was, maybe if I'd been more open…things would have been different…"

"Do you love him still?" Valerie hummed and turned her gaze towards Freddie. Her heart had done the usual fluttering whenever he first came around, but when he left, she felt like he'd torn her heart right from her chest. Of course she still cared very deeply for him, but she wanted to know that he wouldn't leave her family the way he did, if she let him back in.

"I think the feelings are definitely still there, but I want to trust him first. I want him to really get to know my family again. He broke my heart once, I don't want it to break again…but even more, I don't want him to break my family again either." She wasn't just protecting her own heart, she was watching over the hearts of her family as well. In truth, she could be just as fierce as Vanessa if someone were to hurt any one of them.

"I know you don't hold it against him, but just…_please_ understand that he _did_ try to tell us to shut up when we asked him to leave you." Valerie smiled at that, but still she wasn't going to let him back into her heart that easily. "We kept forcing him until he did, but if we knew how you felt, or how close he'd become to your family…I think we wouldn't have been so forceful. He's actually getting a backbone now."

"I think so. You know, I'd never ask him to stop caring about you guys or iCarly. He _wants_ to pull the plug, but refuses because you and Carly want so much to continue it-"

"I don't give a shit for iCarly anymore…" Sam tensed and hugged herself. Valerie raised an eyebrow at her. She breathed in as Sam closed her eyes and turned her head away. "I don't care about the fans, I don't care about the show, it's Carly that wants to be optimistic. When that guy did what he did to me…you know what he told me? He told me I was _worthless_ because a star is supposed to fucking give in to their fans demands!" Valerie cringed as Sam's fist slammed on the table. The smoothie cup started to fall over, but she grabbed for it and saved the drink. "That's all I am to _anyone_, even my own _fans_ think I'm worthless. Carly jokes about it all the time, even jokes about how bad I am at math. Well if she knew I skipped math because every time I go I start to remember what happened!-"

"Sam, you're not worthless. I'm sure Carly doesn't mean to hurt you either, she just doesn't know-"

"And she's never going to know. Neither is Freddie. I just can't tell them…"

"You don't have to, I won't mention it. Just remember, you are _not_ worthless. People care about you, don't pay attention to the fans out there that are crazy…and I am sure if you tell Carly you want to pull the plug on iCarly, she would." Valerie glanced over at Freddie and breathed in slowly, there was no doubt in her mind that Freddie would. "I'm pretty sure Freddie would do it without question, he's already teetering that line, I can tell."

"He might, I don't know…he doesn't know what happened to you?"

"No, I mean he has an idea of it, but I haven't told him anything." She leaned back in the booth and closed her eyes, exhaling gently. "The day of the hearing, he accidently walked into the wrong courtroom."

"He mentioned walking into another room, but wouldn't say anything about it…"

"It was mine." Sam gasped and Valerie started to lean forward, resting her arms on the table. "The people that hurt me…they were up on parole. Eric and one other guy got off, but the main guy didn't. Freddie walked in just as the judge was reading the crime specifics. It was _so_ awkward, but he handled it better than I thought. He said he blew up at Nora, though…"

"Yeah it was freaky, we all wondered why."

"Well there you have it." Sam looked over to Freddie and chuckled. She grabbed her smoothie and started sipping. After a few minutes she pulled away and sighed heavily.

"Thank you Valerie…for talking with me, not judging me…" Valerie hugged her once more, happy to be there for her. "I um…never had anyone really to talk to about that. Maybe we could, you know, hang out sometime?" Valerie smiled at her and looked over to Freddie.

"Yeah. You know, I'd like that. Plus…I think it would be better to tutor you in person, don't you?" Valerie smirked while Sam's cheeks grew red, the girl likely didn't expect that she'd figured her out. It wasn't as if Sam made it any less obvious. "But anyway, I'm always open to talk or hang out, whatever you want to do."

Sam hummed a tune and rolled her head towards the right. "That's great. What about Carly?" Now Carly, she wasn't sure about. The girl could still go crazy if she knew Freddie was with her. She wasn't sure she could handle Carly judging her.

"I uh, no I think I have to work my way up to her…I'm really not sure how she'd react, and I don't want to have to deal with the possibility of her trying to tell Freddie that I'd just ruin things again…"

"She wouldn't do that, but I understand. Carly _can_ be a bit loco at times. Maybe sometime though…"

"Yeah, maybe." She saw Freddie glance back over his shoulder, studying the two of them. When he met her eyes, he smiled. She returned his smile. With all the tension in the air from thinking about Sam's traumatic experience and hers, she actually wanted him to come over and hold onto her, but she wasn't going to fret about it. Right now, she just wanted to be a friend to Sam.

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><p>Your thoughts?<p> 


	33. Startling Concerns

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N:

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><p>Chapter 33 (Startling Concerns)<p>

Driving Valerie home was rather silent of a trip, she wanted to take Sam to see her family so they could start to know her. The two girls were in the backseat, huddled close together. Freddie was a little concerned, but he wasn't going to pester Sam about what she and Valerie talked about. He would respect their privacy. Sam appeared nervous, and that was to be expected, Valerie wanted to get Sam on the good graces of her family. Strangely, it was hard enough for _him_ to do that, and they weren't completely trusting of him just yet.

He had been listening to Sam and Valerie reading the scripture here and there, talking about forgiveness and patience, among other topics. Half the stuff was almost perplexing to him, but he got the gist of it and understood how it might help Valerie with what she was struggling with. "We're here," Freddie pulled up beside the Williams household and the girls looked up from the book in their hands. He turned around and smiled kindly at Sam, whose anxious stare was on the house. "They're a good family Sam, you'll like them."

"Question is, how well will they like _me?"_ Freddie lifted his eyebrows and shrugged his shoulders, he had no solid answer for her. He didn't know their reactions, but he had a feeling it wasn't going to be all that bad. Nothing like bringing the Devil into God's house. Sam was nowhere close to it, even if her self esteem made her feel that way. "After what I did-"

"Sam." Valerie cleared her throat and brought a hand to Sam's shoulder, looking into the girl's eyes with a gentle smile. "One step at a time. What happened is in the past…" How easy was it to follow that advice, he pondered. Even he couldn't follow it that well, given how much of his past was messed up due to the lack of the backbone he had. He frowned and looked ahead, slowly shaking his head. Still he couldn't get over his past, what made Valerie so confident? The scripture? Sure. "Anyway, let's get out and head inside."

"All right…I guess Freddie's coming in too?"

"I'm not sitting out here for an hour," He joked. He looked to the rearview mirror and caught Valerie smiling at him. The glance filled him with a bit of confidence and he slowly pushed his door open. Maybe he was doing _something_ right. He rubbed his hands together, startled by the chill air. The girls moved from the car and began walking towards the house, Freddie hurried after them. As his gaze fell back onto Valerie, he started to be enchanted by her once again. Once they reached the door, he tore his gaze away and let Valerie lead them inside.

"Mom! Dad! I'm home. Freddie and Sam are here too." Sam tensed and immediately began looking towards the exit. Knowing all too well what this meant, Freddie put a gentle hand to Sam's shoulder, reassuring her that it was fine and she need not try to escape. In his mind, he was pleading that none of the sisters would be snippy with Sam as they were with him at first. Valerie scurried off to find her family, possibly to tell them not to be hard on Sam.

"I don't know what I'm doing here, Freddie." Sam rubbed her arm and let out a shuddering groan. His eyebrows meshed together and he frowned at her. In the back of his mind, he worried that one of their fans might have done something to her, but he was sure that wasn't the case. It couldn't be. If it was, then he was not letting iCarly stay on any longer. Hell, the fans took too much of a precedence over their lives. It was easy to see how bad they were when Freddie wasn't able to have his own opinion over not liking that internet star, Fred.

Sam took a deep breath as Valerie led her family into the main room. Vanessa and Veronica remained silent, smiling politely at Sam. _Clearly_ Valerie told them to play nice, because knowing them, the first thing they would have done would be to glare at her. Victoria and Vixen were happy to see her, and Vixen made it known that she was one of the ones who called Sam up on the iCarly show. "So it was you," Sam started to smile as the girl danced over to her.

"We_ do_ like the show," Vixen marveled, "We just don't watch everything. It's good to see you in person, Sam!" Freddie was overjoyed that Vixen was the first to break the ice. If any of the girls knew how to make someone feel comfortable, it was her. He turned his gaze to Veronica, her hand was slightly on her abdomen and her body had a very mild tremble to it. Was she feeling ill? She was standing a bit behind the others and gazing wearily at Sam with a fake smile across her face. She saw him staring, then turned away, leaving the room. He lifted his eyebrows and shrugged his shoulders, looking over to Valerie and the others.

"So Valerie wanted me to meet you guys."

"Well it is great to meet you," Viola chimed, "Come and let's all talk." As the family started to move further into the living room, Freddie excused himself to the restroom.

As he neared the restroom, he heard a radio turned up in Veronica's room. He raised a curious eyebrow and slowly looked into her open door, she wasn't in there. She saw many portraits of models like Tyra Banks, Devon Aoki, Marisa Miller, Gemma Ward and many others. He only recognized them from the names on the posters. The more prominent posters in the room were of a model named Adriana Lima. He clicked his tongue and slowly turned out, still skeptical that modeling was a good career to get into. At least, not if she wanted to follow all those skinny models that he would often refer to as _skeletons_.

The door to the restroom was cracked open and the light was off, so he assumed there wasn't anyone in there. When he entered, he was appalled by what he saw. Veronica was hunched over the toilet with one hand holding her hair back and one finger in her throat. "What the hell!" Veronica froze and Freddie instinctively ran over and grabbed her hand away from her mouth. The girl screamed and fell back on top of him, sending him into the wall. His bladder jumped and sent a sheer pain into his abdomen, he drank far too many smoothies.

"Haven't you heard of knocking?!"

"Forget that, what are you doing!" He started to stand up as Veronica bowed her head and growled. Normally whenever she threatened him with a growl, he would back off, but not now. This was too startling for him. Why would she ever need to go through this? "Veronica, you're in a great family, why would you do this to yourself?"

"None of your business…"

"No, I'm sorry, but I'm not going to sit here and let you hurt yourself." It was those models, he was sure of it. She needed to know that she didn't have to be skinny like them, there were many beautiful models in the world that were_ normal_ sized. Veronica rolled her eyes and he started to turn away, he was not withholding this information from the family. He couldn't allow it.

"Wait! Stop!"

"What?" He turned his gaze over to her. It broke his heart seeing her in this situation. His lips fell into a frown as Veronica stared at the toilet, tears stinging her eyes. He knelt down beside her and put a hand to her shoulder, looking into her eyes. "Veronica…look, I don't know if you believe me or not, but I care about you. I care about all of you, okay? I don't want anything to happen to you guys, and if you have a problem, then talk to me…"

"Okay, but…can you…can you not tell my family about this?" He winced and closed his eyes, there was no chance he was going to withhold or lie to the family about something so serious. "Just tell them I've been sick, that's all." Instead of telling her yes or no, he spoke slowly and calmly, hoping to reach her.

"Veronica. An eating disorder is a serious thing. You could _die_. I don't want to lie to Valerie, I don't want to lie to your family. If you have a problem, we need to discuss it." Veronica stared at him, a new glimpse of trust shot past her eyes as she clenched her hands and bowed her head. "Veronica?"

"Fine…but…just Valerie for now, please? Vanessa won't take it well and I don't want to scare mom and dad right now. Everyone's talking to Sam, and I just, I'm not ready to talk to them…"

"Will you talk to us?" Veronica clenched her eyes shut and slowly nodded. Freddie hugged her, thanking her for trusting him and slowly walked with her to the dining area where the family finally settled down. She hid behind the wall, hugging herself while Freddie motioned to Valerie. He mouthed that it was urgent, so Valerie excused herself from the table, telling Sam not to worry too much. The girl seemed to be getting along well with the family as it was.

Upstairs, Valerie paced her bedroom while Freddie and Veronica sat on the bed. Veronica had her face buried in her hands and Freddie gently rubbed her back. Valerie was still processing the news, she looked angry but more than that, she was hurt and upset. Veronica looked ashamed that she'd been caught. Valerie stopped and turned towards her sister, slowly exhaling. "Veronica…why? Why would you do this?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"Try me." Valerie knelt before her and put one hand on Veronica's hand, lowering it to her knees. The girl brought her other hand down and gazed into Valerie's misty eyes. "I'm your big sis, I love you, you can tell me anything and you know it."

"You've got your own troubles to deal with-"

"And they're all second when it comes to my family." Valerie reached up and brushed some of Vanessa's bangs from her eyes. "I want to know why you wouldn't tell us something was going on. Is it this modeling stuff? Do you think you have to be skinny?" Veronica closed her eyes and started to weep. "You can trust us, and I'm trusting Freddie, okay?"

"Okay…"

"Start from the beginning. What's going on? When did you start doing this?" Not to mention the fact that she'd been concealing it from the family. Though people with eating disorders are capable of doing just that.

"Just a few months. I…I know you have to be skinny to be a model and all, but that's just a small part." She breathed in slowly as Valerie squeezed her sister's hand, still she was patient and attentive. "I _stopped_ doing it after a while, then I started dating that one guy…"

"Greg. Right. I thought you two broke up last week?" This was the first time Freddie heard of the man, but he wasn't too big on part of the love lives of the siblings. Veronica cleared her throat and her expression started to harden as her muscles tensed. Who was this guy to her, then? Was he the one that made her start doing this? Freddie felt a little bit of anger stirring inside of him, but he wouldn't presume anything.

"Well we really broke up because…I don't know. He saw me hanging out with Freddie. He and his little sister are fans of that show…" Freddie's eyes started to bug out and he slowly looked away as Valerie turned her gaze towards him. "He said he didn't want to be with someone that might, I don't know, he told me I was too fat to be a model. That's the bigger thing that made me go back…" Now he was pissed. How _dare_ someone tell her something like this? How _dare _the guy even be associated with the fans of iCarly, even if it was a small association. Freddie's friendship with these girls was no reason to call things off. His body tensed with rage as he attempted to conceal the anger pouring into him.

This man better hope he didn't know where to find him, because if he ever met the guy in person, hell would come to earth.

"Freddie, calm down," Valerie whispered. Veronica was tearing up, so she likely didn't hear her sister's stern warning to him. He closed his eyes and nodded, knowing it wasn't the time or place to become angry with anyone or anything. "Veronica. Please let us help you, okay? We need to talk to mom and dad, I promise you nobody is going to judge you."

"Vanessa would be angry."

"No. They'll all probably be hurt that you could do something like this to yourself, but no one will be angry. I can understand what you're going through, okay? I've been through something of a trauma…doesn't make me an expert, but it at least helps me understand what my baby sister's going through. Got that?"

"Yes…"

"Good." Freddie mentally applauded Valerie, impressed with how much she cared for and adored her family. He smiled at Veronica and leaned up against the wall.

"You don't have to be skinny to be a model, Veronica." The girl looked up to him with arched eyebrows as he wagged his eyebrows. "Did you know that _Marilyn Monroe_, of all people, would be considered a plus size model right now?"

"You're kidding…_Her?"_

"Not at all, and she was the most beautiful model of her time! You don't have to be skinny at all to be a top model. So I don't know who this Greg guy is or what he said to you, but you're better than that. You don't need to listen to what some asshole decides to tell you." She began to smile as Valerie approved with a nod in his direction.

"Freddie's right, Veronica. You're beautiful, you don't have to be skinny to be beautiful." Valerie hugged her sister tight, tears were running down her face as well. "Will you talk with Mom and Dad? We can get you some help if you need it."

"Yeah…" She started to wipe her eyes and slowly stood up with the help of her sister. "I'll do that. Just…"

"Go talk with Sam and the others, Veronica. We'll be down in a minute."

"Okay…" Once Veronica left the room, Valerie turned to Freddie and gave him a hug. He was stunned at first, then hugged her back, smiling as he held her.

"Thank you for being here through this, Freddie. Thanks for letting me know. I know Veronica's a proud person, she wouldn't want anyone knowing something's wrong, so I'm glad you didn't keep it from us…"

"I don't want to keep anything from you. I care about you and your family, Valerie. I don't want anything to happen to you guys."

"I know…Thank you…" She gave him a light peck on the cheek and started to leave the room. Freddie's eyes widened as his cheek grew warm from the touch. He moved his hand over his cheek and sighed, it was very likely that he would not be washing this cheek anytime soon. He cleared his throat and got up, with more pressing matters on his mind. As he left the room, he looked over the second floor balcony down onto the dining room where Veronica had indeed gone down to sit with the family. Victoria and Vixen had managed to get Sam to chat away, so fortunately, she survived.

He lifted his eyes towards the ceiling and chuckled, maybe God really was doing something with everyone here. "Well. If prayers can be answered, then I'm sure…"

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><p>Well what are your thoughts of this chapter my friends?<p> 


	34. Veronica's Inspiration

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N:

* * *

><p>Chapter 34 (Veronica's Inspiration)<p>

Freddie sat at his computer, searching through the murky waters that was the modeling business until he found an inspiration. Something to help Veronica out of this confidence issue she may have had. She wasn't even close to being 'fat', hell she had a smaller build than half the 'plus size' models. He hated that term, always had, because the community of gay men modeling agents that knew nothing of the womanly figure decided that beauty in women was to be skinny and malnourished.

There were many companies, such as Macy's or Cover Girl that had _normal sized_ women as models. Granted, they had to be labeled 'plus size', but they were average sized. "Seriously the modeling world pisses me off." Hell, even he had hits at his esteem thanks to the image that the modeling world gives out. For women it was the anorexic walking skeletons scantily clad and revealing their ribcages. For men it was the over buff muscular apes on steroids telling him that he was ugly because he wasn't thinner or more muscular. It didn't help that his low-T was keeping him from gaining any further muscles!

Finally he hit what he was searching for! The number one top hit model was _indeed _an inspiration. He read aloud as his eyes scanned the computer. "Season ten of _America's Next Top Model_…Taylor Belkner, 5'10'' in a size 10 dress beat out several bony, generic models to become the first plus-size girl to win. She won a contract with Elite Model Management…She broke down many barriers and paved the way to mainstream success for 'bigger' girls who dream of the life of a fashion model." This was it, the one who could surely inspire Veronica the truth, that you don't have to be skinny to model. _"I guess iCarly is good for one thing…connections…"_

With his friend on his mind, he set typing his long winded letter to Elite Model Management and Taylor Thompson. He was hoping they would at least be willing to talk. When he was finished, he put out the lamp light and moved towards his bed, sighing heavily as he pulled his covers up over his head. With all the exhaustion and stress, it did not take long to fall asleep.

It wasn't until Wednesday that he received a response. He'd already informed Valerie and Veronica about this, and they were amazed that he even tried. Veronica had her first counseling session on Tuesday, her family was overall understanding and more than willing to help her. They were scared for her, but glad that she was opening herself up to them. More than anything, she seemed grateful to Freddie.

On his way over, he was ecstatic with how this might possibly go. The model wanted a video chat with Veronica, along with executive of the Elite Model Management company. Once there, Veronica seemed rather nervous about how this would go down. She was taking her recovery slowly as suggested by her counseling, and the family was definitely watching to make sure she didn't relapse. Freddie was hopeful this would truly help her.

"I don't know why you would do this," Veronica said as she sat before the computer with Freddie and Valerie. "I mean honestly…"

"He cares about you," Valerie stated with a soft, quiet voice. "We all do." Freddie smiled at Valerie and put a gentle hand to Veronica's shoulder, reassuring her that everything would be all right. Something that really struck him was, Veronica was _trusting _him. Angry, spiteful Veronica was not biting her head off for once! "Now you remember America's Top Model, right?"

"_Next_ Top Model, Val!" The girl looked astonished that Valerie hadn't gotten her favorite show right. Valerie chuckled and Veronica quickly looked to the pictures of the woman on the screen. "And I know this model, she's one of my favorites. I can't believe you _actually_ managed to contact her, Freddie. It's like…a dream."

"Well I don't see how that can be, because this is real," he remarked. His lip tucked into a tiny smirk and Valerie rolled her eyes, smiling at him. Skype was powered on and as soon as Veronica added the contact information for the model, she received a video conference request from her. Veronica blew the windows out with her squeal. When she calmed, she hit the accept button and grinned as the model appeared on her computer. A man in brown shades and a thick moustache was standing behind her, smiling at the screen.

"So you're Veronica?" The model asked. Veronica cleared her throat and quickly nodded, unable to form any coherent words. "Freddie told me how you were interested in being a model." She raised an eyebrow and leaned back, her lips pushing to the right as she studied Veronica. "But you're scared that you're not skinny enough?"

"Something like that, I mean…"

"Hmmm, stand up for me." Valerie and Freddie stepped back as Veronica nervously followed the instructions. The model twirled her finger around, smiling softly at her. "Spin. Strike a pose." Wide eyed, Veronica did so and slowly brought her hand up to her chin, holding her palm out below. The model laughed and applauded her as Veronica kept doing various poses. "I don't get it, you're beautiful! Healthy sized! What on earth would make you think you're not skinny enough? What size are you?"

"Right now? I-I mean…" Her cheeks went red and her hands lowered to her hips. "Um typically I'm about a ten or a twelve."

"What? Come on, _I'm_ a ten." Veronica's eyebrows rose sharply and her eyes started to glaze over. She cleared her throat and slowly sat down as the woman began inquiring more of her. "What's wrong? Tell me, what's the matter?"

"I was told I was too fat. By a boyfriend-ex boyfriend."

"Ugh! I hate when they do that!" Taylor's eyes rolled to the top of her head and she leaned forward, still holding a smile as she met Veronica's gaze. "You listen to me, _no one_ has the right to tell you how you look. You're a perfectly healthy size, and more than capable of being a model! In fact, how old are you right now?" Veronica was wiping away the water in her eyes. She cleared her throat and took a deep breath.

"Fifteen."

"You're still so young! However not too young, she's not too young right?" The model looked at the executive, who merely smiled back and shook his head. The woman nodded and looked back to Veronica. "You know what? We were thinking maybe, if you would like to, you could come tour the facility with us and get to see how the modeling world works." Veronica's jaw practically fell and Freddie was starting to wonder if he'd have to pick her up off the floor.

"Oh my god, are you _serious?"_

"More than serious! Freddie told us how into modeling you were and we want to give you a taste of how it is."

"That's correct," the executive added. "You're a bit young to shoot right now, but hopefully if modeling is still what you want to do, we may very well consider giving you a scholarship."

"Oh my god. I'm…" She started waving her hand in her face like she was about to faint. Valerie grabbed a glass of water from the desk and handed it to her sister, who immediately started sipping the drink. When she finished, she set it down and looked towards Taylor. "But why would you even offer?"

"Your friend told us how passionate you were," Taylor answered, "And from what I'm seeing here, we'd like to snatch you up before another modeling agency does the same." The model leaned forward, smiling brightly as Veronica stammered for words. "We have an outlet right near you in Washington, so it would not be a far trip. Talk it over with your family?"

"I _will!"_

"Well you have my skype info. Here, I'll type my number for you, and this is Brian, you can get in touch with him if you can't get in touch with me." Veronica hummed excitedly as Taylor put in the information for her. "Once you talk to your family, let us know what you think and we'll arrange a time for you to tour the facility. I'll be there too!"

"Okay!"

"Now you just remember. Nobody, _nobody_ can tell you you're not beautiful, because you are. There are some cruel people in the modeling world too, so you have to be strong and avoid the sharks. I can tell you how, and here at Elite, they don't judge you." Veronica nodded, looking like she was about to leap through the computer screen to hug the model. "Now I have to get to work on a shoot, we'll be waiting to hear from you. I hope we get to talk in person soon."

"Thank you. I'll give you call as soon as I can!" Once the skype call was over, Veronica jumped up from her seat and hugged Freddie, squealing in his ear and blowing out his eardrum. "Oh my god! Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Valerie put her hand over her mouth, covering up a growing smile as Freddie let out a pained grunt. Sparring with Vanessa was less painful than the crushing pressure of Veronica's hug.

The rest of the family came in to see what the commotion was, all stared on in awe and surprise. It looked like each of them was on the verge of laughing. He couldn't help but to feel a sense of fulfillment though, knowing he'd done something right. Or at the very least, something good.

Veronica released him and went on to tell her parents the news. Freddie stumbled backwards, putting his hand on the desk to catch himself and balance properly. He looked over to Valerie, smiling confidently and attempting to still look cool. She smiled at him and he thought he saw a glimpse of something foreign yet familiar in her eyes. Something he'd not seen in years. It instilled a sense of calmness in him.

She moved beside him and turned to face her sister, who was excited that her parents had agreed that it could be good for her to experience this modeling agency. "You did good, Freddie." Valerie spoke softly and nudged his arm with her shoulder. He returned her compliment with a subtle nod.

"Thanks. I just wanted to show Veronica that she didn't have to worry about her appearance. She'll be just fine…"

"Yeah. Greg Larson, by the way." He lifted his eyebrows as Valerie watched over her sister. "That's the guy that was dating her, somewhat a fan of iCarly but not as much as his little sister is. I'm telling you because I'm trusting you _not _to do anything."

"Right." He folded his arms over and looked towards the happy sibling. "I won't make anything of it. As long as you and your family are okay, that's all I'm concerned with."

"Good."

"So did I hear right?" He started to smirk as Valerie raised an eyebrow. "You trust me again?" She smirked back at him and chuckled before patting his shoulder and walking towards her family.

"Don't push your luck just yet." His heart lifted up as he studied the warm expression on her face. Her eyes were a beauty that filled him with joy, a joy that he still questioned how much he deserved. He felt as though he were on air, completely comfortable in the presence of Valerie and her family. He couldn't fight how he felt, nor would he. Those old feelings, still present, but more so now than they were before. It felt good to be back in the good graces of the family, though he probably still had a ways to go.

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><p>What do you think of the model, and of Freddie for doing that for Veronica? How did you like the chapter<p> 


	35. Quiet Day of Reflection

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N:

* * *

><p>Chapter 35 (Quiet Day of Reflection)<p>

On Friday, Freddie was out at the park with Carly and Gibby. They were simply hanging out, having nothing better to do. Sam was spending some time with Valerie. Today was the day Veronica went to the modeling agency with her parents. Vanessa was at college and the younger girls were at school. "So one of your friend's siblings is checking out modeling?" Gibby inquired.

"Yes." Carly was a little jealous that _Sam_ actually met Valerie first. She still didn't even know his friend _was_ Valerie. Gibby actually found out recently when he saw Valerie and Freddie talking. When he confronted Freddie about it, he was informed of the reasons not to tell Carly. He would only when Valerie was comfortable with it. "Nice day out, isn't it?'

"Yeah it is." The two looked to Carly, who was sitting at the shore of the lake, kicking her bare feet through the water. "So. How's Valerie?" Freddie started to lift up at the mention of her name. "Has she started trusting you again or anything?"

"She's fine, Gibby." Valerie wasn't worried about him knowing, he wasn't there for the whole experience with her years before. "As for trust, I just want her to know I'm not going to disappear on her and her family again." Gibby raised an eyebrow and pat his shoulder.

"Good man. I think if you did, I'd have to have a talk with you." He chuckled nervously and scratched the back of his head. He wasn't too worried, but he still couldn't get past the disgust in himself for what he'd done to the family. "I know you say you don't deserve that second chance from her or her family, but you know what? You're right, you don't." He lifted his head up and raised his eyebrows as Gibby held his hands over his waist. "But that's what makes it right, that you acknowledge you hurt her and that you're willing to make it up to her. She's willing to give you a chance of a second chance, and that's what makes her special."

"Yeah, I can see that." Not many people in the world were forgiving like that, especially with what she'd gone through. He still didn't know the details, but he knew enough.

"So have you asked her out yet?"

"Not yet…I don't know that she'd accept at this point." He really wanted to, there was nothing he wanted as much as that. "She'd probably want to see that her family would approve." Plus he wanted to know that he'd approve of himself, was he the kind of person that would be able to make her happy? He wanted to be, he honestly did. "All this stuff that's going on now with iCarly. I can't help but feel like it's worn its welcome."

"It does get cumbersome. Why do you think I've stopped dancing around shirtless?" Gibby smirked as Freddie started to chuckle, too many people recognized him as the 'shirtless wonder' and so forth. "But as long as the girls feel like keeping it around, you don't want to pull the plug?"

"Pretty much. The fate of iCarly is in their hands. I've washed my hands of it." In other words, he was close to simply leaving iCarly, but he didn't want to go there again. Not when he was just getting back to good graces with Valerie. Simply because if that happened and Carly got wind of it before she got to talk to Valerie, the girl would start to feel it was a repeat of the first time. "I have no desire to involve myself with iCarly, to be honest."

"I understand that. With everything that has been happening, iCarly has more than worn its welcome." It seemed as though Gibby were feeling the pressure too, but they hadn't really discussed it. Gibby was never one to talk about how he felt in regards to various things, only once in a while he might pop up and say something startling about how he felt. "I'm sick of going places and being asked to take off my shirt. It's not like I'm a stripper or anything, and hell, I have a beer belly for Christ sake! I know like a million people have seen it already, but you'd think that would be enough!" Gibby stretched out his arms and sighed heavily. "So I tell people, if they're all that interested, go look up one of iCarly's earlier videos. I don't take my shirt off in public anymore."

"I understand that."

"Yeah. You remember Shannon?"

"Sure. The girl you had a crush on?"

"She fucking laughs at me every time we pass each other. If she sees me, she mocks me. I've been called pudgy, pig, fat, male stripper, rodeo, marshmallow, muffin, you name it and I've probably been called it." This was startling, Freddie never knew Gibby harbored so much. How did the guy keep all his insecurities from overloading? Perhaps he had some stress management somewhere, although Freddie was a little concerned as to _where_ that stress management was.

"How do you keep from exploding?"

"I don't know, just ignore it. Too much other bullshit going on to worry about myself." Gibby looked over his shoulder and huffed. "I'm surprised no fans have come running up to us yet-ah wait there they are…" Freddie looked over just as a group of three teenagers called out to them and ran up. There were two boys and one girl. The girl looked as though she wanted to be anywhere else while the boys were ecstatic to see Freddie. "What do you guys want? Autographs?" He sounded so _bored_, it was an incredibly different side of Gibby than he'd seen before.

"Freddie!" Exclaimed the bucktoothed boy in the ball cap. "Are you out with Carly?" The boy pointed to Carly at the lake and Freddie slowly narrowed his eyes. "I know you guys say you're not going out, but that's on the show, can you give details?"

"No. we're not going out and we never will."

"But why _not?!"_

"I'm not having this conversation."

"It's that girl he's been hanging with," The other boy responded. Freddie's eye twitched as he remembered the comments on the web page talking about the fact that Freddie had been seen with some other girl. The young girl in the group looked up at Freddie as if apologizing for the boys. "Who is that girl?" The blonde haired boy asked curiously. "Why is she not Carly? You should be going out with Carly, that girl's over stepping her bounds."

"_Excuse_ me?" He started to grow angrier, ready to lash out. No one had a right to say whether or not Valerie could be spending time with him. He narrowed his eyes and the kids took a slight step back. Gibby moved his hand to his forehead and Carly looked over from where she was at. "Since when do you people, and by you people I mean fans in general, have any _right_ to say whether or not someone I choose to hang out with has any right to being there? Quit taking advantage of our generosity!"

"Freddie," Gibby warned.

"No, I'm serious, Gibby! I'm sick of hearing about it." The kids exchanged glances as the girl just asked for them to leave.

"He's getting all flustered because there _is_ something with him and Carly! I bet! If there wasn't, he wouldn't get so irritated." What was it with people these days? Why were they so immature? It was taking everything inside him not to lash out like he did with Nora, but even that was difficult. The kid grinned confidently and put his hands to his waist. "I told you, and that girl he's hanging with? Bad news because Carly isn't going to like it."

"Carly isn't going to _care_. Want to know why? Because Carly and I are simply friends and nothing more." Perhaps he was getting a bit hot under the collar. Valerie was always telling him that it was best to practice patience, to let things fall where they may. He lifted his hand, holding his forefinger and thumb an inch apart. "I am this close to shutting down iCarly because of crazed fans that can't get it out of their head that I am never dating my two friends. I'm this close to canceling it because of the fans who have done things to hurt people I care about." He paused for a split second as the three preteens stared wide eyed at him. "Oh and that _reminds_ me! You think you've seen me with some girl, you best forget seeing her because no trouble is going to be going towards her."

"Why? It's not like we'd do anything."

"Yeah, like I'd believe _that!_" They looked a bit hurt that he would even think for a moment that they could hurt somebody, but they didn't understand. They didn't understand how bad his trust issues with people were _before_ the issue with his fans.

"We're not dangerous or anything."

"I'm sure you're not. I apologize, I just don't have a lot left in the way of patience-"

"Yeah that's enough," Gibby put his arm over Freddie and started pulling him back after giving the group a scolding look. "And I'm sorry, Freddie's right, he and Carly are not dating. Nobody is dating anyone right now. Saying that ought to be enough, now go on about your business." Freddie sighed in defeat and let Gibby lead him over to the shore. Why was it he could simply say that? Not that he believed the group would have listened. It was better than getting steamed.

"What was that all about?" Carly asked.

"Just a group of fans harassing us, nothing to worry about." Her facial features tightened for a second before she looked over the waters. "You know something? It's been a long time since any of us have been out here. It's nice. Always worrying about school and then the next iCarly. We never stop and really _see_ the things out here. It's beautiful…"

Freddie nodded and laid back on the grass, pushing his hands behind his head as he gazed up into the clear blue sky. Carly was right, they hadn't had time to see the world around them. Too much time cooped up inside worrying about iCarly pretty much took over everything.

"You asked that girl out yet?" He leaned his head up and looked to Carly, she was smiling as per her usual perky self. "You should really bring her out here on a date, I'm sure she'd enjoy it."

"Maybe," Freddie replied, "I'm not even sure what's happening with her just yet."

"Well if you ever do, this is a nice place to come." There was no doubt about that, but he wasn't sure how likely he was to avoid his fans. "You know? Maybe we should pull the plug. I don't know, I'm not sure if I'm ready to yet…I just can't help but think how passionate we were about iCarly a long time ago, and now it's just…I don't know how to explain it."

"That one youtube guy explained it rather well." She frowned and looked away, closing her eyes and sighing.

"I guess. I mean what does it have to take to get us to figure out that iCarly's getting old? Traumatizing events?" He wanted to say 'more than you know', but opted not. Even Carly knew the horrors of the fans, getting kidnapped by the same crazed fan twice in a row is something that she would be truly horrified by. Thank god they weren't throwing knives at Spencer on that wheel.

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><p>Your thoughts?<p> 


	36. Valerie Opens Up

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N:

* * *

><p>Chapter 36 (Valerie Opens Up)<p>

"It's really beginning to stress me out, you know." Freddie was complaining to Valerie while sitting at her desk in her room. She was busy tutoring someone online, but they had gone off to do something for a couple minutes. She looked up from her computer and lifted her eyebrows, she knew all too well how stressful iCarly had become. "It's Saturday morning, I'm here with you and once more debating not shooting iCarly."

"You really should this time, you've been out of it for too long. I'd hate to think Carly would be upset with you, thinking you're backing out. Your friends do need you." He knew she was right, but he didn't want to admit to it. "Sam told me the other day that Carly was freaking out over you not shooting iCarly the last time. She didn't know what she was going to do, but fortunately Gibby knew how to deal with it."

"Right…it's just, yesterday we were all at the park and these fans decided to come up and harass me about her." Valerie rolled her eyes and Freddie folded his arms across his chest, grimacing at the memory. "It really reminded me how irritable I'm becoming with iCarly and its fans. I'm sick of all the assuming, the insinuating, the people who think they can tell _us_ how we ought to be." He lifted his shoulders and slowly looked away as Valerie typed on the laptop. "I mean, I'm sick of them all. I can't stand the thought of letting iCarly go on any further. I know we put ourselves out there with all those privacy things, but _come on_…"

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." He raised an eyebrow and looked over. Valerie's hands were hovering over the keyboard and her eyes were shifting on the screen. "Proverbs 15:1-3." She looked towards him with a pleasant smile. "It means the more you react angrily towards them, the more they're going to get defensive and react back. While if you are soft and patient with them, calm, then they might be patient. Though you can't please everyone, some just won't stop until they know you're either going to date one of those two girls or they can help plan your next big event."

"Yeah, some don't know how to back off." He lifted his shoulders and shook his head. "So how did Veronica's day go with the model?"

"Great, she's already looking into as many colleges that offer modeling as she can. You did a really great thing for her, Freddie. Being there for her…for my family." He felt a sense of pride and leaned back against the desk, moving his elbows up onto the surface. He met her tender eyes and started to smile.

"I love your family Valerie, they're some of the nicest people I know. I would never take advantage of them."

"Not intentionally you wouldn't, that is true. Mom's been having a blast spending time with your mom, you know that?"

"Yeah, I'm glad they're having a good time with one another." Valerie moved her laptop to the bed and leaned back against her pillows, breathing out silently as she gazed deeply into the ceiling. "Something up?"

"Just looking up those scriptures. You ever heard of Bible Gateway dot com?" He'd heard _of_ it, but never actually went to the site. Valerie motioned her hand towards the screen of her computer. "I go there all the time if I think of a verse or something and can't remember it. Some people might like to think that I've got the whole book memorized, but let's be honest here." She put her hands over her stomach and shut her eyes. Freddie leaned forward in the chair and held his hands together between his knees, studying Valerie. Her body was a bit rigid and tense, which was a bit concerning for him. "I don't have them memorized. Sometimes I don't even understand what I'm reading and I'll keep reading and reading until I have to ask Mom or the pastor about it."

"That would seem like the norm, wouldn't it?" She sat up and shrugged.

"Maybe. Or maybe for me it's more of a shield or a wall." She looked over at him, her eyes locking with his. Immediately he was aware of the sadness behind her gaze, she was opening up to him. Little by little, but a sign of trust. "I don't want to be hurt, Freddie. I can't stand it. I can't stand the fear and the pain I go through, just thinking about leaving the house. You know in the last few weeks, I've left this house more than I have in three or four years? I'm not even agoraphobic, and I can't stand leaving the house, looking over my shoulder everywhere I turn!"

Without hesitation, he walked over to her side and sat beside her on the edge of the bed. "It's a good thing you've been getting out, Valerie." She chuckled and shook her head, almost as if she didn't believe it to be a good thing.

"You don't get it. Sometimes even the scripture isn't enough to push away the anxieties I have. I don't want to make you feel guilty, I don't want to put you through hell, but I am truly frightened of those fans. I'm terrified that people will still recognize me as 'the girl that tried to wreck iCarly'." She scratched her hair and clenched her eyes shut. "Then I bury myself in the bible, looking up verse upon verse about patience, forgiveness, strengths, failure, you name it, I can spend hours with my nose in that book. Then, I won't remember what I read days later. Most of the time recalling a verse means I've probably looked it up recently. Long term, it's just snippets of a verse that I remember."

"There's no shame in that, Valerie. It's been years anyway, I don't think too many would actually remember you." She glanced off to the side and Freddie looked to the website on the screen, smiling as he recalled a verse that his father would say many years ago when he was but a child. She folded her arms over and closed her eyes, slowly beginning to shut down. "Romans 5:3 through 4, I think. Do you remember it?"'

"No."

"My dad quoted it all the time. I was always sick growing up, you know…" She opened one eye and raised an eyebrow. He smiled at her and recited the verse from memory, perhaps the one verse in the entire bible that he actually knew by heart. "We also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." She began to smile and lowered her arms down.

"Can you tell _me_ what it means?"

"It means, through all the trials we go through…all the pain, all the anxiety and torment, we can make it through. As we make it through, we become stronger, we persevere, and it builds character. That character produces the hope that we have…"

"Hope that there is no shame in, because God is always there…"

"Yeah." Her eyes dipped down for a moment and she leaned over, resting her head on his shoulder.

"I didn't think he was there that day. I used to think that. I thought I deserved what I was getting…I thought I'd done something so wrong that…that God was punishing me." She clenched her eyes. He felt her muscles tense and her body quiver, so he slowly put his hand over hers in an attempt to comfort and console her.

"I'm here for you, Valerie…" Her breathing became labored and her face panicked as tears began to form from her eyelids. "Val?" He recognized the signs of a panic attack and did what he could to remain calm himself, gently squeezing her hand. "Valerie it's all right. Listen to me, listen to my voice, I'm here Valerie. I'm here, Freddie, and I'm not going anywhere."

Her arms wrapped around his and her face buried into his shoulder, she was beginning to come out of wherever her mind had gone to. Inside, he wanted to lash out and tear the heads off the men that hurt her, but he knew the more important task was to simply be there for her. What had gone down, he didn't know. All he had were the visions of what he thought happened, and they were all terrifying.

After a minute, she opened her eyes and slowly wiped them with her hands. "Sorry…" He smiled gently and squeezed her hand once, shaking his head and holding down his own tears.

"You've got nothing to apologize for, Valerie. I'm here for you, okay? You know that. If you ever need anything, I'm here."

She smiled at him and took a slow, deep breath. "Thanks."

"And Val?"

"Yeah?"

"God didn't forget you. He doesn't forget anyone, you told me that. You're someone who usually believes what you tell people, so if you told me that, then I think maybe you believe it too?" She wiped her eyes once more and nodded her head. She was a strong person, but she did have her moments where even she needed someone to hold her up. He wanted to be that person for her.

"I guess I do, otherwise I probably wouldn't have said it." She glanced towards the clock and pointed a shaky finger at it, signaling him to go to his friends. "You probably should go to deal with iCarly…"

"I don't know."

"I'll go with you…" He opened his mouth but stared in shock as she lowered her hand and took a deep breath. "You're right, I shouldn't be afraid." A wrinkle formed between his eyebrows as he remained silent, letting her speak. "I-I figure there isn't anything to be afraid of. I mean there _is,_ but I should at least be able to face it. The way you were talking about your day out at the park yesterday…"

"What of it?"

"It made me realize what I'm missing. Hiding from my problems instead of facing them? I guess…I guess that doesn't work. My family says I'm strong, but I'm the biggest coward around…"

"I wouldn't say that."

"Well no more, Freddie." She took another deep breath and slowly stood up. He rose with her because she was still trembling like she was about to fall over. He knew her going with him would entail her meeting Carly, but evidently she would know that too, otherwise she wouldn't do it. "I'm not afraid of Carly, not scared of iCarly, it's just your fans I'm worried about. I know you say Carly's been…upset because you haven't been honest with her…so, maybe it's time."

"Are you _sure_?"

"Yes I'm sure…" She put her fingers to her forehead and breathed in once more. "Just as long as she doesn't start…" She groaned, throwing her arm down and looking towards the door. "Please can we just go before I talk myself out of it? I do that…a lot…" He was proud of her, amazed and in awe. Where was this sudden strength and confidence coming from? He gave her a smile and motioned for her to lead the way.

"All right then. Grab whatever you need and let's get going, I'll call up Carly if you'd like me to?"

"You know what? Call up Sam, let her know we're coming. At least she'll be able to make sure Carly's relaxed…I mean, I guess I'm still anxious about her reactions and stuff."

"It'll be fine, Valerie. I promise you, there is nothing to be afraid of." With a pause, she looked at him and her lips turned up as she carefully nodded. "I'm going to be right there with you."

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><p>Your thoughts my friends?<p> 


	37. Meeting Carly

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N:

* * *

><p>Chapter 37 (Meeting Carly)<p>

The hardest thing for her to do, the equivalent of going into the belly of the beast, but she had to be strong. As long as they didn't put her on the webshow, she would be just fine. She spent the majority of the car ride talking to Sam, who had yet to tell Carly what was going on. The closer they got to the apartment, the more nervous and anxious Valerie was.

Freddie was indeed a comfort.

She kept telling herself not to worry, that Carly would probably accept her. If Sam did, and Gibby apparently didn't care when he discovered her, then Carly would accept her. In the back of her mind, she kept fighting the thoughts that she was simply lying to herself. She was horrified of Carly potentially shoving her out the door and yelling at Freddie for being so crazy and stupid to be anywhere near her. Sam kept reassuring her this wasn't the case, Freddie was doing the same, but it seemed that nothing could curb the anxiety and nausea within her.

Standing at the apartment door, she wasn't sure how long she'd been there for, but Freddie's voice was slowly bringing her to the reality of her situation. Had she done this prematurely? Her family had been a little concerned, but willing to trust her, and her instincts drove her to take a risk and do this, but what if she wasn't really ready? "I can take you home if you really don't want to be here?" Freddie suggested this in the most sincere way, but she couldn't do that. She couldn't make him drive all the way out here only to cop out and run off. No. He wouldn't do that to her, would he?

_"Well that may be debatable…"_ No, if he wanted to do that he would have done it by now. What did he see in her? Why hadn't he? She was just a nobody, to him and to everyone else. Wasn't she? "No, I'll go inside, I'm just nervous that's all." He reached over to squeeze her hand, sending a spine tingling sensation through her arm and body. Her heart skipped a beat when she met his eyes and her lips curved upwards as confidence swirled within her heart. "Yeah, I'll be just fine. Thank you, Freddie…"

"You know I'm here for you, and so is Sam. Trust me, Carly won't be a problem. She'll love you!"

"I don't know about that." She chuckled nervously and slowly shook her head. "I'm still of the delusion that she's going to hate me, let me live that until I'm wrong." He raised an eyebrow at her and she slowly shrugged her arms. "That way I don't get my hopes up, I guess. I'd hate to go in there thinking she'd just be all accepting, nice and genuine, then have her practically shove me out of her window."

"That's a tad morbid for even Carly." He tapped his chin and glanced at the door. "Or perhaps I should say, morbid for even Sam." She got a chuckle at that, mostly considering it was amusing to think of Sam potentially shoving anyone out of a high rise apartment window. "But still, if you don't want to go inside, I can turn right around and take you back home if you like."

"I'll be fine, thank you for your concern…" He nodded and slowly opened the door, stepping in first. Valerie followed after him and scanned the room. Gibby was seated on the couch with Spencer, who did a double take when he saw her. She felt a tad out of place, but she could adjust. Sam was standing at the kitchen counter with a glass of water. She smiled and waved, a calming sight for her to see. Already, she was beginning to feel comforted. Carly had her back turned and was digging in the refrigerator for something. She breathed in sharply and held her breath as Freddie announced their arrival.

Carly stepped out of the refrigerator, holding a plastic bag filled with cold pizza. When she turned around and saw Valerie, she gasped and started to drop the bag, but caught it. Sam did a little movement as if she were kicking Carly. "Freddie?" Carly began, slowly walking around the counter. She set the bag down on the surface and Sam began to plate the slices to toss in the microwave. "This is the girl you've been with? Valerie? This is the friend Sam met? And you never _told me_?" She felt her heart beginning to sink down, but did her best to keep her head up. Carly was unreadable. Was she pissed because Freddie didn't tell her who he was hanging out with? Was she pissed because he didn't say it was _Valerie?_ Did she hate her without question? What was the girl thinking?

Valerie slowly looked towards the open door, contemplating with a heavy heart the concept of an escape plan. She'd never mapped out an escape plan, that's what happened before. She wasn't able to escape. Sam rounded the corner hastily and put her hand to Carly's shoulder, "Carly, Carly! Let's sit down and talk, all right? I think we owe that much, besides, she's a good person."

"I'm not worried about _her."_ Her heart began to raise up just a smidge. Freddie led her over to the couch, where Spencer and Gibby stood up for her. She started to say they didn't have to do that, but Sam immediately hopped on the couch and pulled her down with her. Freddie sat on the other side of her. Gibby moved to the stool near their counter, and Spencer walked to the microwave as Carly moved in front of the couch. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Okay, I'm not going to judge, I'm not going to spaz, because I _know_ that wouldn't be right of me…" Valerie bowed her head, her chest ached with the still growing anxiety. "But Freddie, _why_ wouldn't you tell me who you were hanging out with?"

"Didn't know how you'd react." His answer was straight and to the point, no beating around the bush. "Especially because it's Valerie."

"Right…" Carly lowered her arms and sucked in some air. "I know things have been wild lately, and I know things get shitty whenever we jump to conclusions so I'm not going to do that…"

"She's my tutor too," Sam added. "I was a little surprised when I found out she was with Freddie, but…it's okay. We were wrong, Carly." Carly raised an eyebrow at her and gave her a skeptical look, questioning what it was they were wrong about. "All those years ago? We were wrong to tear them apart…That was our bad, _our_ fault." Valerie felt a tad awkward being defended in such a manner, but she was happy that Sam had her back. "Let's give them some time to explain, okay?"

"I said I wasn't jumping to conclusions, Sam. So yeah, I'm ready to hear what, once again, I'm the _last__person_ to hear." The girl crossed her arms and stared at Freddie. "So I know you two dated, obviously we know that. I know we told you two to stop seeing each other because we thought things were going badly with iCarly. So…what's the deal here?"

"I'll explain," Valerie bravely opened herself up and rose to her feet. She was tired of feeling so anxious and talking really seemed to help as she was focused on something, whatever it was. "Around that time, I didn't have many friends and wasn't very confident. I dated Freddie, and went about trying to make friends with you two in the wrong way. Things happened, my older sister chewed me out for forever because of it…" Carly frowned as Valerie closed her eyes, remembering those sore feelings of Freddie saying goodbye. "I…I really had feelings for Freddie back then. _True_ feelings." Carly's eyes began to bug out and she looked about ready to flip, perhaps she felt guilty? "He loved my family then too, was always close to them and was doing everything he could to spend time with them and be there for them."

"Oh my god…"

"That's what attracted me to him. He _cared_ about my _family_. I know Momma's always said that a man who cares about your family has one foot in the door to the heart. That was what attracted me to him the first time." It was more like a double strike too, because the phrase was _A man that cares about family has one foot in the door to the heart, wow him with food and he's in for good._

"So you're telling me…" Carly brushed her fingers across her forehead and clenched her eyes shut. Valerie took a step back, worried that Carly was on the verge of exploding. "Freddie fought us because-"

"He knew better than you did," Gibby chortled. Valerie looked over at him and Carly winced. "He knew where his heart was at the time, but he lacked the backbone to keep up the fight, something like that."

Carly muttered and bowed her head, her cheeks were reddening. "We kept pressuring him and forcing him..." Valerie didn't mean to make Carly feel bad, she really didn't want to do that. She bounced on her heels and moaned inwardly, irritated that she might have done something wrong. Carly turned around and walked towards the counter, slamming her fist down on the table. "Goddamn it." Everyone was startled by the sudden outburst, and for a minute, nobody moved. Carly slowly pushed her hand through her hair and exhaled sharply. "Valerie you should have just said something…"

"That's…what Vanessa told me…"

"I'm sorry Valerie, I really am. We never meant to hurt you or your family. And Freddie?" He raised an eyebrow as Carly walked over to him and smacked him upside the head. "Why did you stop fighting us?!" Freddie shouted out and rubbed his head while Valerie stifled a laugh. She covered her mouth and lifted her eyebrows as he groaned.

"There's really not an excuse," Freddie replied. "I was just a pushover who didn't want to lose two good friends at the time." Carly scoffed and Sam shook her head, both probably didn't think they were such good friends at the time. Yet, they _were_ good friends, they were great friends, and Freddie deserved them in their life. "I never wanted to lose Valerie though, so…telling her goodbye was just painful…" He closed his eyes and Carly smacked him again. Valerie reached out her hand to tell Carly not to do that, but in the very back of her mind, she was almost happy to see him being scolded for what he did to her family. Though, she really wasn't happy.

"And if we did this _now_, Freddie?"

"No." Valerie gasped and held her breath, clutching her chest as she looked over to him. Her heart paused as he stared past Carly and narrowed his eyes. "I'm sorry Carly, but if it happened now…I know you two are too good to do that, but if you did, I would stay with Valerie and her family this time. They need me, or no, I need them. They make me better…I care about them more than anything and nothing anyone says or does would ever make me leave them." Carly leaned back and Valerie slowly lowered her arms. She took a small step towards Freddie, yearning to cuddle up beside him. Her heart was racing and her body felt warm for the first time in a very long time. She felt alive, like he really cared about her and wasn't just being fickle about it. Tears started to well up in her eyes and she immediately turned away to prevent anyone from seeing them

Carly looked over at her with a smile and tapped her shoulder. "Valerie?"

"What?"

"Are you okay?"

"I'm _fine!"_

"Valerie?"

"What!" She spun around and everyone was gazing at her, all with friendly and accepting eyes. This was more than she could handle, or, close to it. Her lip tucked beneath her teeth and her eyes locked with Carly's. "Sorry…what is it?" Carly hummed for a second, playing coy before stretching out her hand.

"Oh…I want to start over. Just completely, let's get to know each other the _proper_ way, this time?" Valerie smiled and wiped her eyes.

"Okay."

"I'm Carly, do you want to see our webshow?"

"Sure, but I'd rather not be on it…"

"Fair enough. Besides, we're trying a new thing with it, we're getting rid of the private nonsense if we can. It's not people's business to know everything about our lives."

"All right, that sounds cool…" She let Carly hug her, then watched as the girls and Gibby moved upstairs. Freddie smiled proudly at her, making her heart flutter once more. "Freddie…did you mean that? What you said?"

"Every single word." He stood up and moved beside her, giving her a gentle hug. "I meant everything. I wouldn't give up on you or your family for the world, Valerie." There it was again, the skipping of her heart came like the skipping of a record. Her body was filled with a familiar old song. Maybe she was feeling this love thing again, but could she allow herself to go there? Did she dare? Maybe she could take a risk.

* * *

><p>Well what are your thoughts?<p> 


	38. Through Carly's Eyes

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N: This, and two other stories will be updated daily due to the posted chapter count being close to completion. 44 chapters total of COIN.

* * *

><p>Chapter 38 (Through Carly's Eyes)<p>

_"I can't believe I didn't know. I didn't see it."_ Carly watched Freddie and Valerie chat on the couch after iCarly. They didn't do much other than a very awkward farm girl segment and a baby Spencer drill. They still had to answer some questions as to why they were doing things differently, apparently iCarly had become a warzone lately.

Carly leaned forward over the counter, sipping soda through a straw. A million thoughts were racing through her mind as everyone did their own thing. Gibby had left, and Sam was laying idly on the floor behind the couch, tossing a tennis ball repeatedly through the air. Her attention was still focused on the pair on the couch. They looked so comfortable talking to one another. _"Always the 'dumb one' always the last to know. Always the last to find out, last to see. Naïve, like trying to hang out with criminal friends that belong in Sam's past." _ It was aggravating, too, because she could have put a stop to everything. If she had known how Valerie felt about Freddie, or what was going on with Jonah. No that wasn't important, what was important was the fact that she was stupid enough to publicly air their humiliations.

"Going for a walk," Carly said out of the blue. The others watched her leave the apartment, no one saying anything. She didn't want to talk, she didn't even feel as highly spirited as before. What was the point of it? What was the point of iCarly anymore? Hell, even starting, they based it off of making fun of people. "iCarly was supposed to be about doing what you wanted. It was _supposed _to be _fun_. Not being miserable while doing it!" What was the price of internet fame? There wasn't any glory in it, they'd practically ruined their own lives with it!

The trauma was still there, still evident. Maybe Sam and Freddie wanted to keep up iCarly, but she sure as hell was getting tired of it. She couldn't get past looking over her shoulder, fearing some deranged fan that wanted to abduct her off the street. Sometimes she had nightmares that entailed a shady figure stalking her, following her, and no matter how fast she ran, it still grew ever closer but never close enough. It was like death awaiting her.

She shook the nightmarish images from her mind once she left Bushwell plaza. There was a big issue in regards to these images. For her, they were more real than simple nightmares. Carly Shay saw the world much differently than usual, and unless she wasn't stressed out and in a state of total calmness and peace, as she was when she was with her friends, then the world was a much darker place.

Maybe it was a mental disorder, maybe it was the result of some great trauma, or hell, maybe it was the effect of iCarly. She wished to say the latter, but for her, the world was a dark place long before that. She'd simply learned to adjust and pretend. The only reason she seemed so naïve was because she had to be, she had to act in such a manner to avoid being depressed when it came to this crazy point of her life.

Lifting her eyes up, she saw a blood red dye cloaking the skies that were supposed to be blue. They were blue, but for everyone else. The clouds were black for her, not little puffs of white. Everyone around her, when she was young they terrified her, but not now. Never now. She was still jumpy when it came to the monsters and shadowy figures walking the desolate and cracked streets.

When she was just four years old, she was with her Grandma at work, Spencer was on a date with his girlfriend at the time and her father was overseas again. He was never home, only rare visits, she'd lived with her brother all her life, so he could never help her. Her mom had already been lost in the war, so she and her brother stayed with her grandmother at the time. She'd suffered a major nightmare that night and ran out her Grandma's work when the manager there scared her accidentally. Her Grandma ran after her, but then this creepy man moved up to them, abducting them. Her Grandma had been tortured, murdered, and the Carly ran, terrorized by the images until she found her brother's high school.

Those images remained fluent for the rest of her life. The closest thing she could think of was schizophrenia, which she knew her mother and grandmother had. She never told anyone about these 'hallucinations'. Sometimes she kept a good control on her surroundings, but when things grew really tense, it was difficult to differentiate. Her mother had been diagnosed with schizophrenia, and the trauma she suffered as a girl triggered these mental outbreaks that she had.

She put her fingertips to her forehead, groaning at the pressure building within. Seeing Valerie, she knew it was her but it had been so _hard_ to really grasp it. Whenever she sees a stranger on the street, they look different, almost demonic. This changes the more she talks with them, and then they look more 'normal' to her and less evil. Valerie was once like this to her, and today she really had to swallow this and pay attention to what was being said around her. _"Not hard to do when things are calm. Unlike now, which there's a massive war going on with iCarly…everything's hectic."_

At the rate things were going, things were getting so stressful that even Freddie, Sam and Gibby were starting to look 'different' to her. _"It's fine, I'm stressing over nothing at all, anyway." _

When she met Sam for the first time, eight years old, the girl stole her sandwich. Most would think it just innocence when Carly took it back, but that was not so much the case. She freaked, she saw Sam as a monster and shoved her aside, taking her sandwich back. The girl put herself into her life at that point and the two were friends. Were they all insane? Thinking she was the normal one?

As she gazed out into the street, huddling herself and pushing her hands into her pockets, she clenched her eyes shut. They were there right now, the monsters, walking all around her. Dark shadows with skin like tree bark, red eyes and vicious fangs glinting on their faces of mocking laughter. She rubbed her forehead more vigorously, groaning as she fell back against the wall of the building. She needed help, she acknowledged that, but she didn't care. She didn't want people to know she had a true problem.

It was hard to avoid, however, with the crazed fans out there that she pictured exactly as those demons. The memories returned to her mind and her body rattled with a shaky sob.

_"Grandma?" Blood splashed onto her face as she looked up, seeing the red haired woman fall to her knees. The woman screeched, clutching her side as a man in a dark trench coat started laughing wildly. He grabbed the woman and four year old Carly, then pushed them into the back of his van. He had a knife in his right hand and a ghastly look in his eyes._

_ They drove near the high school Spencer went to, where he was actually on a date with his girlfriend just a couple blocks away. All Carly could do was hear her Grandmother's agonized screaming as the man's hand lifted and fell. When she looked to him, covered in her Grandmother's blood, she saw his skin covered with hair and calluses. He had several tattoos that looked like he was cracked. His stabbing motions were like a sadistic ritual that she couldn't understand._

_ "Grandma no!" The elder's cold eyes gazed out in eternal terror. Her heart started to race as the man slowly turned to her, twisting his knife in her Grandmother's neck. She started to crawl backwards, whimpering, then falling out as the back doors opened up. With that, she ran, hearing the man's crazed howls. The night air had a musty smell to it, the sky red with the blood in her eyes. _

_ She ran into someone unrecognizable, everywhere she looked, she saw this man. Strange though, she heard her brother's voice trying to console her and ask what was going on. When she looked at him, she screamed, seeing the same thick bark-like skin and wild eyes. She started to run, but he grabbed her, telling her it was okay._

_ It was not okay. It would never be okay._

Carly's eyes shot open and several of these 'monsters' were surrounding her, watching her, asking if she was doing okay. Trying not to shriek, she staggered to her feet and looked towards the park, trembling fearfully as her heart tore at her chest. One reached out for her, their cracked and yellow nails scraping for her.

"Get away from me!"

"Carly?" Suddenly everything froze and she looked to the door of the apartment, seeing Gibby in plain sight. He looked concerned for her, the one thing that was still human. Tears streaked her cheeks and she slowly stepped towards him. "Carly, what's wrong?"

"I need help Gibby. They're everywhere…" He raised an eyebrow as she fell into his arms, still trembling with uncertainty. She heard him tell those around them to go on their own way. "Creatures. Skin like tree bark, fangs, red eyes, red skies…"

"Carly relax, everything is fine. Close your eyes, take a deep breath and try to relax." She did as instructed and inhaled slowly. Taking a few more breaths, she began to calm. When her eyes opened, everything was normal again. The monsters were gone, the sky was blue. How long would this last? "Are you all right? What was that freak-out about?"

"Nothing. It was nothing." She pushed away from him and rubbed her forehead, groaning as the pounding started to slow. "How's Freddie and Valerie? Sam?"

"They're all fine."

"Good." She pushed her hands into her pockets and started walking for the park. It was quiet there, she wouldn't have to face her nightmares there. She was in no mood to explain to Gibby what was wrong with her. She hoped not to run into any iCarly fans while out, she truly did not wish to deal with them. After all, even the clear blue skies couldn't shield those demons with human costumes.

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><p>I think I have the disorder right, had to research and my cousin said the hallucinations would point to what is listed. What are your thoughts? Looks like Carly has been hating iCarly for a while herself.<p> 


	39. One Strong Family

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N:

* * *

><p>Chapter 39 (One Strong Family)<p>

Early Sunday morning, Vincent had requisitioned Freddie to go hunting with him, something of a surprise, as they were starting before the sun. It would just be a few hours of fishing, then they would head out to church. Valerie had been asleep when he got there, but she was aware of what the plans were. Viola had been awake, reading some sort of novel.

Being the start of December, it was definitely freezing out on the lake. Vincent of course, joked about how it makes a man out of someone. He didn't see it so much. Today was going to be an odd day for him, almost every family member asked him to do something with him today, and the funny thing was, it fit into the schedule of the day perfectly. Besides, it was a good deal for him, because he wanted to talk to each of them. Not just to spend time with them and bond, but hopefully to also inquire about the possibility of asking Valerie out on a date.

"I told you, it is great out this morning," Vincent stated with an outstretched arm. Freddie looked to the slightly lit sky and the yellow poking over the horizon. The waters were calm, yet Vincent already had a couple bites. How the man was getting any fish while he wasn't, Freddie did not know.

"Yeah it is nice out." His body shook from a sharp bite of cold air and he slowly closed his eyes. "If you get past the fact that it is _freezing_. Now, no disrespect but, are you _crazy?"_ Vincent laughed and delivered a swift pat on the back. He chuckled and looked back to his line, resting calmly in the still waters. He wanted to be out here and agreed to it because he knew Vincent probably never had a son to do this with. The closest being Vanessa, who was a bit of a tomboy, but she was still his eldest daughter.

"The last time I did this with any of my kids was Vanessa." Freddie glanced over, slightly hunched over the edge of the brown canoe they were in. Vincent looked a tad majestic. He was seated straight up, both hands on the fishing rod, and a pleasant smile on his quiet face. "When she was eight, we went camping."

"Eight? Just Vanessa?"

"Yep. Valerie wanted to go camping so badly, but she got sick. Poor girl." Vincent shook his head and Freddie chuckled for a moment. He glanced off at the lake, relaxing his muscles. "When she was young, Valerie always wanted to follow her older sister, and of course, she was a daddy's girl." He thought she still was. "Veronica was four, Victoria was two, and my wife was pregnant with Vixen at the time. She wasn't letting her two younger girls go out camping."

"No?"

"My wife has always been protective of the younger children. We value them all the same, but there is a bit of bias when it comes to our daughters. Valerie and Vanessa always grew up as daddy's little girl, so naturally I think I am a bit more protective of them than Viola. Veronica and Victoria grew up doing everything with their mother. Vixen had her mom around for the first few years before she had to go overseas."

"I can see how that would be hard to deal with."

"Yeah, but she was always happy to see her mother when she got the chance. She's still so young, though, so sometimes she forgets her mother can't walk anymore." Vincent bowed his head and tightened his lips together. Freddie's heart cracked a bit and he slowly reached over, patting the man's shoulder. He never really thought about how hard it was on Mr. Williams. His wife returned, paralyzed, and he had already been caring for five girls. One of which had gone through some sort of trauma, and now he did everything he could to be the strong head of the family.

"You're a good man, Mr. Williams. Strong. An inspiration." Vincent started to smile as he met Freddie's gaze. With a heavy sigh, he pat Freddie's shoulder and pointed to the fishing rod. Freddie looked over and gasped as he saw the line quivering and swaying back and forth.

"You have a bite. But thank you, that means quite a bit, son."

Before church really began, Freddie was taking a moment to talk with Viola in the small church garden. She'd requested his presence. "My girls are all doing their own thing this morning." Freddie was on the bench that held many shrubs and plants behind it. In front of him, the stone tile ran into a small round fountain, then some plantation surrounded that. Viola was beside him, her hands folded over in her lap. "I guess I was feeling a little lonely. Valerie wanted to spend some time with me, but then she'd miss her choir practice."

"I'm more than happy to spend some time with you, Mrs. Williams."

Viola laughed and waved her hand in the air. "Oh please, call me Viola. It makes me sound so old to be called Mrs." He could respect that. His mother hadn't been able to come to church today, she wasn't feeling too well this morning. Viola told him she hoped that Marissa would be feeling better soon. She had the flu and didn't want to get anyone at the church sick. "So I'm going to be straight up, why have you not asked my daughter out yet?" He flinched and looked at her with confusion. She hinted at a smirk and lifted her eyebrows. "You heard me. You've been making her extremely happy lately, you've gotten her out of the house, and she's actually making friends. So now it's more or less, are you going to take her out on a date?"

"Um, I've been thinking about it. I guess I'm just a little nervous."

"Don't be. Just talk to her, I'm sure things will be just fine." Viola lifted her gaze towards the ceiling and she took a slow deep breath. "I wanted to run something by you. I've been asked by my bible study group to talk about a time where my faith in God got me through something…" He raised an eyebrow and started to smile, nodding in response. He was a little nervous, but not about hearing anything, but rather his response towards it.

"Go for it. Just be straight out and don't think too much about it if it's not a good memory. I'm here to listen. So, God comes through?" Viola's eyes brightened and her hand pat his wrist.

"Oh yes. See, when I was out in the middle of the battlefield and I got struck in the leg, I was surrounded by the enemy." He felt his chest clench as Viola moved her hand back to her lap and closed her eyes. How on earth did she get out if she was surrounded and couldn't move? "I thought I was going to die, I thought I would never see my husband or my daughters ever again, so I prayed. With all my might, I prayed for them that they would be safe and that if it were my time to go, that I was ready."

"You're still here, though."

"It wasn't my time." He smiled at her as a look of determination flashed across her face. She raised a closed fist beside her chest, cheering silently. "I had this feeling inside, a voice telling me to move. So I prayed for strength and courage and began crawling, listening to the gunfire and the bullets flying all around me…" His forehead tensed as the visual of her crawling away from gunfire frightened him.

"How…"

"They were everywhere, and I know they saw me, I was in plain sight. For some reason, they were unable to focus on me. One aimed their gun at me, but it didn't go off. Bullets landed beside me, never striking me. So I kept crawling, all my strength still in my arms and my thoughts on my children as I kept praying to God that I would make it out alive."

Tears came to his eyes and he quickly swept them away, glancing over as Viola studied the fountain with an unwavering gaze. "Wow."

"Eventually I crawled back to camp where someone immediately picked me up and carried me to the hospital. It was nothing short of a miracle, and I believe with all my heart that God was there, looking over me. We've all been through out rough patches of life, Freddie, but we can make it. We can persevere."

"Yeah…yeah you're right, we can. My father used to say that when I was young."

"He sounds like a good man, that father of yours."

"He was…"

After church, Vixen and Victoria dragged Freddie into the smoothie shop. He saw T-Bo smirking at him as they pulled him to the counter. "Now whenever I see you, you've got ladies flocking you," T-Bo joked, "What's going on here bud?" He rolled his eyes and smiled while pointing at the girls.

"My friends. Victoria said she's itching for the Sunset Peach, and Vixen, you said you wanted the Berry Blast?" The girls chimed harmonically and T-Bo stated he would have them right out. "I'll take the Strawberry-Banana smoothie. Medium for me, small for them."

"All right." T-Bo struck the register and named the price. He handed him his debit card and sighed as the girls ran over to pick a booth. T-Bo made the smoothies and set the trio on a tray for him. When Freddie returned to the table, the girls were joking with one another and going on about what they wanted for Christmas. "Smoothies are here. Now what did you girls say you wanted for Christmas?" They looked up and grabbed their smoothies from the tray, Victoria wasn't too thrilled that she got a small, but she still sipped hers happily.

"I want the My Little Pony DVD box set!" Vixen exclaimed joyously.

"That's her," Victoria pointed with a laugh, "I can't stand My Little Pony. Although Applejack is cute. Me? I want the Twilight DVDs." Vixen gave her a sour look and Freddie shook his head, laughing as the girls went on and on about Christmas. He was looking forward to it, it would be another holiday he and his mother were planning to spend with the Williams family. Sam was going to go on a road trip with her family to see the extended relatives, and Carly had been invited to Gibby's Christmas since her father wasn't going to make it back and Spencer wasn't planning on doing anything big. "Freddie, you're spending Christmas with us, right?"

"Yep." He may have to take them up on their present ideas, but he had a feeling Olivia might present Victoria with that Twilight set. He sipped his smoothie and looked over to see two preteens staring at them. Victoria moved her gaze over and narrowed her eyes.

"Got a problem guys? You act like you've never seen a group of people hanging out before. Move on!" The preteens looked away instantly. He jerked back and raised an eyebrow as Victoria chuckled nervously, "Okay so Olivia's rubbing off on me. I'm not so meek and naïve, you know."

"Far from it," Vixen muttered. "If anyone's meek and naïve, it's me. My older sisters all have stuff, I'm the sheltered one here." He hummed to himself and brought his smoothie up to his lips as Vixen closed her eyes. "But when I get nervous or upset, I dance. I love to dance." Victoria gave her sister a skeptical look and turned towards her.

"Why would you _ever_ feel nervous or upset?"

"I keep a lot of things inside." For instance, the eleven year old actually loved Evanescence and Avril Lavinge. "I've got worries, I just don't talk about them. Example, boys over there-" She pointed to the preteens Victoria had just yelled at. "They come into the dance studio to mock us. I defend my class, they push me around."

"What?!" Victoria practically spilled over her drink and started to stand. Vixen grabbed her shirt and pulled her back down into the seat. "Hey!"

"It's nothing. I can _deal_ with it." Vixen moved from the table, gripping her smoothie cup in her hand. Freddie and Victoria watched anxiously as she moved to the boys' table, still within earshot. "You two. You follow me around, you follow the other dancers around…get a life." Freddie stifled a laugh and Victoria gawked.

"We weren't doing anything," they protested.

"Right…" Vixen reached beneath the table and yanked something away from them, causing them to shriek. In her hand, she held a large balloon filled with some sort of purple substance. "That's why you have soda bombs under the table. I know you've been bombing my friends. If you don't want to earn the same treatment, then leave now and leave us alone. That goes for the other dancers…"

"Like we're afraid-" She lifted her hand and smirked, giving them a challenging glare. Their faces began to pale and they quickly scurried away. Vixen casually returned to her seat and set the balloon down on the table while nonchalantly sipping her drink. Freddie was astonished, this was a whole different side to Vixen that he never saw before.

Had things truly changed for this family that much over the years? There was something to be said for the strength that each member of this family had. They could hold their own, they could take care of each other. Their faith in god was as impressive as was the closeness they had with one another.

As the day went on, Freddie helped Veronica shoot model poses and talked with her about how her counseling was going. She was eating better and talking on and on with her mentor at the Elite Modeling Agency. She was secure in her future, looking forward to it with astounding tenacity.

Vanessa called him over to train and spar him, she was one of the most impressive of Valerie's sisters. Incredible strength, incredible heart, and always the guiding light for the others. She didn't feel like the weight of the world were on her shoulders, she simply cared for and looked after her sisters, nothing more.

By the end of the day, Freddie was exhausted. Once again, he and Valerie were in her bedroom, with her working on some homework at her desk. She was finishing it up while he slurred awake. He groaned and looked over to Valerie, who was smirking at him. "You fell asleep for like thirty minutes."

"Oh. I wondered why I felt so groggy." She laughed and leaned forward, clapping her hands together. The last thing he remembered was walking into the room, saying hi to Valerie, then laying down on the bed. "It's been a long day."

"I bet! Anyway I'm almost done with my homework, so we can talk now if you'd like, or you can go home and sleep. Not sure how Vanessa or Dad would feel about you sleeping over in a house full of girls."

"Very funny." He slowly sat up and moved up against the headboard. "You know, I've been thinking all day…your family's really amazing." She smiled at him and leaned the back of her desk chair against the wood. "I mean, you're all strong in your own ways. You've survived, you've made it."

"Well yeah, that's all a part of growing up."

"Yeah, but it's still amazing."

"I'm glad you enjoyed the day. Thank you for spending some time with them, really." He swung his legs off the bed and slowly rose to his feet, dusting off his jeans. He moved over to the desk and glanced down at the homework, she had one last math question to work. She looked down at the paper and hummed. It was a multiple choice question."I'm pretty sure it's C." He had a cheesy thought and slowly looked towards Valerie, feeling that serene feeling within his heart.

"Yeah…I uh, I have a question Valerie." She hummed and glanced up at him, raising her eyebrows. He was a bit nervous about the next words coming from his mind. He threw out the cheesy question, sounding too much like a stupid pick up line; _can you see us going out?_ He cleared his throat and breathed in slowly. "I love spending time with your family, they're great people. I've never been happier spending time with people like I have with them, with you, so…I was wondering if maybe you'd like to go out sometime? Just me and you?" Valerie tilted her head then turned back to her assignment. He felt his heart pounding in his chest, the longer she stared at her paper, the worse the pounding became.

"Yes, it's C." She circled the answer and lifted her head, her eyes flicked towards the door for a second. Her cheeks were red and her lips were curved into the tiniest smile. "And yes Freddie, I'd love to go out with you. Name the time and place. I think my family would approve…"

"Would you? I was thinking the park…maybe the hiking trail there…"

"Yes. That sounds good, Freddie." His heart leapt and he nearly jumped for joy. The excitement filled him. He knew he would have to take it slow, but he vowed to treat her right. He wasn't messing up this time.

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><p>Well, what are your thoughts through the chapter? Oh and it looks like they've finally landed a date<p> 


	40. Slow Day

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N: Honestly this chapter is going to seem slow, I apologize, I had writers block but did the best I can. I still think it came out great!

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><p>Chapter 40 (A Slow Day)<p>

The next few weeks went by slowly, Freddie and Valerie had a great time on their first date, and of course they went on a few more dates. Christmas had been a blast, everyone got what they wanted, of course. iCarly still felt a bit lackluster, which probably wasn't a surprise, Sam didn't seem to be feeling it anymore. Carly wasn't even making solid efforts and was complaining of headaches every now and then. For them, iCarly was probably on its last leg.

Fans were still a massive problem, the fighting had grown worse because now the group wasn't telling them anything and they believed Freddie was stepping out. His irritation level was higher than usual, but Valerie managed to keep him calm about it. Most of the fans were just immature, nothing more and nothing less.

Valerie was on friendly terms with the girl, but still stayed away from iCarly. Freddie thought if she participated in iCarly, the fans would start to like her like they did with Gibby, but he wasn't going to make her do that because he knew she wouldn't be comfortable with it. "Is it just me, or is this iCarly episode really lax?" Valerie asked, standing beside Freddie. Sam and Carly were hardly doing anything this time. Sam was sitting in a bean chair, eating a candy bar and Carly was spouting out random jokes and the history of the candy bars. "No. Boring. Boring is the word I'm looking for."

"Yes to both," He muttered. The iCarly web page had comments coming in by the hordes, _still_. Only the fans were angry that they'd given up and weren't funny anymore. "Maybe a little desensitizing. If the fans stop being interested, it becomes easier to, you know, pull the plug." Still he wasn't confident about pulling the plug, none of the group really discussed it. Valerie lifted her eyebrows and shrugged her shoulders. Freddie breathed in slowly and shook his head as Carly started ranting about a random subject. "Maybe we should bring in a special guest, but no celebrity wants to get mixed up with us. Shane Dawson, Ryan Higa, and a couple other youtube stars put the stop on that."

"I can understand that…"

"Yeah, they just don't want to get involved with a webshow that's caused so much grief. Something like that." Valerie looked to the comment section of the site and narrowed her eyes. Freddie glanced over and frowned at the fans demanding to do a question and answer, they wanted confirmation that Freddie wasn't seeing someone. By now some fans had seen Freddie with Valerie on dates here and there. No one did anything, which was great, but he still hated it.

"Fans have no respect. Or well, they've lost our respect." Carly and Sam lost their mojo somewhere along the way, he didn't know where. He watched their listless forms as though they were just a part of a freeze frame. "It's like they died inside or something." He raised an eyebrow and Valerie sighed.

"Maybe iCarly's killing them. Tragedy and trauma that's ignored and untouched can really go on to destroy a person…" He saw Carly glance quickly over, a shot of fear ran through her eyes in a blink and miss moment. Sam lifted her head upon finishing her candy bar, immediately stating she needed a new one. Carly looked back with a smirk and joked about how she'd get sick if she ate too many.

Freddie was a little startled by Carly, but he wasn't going to go into anything. "Gibby's missing out on a rather fun episode." Valerie chuckled at his sarcasm. Gibby wasn't feeling well and couldn't join in this episode. "I'm really not surprised he didn't join in today. Sick or not. The fans grow worse and we're all just…" He took a moment to pause and study the girls, both looked like they wanted to be anywhere but here. "I think I need to cut this episode short."

"If you have to, they don't look to eager to continue. You're sure they've not said anything to you about discontinuing the webshow and just living your lives in peace?"

"No, neither have said anything." He started moving over to the laptop, grabbing the girls' attention. He typed in the standby signal and set the camera down, making sure any audio signal was muted. "Sam? Carly? What's wrong today? I mean, there's like no energy in the room whatsoever…"

"Just not feeling it today," Sam admitted, "It's a slow day. I guess it's hard to do anything when you haven't really thought of anything." Carly put her hands to her hips and slowly nodded, gazing out the window. A distant look came across her face and Freddie felt concerned for her. Sam looked over to Carly and frowned. "She's been like this all day." Carly raised an eyebrow and quickly looked to Sam.

"I'm still in the room, you know."

"Sorry Carly."

"Okay, I think I'm going to end this segment," Freddie announced while moving over to the camera. "If you girls have a problem with it, let me know now." They said nothing, indicating to him that they didn't want to continue. He flipped the camera back on and turned it upon himself while Valerie stepped out of view. "Hey viewers, we're having a few issues right now, so…I'm afraid we have to cut it short. I apologize, but hopefully we'll be in better spirits next week." Assuming there even would be a next week for iCarly. "This has been, iCarly." He flipped off the camera and shut everything down, sighing heavily as the girls collapsed back into their bean chairs.

"I don't know what the issue is," Carly folded her arms over and looked off to the side. "It's those fans, they're just…they're grinding on me. Monsters, demons, the whole lot of them." He raised an eyebrow at her and watched as she made her way out of the room. Those labels seemed a bit farfetched even for her, but then, he couldn't deny the way the bad ones acted.

Sam huffed and slowly shook her head, "I don't know if I can disagree." She got up and followed after Carly. Freddie leaned against the nearest wall and Valerie shrugged her shoulders. He contemplated seriously ending iCarly now, permanently. Things were too hectic, too risky, and far too upsetting.

"Sam and Carly haven't physically told me anything about wanting to end iCarly, but honestly, I can't see them wanting it to go on." Staring at the screen from afar, he could see the comments going. Fans were outraged that the show had been ended early. Some were telling the upset ones to relax, that they had their reasons. The ones that were upset were upset that the group didn't tell them _why_ the show was ended early. Agitation ran through him and he closed his eyes, exhaling sharply. "They don't need to know everything."

"They can't help themselves, Freddie." Valerie moved beside him and mimicked his pose against the wall. "Most of your fans are just young and immature, anyway. The angry ones are probably older."

"Probably. You want to grab a bite to eat?"

"Sure thing."

En route to the diner, Valerie started acting a bit odd. She wasn't feeling too well, but said it was nothing. Freddie too began feeling like they were being followed, but whenever he looked back, he couldn't be sure.

"We've walked by how many McDonalds now?" She grumbled. They only passed two, and one was just inside some shop that had a sign advertising the fact that the restaurant was inside. He never quite understood her hatred of McDonalds, or even that of thrift stores, but he had his suspicions, so he never thought to ask. "Where is this diner, again?"

"Just around the corner."

"Maybe we should walk a bit faster, then?"

"Something wrong?"

"Uncomfortable." She looked over her shoulder and narrowed her eyes. He stopped moving and looked back, there were so many people walking the streets that they really couldn't know if someone were following or not. "Really…uncomfortable and I think it's just jitters over that parole hearing. I know it was a few months ago, but I can't stand the fact that two of those men are back on the streets."

"It's okay Valerie, I'm right here." He took her hand in his and smiled reassuringly. She relaxed her tense muscles and closed her eyes, shrugging off whatever concerns she had. "Your sister's beat me up enough for me to know how to fight, so if anything were to happen, you're in good hands." She laughed and hugged him.

"I think I can handle myself, but thank you Freddie."

"No problem!" He squeezed her, then pulled back, still holding on to her hand. As they walked on, Freddie looked towards a short alleyway, thinking it could be a shortcut. Although with the strange feeling he was having, he preferred going around. Valerie saw the alley and gave him a tug, pointing at it.

"We could cut through there?"

"I don't know, I'm not feeling very confident about the alley." At the same time, there was the voice in the back of his head telling him to cut through rather than go around. How many times, though, do movies portray alleys as dark and scary. Bad things happen in alleyways! "Yeah, let's go around. Alleyways just don't seem secure to me, and I'm not feeling all that comfortable either."

She hummed and nodded her head, shrugging slightly. "Fair enough." Once they passed up the alley, Valerie checked her phone. "Carly's headed towards Gibby's place to check on him, she just texted me."

"Oh, maybe text her back and ask her to let us know how he's doing?"

"Yeah, I'll do that." His heart began racing as they turned the corner, something was really out of place. He could hear the tone of Valerie's cell phone as she responded to Carly's text. The wind went still. The corner they'd just turned onto was on a somewhat quiet street without any people walking about. It was also just the side of a building, no front doors or windows.

The same eerie feeling swamped over him, telling him to turn back and cut through the alleyway instead. Yet his fear of alleys was too great and the diner was just a short amount away. _"Dangers lurk in alleyways, not on side streets. Stop freaking out, Benson."_

Silence filled the air as Valerie sent her text message, but this silence was broken by the sound of something swinging nearby. When he looked to Valerie, he could see panic in her eyes, then darkness.

"Great, so they've not reached the diner yet," Carly pushed her phone into her chest pocket and sighed as she spotted Gibby's house in the distance. He was on the porch, kicking back in a recliner. She started to smile, still moving for him, the one person that wasn't a 'monster' to her. Granted, Freddie, Sam and Valerie were fine as was Spencer.

She waved and called out to him, hoping he would hear her. All along the way there, she'd been feeling immensely frightened, but of what, she didn't know. Her paranoia had been extremely high, and then she had to receive an uncomfortable text from Sam, who was also walking back home. Sam had been cutting through the school yard and behind buildings, but told Carly she was beginning to regret her decision.

"Times like these, I wish I could take Dad's offer and just move to Italy and live on the base with him." He suggested it before, but she was too focused on her friends and on iCarly. He knew of her 'disorder' and said that he would get her help. He was the only one, and she honestly wanted to keep it that way. "Nevel, Nora, those damn Japanese siblings…how many times in my life do I have to go through a kidnapping because of my damned webshow?" She put her fingertips to her forehead and exhaled slowly. It wasn't safe, she knew it wasn't safe, but she got carried away. All of that information they put out about themselves? It was all too much! She was just fortunate the man of her nightmares was gone.

She remembered Wesley, the wild boy at the school years ago. Never before did she really like talking to him, but only because of his father. His father was the deranged madman that killed her grandmother. She learned that man had just been a serial killer that was kidnapping the elderly off the streets and killing them in a mock Jack the Ripper fashion. Elderly, and young children, this was his MO. She escaped him, thinking it fortunate that she would never have to deal with him again.

That was, of course, until a week ago around Christmas Eve she decided to turn on the news and heard that a serial killer escaped. No details were given yet, but it was enough to send her into a full blown panic attack that had Spencer attempting to calm her down. He was assuring her the man was in prison and she was safe. How safe?

Just as her eyes met Gibby's, a sinister chill ran down her spine. She froze on spot, listening to the sound of a vehicle engine running. Gibby's eyes were widening and Carly's heart split into fragments as a dark hand cupped over her mouth. "Guess who just got out of prison…got a couple inmate friends of mine too, we really like that show of yours." It was the same sinister voice that she remembered from her childhood, it was the _same man! _She let out a loud yell, too scared to move, but screaming as he tossed her in the back of some dark van.

Sam was still stopped at the school, staring at the spot behind the school where that boy from her math class dragged her to. Why was she torturing herself? Bringing herself to this place? A shiver ran down her spine as she started to pass the place, fighting the memories that it brought. She never would have come by here, but she hadn't thought of the path she was taking back home.

She hugged herself and started to gaze up at the sky above her. An ominous feeling was growing inside of her, suggesting that she should have simply asked Spencer to drive her home. _"I'm a tough girl and nothing's going on, so I don't need anyone to do that."_ She was more than ready to get home and throw herself in the bed. She texted her sister, Melanie, telling her where she was at. Part of her wanted to wait for the girl to come get her.

Sam was planning to get on Skype the minute she got home to talk to her friend, Cat. Cat Valentine and Tori Vega were two awesome people that lived down in LA. Cat was always asking her to come down and visit, but she never had the time. She could go, though, if she ever felt like it. Her mother and sister liked them pretty well.

Of course, Mrs. Puckett wanted to move there. She talked about it almost all the time, leaving Seattle and never looking back. Sam could see it happening, she would prefer it to happen, but Freddie and Carly were too concerned about iCarly. If it were over, then Sam might consider it. Cat said her older brother had this apartment that he was willing to let Cat move into, but she needed a roommate.

Her brother was a military guy, fixing to be stationed overseas. None of Cat's friends could room with her and she was having a difficult time finding a roommate, and of course, Sam's mom and sister joked about how it would be good to move down and let Sam room with Cat.

Looking back at the school, Sam shuddered once more and closed her eyes. The memories here, she just wanted to forget. _"Leaving Seattle? Never looking back? Yeah…that would be great…As much as I love Carly and Valerie, Freddie too, I just can't stand it here anymore. I just wish they would see how much I hate iCarly and how much I want it _gone!_"_

"Hey Sam." She froze and looked over her shoulder, tensing up as she saw Rip-off Rodney standing behind her. What was he doing here? He was sent into the juvenile facility years ago, someone tipped the cops off about his dealings. She began to sweat, chuckling nervously as his eyes darkened. "Remember me?"

"Yeah, what do you have?" She heard footsteps and glanced back over her shoulder, eyes widening as several more people stepped into view.

"A vengeance. Craving for revenge."

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><p>Next chapter "iCarly Under Attack". Now bear in mind the guy with Sam right now, he is <em>not<em> the fan from her memory, but someone who knew that guy. All three are being visited from someone in their past (Save Freddie, that situation is a _tad_ different). What did you think of the webshow, I told you guys probably that a few chapters ago was perhaps not the final nail in the coffin for iCarly. Lots to talk about in this chapter. I also want to keep it remotely close to the end of the actual show, so you kind of have a general idea of where the group may be going. What do you think of Sam's situation regarding her family, LA, and Cat.

hay?


	41. iCarly Under Attack

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N:

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><p>Chapter 41 (iCarly Under Attack)<p>

Sam screamed out as Rodney bashed her up against the wall of the school, the other teens surrounded them, cheering on as Rodney glared into her eyes. What had she ever done to him? She wasn't even the one that turned him in! Her muscles strained as she attempted to push him away. She had to run, she had to get out of here!

She was thrown onto the ground, calling out as her arm was scraped up. "We're going to destroy you, Puckett. For what you did…" She looked up with wide eyes, whimpering as Rodney clenched his fists on his jacket. When he opened the jacket up, she saw an array of knives, each different in length. "Your fucking mother killed my best friend, I don't know if you remember him." Her eyes widened as her body froze, images of her attack flashed through her head and bile spilled into her throat. She cupped her hand over her mouth, and clenched her eyes shut remembering the disgusting smell of sweat and trash. "I see you remember. I promise, this won't hurt. The way your webshow's been going, I don't think your fans are going to miss you. Much."

"No!" She pushed herself to her feet and started to run, but was grabbed by one of the people. She fought him off her, then ran off once more, screaming out as yet _another_ person grabbed her. They pushed her back into someone else, who threw their arms around her waist. "Get off me, damn it!" She threw her elbow back, slamming it into the person's jaw. Her heart was racing, fueled by the adrenaline pumping into her system. Her eyes were wide and bloodshot, her chest was aching and her lungs were flaring. "Get away from me!"

"Grab the fucking bitch already!" Rodney's order startled her, but not enough to make her stop running. She didn't have anything to defend herself with, once again she was relying on her own energy to get away. How many people were there? She didn't know, she never took a head count. There could have been five, there could have been ten, but it felt closer to twenty then a million people she had to pile through. She ran into someone and punched their face before running off.

Looking back, she saw Rodney holding his jaw, blood trickling from his lips. He was _not_ getting her. When she turned back around, she saw two taller, more muscular people standing before her. Without hesitation, they slammed their fists into her, knocking her down on the ground. Several people ran around her and reached down, pinning her arms and legs.

The rushing panic intensified as she struggled to move her body, screaming as Rodney's shadow fell closer to her. With a breathless pant, she stared up at him, whimpering as he pulled a very long and curved knife from his jacket. "Please Rodney, please don't do this. You're better than this."

"I think you and I both agree that I'm not, Puckett." As he knelt down beside her, he started to bring the blade to her throat. She clenched her eyes shut, fighting back the tears in her eyes. All she could think about was her mom, her sister. She wanted to get home, she couldn't stand this pain, this terror.

"Please Rodney…god please don't do this…"

"Save it. My friend was right, you iCarly people are fucking pathetic." She curdled with disgust, whimpering as she gazed into Rodney's murderous eyes. His face was twisted into a sneer and sweat was beginning to drip from his nose and mix with the blood on his upper lip. "In fact these people I have here? All 'fans' of your show that have a bone to pick with you."

"W-What?"

"They're tired of you, Puckett. They think you're just a conniving bitch who decided to stop standing up for anything. Apparently Benson's dating someone else and you're not making a stand, some shit like that, that I don't even give a flying fuck about."

"You're an asshole, Rodney! Can't even fight me on your own?!" He chuckled and twirled his knife in his hands.

"Not the tone you should take with the man fixing to _gut you!"_ He raised the hand up and Sam tilted her head back, letting out a loud cry. "I'm going to carve you up piece by piece, Puckett! Then we're going to feed your body to the do-" His voice was soon drowned out by the sound of a car horn. Sam looked back, blinded by two bright headlights charging directly for them. "What the fuck?"

The people holding her down released her and ran out of the way. Rodney began to scream, then bolted just as the car reached Sam. She heard a woman shouting for her to get in, and immediately pulled herself up and wasted no time getting in the car. When she looked at the driver through her panicked gaze, she saw her sister. "Melanie? Y-You came for me?"

"It was getting late." Melanie floored the gas and charged out of the area, leaving Rodney looking like a deer caught in headlights. Sam hugged herself and started rocking back and forth, fighting the flashbacks of her past and the nightmare of this evening. Melanie stopped the car somewhere and Sam quickly looked up, frightened and worried over why she stopped. She felt her sister's hand over hers and looked into her soft, comforting eyes. "Sam. It's okay, you're safe now, just breathe. Mom has dinner on the table…"

"W-Where are we?"

"Police station." She didn't know if she could report this, Rodney would just come after her again wouldn't he? "We need to talk to them, then get home…are you able to do that?"

"I…I think so…" She leaned over and hugged her sister, letting her rub her back. There was no way in hell she wanted to move from the car right now. For now, she just wanted Melanie to hold onto her and not let go.

Carly wasn't faring much better, her nightmares and panic attack was growing worse with each passing second she was trapped in the back of the darkened van. With each bump, she would shriek. With each turn, she screamed. The man wasn't even driving that fast, to be honest. How long had they been driving for?

After a long wait, the doors finally opened and Carly immediately began crawling backwards. She shook her head as the man reached in and grabbed her by the hair, yanking her back. "Stop!"

"I finish my work. I didn't think I'd ever find you until someone introduced me to this webshow they just _loved_." Her eyes shot open and a gasp blasted from her lungs. A _fan_ turned her in to this man? It was a _fan_ that made him start watching the show? "To think, I probably wouldn't have found you. You look quite different from the four year old brat that ran off." He had the same wild look in his eyes, the same wide grin that filled her with such fear and sickness.

All she could do was fight the images of her grandmother's body being ripped apart by this man. She fought against him, shrieking as her hair felt like it was tearing from her head. Eventually she was dragged into this building where another person was waiting for them. This man had the same bark-like skin and cracks along his body, the same crazed look in his eyes and the same wide grin. He could be completely different than this man, but as of now, they all looked the same.

"This is the man that introduced me to your show. Big time fan."

"Fuck you!" Carly screamed, "I hate you! I hate all of you!" Never before had she felt such terror, such rage towards the fans of iCarly. Someone else stepped into the room, Wesley, her eyes widened as his voice struck fear into her heart.

"Good to see you again," Wesley chimed, "My dad said he was going to show me his line of work." She thought he was one of iCarly's biggest fans, what was he doing here? What did he want? She was thrown into a chair and had her wrists bound behind it. The man grabbed the top of her head and tilted her head back, throwing a knife at her throat and stopping just at the pressure point. "Come on Dad, that's no way to take out the queen of iCarly."

"What problem do you have with iCarly, Wesley?" She was panting through each word, hoping to stall her death. _"God please, I don't want to die. Please god save me. I know I don't ask for much, but please…please, someone protect me." _She clenched her eyes shut as Wesley let out a sinister chuckle.

"You remember those times when we were younger? How much I wanted to be more than just a once or twice appearance? I wanted to be a co-host! It wasn't until I realized that the reason you were discriminating against me was because of my _father!_ Well…see, I'm pissed off, Dad's pissed that you got away, so one thing leads to another and here we are."

She kept her eyes shut, still praying for safety. Valerie had managed to get her to go to church, and now she needed God more than ever. She was trying to have that faith Valerie told her so much about, trying to believe he would save her. _"I know you're real. I know you are, I believe in you. I believe in your son, I believe in the cross, the resurrection and all the things Valerie talked about in the last few weeks. Please, God, please, if there's anything left for me…please save me!" _

"Son, let's stop screwing around." The man began to remove the knife and slid it along her body, hovering it over her chest. "Right in her heart. A simple slow push…torture the fuck out of her, son." Carly screamed as the man started to push, but only blunt pressure hit her. The knife didn't penetrate, but she did hear something crack. Her eyebrows rose as she recalled her cell phone, it was in her chest pocket with her car keys and the iCarly remote! "What the fuck?"

"What's wrong, Dad?"

"It won't penetrate." Was the man stupid? She lifted her head as the three people in the room froze, grabbing a hold of their heads. "All of a sudden, my head is throbbing…" Headaches? She clenched her eyes shut and continued to pray, pleading for her life and for safety.

When she opened her eyes back up, she saw Gibby, clear as day. He was sneaking up behind the man with the knife. None of them had seen him yet. His cell phone on his hip was playing some extremely loud pressure inducing noise that, for some strange reason was not affecting her. He had some sort of cooking pot in his hand, so perhaps the man dragged her into a house. Did Gibby follow?

With a sudden crash, Gibby slammed the pot down on the man, then grabbed the knife from his hand as he fell. Wesley let out a wild scream, but before he could do anything, Gibby smacked him in the jaw with the pot. The third demon bolted for the door, but didn't get far, as sirens rang out from the outside.

"G-Gibby?"

"Carly you're all right now." He ran to untie her and she began to sob as an earth shattering feeling of relief swamped her like a tidal wave. "I got you, Carly. I got you." When he put her hand to her arm, she let out a shriek, but soon relaxed her nerves. She hated him seeing her like this, but now she had no choice. "Who was that?"

"You followed them?"

"I saw him take you and hopped in my car, so yes." She put her head to his shoulder and wept as several police officers came rushing inside. They looked like normal humans to her now, only because she always knew police officers weren't monsters, they were there to protect, not harm. It didn't change how frightened she was.

"I want to go home. T-That man tried to kill me. They tried to kill me…"

"You're safe, Carly…"

"The third guy was a fan of our show, I don't know why he'd want to be there. Why would he want to hurt me?" Did everyone want to harm her? Her chest ached, throbbing dangerously. Someone threw a blanket over her shoulders and carefully led her outside with Gibby holding onto her for further protection. Tears stained her cheeks. "I-I can't do it anymore, Gibby. It was iCarly that made him find me! It was iCarly…I can't-I don't…" She started hyperventilating and shaking uncontrollably.

"Shh, it's okay…I know, I know you're frightened. You're safe now, all right?"

"I'm _not!_ I'm _not safe!_ I want my dad, I want my daddy!" She fell to her knees and buried her face in her hands, screaming at her dark surroundings. She'd rather die than to continue iCarly at this point. "You should have let him kill me! I'm not important to anyone! I'm fucked up, Gibby, I'm screwed up in the head! You don't get it, I see nightmares all over the place. I can't control it anymore!" He remained calm and tried to help her to relax, but it was going to take some time to get past the trauma that just happened.

Freddie opened his eyes, groaning at the concrete in front of him. As he lifted his head a bit, he saw a few pairs of shoes. When he looked up further, he could see Valerie standing petrified before someone with shaggy brown hair and a large body build. There were three people surrounding this man. Who was he?

He rubbed his hair and slowly pushed himself up, hearing Valerie tell him to stay down. The man was now looking straight at him, narrowing his eyes. "Oh look, your little boyfriend's finally awake." Two of the three men lifted him and Valerie reached out, screaming for him.

"No! Don't hurt him!" He was jerked back some and kept a glare on this strange man. He had a thin line of hair going over his chin and deep black eyes. The man turned fully towards him and breathed out sharply.

"See, I told you I'd help you find Freddie." The man slammed his fist into his palm and cracked his neck. "Benson, I can't believe you're back with this bitch. Chad told me to find her, but didn't expect her to be with _you."_ Freddie's eyes widened and he quickly looked to Valerie. Her hand was on her neck and tears were running down her cheeks. She was breathing heavily and trembling. _Chad?_ Was this one of the men that hurt her before?

His blood began to boil as the man took a step towards him, chuckling sinisterly. Freddie snarled as the man's face hovered close. "What do you want with her? You're one of them, aren't you…" Yes, he remembered him now, he remembered seeing his face in the parole hearing. "Don't you dare touch her, don't you _ever_ touch her!"

"Oh?" The man stepped back and reached out, clutching Valerie's chin. She gasped out and turned her head away from him. The man grabbed her once more forced her to look at him. Freddie roared out and struggled to break free from these men. The strange man looked over at him and scoffed. "Don't worry about me, you should worry about them. They're the ones that want to talk to you. Not only are they some pissed off fans of yours, but they're pissed that you not only didn't stay with Carly and Sam, but you're hooking up with the bitch that tried to ruin you."

"Fuck you! You don't know shit!"

"I know Chad told me before release, to find her and finish the job." Valerie's eyes widened and she took a nervous step back, shaking her head. "You should have gone down the alleyway, it would have been safer. There are windows and there was someone folding laundry." The man looked to Valerie and smirked into her eyes. "Well, well, little _princess_, how about we let your boyfriend watch?"

"Stay away from her!" The man grabbed her neck and pushed her against a wall. Valerie was frozen stiff. Freddie clenched his eyes shut, trying to think of what Vanessa told him, how to get out of a hold. He started to smirk and looked over his shoulder. "I'll give one of you free pass at a punch." The man to his right raised an eyebrow as the man behind him lowered his hands to Freddie's forearms and gripped firmly. "Go ahead, punch me. Just not the face."

The man to his right shrugged and started to move in front of him, loving the idea of a free blow. Freddie looked past the man, listening to Valerie's whimpering as the man put his second hand to her shoulder. He closed his eyes and growled, focusing on what he'd been learning from Vanessa. He was _not_ letting something happen to Valerie.

Now the trick of a rear hold was simple, the more your body is rigid, the more power the attacker has over you. To escape, he would have to loosen up and essentially step behind the man he had. Freddie loosened up his left arm and ducked down, the move had to be swift and fast. His left arm folded over his back as he ducked beneath the holder's arm. The holder started to lose control and Freddie twisted his left hand to grab the attacker's wrist as the man in front of them started to ready a punch, but remained frozen in shock.

Suddenly Freddie's right arm was free, so as the holder lost his grip, Freddie twisted the arm behind the man while bringing his right hand up to the man's shoulder. Folding him downwards. Thinking fast, Freddie snapped the man's upwards, listening as the shoulder cracked and popped. He then pushed the holder forward, slamming him head first into the puncher's chest.

The holder fell to the ground, holding his arm and screaming in pain. With that, Freddie lifted his knee and kicked forward into the startled second man. The third man nearby started rushing for him from behind, but Freddie heard the footsteps and twisted his body around, slamming a closed fist into the man's neck.

After the third man had fallen, the man holding onto Valerie turned his head, nostrils flaring. Valerie was watching closely, struggling to breathe. Freddie's eyes narrowed darkly and his muscles grew tense as his voice became shallow. "Let her go unless you want me to hurt you too. Valerie's sister taught me every lethal point on the human body…"

"Honestly?" The man turned around and narrowed his eyes. "Eric didn't want to do this, so I don't know where he's at. I would have thought you were a coward just like him."

"No. You're the coward."

"How so?"

"Attacking an innocent person. I bet you, we could find your parole officer, because I'm pretty sure part of the rules were to stay as far away from Valerie as possible. The way I see it, you have two options. One, you could wind up on the ground like these three while I call the police, or you can leave and never come near her again."

"Fuck you." The man rolled his eyes and charged Freddie. He planted his feet firmly on the ground and started to pull his right hand back, growling as he flexed his arm and shut his fist tightly. In one mighty blow, he threw his fist forward and struck the man in the chest, then watched as he crumpled on the ground screaming in sheer pain.

"I warned you." He rushed over to Valerie as she screamed out and started to fall downwards. He hugged her waist as her hands landed on her shoulder and her head buried into his chest. "Valerie, you're okay now…you're safe."

"Get me out of here Freddie, please. _Please_."

The police station was right around the corner, the four men were on the ground and in pain, so there was no sense in worrying. Much to their luck, a police officer was walking the beat and just turned the corner. Seeing what had gone down, he rushed to their aid.

Whatever just happened, Freddie was confused by it all. He held Valerie close as the officer called for backup. "I'm right here Valerie. Nothing's going to happen to you."

"I _hate_ your fans, Freddie, I hate them!"

"I know Val, I know." She never used that word in such a way, but he wasn't going to worry about it. He simply needed to be there for her, to love her, to hold her.

For now, the attack was over, but after this, the fate of iCarly was hanging in the balance by a thread. An extremely thin thread that was on the verge of snapping. For all he knew, it may have. He was going to have to talk to Sam and Carly, the iCarly fans just crossed the line.

* * *

><p>What are your thoughts on the three attacks?<p>

Don't lie and say that it's okay  
>It's alright yeah, there's nothing more to say<p>

So I'm running away, I'm leaving this place  
>Yeah I'm running away, I'm running away<p>

Don't tell me I'm the one to blame  
>It's too late for you to make me stay<br>No, I won't stay

So I'm running away, I'm leaving this place  
>Yeah I'm running away, I'm running away<p>

Faster than you can follow me from this lonely place  
>Farther than you can find me I'm leaving, yeah I'meaving today<p>

I'll never let you find me  
>I'm leaving you behind with the past, no I won't look back<br>And I don't wanna hear your reasons  
>Don't wanna hear you tell me why I should stay<br>And try, try to understand me  
>Try to understand what I say when I say I can't stay<br>and I, I'm moving on from this place  
>leaving and I won't when i'm running away<p>

I'm running away, I'm leaving this place  
>Yeah I'm running away, I'm running away<p> 


	42. Final Decisions

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N:

* * *

><p>Chapter 42 (Final Decisions)<p>

They were placed in a small room by themselves at the police station to wait for their family to get there. Valerie had a chair pulled up beside Freddie and her head was resting gently on his shoulder. She could tell Freddie was angry, angry that the man found them. She was finally able to relax, but her nerves were still plenty shot. She could only hope Sam and Carly were okay.

She was grateful for Freddie being there, grateful for Vanessa teaching him those moves. Her family wouldn't be happy knowing Randall found them, but they likely would be happy she was safe. When she heard him say Chad wanted him to 'finish the job', she instantly froze up. When she saw Freddie beating the men down, she had been so relieved, but at the same time, afraid for him. She would rather be killed than to lose him. Her fingers curled in on his chest and tears dripped off her chin.  
>"Freddie?" He looked down at her and her heart slowly lifted up. "That was…that was Randall…" She paused for a minute and wrapped her arms around his arm, trying desperately not to freak out and to keep breathing normally. She needed to get this off her chest, she had to tell him what happened. "I'm ready…to talk about…about it…" He lifted a hand to hers and slowly nodded, letting her know he would listen to her. "Just…just listen…"<p>

"I will Val. I'm here for you, you can tell me anything."

"I trust you, Freddie. I do. Just be patient, that's all I ask…" It was going to take some time to get through with the experience. She didn't want to lose him, she didn't want him thinking she couldn't heal. She already thought she couldn't, but the fact of the matter was, she _was _healing. "That man was one of the gang…I just wanted to go to McDonalds while my sisters were in the thrift store…" She started breathing heavily, clenching her eyes shut as the memories tormented her. She felt Freddie squeezing her hand, bringing her back, letting her know it was safe. "They hit me…several times. I-I thought they were going to kill me. I _wanted _them to kill me. The girl that was there…she tried to tell them it was enough, but they…"

She coughed a sob and shook away the tears in her eyes. She took a deep breath and silently prayed for whatever strength she could have. It was difficult, more so was it difficult to talk between her slow sobs. The flashes of metal striking her were too much. "C-Chad started whipping me…with his belt…"

"What?"

"I am covered in scars, Freddie. Marks from where he hit me." She drew in a deep breath and shook her head as he hugged her close. If only it ended there. This was hard as hell to let out, harder than she could possibly imagine. She needed to tell somebody, she had to be honest with him. "I…He was going to…" Valerie choked trying to say it, but by the glimpse of anger in his eyes, she knew he understood where she was going.

"You don't have to go into detail if you don't want to."

"Vanessa and Veronica came around the building and stopped them…ever since then I've…I've been so afraid of even stepping on my front lawn." She wasn't going to be afraid this time, she knew she had to be strong. "Don't leave me, Freddie. Please…don't leave me…"

"I would never." He continued to hold her, rocking her back and forth.

"You did once." It slipped out of her mouth, and by then, it was too late to retract her statement. She wasn't truly bitter about it, but the memories of her attack were bringing up those old lonely feelings. She saw his features tighten for a moment, then they relaxed and a hint of love moved into his eyes. He brought his chin to rest on her head.

"I know, but I won't do it again. Valerie, no one's going to hurt you, I promise, and I will never leave you." Tears welled up in her eyes as Freddie gently kissed her head. For the first time, she felt comfortable and secure. "I wasn't aware that…that it was so bad…"

"Even now. Freddie if you saw everything, you'd hate me. You said once, you thought I was beautiful, but I'm not. I'm ugly, I'm covered in scars."

"You are beautiful Valerie, you're very beautiful." She paused for a minute, shaking lightly as she shook her head. As she turned around, she lifted up the back of her shirt to reveal all the scars. Choking back the tears she waited for him to be disgusted by what was there, but he said nothing. She felt him tenderly touch one of the scars near her shoulder and looked back. "No Valerie, you are beautiful."

"I don't know…" She lowered her shirt and folded her arms over. How could he still think she was beautiful? How could he say any of this?

"Just because someone did something terrible to you doesn't mean you're any less the person you are." His hand lifted up to caress her cheek. She slowly looked to his warm gaze. His palm cupped her cheek and his lips curved into a tiny smile. "Valerie. I love you. I love your family. I will always love you, I can see how beautiful you are. Beauty is in the spirit, the personality. Your family is the most beautiful family I've ever met, and you, you are the most beautiful woman. I mean that with the bottom of my heart…" Her heart skipped a beat and her lips parted as he gently kissed her forehead and leaned back. His voice was soft and comforting, the words she wanted to hear from him were like honey to her heart. "You are better than what some thug did to you, I promise you are far better than that. Better than them. You're strong, and you know something else?"

"What…"

"You got _me_ out of my shell. You got Sam, of all people, to open up. If that isn't strength, then I don't know what is." Her cheeks reddened and her eyes fluttered shut. She turned her head and rested her cheek on his chest, then moved her arms around him.

"I still love you…" Her voice was a whisper, but strong enough to fill the room with a silence that would allow one to hear the flapping of a butterfly's wings. She had faith in him, she trusted him, and she was somehow confident that he would still be with her. He was doing everything right. Granted he made mistakes here and there, but at least she knew she wouldn't lose him a second time.

"Still, Val?"

"I never stopped. You broke my heart, Freddie, that's what you did…" She lifted her head and locked her gaze with his. He meshed his eyebrows together as she slowly shook her head. "I shouldn't feel this way for you. Not after what you did, crushing me like that, and then not stopping Sam when she said what she did…the words that made those men do that to me. But I don't, and I could never bring myself to hate you. I forgave you when Vanessa and Veronica told me I shouldn't. I forgave you and tried to move on, but I couldn't forget you. I'm still rebuilding whatever trust I have in you, but…I _do_ love you. Or at least, I have very strong feelings for you. I want you in my life, in my family's life, but it takes a lot of work."

"I'm willing to do whatever it takes. You know I am."

"Yeah…" The door started to open and the two looked over, startled to see Sam and Carly walking into the room with Melanie and Gibby. It was poor timing, but Valerie already got everything she wanted to say out into the air and off her chest. The girls looked extremely shaken. "Carly? Sam? What happened to you guys?"

"W-What are you doing here?" Carly asked. Valerie rose to her feet and walked over to them, hugging them both around the neck. They broke at that, hugging and sobbing with her. Something horrific happened to them, she was sure of it, but what it was she didn't know. "Wh-where you attacked too?" She nodded her head, but didn't wish to go into details. "What happened?"

"Just…somebody from my past. What about you?"

"Same…They-They found me because of iCarly." Carly wept bitterly and Sam wiped her eyes. It seemed like iCarly was the cause of all their problems. "I hate it! I don't-can't do it anymore. I don't want to do it anymore." Freddie raised an eyebrow and Sam cried out.

"I'm sick of iCarly too! I hate what it's done, I can't stand the fans anymore. Nothing works with them." Carly gasped and gave Sam an astonished look.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I thought you and Freddie…still wanted to do something with it…"

As the girls talked with one another, Freddie brought a hand to his forehead, unable to control the simmering rage within. He fought it back, but almost exhausted all effort in the process. Someone hurt Sam and Carly, this wasn't good, and here they were both sick of iCarly and the fans as well. Why had he not seen it?

He moved his gaze towards Gibby and Melanie. Gibby had a serious expression and Melanie seemed pissed, probably for good reason. He listened to the girls crying and remembered what Valerie's sisters had always said about iCarly. Even Ryan Higa said it, and he believed it for the longest time, that iCarly was beyond salvageable.

No, the fans have not won, but they were going to pay for doing this. The penalty _was_ the loss of their favorite things. "Then that's it." He slowly rose to his feet, lifting up his hand as the others turned to him. "This is the final straw. iCarly is over, I'm pulling the plug." Sam and Carly were stunned, but they were not protesting. "Anyone that agrees, iCarly should be buried and locked away, let me-"

Melanie and Gibby were the first to shoot their hands up, agreeing wholeheartedly with his point. The girls followed soon after, silent sobs were their only response. The decision was final.

_"It is what the fans have asked for." _

He wasn't going to push what happened to Sam and Carly, he had enough on his plate with Valerie. Many people were not going to be happy with their decision, but he was going to make it very clear exactly _why_ this was happening. The fans were just going to have to suck it up. "All 'good' things have to come to an end sometime."

* * *

><p>Looks like the decision's been made, it's official, iCarly's plug will be pulled.<p> 


	43. Saying Goodbye

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N:

* * *

><p>Chapter 43 (Saying Goodbye)<p>

"I don't even care to be _in_ that final thing," Carly raged. Freddie was sitting on her apartment couch, his knees spread apart and elbows bent upon them. His chin was resting on his closed hands as his friend paced the floor. Sam was over on the stool, chatting on and off with her friend, Cat. Gibby was seated on the bottom steps of the stairway. "In fact, I've made my choice. I've thought long and hard about it, my father's offer…" Valerie was beside him, listening patiently to them.

"He wants you to move to Italy?" Sam looked over with a sorrowful expression. There was a somber feeling in the air as they contemplated Carly's words. Carly wasn't the only one that had made a decision to move, Sam said her mother and sister made the decision Sunday afternoon to pack everything. They were moving to LA, and Sam was going to try and move into an apartment with Cat, so they could share the rent. "Mom and Melanie put their foot down, I'm leaving to LA on Friday…" Freddie leaned up and raised an eyebrow.

"Before they even move?" Valerie questioned. They saw Cat's eyebrows raise up on the screen and Sam nodded her head. Everyone was quiet in this moment, a little cautious because it was a serious thing. Freddie couldn't bear the thought that both girls were moving away, yet he understood the reasoning. He agreed, it was best.

"They just want me out of here. They're going to be selling the house and stuff, but they want me somewhere where it's safe. After what happened Saturday, they are taking no chances." It was now Wednesday, so this must have been talked about to death as it were. Oddly, this was the first time since Saturday that they were all together. He was pissed off when he learned what Rodney did to Sam, but there wasn't truly a thing to be done about it _now_. Rodney had been arrested, the guy that kidnapped Carly had been arrested, and Randall was back in prison. They did their jobs though, they singlehandedly helped in ending iCarly. Now the motherfuckers could rot in prison for all he cared. "I'm sorry guys…I know it's short notice and all, I can't do anything about it now."

"It's fine," Freddie remarked. "It's for the best, they're right. We'll still keep in touch, I'm sure." He closed his eyes and breathed in slowly. He chose not to argue the inevitable, a concerned parent's wishes were among the most important. Perhaps they'd all see each other again, but at this rate, there was no chance. "So you're leaving Friday…Carly? What's going on with you?"

"My dad has insisted I come to Italy to be with him. Spencer's agreeing that it would be better that I do so. Dad's going to get me some help…" Carly had explained to them already her condition. It broke his heart knowing what happened to her and he could only hope for the best. "I don't want to do anything with iCarly anymore, Freddie. I'm sorry. I know it's basically leaving you with the dirty work, but…there's only so much I can take."

"No, I understand." This was his task now, and he was more than ready to do it. They'd all grown considerably, and he definitely had his confidence. He knew what he was now, who he was. He was aware of what he wanted out of life and knew how to attain it. Now, he just had to keep forward, keep being confident. "I'm more than willing to deal with the ending of the show." He wasn't afraid of his fans, he was more afraid of losing those he cared about, hurting them when he could protect them. "I just want you guys to be safe, that's all."

"Will you really be okay if we leave, Freddie? I mean-"

"There isn't really anything that can be done about it. We all knew this was probably going to happen eventually…I just wish it was under better circumstances." It would be best if it were under more proper circumstances, rather than having to say goodbye because of traumas suffered. "This war became bigger than all of us. Too many people wanting the wrong things."

Gibby moved from his perch finally, Freddie had almost forgotten he was in the room with how silent he was being. "I'm thinking I'm just going to sit out Saturday as well. I have to deal with Guppy. I know it's not going to be easy to simply tell the viewers goodbye, but you can manage to do it."

"Right." Freddie rose to his feet and walked over to the computer, staring at the bubby redhead on the screen. He fondly remembered meeting with Tori Vega, Cat, and others when they went down to LA. "So, Cat…I hear Sam's renting an apartment with you." Cat nodded as Freddie lifted his eyebrows and hummed. "Sounds pretty cool, you have a good friend coming. I think I can tell you, she'll need quite a bit of moral support, so I hope you and your friends are a good comfort."

"Will be," Cat replied, "I know what Sam's been going through. My brother's happy that I finally found a roommate, he wasn't going to rent the apartment out to me if I couldn't find someone by the time he has to ship out."

Sam squealed for a minute and the others looked to her with growing curiosity. She covered her mouth, chuckling nervously and apologizing for the sudden outburst. "I get to see her older brother. She has two, one older and one younger. The younger's got some issues but the older one is like-"

"She's like in love with my brother."

Sam blushed while Carly and Valerie both smirked at Sam, knowing her all too well. "I am not!" Cat's eyebrows wagged up and down and Freddie laughed. "I just like the way he talks and all. He asked me to have some coffee with him at this Panera Bread when I get there."

"Here's a picture of him." Cat held up a photograph and Sam instantly stopped talking. "Sam's talked with him over Skype several times since we've been talking for the last year or two…" The man in the photo was college aged, had a charming straight face with deep blue eyes and a sharp nose, but a pleasant smile. His brown hair covered the very tips of his ears, but rested beneath a Marine cap. With that, Freddie chuckled, thinking how perfect a Marine would be for Sam.

Carly and Valerie moved over and the air filled with ooh's and ah's. Freddie and Gibby exchanged pleading looks, as though they wished to run and escape the girl chitchat. "Okay yeah, he's very handsome," Sam was attempting to throw attention on the fact that she was indeed crushing on her friend's brother. Judging by the smirks on the faces of her friends here, it wasn't working.

"Don't try to hide it," Carly marveled, "If you like a guy then go for it."

Valerie pat Carly on the shoulder, then followed up with a solemn nod towards Sam. "Very true. You never know what can happen." Freddie was certain fans wouldn't be a big problem for Sam and Carly, at least not now. Whenever they moved, he wouldn't be telling the fans anything about where they were going.

"So when is everyone leaving?" Freddie crossed his arms and leaned against the counter. "I know Sam, you said you're leaving Friday. What about you, Carly?" Carly shrugged her shoulders and exhaled slowly.

"Friday as well, the plane leaves at eight in the morning." School had started back up, so this meant the girls were both likely leaving during school. This was a bit disheartening, but he would have to find a way to manage it. "I think Sam's plane leaves for LA at one, right?" Sam confirmed it, she was to actually fly over and meet Cat's elder brother first thing, since Cat would be in school. "Thursday I'm spending all day packing, I won't be at the school."

"I'm not going anywhere near that building again," Sam muttered. "So I guess our goodbyes…are now." He sucked in a sharp breath and closed his eyes. He didn't want them to leave, he honestly didn't want to have to say goodbye to the two best friends he'd had for so long. He could deal with it though, he could be strong, he'd been strong before.

"It'll be okay," Carly replied while hugging Sam, then Freddie. "You know something?" She turned to Valerie and started to smile. "You were right, when I was kidnapped by that man, I started praying…and as I prayed, they couldn't do anything to me. Gibby showed up and knocked them out…" Freddie's eyebrows rose sharply as Valeria hugged Carly.

"It's faith," Valerie said, "It helps to have faith. I'm not saying that God is always going to say yes or no when you pray, but he is there and he does hear you. Believe He'll protect you, and He will."

Sam rubbed her chin and shrugged her shoulders, "It's odd. Melanie showed up when I was being attacked, and I hadn't even asked her to find me. I just started praying for something and then, next thing I know, Melanie's practically running Rodney over. She said later she just had 'a feeling' and was led towards the school. You think God had something to do with that, Valerie?"

"I think so." Valerie hummed and moved over, hugging Sam as well. "You know, God does talk to people, but in the sense of that conscience. The little voice in your head that tells you 'don't do that', 'wait, go here'…I think that may be Him."

Freddie was a bit surprised to hear the girls both did their share of praying during those troubled times. Then, the fact that their prayers were, in a sense, answered. Of course, so were his, but that wasn't the day. It took him all this time to notice that what he'd always prayed for had come. Good friends, family, love, strength, and so forth.

Maybe there was something to all this religion stuff, and now, he prayed for Sam and Carly. He prayed they could go to their new homes and be happy, he prayed fans would never bother them where they go off to. Saying goodbye was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do.

After the emotional goodbyes, knowing it would be the last time any of them were together before they all had to leave, Freddie made his way into his own apartment. His mom gave him a hug, knowing what had just gone on next door, and he carefully made his way to the bathroom where his medicine was.

With a heavy sigh, he went through the process of applying the medication and ignoring the smell as he'd always done, then moved slowly to his bedroom. Beside his bed, he had the Bible that had been given to him so long ago. It had several different markers as he'd actually taken an interest in studying the bible to gain an understanding of it. It wouldn't have been possible without Valerie's help, or her family's help, he knew that. He needed someone to help give advice and tips to 'showing the way'.

Of course, they needed each other in different ways. She needed his support and love, someone to fall back on when she needed someone to talk to that could understand her. He needed her because she and her family helped him to become a stronger person. Because of them, of their values, and how much he cared about them, he was able to grow that backbone he so lacked.

Evidence of that would be the fact that come Saturday, he would be singlehandedly telling the iCarly fans, it was over.

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><p>So they're going off on their own, it's final, the next chapter is the last<p> 


	44. And We're Out

The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N:

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><p>Chapter 44 (And We're Out)<p>

Saturday came around and Freddie was making preparations, Spencer let him in one last time, and Valerie was there for the moral support. Even now, she wasn't going to be appearing in this iCarly. There was no reason for her to anyway, especially since Freddie didn't want any more publicity going her way. Her family was the same way, understanding that iCarly had to end, but requesting also that Valerie stay off the screen.

"How do you think they're going to take it?" Valerie asked. Freddie looked up from the laptop and shrugged his shoulders. He hoped the fans wouldn't be too antsy about it, but he took to heart the verse Valerie had given him some time ago. He was going to be kind and thoughtful about this, he wasn't going to be angry and would try not to sound bitter. That way, the fans would likely not react aggressively to the fact that iCarly was ending.

"Hopefully not too bad." He set the camera down on the desk, aiming it carefully towards the center of the room. Valerie offered to hold onto the camera, but he didn't want her to have to worry about doing anything. All that was necessary was just standing there and telling the fans goodbye, he didn't need the camera moving if he wasn't going to move. Once he set the camera up to the laptop, he moved to the center and stretched his arms out. "How does it look? Do I show up on the screen all right?" Valerie looked at the screen where the they were testing the video.

"The top of your head's cut off. Just let me hold the camera."

"All right." She happily took the camera and steadied it on her shoulder. His eyebrows rose as she checked the video and gave him a thumbs up. "Okay, so I'm showing up well. Now we have to check for timing…" He moved to the laptop and took a moment to pause, gazing out at the quiet room. It was far too quiet for him, he wasn't used to it. It was finally hitting him that Sam and Carly were gone. "You know Val, at least we'll be able to keep in touch with them online sometimes."

"Yeah…"

Friendships, they don't always last forever unless you do put in the time and effort. Hopefully they would manage to keep in touch and not grow apart, but only time would tell. He cleared his throat and made his way to the center of the room. "Okay Val, you know where the record button is on that thing?" She pointed to a button on the side and he nodded. "Well then, that being said, let's get this show on the way."

He waited until the red light came on, he didn't hesitate on what he was going to say. He smiled slightly at the camera, swallowing his own feelings of bitterness. "Hey iCarly fans, it's me, Freddie, I have a bit of somber news…"

Sam sipped her hazelnut coffee, Cat's brother Rick was dressed up in his uniform, having just finished with a drill. She had a laptop open with him, they'd been checking out the website for Hollywood Arts. They'd taken a moment to drop in to iCarly and see how Freddie was handling the goodbyes.

_"This will be the last webcast of iCarly." _Instantly came an outpouring of comments onto the site, viewers ranged from confused to disheartened. Many were asking if it was their fault. Would Freddie be bitter? She and Rick studied the video closely._ "There is…nothing wrong." _The pause in the middle of his sentence may have tipped people off, but no comments were coming in about that. Only Sam could tell he was lying and holding something back. _"Sam's mom and sister have opted to move, Carly's father wanted her to be with him. Therefore, iCarly is, from this point on, finished..." _He looked towards the wristwatch that Valerie gave him for Christmas and sighed. _"I have some time left on this webcast, so I can answer questions, but please, do not ask me about whereabouts of anyone, I can't answer that. Mostly considering Sam, Carly, and I myself have become involved with people who are or have been in the military, privacy is now crucial…"_

Sam leaned back in her booth and smiled at Rick, she didn't really want to say she had a crush on him, but everyone seemed to know. As his eyes met hers, she subconsciously reached over and closed the laptop, still hardly aware of what she'd done. "I guess you don't want to watch iCarly?" His deep voice was honey to her ears, enchanting her and pulling her in.

"No, that part of my life is over." She would always cherish the good memories of iCarly, but it was indeed time to move on with her life. When she arrived in LA, nobody said anything to her. Whether they recognized her or not, she wouldn't know. "I guess the fans around here just aren't crazy, don't care, or they haven't seen iCarly." Rick leaned back and sipped his coffee, shrugging his beautifully decorated shoulders.

"LA is a mature town. People here see iCarly mostly as a show that a couple preteens made." She tilted her head as he set his brown mug down on the table. "This is a town full of actors, singers, and people that aspire to be as such. They all understand how it feels to be in the spotlight, because most have been. In other words, Sam…" He stretched his arms out and smirked warmly. She leaned forward, sighing dreamily. "Welcome to your safe haven."

"Safe haven, indeed." She gazed out the window they were sitting beside. Outside, cars sped by and people walked aimlessly without glancing up from whatever was in their hands. It was just like Seattle, only without the crazies. Not only did she feel safe, but she had nothing to be afraid of. "Mom and Melanie are coming down next week. Will you still be in town?"

"I believe so."

"Maybe you could help them unpack? They'll have some more of my stuff that's going to go into the apartment."

"I'll do what I can."

"Thanks."

In Italy, Carly watched the final webcast on her phone while her father drove her to the therapist on the base. He smiled at her and rubbed her shoulder as she looked up, a tear in her eye. "It's going to be okay," Steven spoke, "This is the best therapist around, she specializes in mental disorders. Remember though, don't think of this as a disorder, Carly."

"But it _is_."

Her father took a deep breath and gazed out at the streets. "Maybe, but look at it this way. It doesn't have to be debilitating and it can be controlled. You already know that, I'm sure."

"I always thought I'd be going to a mental ward when I grew up…" Things were different here in Italy. All the heals, the serene buildings and beautiful fields. This _was_ her perfect heaven. It was quiet, it was calm, people here didn't care who she was. "Here in Italy…I can _relax_. I can be calm…"

"That's why I insisted you come here, because I know you can control this problem when you're calmer."

"Yeah…"

"You're going to love Italy, Carly."

"I hope so." She hadn't been seeing any of those monsters, at least not here. People looked _normal_ here. She slowly returned her gaze towards her phone, taking a deep breath as she watched Freddie pace to the other side of the screen. Who was holding the camera, she wondered.

_"I do not know when, or if, iCarly will ever come back," _Freddie spoke while tapping his fingertips together. He had a very calm look on his face, Carly was impressed with how strong he was being through this. She thought he'd be pissed at the fans, or if anything, bitter. _"All I can say is that it's been a good ride for the most part. While yes, there have been some issues with the fans here and there, it was getting high time to close the curtains. We probably would have ended it in college, but like I have said, people have moved and there is no way to continue iCarly."_

She saw the people in the comment section pleading that they could do some sort of video conference thing to continue iCarly. She rolled her eyes and sighed as Freddie went on to explain the issue with different time zones. It would be very difficult for all of them to really fit it all in the schedule, as someone would have to be in the middle of the night.

Likely the one in the middle of the night would indeed be Carly. This therapist on the base was never open late, or on Saturdays, but was this time out of request of her father. Freddie had started iCarly a few hours earlier than usual, so right now it was only ten PM for her. The reason for making this house call to the therapist was because she didn't want to wait until Monday to talk to this person.

"Freddie's got a good head on his shoulders," Carly said with a proud smile. Steven nodded his head as Carly flipped off the phone. Her father had parked at the therapist's office and she didn't really want to listen to iCarly any longer. That was part of her past now. "Do you think she'll prescribe medication, dad?"

"Most likely, but if so, it'll be something that helps."

"Great…" She didn't care too much and would be more than able to deal with having to take any sort of medication. At the very least, she was _happy_. With iCarly's end, it was like a great weight had lifted from her chest. Her heart wasn't racing and her head was no longer pounding. "No more stress, Daddy, no more stress." He looked at her with a smile and brought his mighty hand to her shoulder.

"I love you Carly-bear."

"Love you too, Daddy."

Back at the studio, Freddie clapped his palms together and held them there while glancing over to Valerie with a loving gaze. After this, they were going to head back to her house with his mom and all of them were going to celebrate. He was more than glad to have her in his life.

"And I…I found someone that I love very much. My girlfriend, but out of respect for her, she's not in this video." He breathed in slowly and turned his gaze towards the camera. The Seddie and Creddie fighting was over, finally, and he could relax. He'd found himself as well, moved on from the memory of losing his father and found love in the arms of Valerie's family. "We'll probably go to college together, who knows. That being said, I bid you adieu. Goodbye fans. It's been great. This has been…iCarly. Goodbye."

Valerie turned off the camera and set it down, then moved over to Freddie and hugged his neck. He hugged her waist and held her close, sighing as it finally dawned on him. He was free. His eyes lifted towards the sky and his lips grew into a bright smile. Maybe it was true, God was watching over them all.

His father too, he could feel his dad smiling upon him, finally proud of the man his son was growing into. Whatever the future held, he wasn't sure, but it excited him to know where he was headed.

As for the fans, he wasn't worried about them. Neither was Valerie anymore, at this point. They wouldn't bother him and they could honestly take care of themselves. They would still be careful, a lesson learned by everyone in the group, _be careful what you put online!_

iCarly may be over, this part of Freddie's life ended, but surely it was just a mere chapter of his life. He was more than prepared to make new memories with Valerie, with her family. Now, like the turning of a page, a new part of his life would begin.

"Let's go, Freddie. Everyone's waiting."

"Yep."As they started to leave the studio, Freddie paused in the doorway and hovered his finger over the light switch. He glimpsed one final time, smiling as he remembered the fond early days of iCarly, before all of the drama destroyed it. The laughter stuck his mind like a wave of nostalgia. He slowly flipped off the light, muttering the word 'goodbye', then closed the door behind him.

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><p>That's it, the end. What do you think of where the girls ended up. Everyone's lives are going in better directions, and iCarly is finished. With it, this story is. It's been a great run, and I'm grateful to all those who followed along. Thank you. I'm glad you came along, and I hope to see some of you again sometime!<p> 


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